


Falling In Deeper

by Arkham_Girls



Series: Batman Series [1]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Embarassment, Eventual Nightwing apperance! (, F/M, I kinda love tags.., Minor death, Multi, Self-Harm, Some Humor, Some errors but they will be fixed!, Suicidal Thoughts, Takes a little while to get to romance but its there we promise, Violence, its not that bad I dont think, powers, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-12 02:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 100,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2092179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arkham_Girls/pseuds/Arkham_Girls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Megan and Bridgette were two normal college girls in Gotham until one day, they blacked out. When they wake back up they're in the middle of a heinous crime scene and all evidence points towards them. Soon they're thrown into Arkham Asylum with the most evil criminals in existence. Questions arise. Are they insane? Will they ever get out? And most importantly: are they guilty?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meetings and Threats

Chapter One

Meetings and Threats

A/N (Megan)Yup. We did it. Another self insert fanfic!!! But hey, who’s to blame two enthusiastic girls, huh ;)? This is  going to be done the same way as POTC: beautiful Bridgette is in italics and I’m in bold! So are you ready? Strap yourself in for the crazy ride that is the Batman Universe!(Bridgette)Oh, and just because we say ‘self insert’ doesn't mean that we suddenly end up in the Batman universe. It means that we are using our names in the fic.  And heads up we are a lot more hmmm INSANE in this. But, I guess thats expected!

Yes, we know some of that doesn't make sense but you see we also posted this on Fanfiction.net soooo ya...but THIS is the first thing we're posting here we may do others but we're not too sure yet. But, until then we hope you all enjoy this and that hopefully anyone who reads gives us some good constructive criticism (please no hate)   

 

* * *

 

**Before you go off judging aus, I’ll have you know: we don’t remember a single thing. Everything about the incident, from the bombs to the toxic gas, we don’t remember it. So, I guess you can say we’re not guilty. Or maybe you can say...we’re not innocent. But hey, it’s all in the eye of the beholder is how the saying goes.**

         _People can say that we are psychopaths maybe we kind of are, what we don't remember doing was really horrific so we don't blame people for thinking that we are. But, we both want you all to know something that is dire to know before you go on reading thinking that we are heartless and have completely lost it there is only one word that might not make sense now but it may later;_

      ** _OBSESSION_**

* * *

**“You two have to strip down,” the guard informed us.**

**Bridgette and I gaped at him in open mouthed shock. Tonight has been blow after blow. It’s all so surreal, like one of those delusional dreams you have one night, only to wake up not able to remember it. Perhaps it’s the complete absurdity of the situation that makes my mind to be all messed up scrambled eggs. Whenever I’m faced with stress, whether it be a test or whatever, instead of being logical, my emotions do the exact opposite of what everyone suspects they would. I get super happy and giggly. You can tell that I’m stressed when everything just seems to be one, humongous and hilarious joke to me.**

**Bridgette says I’ve really got to work on that, before people think I’m insane. And Bridgette is so totally right. Because in intense settings such as the infamous Arkham Asylum, I can’t afford to look even the slightest bit insane if I ever want to get out of here.**

**Which is why, I completely hate myself after this.**

**“Oh that’s hilarious!” I darkly chuckled. The guard seemed puzzled and turned to give me a stern quizzical expression. And this, just fueled me even more. The giggles poured out in a delicious stream and I relished in every second of my inappropriateness. “Well aren’t you a pervert? I’ve heard of stuff like this happening before, but I never-” another burst of delighted laughter, “thought it would happen this soon!”**

**“Yeah sir, we’re kind of out of your league also,” Bridgette winked and I laughed even harder.**

**Now this is why she’s my best friend! Ever since in kindergarten when we performed our signature prank on jerky Andy Biggins (classic apple juice spill to make him look like he peed his pants) we’ve been inseparable. Our friendship is as strong as steel, as thick as blood. It’s survived through elementary, middle school, and high school, and honestly if a friendship can survive through all the public schools, that’s a sign that it’s written in the stars! We’ve toughened through it all! We had our world turned upside down...but we managed to endure through it. That’s why we’re now roommates, both of us because it helps with the expenses for college, me because I absolutely can NOT stand being alone, and her...I don’t know. Her reasons for rooming with me may just be because we’re best friends.**

**Our schedule is a collage of knitty-gritty business (studying is a total killer), and fun. Weekends are usually a blast, there’s always enough friends to scour up for a game night or an adventure across town. And today had just started as one of those days. Nothing amazing, or nothing horrible. We both had a day off work, and with no classes to go to we decided to go roam Gotham! It was going to be a blast. I was talking Bridgette into going down to the hospital and donating some blood for a free donut, and then later on we could hopefully swing by a shoe sale, maybe go to a club after. We’re just two normal girls, honestly. Two normal girls, living two normal lives, and dreaming two normal dreams. Everything was going amazing. Until...we both blacked out.**

**Don’t ask me how it happened. One moment we were laughing about something, fixing to go down and ride a bus, when...everything went black. I couldn’t see anything, think anything, or feel anything. It was as though I was suspended in absolute nothingness. It terrified me. For a moment, I could’ve sworn I was dead. It was so horrifying. But then, after what felt like eternity, I woke back up to shrilling sirens and flashing red, white, and blue lights. Bridgette and I were passed out in front of a totally annihilated building, people missing half their bodies were strewn everywhere, and orange flames licked the night sky. It was chaotic, like we woke up in hell. For a moment I was screaming hysterically in absolute horror when I happened to look down and noticed...there was blood on my hands. There was blood on Bridgette’s hands also. And we were lying in the middle of this absolute bloodshed and we were completely unscathed. Not a single scratch. That’s when the fear and gnawing suspicion settled in. As the police pulled up, I was dissolved in a fit of incurable giggles and we were standing there looking completely guilty.**

**But just because I can’t cope with those emotions doesn’t mean anything.**

**Just because I was laughing in the middle of a crime scene with dozens of dead people, doesn’t mean that I was guilty.**

* * *

             _The guard in front of us sneered at Megan and shot me a dirty look at what I said. He reached over to the table behind him and shoved two orange jumpsuits and plain grey sports bras and underwear at us unceremoniously._

_“I don't want to be here all day so you two better strip and put these on before I make you wish that you were one of the people that you massacred” His voice only held steely venom which went to show how many times he's done something like this._

_Megan’s giggles got a little strained and I gave the guard my best glare “I can make you like one of the people you think we killed if thats what you want,” I hissed at him feeling those familiar stinging angry tears come over me. Don't get me wrong I don't know if we were the ones that actually killed all of those people and blew up that building, and by the way the police found us, everything pointed to us and that made me feel nauseous and really guilty. (I feel guilty when a dog dies on a movie so you catch my drift) I was on the constant defensive since the police arrested us. I mean who wouldn't be? And on top of that I couldn't help a lot of my sarcastic comments from tumbling out which probably dug us deeper that Megan’s deranged giggles._

_I've been trying to keep myself from decking anyone that kept accusing us without hearing what we have to say. That was one of the things that annoyed the hell out of me people not listening or refusing to listen, and also people that are completely wrong in their reasoning. I'm the kind of girl that is actually really nice and giggly normally with the polite smiles and playfully teasing voice. But, when you got me mad or irritated there is almost no stopping me. Especially, when it came to Megan who is sometimes blissfully ignorant to the horrors of the world._

_“Just put them on and don't give any trouble or I'll have to do it for you,” The guard said a vein bulging on his forehead._

_Megan laughed her voice having the slightest waver as she grabbed the clothes handed to us and said “Of course sir! If you'll just turn ar.....,” a wave of mirth overtook her and she was unable to continue as the angry guard turned around._

_We both hurriedly changed out of our blood encrusted clothes and I had to concentrate really hard not to throw up at the sight of them._

_“We’re done,” I said curtly. He turned around and with each hand grabbed us by our upper arms a little too tightly. He lead us out of the room we were in and ushered us towards a small group of people three people in the long white coats of a doctor, and four other men in guard uniforms._

_“What do you want to do with them Dr. Arkham?” The only female in the group asked the man that was slightly taller than the other two doctors when she noticed us being lead to them._

_The man who was previously named Dr.Arkham looked at us and I saw a flicker of disgust in his eyes when we were presented before the trio. “I want you to put them in cells in the C wing,” He said grim finality in his voice._

_“The C wing?” The other male doctor with blonde hair and brown eyes asked dubiously. Megan was about to break out into another wave of giggles and I gave her a warning look and she managed to keep them silent and her shoulders shook with silent nervous laughter. I tried to keep my face blank of emotion as I forced my tears of anger and now panic down, I wasn't sure what the C wing was but by the way the blonde man and the woman were acting it wasn't a good thing._

_“Yes, the C wing.” The man snapped._

_“Of course Dr.Arkham,” The woman said she reached into one of the pockets of her coat and the blonde man followed suit and they pulled out capped syringes filled with clear liquid. The woman approached Megan and the man me and they uncapped the syringes of a mysterious substance. “I'm sorry,” She said “But, the first night is always the hardest and we find its easier for new patients to be administered a mild sedative to help them sleep. The rest of the patients in your wing are currently at group therapy so you will both meet them in the morning when you're awake,” She gave us both a kind smile that did little calm me. And before I could pull away like I wanted to I felt the needle slide into the vein in the crook of my left arm. I instantly felt a little sleepy._

_The guards then moved to flank us and started to lead us away and the blonde man told them “You might want to go fast I don't think you guys want to carry them to their cells.”_

_“Yes, sir,” Came a voice and they picked up their pace and lead us down the winding corridors. They stopped briefly at a metal door and in a panel to the right of the door typed in a password that my tired eyes couldn't make out._

_When we were lead in I noted the glass windows that acted as doors to the cells so that you can see everything that went on in them. They were currently all empty, my eyes were starting to droop and I became more sluggish as they lead us further in. I heard Megan sleepily mumble something but I could hardly think straight myself._

_I gratefully dropped myself onto the thin mattress in the cell when I was pushed inside it. Before I slipped into grateful darkness I heard one of the guards chuckle and say “They got in with the big time crazys. Must of been something big to get them in here for their first time.”_

* * *

**“Meeeeeegaaan,” a familiar voice sang at me eerily.**

**A shot of fear went through me. That sounded like-**

**“Oh sweet Megan,” the voice cooed. “I told you to be careful.”**

**I stirred suddenly and now there was no denying it. I knew that voice! It was a voice that made me both want to sing, cry, and...and scream. Why was I hearing it? This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t possibly be-**

**“Ah!” I screamed, bolting up in the cot.**

**Confused, I took in my surroundings. I didn’t recognize any of this. Wait, no. No, no, no! It was as though I had woken from a nightmare only to realize that I was living in one. I was in a prison cell. Breathing became hard as I looked frantically around and everything came back to me. The blacking out...the murdered people...us, me and Bridgette-becoming prime suspects. NOOOO! I yanked up the lumpy pillow I was resting on earlier and sank my teeth down into it, letting out a horrified scream. Constantly, I kept on repeating to myself: this wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening; it’s all just a dream. But I knew it wasn’t. Dreams weren’t this crisp in detail, they were always blurry around the edges. Usually you aren’t self aware that you’re just strung high in a delusion, you’re ignorant to the fantasies going on in your head. But now I was aware. I knew that I was in a stark white cell, on a crappy cot, and in front of me, my cell was blocked off my glass. Glass! Across the dark hall I thought I could see someone sleeping, someone with a wild tangle of green hair.**

**No, no, no, no, no, no!**

**“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” I screamed, recognizing that person immediately. “Bridgette wake UP!”**

**Next door to the right of me, there was an infuriated shout and a loud crash. My heart leapt to my chest and I swung my legs over the side, running over to the wall desperately. “Bridgette, is that you!?” I cried, tears springing to my eyes.**

**“Yeah dork, why didn’t you just come over here to wake me up!?” she shouted at me through the cell, and even though I could tell she was angry, a surge of relief ran through me. Everything was so messed up, so completely strange and twisted, that I needed some foundation of normalcy in my life otherwise I’d snap. While everything here is wrong, wrong, and wronger, at least I know that my best friend is in here with me. We’ve been through so much together...at least that legacy doesn’t end here. I’m not completely surrounded by psychos. Finally, Bridgette groaned in annoyance at my dead silence. “What do you want?” she asked me, in a softer voice.**

**My chin quivered and I ran a hand across my wet eyes. “W-w-we’re in a cell Bridge,” I informed her, my voice cracking.**

**The other side was silent as Bridgette slowly took this in. In that moment I felt my heart shatter. What had we gotten ourselves into? Or more correctly: what did people think we got ourselves into? Memories of my behavior earlier came back in an unwanted flood and I nearly collapsed then and there from distress. Oh my goodness...what have we done!? Now we’re the ultimate culprits for this heinous crime, and who was going to believe our innocence plead? We were so stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!**

**After a while, Bridgette spoke. “Yeah...I guess we are.”**

**Frustrated, I bit hard down on my lip to keep the insane giggles at my bay. After the hole I’ve dug us into, I could not lose myself in another wave of hysteria! We had to get out of here! But everything seemed so bleak, so lost. It was nighttime, but something darker than the shadows the moon casts settled over me. Already I could feel myself sinking into this stupid depression that I automatically loathed.**

**See, this was why my body’s automatic reaction to stress was to lose myself in giggles. It warded off the sadness, made my inner sun shine for just a few milliseconds longer. If I painted a smile on my face and laughed everything off, the pain magically started to ebb away... It was my version of an antidepressant: if you’re not happy, fake it. And eventually, the joy will start to sink in and take hold. But joy wasn’t acceptable in Arkham Asylum. Joy was the very thing that could push me over the edge if I let it, the same thing goes that sadness can drag me under. Everything has to be in precise moderation until we can get ourselves out of this mess.**

**A person could go insane from being in here.**

**Allowing a single tiny “Ha!” to slip out of my lips, I tightly swallowed down the knot choking up my threat. “What are we going to do?” I whispered brokenly.**

**“A good idea would be to go to sleep,” a sultry voice suggested and a shiver ran down my spine.**

**“P-p-Poison Ivy?” I whimpered.**

**“That’s me darling,” the voice responded tiredly.**

**A moan shook my body before I could help it. I knew it. I knew that we were in the C Wing, the place were infamous, murderous, villains were kept. This was so bizarrely cruel. Of course, I wasn’t ignorant to what the officials thought we did, but this seemed drastic to me. Couldn’t they have gone through some background checks with us firsthand? Surely a small look at our combined histories would make it clearly obvious that we aren’t capable of doing something as terrible as what happened back there! Neither of us have anything remotely close to a criminal record, the worst that we’ve ever done was accidently run over Miss. Jenkins cat when we were practicing driving around. That was the closest we’ve ever come to murder and I cried for weeks because of it!**

**“Actually, uh, Ivy dear,” a voice drawled from across the hall and I stiffened up. “Your name isn’t P-P-Poison Ivy. That’s two syllables too many.” And the voice cracked up into a reel of delighted laughter.**

**Tensed up, I slowly turned around and saw across the hall- the Joker, sitting up on his bed, staring at me with the most amused sneer I’ve ever seen. The Joker...was across...the hall from me... That drew the line.**

**Suddenly all walls I built up crumbled down and I threw back my head, joining in Joker’s laughter with some of my own. It felt so deliciously wonderful to wipe that obnoxious frown off my face and smile again. Being unhappy is absolute torture, I can’t do it for too long, can’t handle the stress of not laughing at absolutely every single small thing in the world! Something in the back of my head told me that this was wrong, that I never reacted like this before, but it couldn’t be helped. It all slipped out of my control in the most joyous matter!**

**“Megan?” Bridgette asked worriedly. “Megan, you’ve got to pull yourself together or we’ll never get out of here!”**

**“You’ll never get out of here anyways, regardless of whether or not your giggling friend manages to pull herself together,” a crisp male voice stated matter of factly. “Once you’re thrown in here, it’s highly unlikely that anyone will come back to yank you right up again.” It was Scarecrow. And from the sound of his voice, I’d guess that he was right across from Bridgette.**

**Through the wall, I could imagine Bridgette's shoulders stiffening and I giggled out of sympathy for her.**

**“Unless, of course, you’ve somebody from the outside!” Joker cackled and I laughed too, even though it wasn’t that funny.**

**“Mistah J, be careful with what you say!” a female voice warned him and I automatically placed it as Harley Quinn.**

**Man, it terrified so much, just how much notorious villain’s voices I was hearing, that I couldn’t help but laugh even more.**

**“You’re right Harley, better watch my words, ha ha ha,” he darkly chuckled. “Anyways!” he ceremoniously announced. “Johnny-boy here is right, you see. Two nutcases like you won’t manage to bust out of this joint unless you crawl the concrete walls yourself!”**

**“We’re not insane,” Bridgette responded in defiance. “We’re going to have a trial.”**

**“Trials for people like us are mostly for show dear!” Joker clapped. “All smoke and mirrors you see.”**

**“It won’t be that way with us!” I shook my head with a wide grin. Forget the reason for why I was smiling, but I was! “We’re innocent.”**

**“Ooh, haven’t heard that plead before,” an intellectual voice smirked. It was the Riddler. Great, another nutjob! “Riddle me this, what has long dark brown hair, comes in sets of two, and is as red-handed as Dr.Crane and his fear obsession?”**

**“Ooh, ooh, I got this one!” Joker exclaimed excitedly. “It’s both lovely Megan and Bridgette here!”**

**“Correct!” the Riddler responded. “I’d congratulate you for that success if weren’t so painstakingly easy that a kindergartner could do it.”**

**“You know our names?” Bridgette asked with a hoarse voice.**

**“You guys were plastered all over the news, doll!” Harley proclaimed loudly. “I’ve got your faces down to the very last eyelash!”**

**I took a pause in my laughing to gulp. Plastered all over the news...now all of Gotham can decide whether or not we’re guilty. My heart pounded in my ears and I couldn’t breathe for a moment.**

**“Not to mention that you two have been shouting each other’s names all night,” Ivy added in grumpily. “Can everyone go back to sleep? I want to get some rest in before-”**

**“BREAKFAST TIME PRISONERS!” a masculine voice bellowed and white lights suddenly blinded our eyes.**

**Physically I winced, shielding my eyes from the violent glare. Dots danced before me for a bit before my sore eyes started to slowly take in the bright light. Well that was painfully sudden. It was as though they used the sun for a light bulb. Ugh, my corneas buuuurned.**

**“-it’s time for breakfast,” Ivy lamely finished with a note of sourness. “Oh well, first night is always hardest for the babies I hear.”**

**I was still cowering from the stinging light when suddenly my cell gate beeped loudly, and the door swung open for a burly guard to stand there. “Mornin’ sleeping beauty,” he chewed his gum and marched forward. Before I could respond, my arms were yanked down and there was a precise click. Horrified, I looked down to my wrists and found them once again trapped by silver handcuffs. The cool metal sent an instant layer of goosebumps to cloak me and I felt this sick sensation of shame. I never thought that I’d be wearing handcuffs as an accessory, but here I was. Two  days in a row. The saner part of me wanted to frown in disappointment, but the bigger part, the slightly less logical part, just giggled nervously.**

**“Well this totally clashes with my outfit!” I boasted.**

**The guard gave me a confused look. Minutely shaking his head, he looked down and muttered under his breath, “Crazy.” A part of me felt as though I had been slapped. My friends had called me that before, but it jokingly, when we were having fun. Something told me that this man wasn’t saying it teasingly though. Whatever. Well, he’s wrong! Checking to see whether it was secure, he instructed me, “There. Go outside and line up with the others.”**

**Thankfully he didn’t touch me when I made my way outside. Frankly, I don’t know what would happen if someone touched me. When I’m on high edge like this, there’s no being able to trust me. A simple touch on the shoulder could result in either a high pitched giggle or my biting off someone’s hand. This is why I can’t be stressed. It’s just bad, with a capital B.**

**I made it out to the bright hallway and blinked in the light. Against whiteness was a bright collage of colors. Somehow, without even having on their elaborate costumes, they still managed to look like they spawned from a rainbow. There was redheaded Ivy, sneering Joker, makeup smeared Harley, inquisitive Riddler, bored Crane, and then...the Mad Hatter. His eyes were roving aimlessly around the hall as he twiddle his thumbs when suddenly-they landed on me.**

**“Alice,” he breathed excitedly.**

**“What?” I wrinkled my eyebrows.**

**“Alice,” he just repeated. “Care to join my tea party?”**

**Confusion swept through me. Fear nudged in the back of my head, but it was replaced by a nervous giggle. “No thank you. I have a current appointment with some cafeteria food.”**

**Bridgette came out of her cell and I walked over to her, making a place next to her against the white wall. “Ready to go to a delightful prison cafeteria?” I wiggled my eyebrows at her.**

**She fixed her hazel eyes on me with a puzzled expression. Lightly she scoffed and started forward again. “Doubt it.”**

* * *

         

_‘I cannot believe this is happening’ I thought. my brain barely able to process where I was sitting and especially what they called food. I made a face at the mass of whatever it was and couldn't help saying “I have this awful feeling that its gonna get up and walk off the tray,”_

_“Then you better eat it before it does,” Came the slightly annoyed voice of Poison Ivy. I looked sideways to her sitting on my right my lips pulling down slightly in a frown. I turned my attention to the other people at the table to see what they were doing with the ‘thing’ on their tray. Across from me the Riddler (Edward Nygma) was eating and looking at me with a slightly raised eyebrow, across from Megan who was sitting to my left was Scarecrow (Jonathan Crane) and he was examining my facial features like he was lasering into my thoughts. I shifted in my seat feeling uncomfortable under their scrutiny._

_I turned away from them and watched Megan poke at her ‘food’ experimentally. Her hysterical laughter had died down and was left only with an insane grin on her face. She looked at me for a second and to her other side where Harley was watching the Joker wolf down his food like he was a starving animal. Past them was Hatter and a few others but I didn't pay much attention to them. Once again she poked the mass on her plate, shrugged, and took a large bite. She seemed to be thinking for a second after the first bite and then promptly took another._

_I looked at her in disbelief my lips parting slightly in disgust and I felt the blood drain from my face. “That’s disgusting,” I moaned._

_She blinked at me “Just try it,” She said giving me a bright smile I guess mostly over the shock of being with deadly criminals. I turned my attention back to my tray I could now feel not just Riddlers and Scarecrows stares but everyone elses. I eyed it warily but picked up my utensil and got a small bit of it off of my tray. I almost went cross eyed examining it, I then hesitantly put it in my mouth. I instantly gagged at the taste and had to force myself to swallow._

_“That’s God awful! How can you eat that!?” I dropped my utensil and pushed the tray away from me._

_“Ah, ha ha ha!” Came the the Jokers cackling laugh. “Guess you aren't cut out for Arkham life are you, doll?” I sent a scowl his way and he laughed even harder._

_“Masochistic clown,” I grumbled my scowl deepening when I saw the smirk on Riddlers face._

_“I suggest that you try to choke it down,” Drawled Crane looking at me with his cool blue eyes. “You’ll regret not eating it later.” And just to emphasize his point he took a bite and swallowed before he could taste it._

_“Hmmm. No.” I replied “I'm not eating that. And I can't really see why you care either.”_

_“I prefer my potential test subjects in perfect health.” He said giving me a cool look._

_“Oh well, then I'll get right on that. I’ve always dreamed of being injected with fear toxin,” I said sarcastically rolling my eyes. But under that I felt a jolt of fear run through my body._

_“Ooooh, I like you!” Said Harley practically bouncing in her seat._

_Crane leaned forward licking his lips. “I will watch you scream in fear,” He said “You just made yourself my number one priority.”_

_“And how did I accomplish that, pray tell?”_

_“That spark of fear in your eyes when I told you you would be one of my test subjects. I crave to see more of it,”_

_We stared at each other challengingly waiting for the other to back down. “I hope you like disappointment Dr.Crane” I said his name mockingly “I will not be one of your disposable tests. I want you to know one thing though,” My lips curled into a smirk. “Thats not the only way to make a girl scream.” I sat up straight and stood. Just as I did one of the guards came up and told our table in an annoyed tone that it was time for us to go to the rec. room._

_“Bridge!” Megan said in shock her eyes widening. The guards then lead us in a single file line towards the ‘recreational area’. The whole time I could feel Crane staring holes in the back of my head._

_“It seems as if you have a death wish,” Riddler said in front of me slowing down to walk next to me much to the annoyance of the guards. But, surprisingly they didn't say anything. “It was very stupid and bold of you to say that to him, now he’ll be even more adamant.”_

_I looked at him curiously “Are you warning me or just trying to scare me?”_

_He looked thoughtful for a moment “Riddle me this; What is a seven letter word in which you take out four letters and you're left with one.” Completely ignoring my question ._

_I sighed and considered his riddle for a moment “Someone” I answered_

_He looked a little surprised and....irritated “Correct, don't think the next one will be so easy.” I gave a satisfied smile happy to get it correct for some odd reason. I sidled a look at him and took in his reddish-brown hair and his evergreen colored eyes. “You're smarter than I thought you were,”_

_“Is that implying that I look stupid?” I asked him indignantly. In the back of my mind I yelled at myself, here I am talking to a dangerous criminal. And not even five minutes ago I had told The SCARECROW a sexual innuendo. I probably do have a death wish._

_“Guards. Guards!” Came a feminine voice calling out for them to stop. “I need to take....” She paused for a moment and glanced at the file she had in her hands “Miss Paige in for a session,” The guards looked at her blankly she sighed and pointed to me. One of the guards grabbed my by the elbow to the woman that had called out for them to stop. I would be lying if I said I wasn't shocked._

_Before I was lead away Riddler said with a smirk on his face. “I wasn't implying that. I was saying not very many women like you are intelligent.” His voice had a ‘I know everything’ tone. My cheeks flushed scarlet trying to figure out if that was a compliment or an insult, as I was led away with the doctor._

_“I'm sorry to have cut away from your rec. time,” She said “But, now is the only time that I could squeeze you in,”_

_“But, what about Megan?” I asked wouldn't they want her too?_

_“Oh, she isn't getting her first session till her doctor is assigned after the trial. By the way my name is Dr.Leeland.”_

_“Then why not the same thing for me?” I asked confusion written all over my face as we came to a door that had the Doctors name on it._

_“Because our specialists have determined that you are the more dangerous and the essential ‘leader’ of the pair of you,” She told me as I was pushed down in a chair in front of her and then the guard walked out to stand by the door with another guard I had seen when we walked in._

_“And how did you come to that conclusion?” I asked her “Megan could be the ‘leader’ just as easy as me,” I used air quotes around the word leader “AND what does that have to do with me getting an early session?”_

_She ignored my first question “This is our procedure when a group is brought in.”_

_“This place is so weird,” I muttered under my breath._

_She looked up at me “What?”_

_“Nothing.” I sang sweetly_

_She pursed her lips for a second then said. “Well lets get right to it then. Why did you blow up that building?” Her fingers pressed play on a silver recorder next to her as she asked the question. And she poised a pen over a pad of paper in front of her._

_I frowned “To tell you the truth Dr. Leeland, I don't remember.”_

_“You don't remember why you blew it up. You just did it.” She said trying to clarify._

_“No,” I said “I don't even remember going over to that building. The only thing I remember about that night was coming to to the sounds of sirens. And I would bet you that Megan would say the same thing.”_

_She kept a fairly professional face on as she wrote something down. “Does that mean that you took drugs before the incident that caused you to forget?”_

_I stared at her in disbelief “I have never, will never, and don't plan on EVER taking drugs!” I said angrily “And by asking that question I assume that you think that I would have given them to Megan as well!” I shook my head trying to calm myself down and with a voice quieter but no less angry I said “I would never let Megan or myself have any contact with drugs. I assure you,”_

_“Do you really not remember, Miss Paige?” She asked I could tell that she believed me about the drugs and I relaxed a little. She scribbled something furiously on her pad of paper._

_“Has there ever been a traumatic event that could have caused something like this to happen?”_

_I opened my mouth to deny that anything had happened but my words caught in my throat as I remembered Her. I closed my eyes and forced down my emotions bubbling up inside._

_“There has,” She confirmed “Can you tell me what happened?” She asked._

_“No.” I stated “I.... can't”_

_“If you can't tell me I can do nothing to help you Miss Paige.” She said._

_The stress I had built up exploded out of me and onto poor Dr.Leeland, the stress from the night before, meeting dangerous criminals, and now the not so buried emotions of what happened a long time ago. In the quiet voice in the back of my mind I said ‘Sorry!’ And it felt as if I was pushed to the back of my mind able to see clearly but not in control of my mouth._

_I stood up angrily “I WILL NOT TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT EMILY!” I screamed at her standing up and slamming my fist on the table. I didn't hear the door opening and the guards stationed at the door coming in. “YOU HAVE NOT RIGHT TO ASK ABOUT HER! NO RIGHT!” And that is when I felt a needle poke into the side of my neck and everything went dark._

* * *

O **pen mouthed, I stared after Bridgette’s back as she retreated out the door. Instantly I was swarmed with a rush of full-fledged panic. This time a smile wouldn’t cover it. Now...I was alone. With evil criminals. Again my heart started drumming at the speed of light, as loud as millions of roaring sirens. I couldn’t stand this. I couldn’t be alone. I don’t want to be alone, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!**

**Suddenly I couldn’t care any less about how it may seem to others. As I stood there awkwardly in the middle of the room, staring after my friend, I decided I had to talk to someone. Anyone. I didn’t care how dangerous they were, what ended up to me, I didn’t care about any of the consequences. Being lonely is the one this that can push me to edge, and I’m not falling over today!**

**After the door slammed closed I spun on my heel with a determined huff. And found everyone staring after me. Confused I wrinkled my eyebrows, taking in all of their intense stares. Even Harley seemed interested, smacking some gum as she twirled a strand of fake blonde hair around a slim pale finger.**

**“Is there something on my face?” I asked them all curiously.**

**“Just taking in the Beauty surrounded by a horde of Beasts,” Joked answered snidely.**

**“Hey, I object!” Harley protested.**

**“Oh, I wasn’t talking about you snookums,” he teased and squeezed her thigh, which looked like it hurt. Harley barely winced when she concealed it with a flip of her hair.**

**Sometimes, when she acted like this, a completely devoted girlfriend that would follow Joker’s every  whim and will, it’s easy to forget how murderous she was. She was like a coin, one side of her was all giggly and lovey-dovey, while the other was sadistic and cunning. If anyone got in her way she wouldn’t hesitate to kill them, not for one second.**

**“Oh,” I said awkwardly, my face turning scarlet. “He, he, thanks I guess.”**

**“Oh Alice,” the Mad Hatter begged. “Will you please come play with me?”**

**I looked over to where I heard the sound of his voice and found him sitting cross legged on the ground, fumbling with a plastic tea set that I don’t know how he attained. Rocking back onto my heels, I stared at him with a tilt of my head. Chewing on my bottom lip, I considered this. He was on the news a lot. I knew for a fact that he had these hats that he would manufacture, and then unleash them on Gotham to mind control the unsuspecting citizens. I didn’t know much else than that though. Perhaps unwise on my part, but I had good reason. Watching the news was only for those who wanted to have their days ruined for them, and I didn’t have enough giggles to go around in order to compensate for that.**

**It was sad really... It used to be my biggest dream to be a reporter. Like Lois Lane from Metropolis you know? But what’s the point of going out and capturing stories as horrid as the ones that spread through Gotham like putrid and filthy sewer air?  I want to write stories that make people smile and feel warm inside like a blanket has been wrapped snug around their hearts. There’s not enough stories like that here.**

**“Um,” I scratched my head after a while of silence. “First off, my name isn’t Alice, it’s Megan. Like, Megan doesn’t really sound like Alice at all, so I’m kinda confused how you think that’s my name... But whatever. And secondly, I-”**

**“Don’t,” Ivy cut me off with severe finality.**

**Perplexed, I blinked at her. “Don’t do what exactly?”**

**“Don’t accept his play request,” Crane filled in for me, staring down at the screws of his glasses like they held  the key to life. “You’ll only fuel his delusions on.”**

**Oh. So even the crazies knew that they had delusions. Interesting... “Hm?” I raised an eyebrow. “Care to elaborate sir?”**

**Crane lazily blinked up at me. “You honestly don’t know?”**

**“Don’t know what?” I wrinkled my nose at him. That’s when it popped in my head and I laughed. These people cracked me up! “Oh, you’re talking about the mind-control hat things? Please. I hardly doubt that he’ll manage to build a high gizmo gadget on the whim and plop it on my head before I even manage to sit down.”**

**Crane raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to say something else when Mad Hatter interjected with a high strung voice. “Aliiiice, come plaaaay. The hare will hop away soon if you don’t come over!”**

**Annoyed, I spun on him. “Hey ya know, for an insane person you’re incredibly thick-headed. Say it with me: Megan. Meeeeeeegannnn.”**

**“He won’t pay attention to you,” Riddler sighed.**

**“Why?”**

**“Because, he decides to delve in this fantasy where he lives in Wonderland. In order to compensate for the harsh truth of reality, he tries to find himself an Alice for his Mad Hatter. But eventually his fantasies are crushed as his make-up Alice turns out to fail his expectations and he typically ends up brutally murdering them in a bloody fashion,” Crane filled in matter of factly.**

**That’s when I felt it again. The fear. Poop, not again. I can’t let it get to me! Not here in front of people who would do nothing but laugh as I fall into a dark pit of terror. So before it could affect me too much, I let out a deluded laugh. “Oh...haha, gory! But um,” I looked at Mad Hatter, “I don’t wanna play with you right now. You know...cuz I value my life and such.”**

**A devastated look came over Mad Hatter as he frowned at me. “Oh Alice,” he whined miserably. “They always take you away from me.” Something about me felt uncomfortable then, as if despite the horror story I had just learned of him, guilt could still somehow make an appearance amongst the fear. He looked like a poor child that had gotten their beloved ice cream scoop a dusting full of concrete. It was pitiful. But... But I couldn’t feel sorry for him. He was insane. And insane people are bad. Again I let out a nervous titter and then strolled over to Crane where he had reclined with a book.**

**“Hey,” I said above him. Dryly he looked up to me. He blinked as his form of recognition. “Why did you say that to my friend Bridgette?”**

**It may have been a trick of the eyes, but I could’ve sworn the right corner of his mouth quirked up for the slightest millisecond. “Say what to her? Many words were spoken in that situation, other than your friend’s threat.”**

**“My friend’s...” I blinked angrily and shook my head. “You threatened her first! You deserved that Crane, regardless of your mental stability you can’t go around threatening people with your fear gas!”**

**Suddenly something in those eyes of him changed. All boredom seemed to leave him in a moment and there was this frightening new clarity inside him. A cruel smirk pulled up his lips as he took me in. In that moment, part of me just knew with a sinking feeling that this was terrible. A thrill of fear washed through me. Strange, but...he seemed different. In the briefest span of a second he seemed to have become someone else entirely.**

**“I can do whatever I want to your friend,” he seethed. But it didn’t sound threatening, there was no malice in it. It was just calm, matter of fact. He spoke of it as easily as one would talk about the weather. “She’s now my subject.”**

**My mouth fell open. What!? Since when did that creepy relationship develop? It made me infuriated, the thought how he could discuss messing with my friend as if...as if she were a toy! The nerve of that creep. Before I could delve into this anger further, suddenly something cool washed over me. An eerily calm emotion took over and suddenly I was drifting away. The world seemed hazy around the edges while Crane was in pristine focus. My mind felt far away as I observed him. Out of nowhere, words twisted in my lips, spilled out without me thinking about them. “Do you want to hear a poem Crane?” my tongue moved without my control.**

**Scarecrow blinked, and smiled wider. “Love to.”**

**“Good,” my eyebrows arched up for some reason. “There was once a scarecrow named John.**

**He was quite the terrible con.**

**But then, he messed with my friend,**

**and that was his end,**

**and alas our Gotham thrived on.”**

**Scarecrow grinned in joy. “Is that a threat?”**

**The idea horrified me, but my mouth once again moved out of my control. “Oh, its not a threat,” my lips moved. “Its a promise, freak.” Now I was absolutely horrified. I didn't want to say that! I didn't want to threaten anyone, but here I was promising to kill Crane! Probably the last person I wanted to harm, if I ever became twisted enough to harm someone. A sickness rooted in my stomach, ant the coolness lifted off me like a light breeze.**

**Something changed and he was Crane once more. Lightly he sighed under his breath and rose to a stand. “I see. Pretty girls shouldn't make threats Miss Lane. Especially when they can't follow through with them.”**

**A sigh of relief came out of me. Good. He didn't take me seriously. Not even I did. But before I could say anything, the Rec room door slammed open. Standing there was a burly guard and slumped against his side was.... an unconscious Bridgette.**

**Somehow, I instantly knew what had happened during that session. A wave of nausea hit me.**

**Emily.**

  
  
  
  



	2. Lots of Questions and Insults

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls get to know the villains just a bit better, and are graced by a visit from someone important to Megan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha ok here is chapter 2 please enjoy and an annoying yet friendly reminder to tell us what you think! We enjoy that kinda stuff but if your here to criticize please do it gently neither of us take kind to rudeness!  
> P.S. And uh, we'll probably post a new chapter about once a week.

Chapter 2

Lots of Questions and Insults

     

When we fear things I think that we wish for them....every fear hides a wish.

-David Mamet, Edmond

**It’s easy to throw questions around, as easy as breathing honestly. The hard part is coming up with answers. So while you may think whatever you want to, it doesn’t really matter. We’ll get to the bottom of this. Before the fear sinks its venom in or the crazy takes control, we’ll find out the truth. While we’re still up and kicking, before we get dragged down to hell, that’s our wish. Our only wish.**

            _When you think about all the bad things that you have done. Maybe stealing something small or telling a little white lie you know that it was a bad thing to do but, you also know that it’s not enough to condemn you. Yet, you still fear when someone will catch you stealing or know that you have lied. There is also the little thrill to get caught. We both want to be cleared, we want people to know that we don't even know what happened. Though in the smallest most secret recesses of our minds that we even hardly know is there. We want people to think we did it, cause then they would know. They can't do anything to us......_

          

          _“Come on wake up. Up. Wake up!” I heard an annoyed voice say. I was almost to the light of consciousness and the voice was harsh and mean forcing me up faster to the surface. “Open your eyes dammit!” My eyes snapped open and I almost let out a scream when I saw the angry, ugly, and too close face of a female nurse. At least I thought it was female._

_My lips opened and I was about to let it out when her large masculine hand clamped over my mouth, stifling my almost scream into and annoyed “Mmmph!”_

_She curled her hairy upper lip at me and moved away. “Hurry up and follow me. Arkham for some reason wanted you to get some outside time with the other psychos. And I was stuck with the job of waking you up to get you out there.”_

_“Geez, is everyone that works here so God awful rude?” I said quietly._

_“What did you say, girl?” She spat._

_“Nothing.” I replied gritting my teeth and rubbing my neck where the needle pierced the skin._

_“I don't see why he wants you out there so bad. After the commotion you caused in the Rec. room earlier I think he should have just tossed you back into your cell.”_

_“Commotion?” I asked as I unsteadily stood on my feet and with an annoyed huff she grabbed my arm fingers digging her fingers painfully into my skin._

_“Yes,” She said her lip still curled showing her red gums and slightly yellow teeth. “When Michel thundered in there with your sorry self. It caused your little friend to panic and start asking a million questions. It riled everyone up, took an hour to calm the crazies.”_

_I gave her a wary look and she yanked my arm and almost succeeded in pulling it out of my socket, rushing ahead and causing me to stumble after her trying to keep myself from face planting on the ground. The two guards flanking us looked straight ahead ignoring her abuse. But, I found myself thankful for them not putting cuffs on me. They probably think I was still too whacked out from the drug I was injected with to think I would do anything. They were right._

_We finally got to what could be called a courtyard with stone tables dotting the area there were a few trees and I spotted Megan with the big time criminals under the largest tree in the courtyard. She looked slightly uncomfortable and worried. I saw the green eyes of the Riddlers glance up and catch sight of me an arrogant smirk filling his admittedly well structured face. He was leaning casually against the tree they were congregated under. His lips moved to say something and Megan whipped her head towards me, from the distance I could see the worry on her face. She stood up and rushed towards me as fast as she dared._

_The troll woman holding my arm released me and shoved me forward making me stumble once again and barely catch myself before I fell. When I righted myself I noticed that Megan was only a few steps away a frown marring her face. But, looking past her I saw Crane’s blue eyes scanning up and down my body obviously looking for something. And my eyes quickly flickered away from him and landed once again on the Riddler with what I believed to be a disapproving stare looking past my shoulder to where I knew that awful nurse was standing behind me, thats when I noticed the other dangerous murders were looking at her with similar expressions. I guess no one liked her, glad to know i'm not the only one._

_“Bridge! Are you ok!? What happened!?” Megan asked me surprisingly not giggling out of nervousness. “You missed lunch and dinner! Why did you get knocked out? I was so worried!”_

_“Ok, Megan. Calm down.” I glanced behind me and saw the man/woman staring at us with an expression like she ate something sour. “Let’s go over there,” I suggested leading her over to a deserted area in the courtyard where no one could hear us._

_“What happened?” She asked in a slightly calmer voice._

_I let out a long breath “I got a little out of hand when the Doctor asked a question I didn't want to answer.”_

_“And what was that?” She asked looking like she kinda already knew._

_I bit my lip knowing that when I told her the whole story she would get even more high strung. I closed my eyes and told her what happened, and what I said her face turning a little green when I told her what I shouted to Dr.Leeland._

_“Thats all you said right!? You didn't say anything else about her did you? We can't tell people about that, Bridge!” She was breathing like she had just run a marathon. And I was feeling even more dizzy than before, it didn't help that I could still feel the slight effect of the sedative running through my system just thinking Her name was disheartening._

_“Megan its okay! All I said was her name!” I frowned “And I don't even know how I even let that slip....it was like.....like.....I wasn't even in control of my own voice.” I shook my head trying to get rid of the creepy feeling._

_“Bridge, it’s bad enough that you said her name! They could figure it out, just with that!”  But, when I said that it felt like I wasn't in control she shifted on her feet uncomfortably. She was about to say something else._

_I started to feel like she was accusing me, I cut her off and ignored her uncomfortable shift “I didn't mean to Megan! It literally just slipped out! I don't even know why I shouted at her!”_

_She calmed down a little bit but was still pretty edgy “Ok,” She took in a deep breath “I'm sorry I acted like that. Its just..... you know.”_

_My shoulders slumped and I nodded my head “Ya, I know.” I looked into my best friends eyes and saw my emotions mirrored in them. Anger, guilt, and overpowering sadness. “Look, w.....”_

_I was interrupted by by a greasy sounding voice “And what are two lovely little birds like you doing over here looking suspicious?” I turned sharply around not helping my dizzyness at all and I almost fell. The man that just interrupted us shot his arm out and wrapped his.....flipper around my arm. My eyes widened at the sight of it and I tried to swallow down my disgust. I looked up and saw a short, fat man with a beak like nose. And a leer on his face taking in both of us greedily. “My, my and what lovely little birds you are.”_

_“Megan,” I said my voice wavering for once trying to get reassurance from her and not the other way around, like what usually happened. I'm blaming the slight drug induced haze that I was still under._

**My heart froze in my chest from... Fear? Shock? Disgust? “Who are-” I started to ask when he reached out another fin and pulled me into him.**

**A gasp ricocheted out of my mouth.**

**“Why hello there chickadee,” the stranger leered down at me with a revolting sneer.**

**Bile started to inch up my throat and I was fixing to protest when there was a shrill whistle over by the building.**

**“HEY!” the nurse who brought Bridgette over earlier was waddling our way, her face purple from rage. “STOP MESSING WITH THE PRISONERS, PENGUIN!”**

**Penguin? Did she just call him Penguin? That infamous villain whose name I’d sometimes hear whispered on the street? Squirming around, I got a better look at him and it made sense. I could see it. With his squat hunched stature, his long beaky nose, and his thick arms that narrowed to an awkward point at the end; he really did look like a penguin. I bet if you took off his shoes, his feet would also be awkward triangle shape, similar to flippers.**

**“I see the penguin has found some, uh, chicks to nest with!” the Joker bellowed with joy.**

**Over from underneath the tree, laughter rose like a swelling tide. A sickness rooted itself in my stomach. I felt like we were on display in the zoo, with snotty children laughing and pointing sticks at us. A sweltering heat blanketed me then. This was humiliating.**

**“Get away from my Alice!!!” Mad Hatter wailed and rose to his feet, clambering over to us.**

**The nurse was a few feet away when that strange coolness from earlier settled in again. My insides felt icy cool and once again I seemed to drift away. Something made me turn my head to look over at Bridgette and our eyes latched. She didn’t seem to be there, it was as if my best friend had left. But then again, I didn’t really feel there also. A grim determination seemed to pass between us like a crackling electricity.**

**“On three,” Bridgette said with a zombie voice.**

**I nodded in agreement. “One...two...”**

**“Three,” we said together and used our free arms to elbow this creep in the gut.**

**Penguin yelled in pain and jerked away from us. As soon as his skin left mine, the coolness melted away and I snapped back into place. Shaking my head, everything drizzled back to where it belonged and my surroundings cleared back into focus. The Penguin was gasping pale-faced at us, the Nurse was screaming something about improper conduct, across the yard some guards were making their ways to us, and the Mad Hatter was closer. Knees shaking, I looked over to Bridgette and she seemed just as dazed as I was.**

**Again I felt terrible. It was the Crane incident all over again, once more I had allowed some unknown force to take control. It was pathetic. It’s like I had this disgustingly sadistic subconscious. Open mouthed I looked back to the Penguin with an apologetic expression. “I’m so sorry sir! I...I don’t know what got into me. I would never want to hurt anyone I swear-”**

**“ALICE!” Mad Hatter shouted and pulled me into his arms.**

**Before I could help it, my face was smashed up against his broad chest and I couldn’t breathe. He...he reeked. He was smothering me! My nose felt as though it was just drenched in sweat, thrown to live in a boys locker room for a few months, and then flushed down a toilet for good measure. Pounding, my heart started to panic. I put my hands on his chest and tried to wiggle away before the smell could corrode my skin.**

**“Get off of her!” Bridgette shouted and there was a smacking sound next to my ear. Mad Hatter yelled and his arms were gone from around me.**

**Gratefully, I gulped in fresh air, stumbling backwards with my hand at my throat. Now practically everyone was around here: the guards, Ivy, Joker, and Harley. Crane and Riddler stood by the tree and leaned against the trunk, watching in devoid amusement.**

**“Megan!” Bridgette gasped, and she grabbed my arm. “Are you okay?”**

**“Need-a shower,” I choked out.**

**“The Red Queen!” Mad Hatter shrieked, tearing towards Bridgette with his arms stretched out. “How dare you take her away!? I’ll-”**

**SMACK!**

**Mad Hatter crumpled to the ground with a moan, an annoyed Ivy standing above him. Victorious, she blew on her knuckles and rubbed them on her shirt. “Take that, you creep,” she stated simply, looking down at him in revolted distaste. My hands flew to my mouth when Harley marched angrily towards him.**

**“That’s what ya get, you nasty pervert!” Harley shouted and kicked him in the side. A crack sounded and I winced. That sounded like it hurt. Did she break his ribs!?**

**“Guys, you don’t have to-”**

**“Aw, poor sweetie! She’s traumatized!” Harley gushed and rushed forward to pull my into her arms eagerly. Her arms roved over me and her hands cupped my face. “Aw, Mistah J, can we keep her? I’ll walk her, and I’ll feed her, and I’ll-”**

**“Now, now Harley, don’t get too overeager there. I’m sure she has a family who will miss her very much,” Joker tisked and wiggled a finger.**

**“Well, poo!” Harley pouted and looked at me sadly in the eyes. “Maybe next time, doll?” She winked and pulled away, skipping over to Joker’s side.**

**My mind was wheeling from all the physical contact. I didn’t know what to do. Dryness itched my mouth and this time there was no coolness to bring my sweltering heat down.**

**“THAT’S ENOUGH HERE, BREAK IT UP!” the nurse screamed, finally making it over to us. Sweat covered every visible inch of her skin. Trembles shook through her body and she panted in anger. The guards were here now also and commotion broke out.**

**Noise fractured out around me and my mind buzzed in protest. Shaking my head, I stepped away, feeling as though I was suddenly going to puke...**

**“Megan Lane!” a voice called. Suddenly everyone hushed, and hurrying out from the building was a secretary, clutching a clipboard to her chest. Confusion wrinkled my eyebrows and I exchanged a look with Bridgette. “Is there a Megan Lane here?”**

**“Um, I’m Megan,” I stepped forward, raising my hand.**

**“You have a visitor named...” her eyes scanned the clipboard. “...Cam to see you.”**

**A bright starburst of pure and absolute elation exploded inside my chest. A wide grin spread my lips happily apart. Cam? Did she say Cam?**

**As in my big brother Cam!?!?!?**

**Joyously I beamed and looked over to Bridgette. She was smiling also, her white teeth sparkling in the sunshine.**

**“At least this day isn’t so bad, huh?” she said with a wink. “Tell your brother hi for me, okay?” She gave me a push and I stumbled forward.**

**But my happiness straightened me up instantly. Sharing one last ecstatic look with Bridgette, I broke out of the crowd of prisoners and rushed forward. Delightful melodies coursed through my overwhelmed head.  After what had just occurred, I could use something to plaster a genuine smile on my face.**

**Normalcy here I come!**

_‘Thank God!’ I thought something happy to keep this day from going into complete disaster. At least Megan got to see Cam! I gave a small sigh of relief the happiness taking away the edge. Not even the Hatter glaring murderously at me took me down too much._

_“Alright, shows over. Prisoners back to your cells!” The nurse yelled and I felt cold silver cuffs clamp on my wrists. I sighed looking down at them morosely, why couldn't they think that I was still under a drug haze? Oh, right, elbowing Penguin and hitting Hatter probably blew that out of the water. Two of the guards moved to flank me and lead me towards the doors back into the asylum._

_“You won't get away with this Red Queen,” The Hatters voice rang off the walls as we were lead to the ‘C wing’ “Alice is mine, and I'll kill you before I let you have her.”_

_I huffed with annoyance “Oh, shut it!” I said “She’s not Alice, I'm not the Red Queen, and for future reference. She doesn't even have blonde hair!”_

_I heard his over exaggerated dramatic gasp as the steel doors slid open to the ‘C wing’ “Take that back. You don't know anything about my Alice!”_

_“You almost suffocated her, you bastard!” I yelled stopping and turning around to glare at him. He was standing behind me with clenched fists. “I promise, she wants nothing to do with you! You're just a delusional freak that can't grasp simple reality! The ‘Wonderland’ you live in is not real!”_

_His eyes flashed with madness and he was fixing to charge. “You're not going to take her away from me. SHE’S MINE!” He bellowed._

_“Where did you even get the idea that she’s yours!?” I shrieked stalking closer to him, the guards had yet to get involved. And the rest of the Rogues were watching in rapt attention. What I really noticed was the slightly impressed expression on Ivy's face. “Your little ‘world’ you live in. With the nonsense around every freaking corner! Is. Not. Real.” I said the last three words to him in a low dangerous voice. I then delivered a second blow to him for the day, slapping him soundly on the cheek leaving a red handprint on his face. And before he could strike back I turned sharply on my heel and walked into my cell. Calling out “If you lay one finger on her again. I swear, you won't have ANY fingers left to lay on anything!”_

_“You won't get away with this Red Queen!” He said getting dragged into his cell by three guards, while he was trying to lunge out of their arms to probably try and murder me in a bloody fashion. When he was shut back up in his cell, a guard shut my cell door after taking my cuffs off._

_“Watch me!” I spat. This guy was such a creep! He was not gonna have anything to do with Megan if I have anything to do about it! I figure if I’m actually gonna become a murder and criminal I should start with protecting Megan as well as I could, even though i'm not exactly adept in that kind of thing._

_“I like your spirit doll! No wonder Johnny-boy and Eddie are uh, interested, cant wait to see how this turns out!”  He lets out a deranged chuckle._

_I heard a scoff to my right. “I stand by my earlier statement, and revise it as well; You do have a death wish.” I could practically taste the condensation that Riddler used._

_“No, actually I have a wish to keep my friend alive and not chopped up into little bits by a deranged psycho.” I replied. I could see the look he was giving me in my mind; Arrogance laced with doubt._

_“Very spirited little bird,” came Penguins oily voice._

_“Oh, don't let me get started on you.” I said with a slightly less venomous voice._

_“I'm finding myself liking you, even though you were one of the reasons I didn't get much sleep last night” Ivy’s confident voice said smoothly._

_“Ooooh! Can we keep HER Mistah J? She'll be fun to be around!” Harleys bubbly voice said happily._

_“I don't think so Harley. I like my women more obedient, she doesn't seem like the uh, Ha Ha Ha, taking orders kinda gal!” He punctuated his sentence with high pitched giggles._

_I could practically hear Harley pouting a few cells over but couldn't help the smile of amusement come on my face. I was actually starting to kind of like her. I sat down on my thin mattress hoping Megan's talk with Cam was going a lot better than what I was going through right now. I felt the uneasy feeling of someone watching me and found once again Crane staring at me analyzing my every move. But, something about the smirk on his face screamed ‘Scarecrow’. I watched the news I knew about his little MPD disorder. I clenched my jaw trying to keep from trembling under his gaze._

_“I just can't keep your little comment from this morning out of my head.” Said Scarecrow and he slowly walked forward toward the glass of his cell door, never taking his eyes off of me. “And, I just wanted to let you know, Jonny and I take it to heart. Even if he wants to keep denying it. You see even though we want to hear your screams of terror oh so bad. We just can't keep your swaying backside walking away from us thinking you had the upper hand out of our head.”_

_My eyes widened and I felt blood rush to my cheeks. ‘Oh God,’ I thought ‘What have I done!?’ His smirk widened when he noted my red cheeks “And, from your body’s response, you want us to take up your offer.”_

_I sucked in a deep breath and my whole body flooded with embarrassed heat and fear. “I want nothing of the sort,” I failed to keep my voice from trembling and I mentally cursed myself harshly, and probably making the situation worse for me because of my unsteadiness. Then, something else came to mind ‘Megan was alone with these people for practically the whole day! I don't want to even imagine what she had to go through based on what I was experiencing now!’_

_“Scarecrow,” I heard Riddlers voice say. “Its going to do you no good to get her flustered. Just let Jonathan back out, it'll be in your benefit to just keep her scared.”_

_“Maybe,” Scarecrow said never taking his eyes off of me. “I’ll think about it.” Then the smirk slid off of his face and his whole demeanor changed. His stance and expression turned from animal and predatory, to calculating and observing. Crane pulled his glasses out of nowhere and put them back on, I just noticed that he didn't even have them on under my distress of his words. His face didn't show any emotion as he turned around and sat on his bed and pulled a book out from under his bed and started to read._

_“Riddle me this: When one does not know what it is, it is something; but when one knows what it is, it is nothing.” The Riddler said in a smug tone I knew that he was asking me. The riddle completely perplexed me my brain could hardly process the sentence. “Any guesses,?” He said with a slight mocking tone like he KNEW that I had no answer._

_“No, no I don't,” I said after a few slow minutes of me thinking and coming up with nothing I actually felt a little....mad that I didn't have the answer, I didn't want to seem stupid._

_“A riddle,” He said and the smug condensation couldn't even have been described. “Once again i've outsmarted someone less intelligent than me,” I actually had to force myself to repress a snort. I have a few things in mind that i'm more intelligent than him in things that i'm sure would stump him and leave him in a confusion that he never would have thought he would experience. But, I refrained from saying that. I was already targeted by the scarecrow I don't want the Riddler to want to put me in one of his death mazes. I would definitely die, i'm smart (As all my friends have told me) but I don't really think that I can outsmart the Riddler. And from what I heard he’s deadly wicked with his cane._

_“Hey, girl,” My head snapped up and a guard was outside of my cell. “As soon as your friend gets back. Your to go see the visitor.” and with that he turned and walked out of my sight. I felt a lightness in me. I get to see Cam!_

__

**Here’s a basic overview of my family: it’s your classic picture perfect, average joe family. My dad is the head of the house, successful in his family owned business (which is accounting), but not so much so that we’re filthy rich. Still, we have his job to lay back on us as a cushiony support, it’s the net that will catch us if we fall. Mom is the heart of the house, and for the most part she’s a housewife, baking delicious sweet goods, and making sure every inch and corner of the place we live is suitable. Other times though she’s able to get a job watching tiny little babies for the rich people. I think it’s absolutely perfect for her, she wanted to have more babies after me. I can even remember her singing as  she got a new baby room available, talking enthusiastically to me about how I was going to make a wonderful big sister. I was  excited too, I drew so many pictures of my future baby brother or sister that I’ve lost track of where they’ve all gone. Everything was splendid and Cam was instructing me on the ways of being an older sibling, a balance between being a friend and a mentor. But then...the miscarriage happened. And mom couldn’t have babies anymore. She bawled for months, rocking me back and forth in her arms, crying about how I was her last baby and how she loved me so much. Afterwards something along the lines of favoritism developed. I didn’t like it, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Mom became possessive over me, fretting over how I was her last chance at motherhood, making up these beautiful songs of love for me that both made me smile and for some reason...want to cry. This didn’t seem to bother Cam too much though. He’s just a wonderful person like that.**

**And so there’s Cam: my amazing older brother. Words fail to describe how much I love him, how much I look up to him. From every single moment of my life he’s been there, with that trademark all-American boy smile of his, laughing as he said, “Good job Meggars. You’re doing great.” Meggars, that’s his nickname for me. I’m not sure how it developed, but sometime over the years we’ve shared together, the name stuck. And he absolutely refuses to call me by my real name, the one that’s actually found in my birth certificate. Perhaps to some people this would come off as annoying, but for me I bask in every glorious second of it. Any time he says it, it reminds me that I’m safe, that I’m loved. Just by being there for me no matter what, I feel more loved than how mom does it obsessively, like it’s a religion. Cam is super talented also, it’s as though he has music coursing through his veins, any instrument he picks up automatically makes the most beautiful sounds you’ve ever heard. There’s this one breathtaking song that he composed once, and I think it’s the most gorgeous piece out there. It’s sad, but it’s so bizarrely beautiful. It takes your breath away. Sometimes I find myself singing the notes, the magnificent melody not even needing words to carry it along. And not only is Cam some musical prodigy, but he’s a genius. An absolute, undeniable genius. He was valedictorian of his graduating class, and now he’s on the road to becoming a highly esteemed doctor. Word on the street is that he’s doing the best in his class, the best that anyone has ever done in Gotham’s highly prestigious medical school. He may be able to have his own office up and running in just a few years. And I couldn’t be any more proud of him.**

**My brother: perfection on earth. For a moment my mind went blank just from the amazing thought of seeing him again.**

**We rounded around a grey corner, and before I knew it, I was stopped in front of a door. There was a small square window in the door, but the glass was so grimy and filthy that I couldn’t make anything from it. For a split second though I imagined that I could see Cam, hunched over a desk, his autumn-color hair shaggy on his handsome head. Without even thinking, I gasped excitedly and surged forward to yank the door when an electric shock coursed through me.**

**Pain blotted out every thought for a horrifying millisecond, I couldn’t even scream before I jerked my hands away, heavily gasping.**

**The guard who escorted me here sighed in annoyance. “We like to make sure our visitors here at Arkham are safe, the only way you can enter through that door is by putting in the passcode.” Panting, I looked over to the guard, unable to identify whether they were male and female. “And standard procedure here is that you have to keep your handcuffs on for the entirety of visiting hour, so don’t expect to be relieved of them anytime soon.”**

**That’s when it dawned on me again, just what I was doing here. I’m now a criminal suspect. I’m in the most elite prison in all of Gotham. I’m downgraded to the class of being with all the other criminals, people who actually brutally murdered others, weren’t just suspected of doing so. It sounds foolish, but...when I heard of seeing Cam again I completely forgot of where I was. I was swept away by the fantasy of being with my big brother again. This place wasn’t me and Bridgette’s apartment, where we could invite him up for some iced tea and play a board game together. This wasn’t even his dorm room, where he would toss us some warm soda cans, and we’d pop them open, instantly diving into the topic of the day. This was...this was...I didn’t even know what this was!**

**All I knew was that I couldn’t face him! How could I walk into that room, look into his perfect eyes, and not collapse? He was always there for me, providing me with all the encouragement that I ever needed, loving me in a way that only older brothers could, and now...now... God, what did he even THINK of me now!? He must be so disappointed in his little sister.**

**“I can’t,” I choked out, voice thick with emotion.**

**The guard was in the middle of typing in the code when he/she looked over to me in frustration. “Can’t what?” they growled.**

**“I can’t go in there,” I shook my head frantically. “I can’t face him.”**

**The guard threw back their head and groaned in annoyance. “Why? Why can’t you face him?”**

**“Because...because look at me!” I spluttered, throwing my chained hands forward. “He expected so much more of me...”**

**“What, having a homicidal little sister wasn’t his big plans for you?” they drawled and I recoiled at the words.**

**“I didn’t do that!” I snapped back, refusing to hear anyone say that of me.**

**“Okay, okay, you didn’t do that,” the guard rolled their eyes in disbelief. “Why are you see worried with seeing him then?”**

**“Well, because- b-because...” I stuttered.**

**“Ugh. Look, cut me some slack kid. You were skipping and singing here the whole way about how happy you were to see your older brother again.”**

**“I was?” I furrowed my eyebrows.**

**“Yeah. The whole way,” they responded dryly.**

**“Oh...” I said quietly in realization. So I was chronically singing again. Great. This happens a lot, me just singing under my breath without even realizing it, but I didn’t think the trait followed me to Arkham. Fantastic. Just when I was trying to not look insane.**

**“Whatever. Your brother came all the way here to this lovely facility in order to see you, you wouldn’t want to disappoint him now would you?”**

**That was thing, I think I already have! “But-” I stammered when the guard punched in the rest of the code. Before I could protest any further, the door swung open and a big meaty hand was placed on my back, shoving me inside.**

**I stumbled into the room with a loud gasp, staring at the dirty white floor for a horrified second. “Wait!” I yelled, spinning around to try and escape back to the sanctity of the hallway, when the door was slammed in my face. Stunned, I blinked at the grey doorway for a little. Now, I was cut off from my escape. I was alone...with my brother.**

**“Meggars,” Cam breathed and I heard him rise to a stand.**

**Shoulders tensed, I slowly turned around to look at him. There he was, standing in his strong figure. He wore a plaid tie and a pressed blue shirt, tucked into the waist of buckled ironed pants. Peeking out from hems, were two neatly polished dress shoes. Cam was impeccably dressed, as always. As soon as his head pops off of his pillow in the morning, he seems as if he belongs in a Ralph Lauren magazine, with that easy rugged handsomeness. His autumn leaf colored hair was combed perfectly to the side, and his hazel eyes widened as he took me in.**

**Furiously I blushed and ducked my head down, refusing to meet my big brother in the eyes. Before I could help it, a nervous laugh shot out from my tight lips and I could feel myself coming down with yet another case of the giggles.**

**“Oh Meggars,” he exhaled and suddenly there was the sound of hurried footsteps when I was pulled into his arms.**

**Gratifying warmth swarmed me and a sense of security somehow found its way inside. The giggles were pushed down to the pit of my stomach and I relaxed. For the first time since I’ve been here, I felt...like I could breathe. Suddenly there was a knot inside my chest that began to unravel, a weight that was starting to lift off my shoulders. This was my big brother, the one who would pick me up when I fell down and dust me off. He was my eye in the hurricane. My lips violently trembled and I closed my eyes, burying my face into his chest. “Cam,” I weakly said, my voice as quiet and hushed as a whisper.**

**“I’m here,” he soothed me, running a comforting hand through my hair when suddenly he tensed up. Backing away, he forced me to look at him with a wrinkled nose. “No offense sis, but you stink.”**

**At that, I couldn’t help but laugh. My mind travelled back to my previous hug from earlier. Something as creepy and scary as a hug from Mad Hatter, suddenly seemed so ridiculously silly now. Now it was just a joke, not a fiasco. It seemed like one of those stories you’d laughingly tell your friends later on, about one of the many adventures you’d have across town. Part of me felt as though I was letting it go too easily, but I couldn’t take it seriously right now.**

**“Don’t worry, one of the prisoners hugged me just before I came in,” I explained to me.**

**“One of the prisoners hugged you?” he ridiculed with this careful expression.**

**“Yeah,” I giggled, not from nerves but from the thought of it. “Have you ever heard of the Mad Hatter? He’s some lunatic who thinks that he lives in Wonderland, and he’s decided that I’m Alice. It’s funny,” I shook my head, “I’m not even blonde.”**

**“Wait, you’re saying that the Mad Hatter did this to you?” he backed away with this suddenly serious look on his face. Automatically, I shrunk back, knowing that it was no good when he got in this sudden severe mode. “Meggers, haven’t you heard of what he’s done to all his other ‘Alices’?” Cam asked, a fire burning in his eyes.**

**“Um,” I gulped. “Yeah. I have. But I’m not scared, I don’t think that he’ll be able to do anything serious to me in here-”**

**“Meggers, he was able to TOUCH you. Have you told any guards about this?”**

**“Well I don’t have to, a whole lot of them saw it happen-”**

**“So they saw this happen and they did nothing about it?”**

**“They kinda did. They yelled and broke it up...”**

**“But nothing happened to him,” Cam finished for me, his lips pressed in a tight line.**

**“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “They called me inside to see you before anything really happened.”**

**“Before anything really...” he trailed off and shook his head. “Meggars,” he fixed me with a deep stare and grabbed my shoulders, “tell me if they’re treating you well.”**

**“Tell you if they’re...” Instantly my mind thought back to how many times I’ve been called crazy in here, shoved around by guards, harassed by prisoners, and forced to eat the revolting prison food that takes four times to really swallow. All in one day. “They’re treating me fine,” I shook my head, not seeing how this was relevant to him.**

**A sadness broke out on my brother’s face. “You’re lying,” he said as he stepped away.**

**Chewing on my bottom lip, I cast my gaze to the side. “...I am,” I admitted. “But I don’t see how it matters Cam, this is a prison after all. It’s not supposed to be a world class resort.”**

**“I’m not saying it is, I’m just saying...they could treat you like you’re human.”**

**“But Cam,” I closed my eyes. “Once you’re thrown into this place, you’re no longer human. As soon as you’re locked away in the C Wing, you become a monster in everyone’s eyes. It doesn’t matter what you deserve, it doesn’t matter who you are, once you’re here, you’re one of the condemned.”**

**As the words came out of my mouth, I could feel his eyes on me, burning and intense. “What are you saying?” he asked slowly.**

**I opened my eyes and stared blankly at the wall. This wave of desperation suddenly rose up inside me, washing over everything I was. Everything seemed so confusing, I lacked the common sense to try and force the jagged pieces together. “I don’t know,” I whispered. “I really don’t know anymore.” Cam was silent, having no words to say to me. And I had nothing to say to him. Or at least not anything that rolled off the tongue naturally. But the situation was so tedious and nerve grating that I was tripping over my myself to correct it. This was my big brother I was talking to. I should be overwhelmingly happy in his presence, not...this. I don’t what I’m feeling. And that’s when it happened for real this time. Now it didn’t come out in little slips or chortles. It was no longer a little leak, springing up here and there. It was as bad as it was yesterday, a major flood, suddenly bursting through. Throwing back my head, I started laughing hysterically, my sides hurting instantly.**

**Cam was shell-shocked. I could feel him staring at me with a wide open mouth, trying to process what I was doing but none of it made sense to him. I’ve had this issue back at home, but usually it wasn’t as big or out of nowhere as this. “What are you laughing about?” he asked, trying to wedge a word in between my laughs.**

**The joy was so instant, so gratifying. It was as abundant as a good harvest, I could just roll around in it! My laughing brought tears to my eyes and they streamed down my face which was suddenly so hot. “I’m in with the big dogs now, brother!” I sang at the top of my lungs. “You can’t help but wonder, who let them out!”**

**“Meggars...” Cam started brokenly.**

**“Wait, wait!” I held up a finger, which looked not near as dramatic when you’re handcuffed. Especially when you can’t put your hands on your hips without looking like a fool. My brother raised an eyebrow and I spun around in a circle, scanning up and down the room. Curious, I walked around and inspected each and every single corner. Hm, not there... Tilting my head to the side, I wandered over to the metal table, and tried to lift up a metal chair so that I could look under it, only to find that it was bolted the floor. Hm. Can’t help but wonder what story led to that action! As I straightened up, I once again analyzed the room only to find it still lacking. Finally I sighed and plopped down in the chair that instantly sent shivers down my spine. With a sad shake of my head I looked over to my brother. If I thought that he looked confused before, his face seemed as blank as a freshly cleaned whiteboard.**

**“What was that about?” he asked as he made his way over to sit by me. Not once did his eyes leave mine, not once. Usually eye contact this intense was enough to have me squirming in my seat, but now I just started placidly unblinking back at him.**

**As he sat down, a wide smile overcame my face while I asked him, “Where’s mom?”**

**His eyes widened. “At home, of course. She’s...not doing well,” he said mildly.**

**“And as in not doing well, do you mean that she’s an absolute mess?” the right side of my mouth quirked up in a sympathetic smile.**

**Cam tightly swallowed. Those hazel eyes of his seemed pained as he answered, “Yes. She refuses to eat, sleep, or acknowledge any of us. She’s going desperate trying to find you a lawyer and she can’t stop saying your name under her breath. She’s catatonic practically.”**

**A pang of guilt went through me. I’m unsure about where I stand on the innocent meter, but I do know one thing... I’m her only daughter and her last baby. Whether I did it or not, my being in here was causing her a great deal of pain.**

**My smile dampened at the edges as the glow inside of me dimmed down. Slowly I nodded in understanding of his words. “I see. And where’s our father?”**

**“At work,” Cam answered and he seemed especially sad when confessing this.**

**The miscarriage had affected dad a different way than mom, rather than being exuberant with his love, he had instead withdrawn into himself. I know that he loves all of us, it’s a gut feeling that constantly wrenches in my stomach. He’s just not one to show it. I don’t think that he knows how anymore.**

**Depression rocked through me like an uneasy earthquake before a wave of giggles smoothed it over like an iron. “And how about my friends?”**

**“None of them will answer my calls.”**

**And who exactly can blame them? When your buddy is arrested and left inside a place as dark as Arkham, you don’t try to go probing in there with a flashlight. No. You go into your room where everything is bright and safe, you huddle up and feel protected in the light. Never once do you think of your friend that’s gone dark. I know this for a fact.**

**I did it once.**

**Knowing this fact and fully accepting it, my delusional smile spread wide on my face until it actually hurt. “Oh well,” I sighed, as if this were as little a deal as a person not being able to make it to your first grade recital. I swung my arms over and stretched them across the freezing table, turning my palms upwards. “At least I have you, right?”**

**Cam grabbed my hands, squeezing them with his long fingers. The gesture was calm and reassuring, but his face was not. It seemed terse, as though he was containing a million shouts inside, as though he was swallowing down a scream that he needed to shout at the top of his lungs. “You’re taking this awfully well,” he noted.**

**“Hm,” I shrugged nonchalantly. “What can a girl do?”**

**“For starters, a girl can plead her innocence. A girl can be crying and screaming about how unfair this all is, she could be bawling about the nightmare she’s thrown into. A girl could actually show her pain for once in her life instead of plastering this twisted smile on her face and laughing.” His grip became tight and hot needles of pain shot up my arms.**

**Shoving down a cringe, I slowly shook my head at him. “You know that I’m one to do that.”**

**“For crying out loud, show some real emotion!” he yelled at me. “You think life is one big joke, one magnificent thing after the other! You don’t see reality when it rains, all you see is sunshine. You’re the kind of girl who flunks a class and just laughs it off as if it’s no big deal. Everyone’s trying to help you sis, but they can’t reach out to a girl who’s refusing to hold on. You can’t throw a life preserver to a person who thinks that they’re enjoying the swim. The only time you ever dared to really expose yourself was when you three ran over Ms. Jenkin’s cat!”**

**Now I couldn’t help it. Darkness creeps in on me, making it hard to let out a reel of delighted laughter without feeling as though I was choking. “U-us three?”**

**“Yes,” he snapped with a tight voice, the angriest he’s ever been with me. “She was once my girlfriend and your best friend. Refusing to speak about her won’t erase the past.”**

**And all happiness fell off me in the raspy exhale of a breath. Bile threatened my tight throat, but it wasn’t undigested food that I was scared to let out. It was pent up emotions that I’ve been holding down for all these years, all the secrets and tears that I covered over with a flawless smile. All the pain, that I knew once I let out it would hurt a hundred times more than it did going in. Because it’s not in my nature to hold on.**

**My automatic reaction is to let go.**

**Shooting my stare down to the table, I could see a warped reflection of myself in the shiny surface. I looked terrifying in there. A thought flashed in my mind before I really thought about what it would do to me, what if this wasn’t like a funhouse mirror effect? What if I really looked as twisted as this? Letting out an annoyed huff of air, I yanked my hands away from my brother’s and rose up. The back of my thighs bumped into the steel chair painfully as I expected for it to be pushed back. But it stayed bolted where it was and bit into my skin. I could almost kick myself from my stupidity, but instead I looked up into a security camera that I had spotted in the corner of the room earlier.**

**“We’re done here,” I announced loudly to it and then looked in the direction of my brother. “I’m filthy right now. I have to take a shower,” I explained to him simply, as if that were the real reason that I was ending our meeting abruptly.**

**As if I wasn’t screaming in the inside.**

**From my peripheral vision I could see Cam’s shoulders slump forward in disappointment. He had only wanted to slap some sense into me, but it was useless. I was living a senseless life, in a senseless place, in a senseless world. This whole existence of...of everything didn’t really make sense once you thought about it! This beautiful, cruel world was impossible to dive into and come out with the knowledge why it does what it does. Science explained the steps. Religion explained the meanings. But I was desensitized girl who couldn’t make sense of the twisted wonder of it all.**

**Just as my brother was rising to a stand, the door loudly beeped and swung open. A guard stood there, impatiently tapping their feet. This time, it was a different unidentified gender person. I dug my nails into my palms and stared emptily down at the dirty tiles below.**

**“Thank you for coming Cam. It’s nice to know someone from the outside can look in and remember me,” I said quietly with a scratchy voice.**

**“Meggers,” Cam whispered. “I’m so sorry. But...it will end up well in the end. Trust me.”**

**My lips started quivering and I stretched them out into a shaky smile. “I hope so.” Numbly, I turned on my heels and made my way to the door when he called out to me.**

**“And sis?”**

**My spine straightened and I slowly turned to look him unsurely in the eyes. “Yes?”**

**“I love you,” he beamed reassuringly at me.**

**A ray of small, but amazingly bright light pierced through my heart. I gave a small smile at him. Okay, so our first conversation as me being a convict didn’t go smoothly. I was ridiculous for believing otherwise. But, I guess that was explained in the pamphlet on “How to Be A Delinquent” that I read when I blacked out. “I love you too,” I tilted my head at him and lightly smiled, before I turned on my heels and left. The guard closed the door behind me and I looked at them quizzically.**

**“He’s got another person he requested to see,” the guard explained in a monotone voice and reached over to test the chain between my handcuffs. “Procedure,” they explained as they did it, “never know when a visitor could loosen some bolts in that room.”**

**I thought back to how we had held hands, how that would’ve been the perfect opportunity- But no. I shoved the forbidden thought out of my head and nodded in understanding. “Makes sense.”**

**When we finally made it back to the cells, I felt as though I could sleep for days. I just wanted to sleep, lumpy cot or not, flimsy pillow or not. I just wanted to be like a bear and hibernate for months. Just as I was trudging there, a guard unlocked Bridgette from her cell. Her eyes latched on mine automatically and a smile that started to creep on her face disappeared as soon as she caught my expression.**

**Crap. Forgot to look happy.**

**I painted a convincing smile on my face and glided over to her. “Bridgette, you’re my best friend you know?” I smiled at her flamboyantly.**

**Confused Bridge seemed unsure. “Yeah?” she laughed.**

**I just rolled to the balls of my feet and hummed quietly to myself my brother’s song. “Just remember that I love you, kay?” She blinked and I gave her a daring wink. “Have fun!”**

**I turned to my right and waltzed into my cell, where the glass door screeched a beeping sound and swung shut behind me.**

**  
  
**


	3. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything just starts getting a little awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I know that nothing was posted last week.....and I'm REALLY sorry about that. School started and everything was kinda hectic so I completely spaced on posting and I apologize for that immensely. And because of that you all get two chapters today to make up for the forgetfulness!!!!

Chapter Three

                                                          Confusion  

“The phoenix must burn to emerge.”

-Janet Fitch, White Oleander

**Perhaps, the reason that we are being put through this is life’s way of toughening us up. Perhaps...Arkham is our cocoon and we are but mere caterpillars, bound to eventually emerge as beautiful butterflies. In white glass cells, put through a deteriorating state, we are becoming stronger. Smarter. More in touch with who we are. While I absolutely loathe it here, there’s this point of bright clarity that I get at moments where I realize how grateful I am for the experience. It was just another angle towards life that I could tuck underneath my belt. It was another gorgeous stained glass shard to add to my mosaic. Regardless of what happens, whether good or bad, we are going to emerge from this stronger. While we may have been burned down to some bewildered crisps, we are going to rise victorious from our ashes, renewed and more powerful than ever. We are phoenixes.**

_This experience may be a nightmare and something horrible, but it may just make us into a force to be reckoned with. We may not become the smartest or strongest from this experience but we may just get the understanding that most people never get. Its like our old selves the parts of us that are completely unknowing to the horrors of everything, are dying to make way for something so much MORE. And we will rise from those ashes and make the best of it._

* * *

_When we came to the door that I knew Cam was behind, elation took over me and I couldn't wait to see him. The guard punched in a pass code next to the door and muttered something that sounded like “At least, you didn't try and back out.” I was about to open my mouth and ask him what he meant by that, but was interrupted....._

_“B,” my head snapped around and I almost fell to the ground at the sight of Cam, perfectly dressed and pressed Cam. He was the only one that called me that, ever since Megan and I started spending so much time together he came up with his own nickname for me. Granted I have no idea why but I never thought to ask because, the truth was when I was younger I had a little crush on him, I never even told Megan about it. And for some reason now...I feel so guilty about it. Though, ever since senior year my crush on him turned into sister like affection after he started dating Her, and after I felt so helpless and unwanted, and I threw all of my attentions to school and my college application to Gotham University and taking extra classes and joining in more activities. Matching what he felt for me since I befriended Megan._

_“Cam,” I breathed and he was hugging me. With his arms around me I could forget for the moment where I was, what people were accusing me and Megan of, and especially Jokers comment about INTEREST. “I have to say i'm really glad that you're here!” And unexpectedly tears started to fall down my face and I started blubbering into the crook of his neck._

_“God, what have they done to you two!” And he released me from the hug and pushed me back to hold me by my shoulders to get a good look at me. I tried to swallow down my tears and wipe them off of my face, to no anvil._

_“Cam! I'm so sorry, I ruined your shirt!” I said when I noticed the large wet patch on his crisp shirt and that it was now wrinkled. My hands fluttered up uselessly still bound in handcuffs._

_“No B, its fine! Its not the end of the world, its just a shirt! Don't get too overworked as we both know you can do.” He gave me a small smile trying to reassure me. He moved one of his hands and wiped away my tears with his thumb. “Come on, we are pressed for time and I still have something to tell you,” He then gently guided me to the bolted down metal chair before the bolted down metal table, and took the seat across from me. I had suppressed my tears and was hiccuping like you do when you had cried long and hard even though I didn't even cry for a whole five minutes._

_I forced myself to take two long gulps of breath around my hiccups and looked straight at Cam who was looking at me with concern. “What is it that you have to tell me?” I asked_

_“Well, your father wanted me to tell you that he's sorry that he couldn't come here. But, that hes putting all of his energy into getting to the bottom of yours and Megans case,” I noticed how he said case not something like ‘Proving you two are innocent’ I felt my stomach churn uneasily. If he found even a smidgen of evidence against us, we were completely doomed._

_My father Detective Paige one of the most respected men of law enforcement in Gotham and the best at his job. He took his work seriously he never slacked off and was rarely wrong when it came to his cases. And no matter who was involved he never got emotionally involved.My father was one of those men that had large burly arms a thick torso and strong legs, and on top of that all he was tall. Every morning without fail he would go for a two mile run just as the sun was coming up and running full out the entire time, he would come home and for two hours before he went to work he would go down to the basement and do bench presses, pull-ups, push-ups, and almost any other imaginable workout. And an hour before he had to go at 7 o'clock he would take a shower and down a blender full of protien drink and head out for the GCPD station. This routine never failed and never faltered, even after what happened with my mom. She was a nurse, one of those that no matter how bad someones injury was she almost always made sure they got through. But, she wasn't one to make promises, she didn't tell any lies, and she most certainly NEVER EVER showed her emotions. Maybe thats why she and my father got together they were both strong willed, took their jobs seriously, and kept their emotions in check. Its weird actually how different I was from them I found it kind of difficult to hide my emotions._

_It happened about a year after mine and Megans close bond formed and my mother was asked to take up one of the nurse positions here at Arkham she was perfect for the job, she wouldn't show the inmates anything to prey on and take her down with. She had been working there for about 4-5 months and something about her had changed. One day I had asked her what it was like to treat the crazies jokingly because, I had heard my dad refer to them as such. And she had unexpectedly snapped at me ‘Don't you ever use that word in front of me again, young lady! I don't want you thinking down on people, ever! No matter their situation, the people in Arkham are just that people, society just misunderstands them.’ I had stepped back from her in shock and started to cry i'd never seen such an animated emotion on her face no one has, not even my father. I've seen emotion on her face before but only to a limited extent like affection or a tiny downward twitch of her lips when she was disappointed with me. After that the anger had died from her face and she knelt down in front of me and pulled me into a hug, after a few moments she spoke up ‘I just want you to know, I will always love you, I know that you will be something big when you get older, and it will be doing something YOU want to do and no one can tell you otherwise.’ She kissed me on the forehead and with those cryptic words left for work._

_That day there was a break out and some of the more dangerous criminals got loose along with a few others, my mom was caught in the crossfire of the break out. And it was later determined that she was the one that had orchestrated the whole thing. The one that had set the criminals free..._

_I physically shook my head to get rid of the memory and addressed Cam “He’s working on our case?” GCPD never let someone personally involved with a case to work on it. Then again it's my dad who was dead serious about his work. He was the one that confirmed my moms involvement in the breakout._

_He nodded, “It's a difficult one B, I won't lie. Everyone is completely stumped, not even your father has anything solid.”_

_“But, it hasn't even been a week! And their freaking out that they can't find anything?”_

_“You know your father, he always has at least something by now. The part about you and my sister not remembering anything,” He shook his head “is something not even they have seen.” And I knew he was right he always had something even something small, but......_

_I blinked rapidly at him. “How do you know about that?” I asked “The GCPD are very secretive about their information, especially my father.” With all the corrupt people out there if they got important information too soon they could find a way to make things disappear or plant new evidence and completely skew a case._

_He stared at me for a moment. “My sister is involved.....they.....told me?” He said this hesitantly like he was not sure, ending with a question._

_“They don't do that and you know it Cam! They try to keep everything on the down low for as long as possible! Nothing could have been leaked this soon!” I was starting to feel mounting  suspicion, he was acting odd. What did know? He of all people should know this, after what happened....._

_I can't tell Megan about this, when she came back from her visit something was a little off about her. Not her giggling to make the world seem better off, but something else. I wouldn't worry her more! I just couldn't! She was under too much stress as it is and to tell her that her brother, Cam, non suspicious never anything off Cam, was a little off...I just couldn't do that to her! Even if this information was something crucial to what's happening (Though that could be highly unlikely but, if it was) i'd have to figure it out myself, just to make sure. I am the daughter of a detective after all._

* * *

__**  
  
**

**Everything about me felt raw, from inside out. My throat felt chaffed and my eyes were so irritatingly dry. Ripping out my contacts did no good, and now the world was blurry for no good reason. I felt so...empty. Was it possible that I was nothing but this empty shell? Man, I really disgust myself. And to top it off, I didn’t even cry. It wasn’t like I did any strenuous physical activity, I was drained merely from the thoughts whirling around in my head at the speed of light. How in the world does something as stupid as that happen?**

**Infuriated, I flipped on my other side and the cot squeaked beneath me. I’ve never felt this terrible since...no. Wasn’t ready to think about that yet. I hadn’t cried then because it had just been too much. It was feelings so depressing, emotions so dark...that cowering behind a smile hadn’t been only easy. It had been my only resort.**

**A frown was threatening to scar my face and I couldn’t STAND this stupid sadness. It drove me insane, this saddening anger coursing through me. I forced a giggle out my lips, wanting for that rush of joy to come to me again.**

**“That sounded, uh, fake, dear,” Joker commented.**

**My heart felt heavy inside my chest as though it actually hurt.  The lights were still a bright white light in the cells, it wasn’t even time to go to sleep yet. I sighed underneath my breath. Never would I ever understand how a body so exhausted could have a mind so awake. It’s what kept my body anchored at the formidable point known as consciousness. If only closing my eyes could solve the problem.**

**“Why so silent, hon?” Ivy’s voice drawled over across the hall. “You were chattering like a bird earlier.”**

**I ran a tongue over my bottom lip. “I’m sorry. Looks like I’m disappointing everyone lately,” I apologized quietly.**

**Why did Cam have to mention her? Why? And where was the smile that I usually had no problem putting on?**

**“Allliiiiiiice, I’m here for yoooou. I can make you happy,” Mad Hatter eagerly offered.**

**For a second I felt so unbearably sick. I curled into the fetal position and moaned in disgust. “It’s alright Hatter, I’ll pull through. I always do. And besides,” I rolled over to my back, “there’s beauty in pain also, I hear.Strange, I know. But trust me. People say it’s beautifully bizarre, it hurts like insanity, but...maybe that’s why everyone seems so much better than me. They’ve actually experienced a form of beauty that I’m too scared to visit yet. That’s why you guys seem so big and powerful even with something as a mere as an exhale, it’s because you’re enlightened. You’ve experienced something amazing, something that I’ve yet to grasp. You’ve all been through pain and you’ve all learned endurance.”**

**Everyone was silent for a moment. You could hear the lenses of the camera focusing and defocusing, whirring around the room for surveillance. Finally the man from earlier, called Penguin I remember, loudly boasted, “Ah, so you’re a poetic birdy,” in a deep growl. Was he...trying to be seductive?**

**The attempt failed in such epic proportions that my mouth peeled open and I laughed at his ludicrousy. Perhaps it’s okay that these guys are either murderous, perverted, or delusional; sometimes all three. They were the anchors that tied me to beloved sanity. I seem so pale in comparison to them, right? A plane jane. A wallflower. And while I’ve always hated not standing out, this time the status was bearable. It was breath of fresh air, a break from the freak I realized I was becoming.**

**“All right, all right, enough of this crap,” I giggled and swung my body up so  I was sitting. Folding my long legs underneath me, I looked across the hall to where Joker was watching me with rapt attention. “Hey Joker,” I called and tilted my head to the side, sending waves of hair to tumble over my shoulder. A smile came to my face as I thought over the words dancing around in my head. “You like jokes right?”**

**He grinned wickedly and leaned forward on his elbows. “Oh please. Doesn’t my name make it obvious?”**

**“Haha, just wanted to check my audience out real quick. Hm...let’s see...” I puzzled over which one I should do for a delightful second. “Knock, knock.”**

**He laughed hysterically. “Who’s there?” he asked in a deep growl.**

**“You old lady.”**

**“You old lady who?”**

**“My, my, Joker, I didn’t know that you could yodel!” I laughed and doubled over, my hair falling into my eyes.**

**It took a second for him to process this, but eventually one of those infamous smiles of his spread across face. A deranged chortle shot out from his mouth. “Nice one, Meg my girl!”**

**A shiver rippled through my body. It was so close to the nickname that She’d use, all that it needed was an S, one important consonant away from being a blast from the past. My laughing stopped abruptly and my fingers dug into my palms. The pain brought this edge of much needed clarity and I shuddered in relief. I had to keep this ball rolling. Straightening up, I called loudly into the cell.**

**“And Riddler,” I announced. “Riddle me this. What is more holy than God, more evil than the devil, has accomplished world peace, and conquered world domination?”**

**It took him a moment but then he lightly scoffed. “The answer,” he responded proudly, “is nothing.”**

**“Ding, ding, ding, correct!” I sang back at him.**

**“Well of course it is,” he replied snidely. “What else would you expect?”**

**“Alrighty then,” my mouth quirked up. “Here’s another question. When snow melts, what does it become?”**

**“You honestly think that’s enough to surpass my superior knowledge!” he exclaimed in hurt. “It becomes w-”**

**“Spring,” Bridgette interjected. My heart froze in my chest as I noticed the shadows darkening the halls. She was back from her visit with Cam.**

**I wonder if their conversation shook me as much as mine had.**

**“Megan asks me that every single time winter draws to an end,” Bridgette filled in and my eyes nearly caught hers as she passed by, but I instantly looked down, saying nothing.**

**So much for that short-lasted happiness. As Bridgette was locked back in her cell, the lights instantly flickered off. Everyone else settled down for sleep and my best friend called out to  me with that signature light tease in her voice, but I remained adamantly silent. Feeling empty once again, I kicked back my sheets and settled into the terrible cot, feeling unbearably empty inside.**

**Never fall asleep angry, is how the saying goes. It taints your dreams and twists them into nightmares, and as soon as you wake up that emotion is the first thing on your mind. I guess, the same goes for sadness.**

**Except, for the waking up part. Because regardless of the terrible night I had, and of the absolute lack of windows in this horrid place, I woke up feeling sunny. Queer, I know. It was this absolutely strange happiness, but hey...I’ll take whatever I can get. Even if it’s psychotic.**

**“Wake up!” came the loud bark that stirred me from my sleep. Being drawn out of slumber, I rolled  over on my other side and blurrily blinked my eyes at my cell gate. Standing there was a guard, not quite as big as the other ones. His face seemed drawn and tired, but still handsome. Hm, wonder what got a pretty face like his into a rathole like this.**

**Mildly entertained by the thought, I decided that waking up would be worth the exhausting process.**

**Smiling widely, I sat up and stretched my arms high above me in a wide arc. “Ohhh,” I yawned. I felt surprisingly well rested. This time gratefully I had slept the whole night through. Maybe having a chain of irritating nightmares following one after the other wears a body out, eh? Drearily I blinked and smiled up at my waker. “Good morning! How did you sleep last night?”**

**Startled, he blinked. “Okay, prisoner. Get up.”**

**Looks like some blonde cutie woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. “All right, all right, I hear you Mister Grumpy Pants.” Swinging my legs over on the other side, I did another stretch, arching my back. Flexing my calves, I rose to a stand and glided over to where he stood. “Have to get up bright and early, I heard that the breakfast special today is unidentifiable grey goop.”**

**Sashaying past them, I lined up beside Bridgette. Her tired hazel eyes roved over to me and slowly blinked in recognition. No big hugs or greetings. But the pain inside was fleeting. It’s what I deserved from ignoring her last night. But oh well, I was in a dark place then! Now I’m brightly happy, as radiant as the sun. “Heya bestie,” I winked happily at her.**

**Raising up a highly trimmed eyebrow, she scanned me up and down. “Someone’s in a good mood today,” she observed.**

**“Yup! Seems like some coffee was injected into my system while I slept,” I said brightly and leaned against the wall.**

**“Hey!” Blonde beauty from earlier came rushing to us. “I didn’t handcuff you!”**

**Puzzled, I looked down to my wrists, and yup they were bare. It was so strange, watching my hands be free while others were chained. Delighted, I giggled at this image. “Wow, better be more careful next time, buddy boy,” I laughed and met him in his silver eyes. “I guess it’s a good thing that you spaced out while looking after me, right?”**

**A ruby red blush engulfed his face, and with an angry growl he jerked my hands towards him and chained them up. The metal felt so cool against my hot skin and I laughed again. My skin felt so flushed, I swear that I was running a fever. I wonder what sick days at Arkham are like? No chicken noodle soup I bet. Perhaps this was one of the only time that I craved for my mother’s obsessive love.**

**The guard stalked furiously away and I looked up to Bridgette with a wide grin. “Hehe, he’s an airhead, isn’t he?” I elbowed her lightly.**

**Lightly she scoffed and leaned against the white wall with me. “Wow Megan. At least I know you never change.”**

**“You should’ve taken your chance at freedom while you had it, little girl!” Joker exclaimed loudly. “You’ll most likely never see it again.”**

**“Freedom isn’t defined by being inside walls or not Joker,” I shook my head. “It’s a notion based on attitude.”**

**“So you’re saying that you feel free?” Bridgette tilted her head at me.**

**I raised both my eyebrows at her. “Ha, depends on which me you get!”**

**Bridgette opened her mouth, fixing to say something else when I spun on my heel. Behind us was Ivy, her stature as poised as an elegant ballerina. My attention was instantly caught on her and I crossed one of my feet over the other. “Hey Ivy?” I called.**

**Her green eyes blinked over to me.**

**“You have the most gorgeous hair I’ve ever seen,” I complimented her. “Don’t ever change that! If you do, I’ll start crying.”**

**Her full lips opened to comment on that, but I twirled around on the balls of my feet, back to Bridgette. My best friend’s face was tired and she seemed vaguely annoyed. “Oh man,” she grumbled underneath her breath.**

**“What?”**

**“When you’re in moods like this you spew out compliments faster than people can take them in,” she explained with a sigh.**

**“What can I say?” I shrugged. “I’m happy.”**

**“Not naturally though,” she gave me a half smile and turned back around.**

**Confused, I stared at her back. Wait...so she thought that I wasn’t really happy? What exactly about me suggested that absurdity!? Like... I was bouncing on hells from this happiness!! I mean, I could feel energy coursing down to the tips of my fingers, electrocuting all my nerves. I was ecstatic! Yeah, I didn’t know why exactly but that was such an insignificant detail. Why couldn’t she see that?**

**I shook my head at my friend, wishing to know what was going on inside that brain of hers. Silly Bridgette, thinking that she knew me.**

**Not even I knew myself!**

* * *

 

          _Megan needs to start feeling the emotions she is actually feeling and quit with the covering it up. I love her to death but its so not good for her to do what she does! Especially while we’re here she is only going to result in confusing herself even more._

_I opened my eyes from when I closed them after I turned away from her and came face-to-face with The Riddler. I let out a gasp at the close proximity we were in and I instantly took a step back my face burning._

_He sported a triumphant smirk and he was looking down at me with emerald green eyes, that were the color of beautifully sparkling jewels.....wait. Ok, I really must be sleep deprived if i'm thinking about a notorious villain’s jewel like eyes._

_“You look a little tired,” He pointed out even when he wasn't talking about how intelligent and great he was his voice still held the sound of arrogance. “Rough night?”_

_“Um, ya....I guess.” I said currently at loss for words. “Is there something you needed?” I asked timidly._

_He tilted his head to the side. “How old are you?”_

_“W-what!?” I asked incredulously that was the last thing I thought he would ask. Come to think about it it never even crossed my mind that he would even ask that!_

_“You heard me,” He purred lowly dipping his head slightly to look closer at me._

_Ok what? Purred? What is going on right now!? “Well, ya I heard. Why are you asking me that?” I said nervously. What in the world?_

_“I’d like to get some more information about you. And I don't currently have access to the tools I would usually go to for this information.” And he went to lean casually against the wall watching me and waiting for my answer._

_My mouth opened and closed a couple of times trying to figure out why he even wants to know my age. Its really leaving me completely confused and bewildered. Between Scarecrows threats and Riddlers sudden curiousness my mind has suddenly gone into full ‘What is going on?’ mode. How can they be so interested if they haven't even known me for a full two days? What could the reasoning be? Then again, they are crazy high profile criminals they must have a very different reasoning than I do._

_“Hurry up! We don't have all day to wait for you two to figure out if your gonna jump each other!” My eyes widened and I spun around to see an irritated guard looking at Riddler and I. Megan was looking at me and her eyes flickered to Riddler then back to me. I for about the millionth time since we got here felt the feeling of embarrassment._

_“On the contrary,” Said Riddler as he slid past me and started to follow the other Rogues. “I think she was trying to restrain herself. I am irresistible after all.” And here’s the narcissism I thought bitterly._

_“Getting cozy with Riddler?” Asked another voice as we began to walk towards the cafeteria and the God awful stuff they call food. Megan who was walking close to me turned her head around frantically trying to find the source of the voice._

_She dramatically sighed “What John? You jealous?” She had incorporated some teasing into her voice, her fake bubbly happiness blocking out the thought that she was teasing the ‘Master of Fear’_

_“Of course not,” He said coolly when we sat down at the table that we did yesterday. Everyone in the same spot as yesterday morning, much to my displeasure. “Edward has the ability to drive anyone away with his endless jabbering.” Crane put his elbows on the table and steepled his fingers looking over them and his glasses at me for a second. His eyes leisurely slid to look at Riddler, out of the corner of his eyes and his lips twitched in mild amusement when he looked at him. He looked forward and set his blue eyes on Megan, she shifted a little in her seat. But, her mood didn't even flicker._

_“Oh, you know I just assumed when you sent ‘Edward’ that laser like death stare when they were talking.” A slightly amused smirk of triumph on her face._

_“Oh, shes got you there, Scary,” Harley interjected her eyes flitting  like an overexcited butterfly from, Megan, to me, to Riddler, to Crane and back again._

_Crane frowned “I don't like people messing with what's mine.” His demeanor had changed and I could tell that Scarecrow had come out. And me like the brave one that I was, I was trying to find a way out of this potentially explosive situation._

_“What's yours?” Riddler asked Crane or now Scarecrow. “I don't recall seeing anything on her saying ‘Property of the disgraced psychiatrist’.” Riddler was looking at Scarecrow with a smug raised eyebrow._

_“Well then, I guess you didn't see all of her,” Scarecrow said suggestively. My mouth dropped open in shock._

_Loud obnoxious laughter rang out coming from the completely amused Joker. “Now we have some decent breakfast entertainment!” He wheezed between laughs “I'm glad your girls are here! This lot can get so boring!” Across from him Harley was giggling._

_“Hmmm, now how would you know that, Scarecrow?” Riddler asked completely disregarding Joker._

_Scarecrow was about to make a snide retort but Megan cut him off. “Bridge,” She said warningly, I looked at her confused and her eyes were fixed on the spot of the table in front and to the left of my tray. “Do. Not. React.” She said. Confusion overtook me, how does she think i'm going to react to the mens bickering (OVER ME OF ALL PEOPLE!) I don't even know yet myself._

_Riddler and Scarecrow cut short their glaring contest and looked at where Megan was staring. I was still looking at Megan trying to figure out what she was trying to say. I heard a snort of indignation come from Riddler and I knew I wouldn't find out unless I looked to where the other three were._

_“A spider?” Riddler said “You're freaking out about a spider?”_

_Megan visibly winced when he said spider and I immediately tensed up and looked to see a spider all eight creepy legs and freaky eyes the size of a quarter slowly making its way towards me._

_“No,” She said “I could care less about a spider. I was trying to keep Bridgette from noticing. She hates bugs and especially spiders. And, YOU JUST RUINED IT!” She finished and by that time I was trembling and staring at the spider hoping it would just disappear, I was frozen in my seat unable to move as it stalked closer._

_Now the whole table was staring at me while I looked at the spider almost completely unaware of anything except for it. “Bridge, don't move. Thats a jumping spider we don't want to scare it. Remember its more scared of you than you are of it.” Megan said reassuringly._

_I made a small whimpering sound and it was close to the edge of the table in front of me. “I highly doubt that Megan,” I said helplessly. I chewed on my bottom lip nervously._

_Suddenly, Mad Hatter banged on the table and the spider tensed and took off.... onto my hand. I let out a ear-splitting scream and shot up from my seat and screamed “GET IT OFF!”_

_Megan jumped up from her seat, came over to me, and swiped the spider off my arm where it had crawled after I stood. I landed with a small ‘thunk’ back on the table, and started to scurry around. Riddler raised his now somehow empty tray and slammed it onto the spider crushing it. I breathed out relieved and practically collapsed back onto the table making sure I was at least a couple feet away from the squashed spider, and let my head fall onto the table with a groan._

_“What did I ever do?” I asked rhetorically still trembling from my spider experience. I really didn't want to lift my head off of the table and see the look on Scarecrows face at figuring out one of my fears. I'm sure he is totally relishing it. And suddenly out of nowhere I said “I just turned 19.” And while everybody was silent trying to sort out the recent events, I was trying to picture all of their expressions._

_“Kings and Queens may cling to power and the Jesters got his call. But, as you may all discover, the common one outranks them all.” Said Riddler softly but i'm sure everyone heard him with the graveyard silence that was currently embracing all of us. ‘Great job Bridge, you even freaked out the crazies’. I thought to myself._

_“All of you quit messing around! Its rec time, lets go!” A guard said a little too loud_

* * *

**“Hmmm,” my eyes roved around the room, and I tapped my fingers on my knees. I pulled my legs against my chest and rested my chin in the dip. There was a tugging at the back of my mind, something that called to my attention but I couldn’t think of what. “Hmmmm...”**

**“What?” Bridgette asked, eyes flickering over to me. We were both sitting on a ratty old couch, the worn peeled back fabric rubbing against those who sat on it awkwardly. Bridge was visibly annoyed with this, constantly shifting in her seat to try and find a better position only to readjust herself again. But I on the other hand, barely noticed it. This couch had character. I wonder how many stories it has behind it.**

**“Oh nothing,” I sighed, and gazed with boredom at the crackly old screen of the ancient television placed in here. Static danced across the screen like blurry snow, glimpses of the images on there were barely capable of being noticed. Practically everyone else’s attention was focused on the screen, unless they were Mad Hatter(who was rocking back and forth in a corner staring at me) or Crane (who was reading yet another humongous book). My heart fluttered in my chest like a caged butterfly from sitting down too much. “Actually, no,” I groaned. “It is something.” Annoyed I stood up with clenched fists.**

**“Megan, what are you doing?” Bridgette asked.**

**“I want to draw,” I explained simply and marched over to the door. “Hey people, I know you’re out there!” I shouted as I pounded my fist against the door.**

**“Megan!” Bridgette gasped.**

**“Striving to get out are you, eh?” Penguin commented snidely.**

**I ignored them and slammed my fist against the door with determination.  I could feel Bridgette’s slim cool hand on my shoulder, trying to turn me around when the door swung open. Well poop, I wasn’t prepared for that. I almost fell forward when out reached two manly hands to straighten me up.  Startled, I looked up to see Blonde Cutie, who had seriously annoyed with a deep scowl on his face. His face was twisted so much that I was though he had chugged gallons of lemon juice. As soon as I was up again he backed away with a look of disgust on his face, as though he had just dealt with scooping up some goop from the sewer. A blush came on my face when another guard appeared in the door frame, shoving Blondie out.**

**“What?” the new guard growled, black eyes roving behind me to take in the scene. “Is there a conflict here?”**

**“Nothing except boredom sir,” I shook my head seriously. Behind me I could hear Bridgette audibly gasp in appallment and back away.  She didn’t want anything to do with this scene, which I didn’t understand why. This room was a total snore, dampening on my happy mood. A blind and deaf person would be able to feel the weighed down tension in the air.  And I wasn’t going to have some stupid cloud blocking my rainbow!**

**“What?” the guard ridiculed.**

**“You heard me,” I laughed breezily. “I was hoping that you guys could give**

**me some papers and stuff to draw with.”**

**The guard’s face went slack. “Like a pencil  or pen?”**

**“Yup! Preferably a pencil though. I always end up totally ruining a picture when I use a pen, and there are no take-backs then,” I winked at him.**

**“Megan,” Bridgette groaned.**

**“What?” I turned to lift an eyebrow up at her. I was merely making a request.**

**The guard groaned and I looked back at him. “I can’t do that for you. Pens and other sharp objects can be wielded as potential weapons.”**

**“Honestly?” I narrowed my eyes at him. So someone as insane as Crane could have a humongous thousand paged book, which had total possibility of being used as a blunt object, but I couldn’t have a pencil? These people really didn’t know me at all. “And you’re worried about me using it in that way.”**

**“Well, you’re here for a reason aren’t you?”**

**The blow was temporary, a non-lasting sting that blew across my face like a light breeze. This was just plain-out ridiculous. I only wanted to draw! This wasn’t an attempt for me to break out of here, I wouldn’t make it past a couple of hallways!**

**Folding my arms behind my back, I giggled and shook my head. Guess that I couldn’t blame them exactly. Some people had this warped idea that I was insane, you know? “Alrighty, I see your point.” No matter how wrong that ridiculous point is. “Just give me a crayon then.”**

**“A crayon?” he questioned as though he never heard the prospect of the American childhood drawing tool. Gosh, has he never been through kindergarten?**

**“Yeah, I-” I was starting to go on when Bridgette elbowed me lightly in the ribcage. That’s when it settled on to me. The sun of realization dawned on me. This guard wasn’t clueless. He knew full well what I was talking about. He just wasn’t going to do it.**

**The thought was like a humongous rock in my head, rattling around my skull. But...but I wanted to draw. And whenever I wanted to do something, I was like a pregnant woman with a craving, it was all that I could think about. I couldn’t swallow this down and pretend that I was okay. I couldn’t ignore the fact that I was bored out of my mind and was desperately trying to find some outlet. I...I...I didn’t want to sit around, watching some boring news on some crappy television.  I mean, I wouldn’t even want to do that if it was on a flat screen! My fingers itched unbearably from the drive to want to do something with them. To make something that could captivate my ever wavering attention for just the slightest bit.**

**Gritting my teeth, I plastered a smile on my face. I wasn’t going to settle for this. I got what I wanted, one way or another.**

**Instinct made my eyes drift over the guard's shoulder to Blondie. “Hey Goldilocks,” I called to him and his blonde eyebrows raised in question. “You’re an artist too, aren’t you. I can tell.” His silver eyes widened in shock. “You must understand how I feel then, right? How we both look at life differently, as though it’s through a filter on a camera lense,” at that I laughed, tilting my head with a serene smile on my face. “You know how restless an artist can become when they’re not letting out their creativity in some form or matter, you understand how unbearable that can be.” I clutched my hands in front of me, as though I was holding something precious in them. “It’s all this creativity, all this inspiration, yearning to find an outlet. It can be...painful sometimes. How much your fingers itch  to just scrawl something down. It chases you in your dreams, invades your every waking thought. We’re artists, you and I, you must be able to get what I’m going through.”**

**His face relaxed then and the anger seemed to be scrubbed clean off of him, he gaped at me as though he was given a new pair of eyes. “I...understand,” he spoke slowly.**

**“You do?” I smiled sweetly.**

**The guard in between us looked at Blondie, and then back at me with this look of exasperation. “I am not going out to get you a crayon and some pieces of paper-”**

**“I’ll do it then,” Blondie interjected. The guard gaped at him in wide eyed shock. Blondie seemed shocked at his own words and he stared at the floor as though he could barely grasp what was happening himself. “I’ll...go get it then,” he looked over to me, “I’ll be back soon.”**

**With that he turned around and walked slowly off. The guard gaped after him and then groaned. “Blasted newbies,” he grumbled under his breath. “Have no second skin against the crazies.”**

**Without paying any attention to the rest of us, he turned around and slammed the door behind him, cursing quietly. For a moment, I could only stare listlessly at the closed door for a moment. He...was getting me something to draw with. He was getting me something to draw with!**

**That marvelous joy rose up inside me again and I twirled around with a wide beam. Bridgette was staring at me with an unbelieving expression.  “What?” I laughed joyfully.**

**A slow smile came onto her face and she shook her head. “Oh nothing,” she said in this bright cheerful voice that sounded as though she was mocking someone. Automatically I recognized the familiarity of her words.**

**I grinned back at my best friend, and sashayed back to the couch, staring anxiously at the door for when my source of inanimate entertainment would arrive.**

* * *

 

_“Hey, Ivy?” I asked warily I wasn't totally sure if we were on ok terms or not, you never know with Gothams rouges._

_“Yes, little gardenia?” Ohhhh I get a nickname! Ok back on track._

_“Do we ever get showers in this place of torture?” I asked fingering my gross kinda greasy hair. I looked over at Megan and she was looking at Ivy with an expectant and hopeful expression. In her hand was a  crayon and several pieces of paper that that blonde guard had bought earlier. I could tell that she thought he was cute and was flirting with him when she manipulated him into getting her the paper and crayon. Sure he was cute but he was so not the kinda guy I like, first off she's blonde and well I couldn't look past that major malfunction. Sadly I had high standards for the guys for me to even like, maybe thats why i’ve only had one slightly successful boyfriend..... emphasis on slightly._

_Keeping me from going on how not my type the blonde guard was, Ivy said with a small smile. “We get showers today actually.”_

_“Oh thank the Lord,” I said with relief. “I go crazy if I don't shower at least once preferably twice a day.” Then to myself. “Maybe thats why ive been acting so wacked.” But, I couldn't convince myself._

_“Twice a day?” Oh damn I recognized that arrogant voice._

_“Yes, Riddler twice a day. Thats what I said. If you don't believe me ask Megan she knows.” I looked at Megan who was nodding._

_“Yep,” she said popping the ‘P’ “Once in the morning and once at the end of the day. But, if its a really busy day she will only take one in the morning.”_

_“That seems a little extensive, little bird.”  Penguin interjected._

_I looked at him with a ‘Seriously?’ look “I don't recall anyone inviting you into the conversation.”_

_“No one invited Riddler either.” Megan pointed out. “Why aren't you trying to kick Him out of the conversation?”_

_I closed my eyes for a second trying to keep from going full freak mode. “Then, maybe everyone should stop talking.” I said_

_“That’s not on my list of things to do.” Riddler said looking at me smirk on his face “You still have a riddle to answer. And I still have a lot of questions for you.”_

_“Um, what riddle?” I asked forgetting that he even asked one, that is until I thought for a second._

_“I really don't think you let it slip your mind so fast. If you did then i'm finding that you are a lot less intelligent than I first thought.” His green eyes were boring into mine until I couldn't take it and I looked away._

_I frantically racked my brain for the riddle, for some reason not wanting him to think me a total idiot. Then there it was, something about a King, Queen, and Jester. Also about a common outrank. Maybe something about cards? “Oh! An ace!” I said a hint of triumph in my voice._

_“Two out of three, not too bad. But, could be a lot better primarily because those were some of the easier ones.” He said with a tad of ridicule._

_“Well, not everyone can be a genius like you.” I said with a annoyed roll of my eyes. As soon as I let those words out of my mouth I regretted them. Riddler had a grin on his face and he showed signs ego swelling._

_“Great job, now hes going to be even worse today because of that,” Sighed Crane finally looking up from his huge book looking at Riddler disapprovingly._

_“Oh, cause he wasn't already bad.” Ivy said with her own eye roll and looked at Riddler and Crane with a scowl on her face, then at me with a small tinge of sympathy. Like she knew something._

_I coughed awkwardly at her expression trying to decipher what she meant. Her eyes then went to the door to the rec room seconds before it opened._

_“Yay! Shower time!” Harley said excitedly and made her way to Ivy, Megan, and I. “Just a little warning its an open shower, no curtains.”  With that she grabbed one of mine and Megan's hands and proceed to drag us to the door._

_Behind us I heard Riddler say “Have fun,” my cheeks flushed at the suggestive tone._

__

_Harley finally let go of our hands when we found our way inside the bathroom my blush slightly faded but still there._

_“Ok, Harley Ivy you know the rules but we have new arrivals. 15 minutes for the shower you have one bar of soap for the month and you get to shower every other day. I made a sound of protest. “What is it?” I was surprised by the kindness in her voice._

_“Why only every other day?” I needed my daily shower!_

_“Thats just the rules, if it were up to me I would agree with you. You're all just lucky that you don't have to shower with all the other female inmates. Now I suggest that you get going we need to get all of you back to your cells soon.” She handed me and Megan each a bar of soap. I sighed with defeat and though ‘At least I get to shower’._

_To say it was awkward was an extreme understatement but I was just happy to feel clean and know that for sure all of the dirt and sweat was gone. I loved the warm water washing away all of my surface worries making me feel just a little bit lighter. When we got out and put on clean orange jumpsuits and underwear I realized just how awful the jumpsuit was, such a horrible orange that looked weird with my lightly tanned skin, that would actually look a lot better with more color but that was a concern for another time. My long waist length hair was making the back of it slightly damp and was starting to dry into soft waves. Oh how I want to wear regular clothes even though my friends from school say my fashion sense was a little too fancy for everyday. Hey its everyday for me! And I felt a little pang at the thought of all my other college friends who probably don't want anything to do with me anymore._

_We were being lead back to the cells when I wanted to ask Megan her opinion on something that has been bothering me since Joker said it. Probably a lot more than it should have. But, i'm a person that looks into things a little too much sometimes making it more complicated than it needed to be._

_I was figuring out how to word it when one of the guards addressed Megan and I. “You two will be staying in your cells while the others are taken to their psychiatrists. Arkham is still trying to figure out who should take your files and you can't have the first official session till your trial.”_

_“Then why was Bridgette taken in for one?” Megan asked eyebrows furrowed in confusion._

_“Procedure” Was all he said. Megan frowned at this lack of information._

_We were all quiet for a while and I decided I needed to ask Megan. I walked close to her and she looked at me knowing that I was going to ask a question, she knew me so well. “Why do you think Riddler and Crane are so........harassing?” I asked and made a face at myself for the horrible wording of the question. I don't know if I should be asking her but I felt extremely desperate for someone elses opinion on this, not just my over thinking thoughts on the matter._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visitor comes to ask the girls questions about what happened when they were arrested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go lovies the second chapter for today! If I forget again ill do what I did today and post the chapter that's due to you.

Chapter Four

“We do not so much need the help of our friends as the confidence in their help in need.”

-Epicurus (3rd Century B.C.)

_No matter how small or insignificant the problem is you can always count on a friend to help you through it. It might not even be a problem you need solving but you might just need them there to help you through what is going on. Friends are one of the main things that keep you not necessarily sane but, grounded so that you don't fly away like a balloon on a windy day. They are part of who you are no matter how much sometimes you don't want them to be, they help us figure out who we are and they help us through when we don't have a clue. No matter what happens you will always love them no matter what they do or you do, in the end you’ll ALWAYS find a way to keep a true friendship going._

**Did you know that our friendship used to be three? Things used to be amazing, as blissful as heaven. Until there was only us two. The only thing that keeps us somewhat sane in the end is each other. Back then, we used to be bathed in this glorious light, some of the best that Gotham had to offer. Until we were thrown in the shadows. The change was sudden and powerful, but we had each other to lean on. Standing by one another, we were able to remain on our feet instead of crumpled to the ground.**

**Once upon a time, we were connected by golden chains, but hard times forced us to be interlocked by shadows...**

* * *

**I blinked at Bridgette in shock.  My mind was still happily basking in the feel of water running down my spine. Music had been dancing unsung on my tongue. One of the very few times that I was aware of my urge to sing, I realized that I didn’t want to sing in front of them. It wasn’t Bridgette that I was afraid of. It was Ivy and Harley, people who haven't yet experienced my chronic singing. Arkham didn’t feel to me like a place for music. So I was going over dozens of songs in my head, repeating melodies over and over in my head again and again, not really paying attention to the white world around me. I couldn’t get my brother’s song out of my head, basking in the pure beauty of it. Bridgette’s voice was a rope thrown out to me, trying to reel me in from my Lala Land endeavor.**

**Placing my papers and crayon down, I plopped on my cot and pulled my knees close to my chest. A small smile spread on my face as I sang over to her, “What did you say dear?”**

**Uneasiness washed through the smooth white walls. Whatever Bridgette had said, she didn’t want to repeat it. “You heard me,” she said awkwardly.**

**Hm. Yes, my subconscious had heard it. Running through the words in my head, playing over them, analyzing them, soon an even bigger smile came over me. Poor, poor, ignorant Bridgette. “Well duh, silly, it’s because they’re interested in you,” I teased.**

**“But why?” she pressed on, with a tinge of desperation in her voice.**

**“Well poop if I know,” I shrugged. “Bridge, all of us humans were made to where it’s near impossible to decipher what goes in the opposite sex’s mind. Maybe it was meant to be that way, to make sure that we’re not too similar to each other.”**

**“Megan,” Bridgette sighed. “You know that answer isn’t good enough for me.”**

**Of course it wasn’t. My best friend has this natural inbred curiosity inside of her, where she tries to understand what is  going on around her. Knowledge is almost in a way, her Achilles heel. When she has a question and she wants it solved, she’ll go to the ends of the earth  to quench her thirst for knowledge. That’s part of why I like her so much: her adamant determination. She’s not harebrained like I am.**

**“Okay, okay,” delighted, I threw back my head with a laugh. “I see how it is. Alrighty then, let’s go through a list of Bridgette attributes and try to deduce which one it is shall we?”**

**“Oh dear,” Bridgette groaned, but I ignored her.**

**“Based on how superficial our society it is, let’s start with the things that are shallow. First off: you’re gorgeous Bridge.”**

**“But-”**

**“And I’m not just saying that because I’m your friend,” I interrupted her interruption. “You know that I only say things when I absolutely mean it. Every word I say is some shade of the truth, regardless of how ludicrous and absurd it may sound to those who hear it.”**

**“Yes, but Megan you only say what sounds like the truth for you. That doesn’t mean it’s real though.”**

**“Pfhhht,” I blew my lips with a raspberry. “Bridgette, I’m not going to sit here and convince you of what I think. Because it is honestly the truth, I don’t care what you say. Everyone thinks you’re beautiful, you just have to see everyone’s reaction. You capture people’s attention when you walk into the room.” Of course, she didn’t say anything. And I didn’t expect her to. Throwing myself backwards, I folded my hands over my stomach and stared up to the ceiling. “Alright...so that attribute didn’t go over well with you. That’s no problem, it’s conceited anyways. Now let’s go bypass society's standards for being desired and go to the stuff that actually matters. Secondly, you’re smart. Like, insanely so. You’ve always been a straight A student and you graduated along with the top of our class. If it weren’t for you and Cam,” I laughed. “There’s no way that I would’ve done as well in school as I did.”**

**“You’re smart too Megan,” Bridgette groaned.**

**“Yeah, but I’m a different kind of smart. I lack the motivation. Because of you, I actually care about that red number at the top of my papers,” I continued. “So, considering the humongous eggheads that Crane and Riddler are, it’s really no wonder that they’re interested with you on that level. And you’re funny too. Sarcastic, witty, and interesting. You’re a blast to be around.**

**“You know how I am, flitting around like a hyperactive hummingbird, settling on one friend before I get bored and fly over to the next. I get bored so easily, that it takes a lot for a person to make me stick with them. Most my of friendships start weakening in a few weeks, the longest they last is months. But you,” I broked off and smiled in nostalgia, “you never bore me, make me wonder about how much fun I could be having somewhere else. We’ve been friends for years; you’re so entertaining. I’ve been friends with you ever since kindergarten and never once did I consider leaving you behind. The thought of not being friends with you is insane, I couldn’t imagine having any more fun with anybody else. Anyone. And so...Crane and the Riddler must see that also. They must realize that you’re an amazing person Bridge, and in their own creepy ways, they’re trying to get in on the fun. They have the Schoolboy Complex, where the best way they can show their interest is through harrassment.To say at the very least they’re...intrigued by you.”**

**Bridgette was silent for a while, so long that I figured she didn’t hear me. Eventually the aggravating silence stretched on and I rolled forward onto my stomach, propping up on my elbows to glare at the wall. Here’s a small fact about me: one of my pet peeves is when a conversation is just dropped with no good reason. Fueling on a conversation is an easy task for me, but I still expect for someone else to stoke the flames, to urge them to climb on higher. Dead silence is enough to convince my mind of my ultimate fear...that I’m alone. And I can’t stand that. If there are people around me, I have to know before it gets to me. There has to be proof of the life around me, of me not being the only living and thriving person with blood pumping through their veins in the place.**

**Just as my right eyelid was starting to twitch, Bridgette’s soft voice came to me through the wall. “Oh,” she whispered simply.**

**It was only one word but it spoke a thousand emotions. In her voice was this soft spoken awe. She was taking in my words as if they were water and she was a dry sponge. I could hear the blush gathering on her face and...something else. Something hard to describe, an occurrence that words could just barely grasp. It was a spark, the one you get when a boy first says your name, when your fingers collide as you reach for the same thing, it’s...the beginning of something big. Something infamous to the heart, a handicap to the mind. I couldn’t be sure, I mean I couldn’t see my best friend’s face, but- Oh dear, was she developing a crush?**

**All from her saying one word, I thought to myself in shock.**

**Swallowing tightly, I kept myself from scolding her. This was insane what she was starting to feel. Things couldn’t have been any worse. Everything about it was just wrong, wrong, wrong. We were in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and she was becoming infatuated with the wrong people. This was ludicrous. It was absurd!**

**But those logical words were but a very hushed secret. They were lost in the roar of all my other thoughts, the songs, and the strong happiness. As soon as I thought of how this wasn’t right...I forgot.**

**Dazed, I blinked at the white wall, trying to reach for what was forgotten in my mind only to come back empty handed. Maybe this should concern me. I was becoming more forgetful than usual. Yet the grin on my face told me I was too happy to care.**

**With a laugh, I plucked up my previous drawings and made precise strokes at them with my pink crayon. The color was vibrant and pretty, not to mention thick. The bright side was, that when the side of my hand accidentally rubbed against the paper, there was no smudging. It wasn’t like charcoal where I’d have to draw with my hand specially posed. It was easy, and I could be as lazy and careless with my positioning as I wanted to. That’s a plus sign. But then, it’s so waxy. While the lines are colorful, there’s little awkward blobs of wax that I have to smooth over with my fingernail. The cheap wax could make the carefully drawn lines look crude in some places, until I work on them with some artistic determination. And not to mention that, but every mistake is permanent. There’s no erasing, no re-does. What I draw is what I end up with.**

**Making a small sound, I leaned back and held a drawing between my hands, displaying it in the light. I observed it with close scrutiny, before pinpointing some mistakes and diving in again.**

**“So Bridgette,” I started. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”**

* * *

 

_What Megan had said had threw me for a second and for some reason I started to feel tingly, like little sparks of electricity were making their way through my body expressing my.........pleasure at this situation. My cheeks flushed and not completely for embarrassment this time around. My mind quickly pulled out the file in my head labeled ‘Qualities to look for in the opposite sex’. Time and time again during High School and College I had looked for these qualities in the male population and to only find two with most of the qualities on my list. One completely failed and the other was my best friend’s brother._

_“Bridge?” Megan said through the wall separating us_

_“Oh!” I said “Well, actually I’m going through The File” I could feel Megan’s shocked expression staring into the wall and at me. The File was what I referred to when I found someone that could potentially fit my standards and while Megan knew exactly what it was, she didn't know what things lay in that file._

_“You are? You know i've always wondered what lays in that File of yours. Care to indulge a friend?” She replied almost reading my mind._

_“You really want to know?” I asked her. She has never given an outspoken statement as to wanting to know what The File consists of. But, I guess given the circumstances a lot of things are different. I mean I'm starting to have a crush on crazy, murderous, insane, intelligent, criminals, and at this moment I can't find myself to care._

_“Ya, Bridge! I want to know what it is you want in a guy!” She said this excitedly but had a tinny worried tone in her voice._

_I was a little wary for a minute but decided who better to know what I desire than my best friend? “Ok just promise no interruptions? And save your questions for the end?”_

_“I promise Bridge” She said_

_“Ok. The first thing is that he absolutely cannot be blonde. I don't know what it is but I really don't like blonde guys. He has to be taller than me, no exceptions. I don't like the plain brown color for his eyes they have to be green, blue, grey/silver, or hazel. He absolutely has to be smart, very smart. He has to be confident and want to take a dominant role in the relationship, yet he still has to let me be independent of myself. And above all he has to, has to be a guy that knows what he wants to do, knows what he is doing with his life, and knows who he wants to be with.”_

_When I finish Megan is silent in her cell for a while before replying “Wow, you really have it all planned out don't you, Bridge”  She laughed a little. “No wonder you haven't had many boyfriends.”_

_“Ya, thats why. All other guys don't fit the profile” I sighed and thought ‘From what I know right now Crane and Riddler fit almost all of the qualities.’_

_“Its kinda like you have a specific guy in mind with those qualities!” Megan said I could imagine her wide eyes as she was jumping to conclusions._

_“No. Actually I don't ever since I started to look at guys differently in 6th or 7th grade I came up with The File. Ok, enough about me though, what's going on with you Megan?” I asked trying to quickly change the subject. I’d been feeling a little uncomfortable ever since Megan told me that I was beautiful._

_“Oh, you know the usual. Trying to figure out what is going on around me, with only little success. I'd suck at psychology.” The sound of a grin in her voice was unmistakable._

_“Don't say that Megan! I know that if you put your mind to it you can do almost anything.” I never liked how she always said that I was smarter than her. There were actually a few times that I think that she’s the genius._

_“Hmmm, I suppose so.” She said doubtfully. I rolled my eyes at her, wishing I could burn a hole in the wall so that I could see her.  “And quit rolling your eyes at me!” She exclaimed_

_I gasped dramatically “I'm not rolling my eyes!” I tried to say this with my ‘Actor’ voice but failed, cause I suck at stuff like that._

_“I know you you're rolling your eyes.”_

_“True, you do know me so well!” The conversation died then and silence filled the cells and hallway. This is a rare thing to happen between Megan and I we could keep a completely random conversation on for hours and never get bored with it. It went so show how much was going on in each of our minds, how we're changing only after two days here._

_“Fine!” A voice said, a familiar one “Then bring them to one of the interrogation rooms! I need to speak with both of them now!”_

_“Sir, calm down. We’ll take them but you need to head there now so that we can explain. They have no idea that you're here. One of the guards will take you there.” Said a familiar female voice, Dr.Leeland_

_“You never even told them I was here! I have been here all day waiting for them because you said they were busy! And now, I figure out they don't even know of my presence!” The mans sounded really angry._

_“Sir,” Dr.Leeland said_

_“Fine, fine I’m going!”_

_I could hear heels clicking against the cold floor coming towards our cells. A guard appeared at my door, punched in the passcode, and came in to clamp my hands in cuffs. From Megans annoyed sigh I knew she was being cuffed too. We were lead out of our cells and faced towards Dr.Leeland._

_She gave a polite smile to Megan and I, I looked to the side and scowled at the floor. I don't like this woman right now. “We are taking you two to interrogation room 3, your lawyer and the lead detective on your case are here to talk to you. From what I understand both of you know who the detective is.”_

_Megan looked confused “I have no idea who it is.”_

_“Oh,” Dr.Leeland said “I figured that since Miss Paige found out it was her father that she would tell you.”_

_Megan shot me a slightly hurt look barely detectible with her smiling face. “No, she never told me.”_

_Guilt slammed down on me like a wrecking ball. “Must have slipped my mind.” I said quietly, not used to the accusing tone in her voice._

_“Well, now you know.” Dr.Leeland turned around and started towards the door. “Lets take you there they only have an hour left.”_

__

_We were at interrogation room 3 five minutes later; this place was huge. The guards ushered us in and closed the door behind us. I was met with the sight of my burly father standing uncomfortably in the corner and a man in a pressed suit going through papers that were stuffed into a briefcase that lay open on the table in front of him. The man in the suit looked up and my father was looking at us with an undecipherable expression._

_“Please sit down, we need to discuss a few things.” Suit man said. “We are pressed for time.”_

_“If those idiots that work here had their heads screwed on straight, then we would have a lot more time.” My dad put in face contorting for a second. Even with his intimidating exterior and his non-promising expression, I couldn't help the small feeling of relief at seeing him._

_Megan and I went to sit down on the two bolted chairs in front of the suit guy. My father went to stand behind him arms crossed making the muscles in his forearms bulge, he was always one to keep the higher ground not matter the situation._

_My father’s eyes locked with mine “Bridgette.”_

_“Dad” I replied. Swallowing tightly hoping that we hear some good news. I needed something good right now._

_“Ok,” Suit man said “We’ll start with your court date....”_

_My dad interrupted him. “We’ll start with where you are staying in here.” His deep voice had a what I say goes tone._

_“We’re staying in the ‘C wing’.” I said not knowing how he was going to react. Or even why he wants to know that, I’m sure that it was in the news or the workers here have spread the news_ _of where we are staying. ‘Staying, makes it sound like a hotel’ I thought._

* * *

 

**I can still remember the day I met Bridgette’s dad. It took me weeks to finally convince my overprotective mom that little first grader me was capable enough of having a playdate at her best friend’s house. Weeks, to sell her on the idea of one hour at a family’s house that she already knew. Finally, after mastering my puppy-dog eyes technique, I made my mom’s adamant resolve crack. For the first time ever since the miscarriage, I was going over to a friend’s house, instead of them coming to mine! Calling me happy wasn’t good enough. Heck, saying that I was ecstatic didn’t cover the absolute joy I felt!**

**Bridgette’s house was gorgeous. It still is, I mean. Mom’s hand was so tight around mine as she marched me up to that house, I could’ve sworn that the tips of my fingers were going purple. Attempts of her bribing me failed. She tried coaxing me with promises of going to the movies, getting some ice cream, or going ice-skating- all so that I would go back to the car. But none of that mattered and I dodged her attempts with gleeful ease. I was going to visit my best friend!!**

**This wasn’t anything special for Bridgette, really. Tons of friends have already visited her house before, I heard that she’s even had a slumber party or two. And Her, well...She’s been to Bridge’s house dozens of times by the time I finally got the permission to to walk up on her front steps. But, none of it mattered. I was seeing her then and I couldn’t be any more happy.**

**Her mom welcomed us at the door. She was polite and kind as usual, and her long hair was swept back into an elegant bun, framing her pretty face. I swear, her mom looked like the exact same as Bridgette, granted a little bit older. But she was drop-dead gorgeous. Or at least, before...**

**Mom grilled Bridgette’s mother, even though she’d seen her at dozens of school organized events. Then mom had morphed into this all-too-intense high-wire version of herself, where she found it her obligated duty to find out every single detail of this house, down to where and when they bought the shingles. Perhaps it would’ve embarrassed me. Perhaps I would’ve even been a little annoyed, if it hadn’t been for me looking to the side and catching a glimpse of Bridgette’s dad.**

**It had been my first time meeting him, and take in mind that I’ve always envied Bridgette’s parents. She had everything in perfect moderation: a dad who was more involved and a mother who was less overbearing. But when I first met him, I honestly wanted to pee in my pants.**

**Bridgette’s dad is powerful. He’s tall, strong, and sturdy; with the kind of courageous face you’d expect to see drawn on a painting of some epic battle. Everything about him radiates this kind of power and wisdom that isn’t just something that happens everyday. He was...is amazing. Absolutely amazing. And I’ve always looked up to him, something that has nothing to do with his tall stature. Needless to say, I was terrified of someone as powerful as he seemed in the beginning. I could tell that he loved his wife and Bridgette with all the affection he could give, but something about his steely gaze snapped some animal instinct in me to be scared. And I was for a little, until the tragedy occurred. It was a terrible blow. And eventually, I began to see Bridgette’s dad as more of a human than a god. It wasn’t because any of his superior power suddenly diminished, but more like I just saw...a weaker side of him. And in that weakness, he was still strong. Over time, my fear disappeared as I became a regular guest in Bridgette’s house, and her in mine. He became the father figure that my actual birth one was lacking in. I grew to love Mr. Paige, a man who I respected so much that I absolutely refused to call him anything but that.**

**But now...now in this humongous interrogation room, where a “mirror” concealed prying eyes staring at us, some of that old fear came back. I’ve seen Mr. Paige like this many times, where he’s seen a case that he’s determined to solve. There’s this certain feeling about him then that tends to leave you in awe. He’s amazing when he gets as motivated as this. But, it was another thing entirely when we were his case. This was a new perspective, an overwhelming angle that I have yet to see. So I couldn’t help but flinch when he snapped his powerful gaze at Bridgette, staring in absolute bewilderment down at his daughter.**

**“You want to what?” he ridiculed.**

**I couldn’t help but to gape at Bridgette also. Now I can be impulsive. Rash. Careless. I’m the kind who would happily dive in before first testing the waters. But what Bridgette just said was...insane.**

**Confused, I wrinkled my nose and echoed after Mr. Paige, “You want to what?”**

**My best friend met both of our horrified stares evenly, barely even blinking. “Megan and I are going to stay in the C Wing,” she repeated calmly.**

**“What!?” Mr. Paige yelled and something inside me exploded then. It was a scream so loud, so powerful that I couldn’t express it with sound.**

**A migraine suddenly sliced through my head and I curled my toes in on slippers, whimpering silently when- POP!**

**A light dramatically fizzled out in the corner, causing everyone to jump where they were and stare at the bar of darkness, warily watching for when it would consume us all. My heart wildly thundered for a moment in terror as I gawked at the dark corner, a wave of fear washing through me- Suddenly a cool fist closed in on me, relaxing me back into the steel spine of my seat. Again there was that eerily calm sensation rooting itself inside of me, one that wasn’t induced by a fit of giggles. Lazily, I blinked over to Mr. Paige, speaking before I thought, “I want to stay in the C Wing also.”**

**Mr. Paige snapped his attention away from the malfunctioned light and turned to stare at us in puzzlement. The man in the suit shivered and directly avoided look us in the eye. Running a tongue over his bottom lip, Mr.Paige looked to the ground for a moment and sighed through pursed lips before looking back up at us tiredly. “And may I ask, why exactly do you two want to stay in that wretched place?”**

**A calm smile came onto my face as I met Mr. Paige happily in the eyes. The coldness was still there, biting at me with this strange fierceness, twisting around thoughts in my head. But it beat the terror that was coming over me earlier. I rarely experience an emotion like that. I don’t know what would happen if I were to.**

**“Because daddy,” Bridgette smoothly explained. “I think that it would be a waste of time for you to indulge your energy in getting us something as mundane as a new cell. That would hardly solve this situation we’re in.”**

**“It’s time that would be better spent in investigating the case and trying to prove our innocence,” I supplied also.**

**Mr. Paige warily blinked and focused his burning gaze on each of us individually, the intense stare lingering on each of us for a few seconds. For a moment that ball of ice inside my chest started to warm. Finally, he just closed his eyes and shook his head. Marching around the suit-clad man, he leaned his burly arms onto the table, fingers spread wide across the cool metal. Furrowing his eyebrows, he looked down at our reflection instead of into our eyes.**

**“Are you both positive that you want to stay in that wretched place? I could get you situated in a much better living environment, one that is more...suitable for you two. I could do that in an instant.”**

**Bridgette determinedly swallowed. If there’s one thing that she got from her dad, it would be a stubbornness. It’s safe to say that a whole lot of it has rubbed off on me also. “We’re positive,” she nodded affirmatively.**

**Mr. Paige’s shoulders tensed. Clenching his fists to where white knuckles bulged out of his tan skin, he raised his eyes to look at us. It was easy to assess that he wasn’t pleased. “I don’t think you know what you’re saying. Bridgette,” he moved his eyes over to me also, “Megan. What you two are doing is ridiculous. You’re opting to remain with insane homicidal criminals, where you’re no doubt treated like dirt, instead of a nicer place in Arkham.”**

**Spoken from his lips, what we are doing did sound silly. Anything that comes from his mouth sounds eloquent, intelligent, and overall-right. Part of me wavered in my decision. But the coolness directed me to latch onto his last sentence, where he spoke this mind-boggling paradox. A nicer place in Arkham. Was there honestly such thing as that? It’d be like saying that there were townhouses for the regular citizen someplace in hell. Nice and Arkham didn’t go hand in hand.**

**Swinging my legs back and forth, I couldn’t help but smile. “We’re confident in our decision sir,” I spoke self-assuredly.**

**His eyes widened as they took me in. He honestly couldn’t believe what his daughter and her best friend were doing. Something told me that his daughter and best friend would have the same shock later on. Breathing in through his nose, he abruptly straightened up. Running his hand through his pepper-colored hair, he spun on his heel and I could hear him mutter a string of curses. “Fine, fine. No getting through to you two.”**

**Success tingled through me, as addictive as any drug out there. Winning an argument with Mr. Paige...this should go down in the record books! Not only that, but the history books!**

**Mr. Paige marched around the room, regaining his bearings before he tiredly turned back to us. “Okay...that aside, let’s begin to work on your case.” Sliding a slim silver voice recorder from his pocket, he placed it neatly on the table, turning it on with a press of his thumb. “Describe to me the day of the incident up to now.”**

**Bridgette and I exchanged a look. Something of a nod passed between us and Bridgette looked back to her father.**

**“It started with both of our laptops blaring a notification...” she started. “It was an email from the University, telling us that their pipes bursts last night and repairs were to begin immediately that morning. All classes were cancelled so we had the day off...”**

**“...We decided to go roam Gotham,” I filled in for her. “It was going to be a blast. I was talking Bridgette into going down to the hospital and donating some blood for a free donut, and then later on we could hopefully swing by a shoe sale, maybe go to a club after...”**

**Due to the limited time we had for the interview, not that much was said. Bridgette was just starting to describe us being hauled into Arkham, when a brassy knock at the door alerted us that it was time to go. We were saying our goodbyes to Mr. Paige when the strangest thing happened...he gave us a hug. Something about him seemed different when he pulled away to give a forlorn gaze at his daughter. She is the only one he has left, the last reminder that he has of the woman he was in love with. Without Bridgette, he’s going to be alone. Instantly, I tore my gaze away, feeling as though I was witnessing something intimate and forbidden.**

**The guards marched us back to the cell, and with each and every step we took I could feel that ball of ice inside me melting into droplets of warm water. I felt as though I was under a layer of blankets when we finally came back, everything was so fuzzy, and I gratefully collapsed back into my cot. Everyone was back by then and we were welcomed with the ever so colorful greetings that came attached to this odd bunch. I barely managed to murmur a subdued hello before I went to sleep, crayon drawings spread about like flimsy little blankets.**

**Before blackness enveloped me, a strange inspiration made its way to my attention. Just as I was starting to slip away, my fingers were itching to draw a person singing in the rain, a girl whose face I’ve been desperately trying to forget...**

* * *

 

           _I was sitting in my cell trying to figure out what had just come over me to tell my father to let us stay in the C wing. It was completely absurd! I could have gotten a one way ticket away from these crazies, and I completely ruined it! Then a nagging voice in the back of my head said; But then you wouldn't be around Riddler and Crane anymore. Not able to see where all of this with them will end up, they are two of the few that fit most of your wants. You want to be here and you can't deny it. You LIKE all of this, you crave it. I shook my head and with a sinking feeling I knew that that was completely right. I don't want to leave the C wing, unless I can get out of Arkham completely and I don't see that in the near future. I sighed and rubbed my temples and lay on my bed hoping to get some sleep before the next meal._

_With a small gasp of realization I realized that I've hardly eaten a bite of food (If it can even be called that) since I arrived here. “Maybe I can choke my way through a few bites so that I at least don't die of starvation.” I whispered to myself before I let the sweet relief of sleep claim me._

_$$$_

_“Dad!” I called skipping down the stairs quickly I reached the bottom and saw my dad with his head sticking in the fridge. “I'm going out, I'm going to pick Megan from her house and we are going to go hangout with Emily.” I snatched my keys from the kitchen island where I dumped them earlier._

_“Did you ever think that I might not let you go?” He asked and came out of the fridge with a glass of water and a large sandwich._

_“Oh come on dad, please.” I said leaning over the counter and giving him a pleading look. “I haven't seen either of them in the last two days!”_

_“Alright, fine. But, make sure that you bring your pepper spray and that taser I got you for christmas.” He gave me a stern look. When I gave the pleading look he caved instantly, unless the situation was serious._

_“The taser?” I groaned “Isn't the pepper spray enough?”_

_“If you don't bring the taser then you can't go. And no, pepper spray is not enough, especially in Gotham. I'd give you a gun if I could.” He took a larger bite out of his sandwich, looking at me with his steely eyes._

_“Ok, ok fine. I’ll take the taser.” I reluctantly agreed, grabbing my purse and taking the taser out of one of the drawers in the kitchen. “Bye, dad. See you later.”_

_“Bridgette, be careful ok? I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you.” He looked at me and his face showed the rare tenderness that he usually keeps inside._

_“I will, dad. I always do, you taught me to be almost as paranoid as you.”_

_“Better paranoid than dead in an alley.” He grumbled_

_“Thanks dad. Great note to leave on.” I rolled my eyes and slipped out of the door and into my black Ford with the windows tinted as much as was legal. I pulled out of the driveway and sped towards Megan’s house, making sure to slow down when I was possible to be seen coming down the road. Megan's mother was so protective that if she saw how I really drove Megan would be banned from ever being in a car with me._

_I drove up and honked the horn twice to signal that I was there. Megan came rushing out of the house with her bag trailing after her and her black heeled boots pounding the pavement. She wore dark wash jeans tucked into the boots and a stylish embroidered brown shirt to match her cute vintage bag. She slid into the car and as soon as the door slammed I drove away from her house._

_Megan took in my outfit and said “Geez, its like 10 degrees out there and you're wearing that? I'm surprised Mr.Paige didn't send you back to your room to change.”_

_“Ya, so am I,” I replied speeding up because we were out of her neighborhood weaving my black car around all the cars that were too slow. I was wearing well worn light colored jean shorts that came just above mid-thigh (One of my longer pair. It is cold outside) my favorite pair of black ankle boots, and a long sleeved loose black shirt with a silk tie to accent my waist and a scooped neckline._

_“So, what have you been up to these last two lovely Gotham days?” Megan asked holding onto her seat for dear life. She hated the way I drove, always telling me she was surprised that we were still alive or not in jail._

_“Oh, you know the usual. Helping the GCPD try and stop the endless crime that festers everywhere.” I said off handedly. I gave some of my developing skills a use by helping the police with whatever was needed at the time. Filing, examining evidence, to even getting everyone donuts._

_“Yep, typical.” Megan told me with a smile. “How could I have figured that you were doing anything else?”_

_I don't know.” I said with a wondering look. “And I suppose you were taking your coffee getting and occasionally writing a small article internship to the next level?”_

_“You know it!” She said brightly. After she said those words I slid into a tight spot outside of the building that Emily lived in, effectively cutting off another car that was trying to get into the spot as well. Megan gave me ‘the look’_

_“What!?” I asked “If I didn't do it it would have taken forever to find another spot that is not at least a mile from here.” Megan sighed but got out of the car._

_We went to the door and buzzed Emily's apartment, she has her own but it was right across from her parents apartment. The door buzzed open after her staticy voice called out “Its open! I'm in the middle of a shower so I won't be out for a few minutes!”_

_I took the stairs two at a time to hurry to her apartment. Even in buildings here it was dangerous, I burst into the door and was met with the sounds of the Gotham news. It was covering a story about two big time criminals that were caught robbing one of Gotham's larger banks, and how it was so rare that two were found working together._

_Megan burst in seconds later, slamming the door behind her and giving me a pout. “You don't have to run!” She exclaimed_

_“I wasn't running!” I protested “I was speed walking”_

_“It was running” She grumbled and went to Emily's kitchen to get a glass of water._

_I sat at the couch in front of the TV and payed attention to the screen; “The two criminals caught today were the notorious Scarecrow and Riddler, otherwise known and Jonathan Crane and Edward Nygma. They were using their combined knowledge of the bank to break into the vault and steal the money hidden inside. But, before they could make off with the money Batman and Robin stopped them, foiling their plot.”_

_“Dang,” I said over the sound of the running shower and the continuing report “If I ever saw any good looking criminals it’s those two.”_

_Megan plopped down beside me and gave me a perplexed look with a gentle swat on the arm. “Those two are murderers and thieves! You hardly think anyone is good looking, and now you’re saying how hot they are. You need help in the guy department.” She said the last sentence with extreme seriousness that she rarely has._

_In the background the shower shut off and we waited a few minutes and the door opened to reveal Emily and right away she said. “There are some things that I need to talk to you guys about.” She looked dead serious and a tad bit nervous._

_$$$_

_I woke up breathing heavily and the sound of crackling was heard and the smell of burning fabric reached my nose. I sat up quickly and batted out the small flame that started where my hand previously was. How did that happen!?_

_“Alright prisoners you know the drill let’s go, you all know what time it is so lets get this over with. I want to get home early, so hop to it!” The now familiar yell of one of the guards said cutting through my thoughts of trying to figure out how a small fire had started on my blanket._

* * *

 

**The shouting had pierced through my sleepy fog and I sat up on my bed groggily. Sleep weighed down my eyes and I blinked around my cell drearily. The smell of smoke made it’s way to my nose and I cringed. Oh please tell me that this was a sleep-induced delusion. The smell of smoke has always been unpleasant to me. Unless it was the wonderful aroma of wood burning, I disliked it. Birthday parties have always had a slight twinge of unhappiness, because as soon as I blew out the candles strong grey smoke was set free to swirl around the room. I’d have to wrinkle my nose and pretend to be happy while everyone breaks out in applause. Putting on a fake smile is natural to me, so at least the discomfort isn’t too bad. Don’t even get me started on cigarettes, though...**

**There was a loud beep and my cell door swung open. Sleepily, my eyes roved over to see Goldilocks standing there. Automatically the memory of Bridgette’s “File” filled my head and a slight giggle slipped out of my lips. “Whaz goin’ on?” I slurred.**

**His silver eyes blinked and he shot a glance back into the white hallway. “The smoke detectors picked up a fire,” he answered me disinterestedly. Same as earlier, he seemed dreadfully tired. At least I could sympathize with him on that level.**

**“Awl righty then,” I drawled and swung my legs over. “Next time though,” I yawned, “could you please press the snooze button?”**

**Tiredly I sashayed out of my cell, running a hand through my rustled hair.**

**“Wait a sec,” he placed a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around. On one finger hung a pair of  silver handcuffs, and he blinked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”**

**“Aw,” I pouted with a roll of my eyes. “Honestly, I’m not going to escape or try anything. I’m exhausted. This is a double espresso kind of tired.”**

**Something seemed to flicker in him then. “I know...” he said slowly. At that something tightened in him again. “It’s policy though.” And before I knew it, once again chains binding my wrists together.**

**Redness was starting to encircle my wrists where the jumpsuit didn’t cover my skin. Faintly, I could feel a pain where my skin was going raw. Quietly I sighed and looked to the side, honestly annoyed, when there was a shout.**

**“Hey, get your hands off of me!” Bridgette shouted and I gasped just as she was being shoved out her cell. Her body went flying across the hallway and was slammed helplessly into a wall, where she painfully slid down with a groan. Before I could so much as scream, a humongous guard came out barrelling after her like a freight train. Just as she was starting to lift up her head, a large meaty hand clasped some of her long hair and slammed her face into the ground.**

**That cut it.**

**“GET AWAY FROM HER!” I screeched and tore after the guard. My hands were awkwardly clasped in front of me, but I displayed them like brutal weapons. I’ve never fought anyone before, but the rage and the passion was so strong inside of me that it hardly mattered. I was going to rip that guard’s eyes out and serve it to him as breakfast, then-**

**Suddenly there was a hand on my arm and I was thrown to the side, slammed against a wall. “Let go of me!” I bellowed, but arms pressed me against me firmly, restricting my movements.**

**“Don’t do anything you’d regret,” Goldilocks advised and by the tone of his voice, it was obvious that he really thought he was helping me out.**

**Ugh, could people be any more ignorant!? This loser was definitely going to get a big helping of a la mode eyeballs for breakfast tomorrow!**

**Screaming out infuriated complaints, I squirmed around painfully, managing to turn my head to my right cheek and watch my best friend helplessly. The disgusting guard got down low and pressed one of his knees against her spine, twisting back her arms at an almost impossible angle to cuff them. I could see Bridgette’s face, twisted, as she kept herself from crying out in pain.**

**The fury was so strong, so passionate, that my teeth started to chatter. How dare they do this to her!? She didn’t deserve it! Not only was she thrown to rot in rathole like this, but now they were...assaulting her! UGH, don’t they see that there are more pressing criminals to be dealing with here!? People who actually deserve this torment?**

**“Let. Me. Go,” I seethed furiously, not able to tear my eyes away from poor Bridgette.**

**“Not yet,” the guard quietly whispered and then more loudly announced, “Hey Joe, what’s going on here?”**

**“I came in her cell to get her out for the drill, only to find that her blanket was on fire,” Joe growled and yanked Bridgette up to stand.**

**“So that automatically justifies you hurling her around like a rag doll!?” I screamed at him, although I was honestly shocked. A fire...in Bridgette’s cell? I honestly didn’t know what to think of that, it must’ve been so terrifying for her to wake up to it though. Poor Bridge, I thought to myself, mourning from the drama she’s just recently endured.**

**Mr. Enormous Handsy Man flashed his eyes over to me to give me an acidic glare. I glowered back at him, wishing that my eyes could be lasers that bored into his thick-headed skull. The freak. The monster. He has serious anger management issues and he finds himself to be worthy, walking down the halls freely, whistling as he swung a baton in his hand!?**

**“I’m ‘hurling her around like a rag doll’ because she obviously set the fire. She intended to start this drill,” he snapped angrily.**

**“Oh my God, so you’re accusing her of being a pyromaniac?” I barked at him. “You idiot! You can’t grasp the freak that you see anytime you look in a mirror, so you decide to try and find it in others! If you really want to see someone who deserves this, just let me at you and I’ll-”**

**Goldilocks dug an elbow into me, cueing my overactive mouth that it was time to shut up. Ugh, this was just so exasperating!! I was fixing to ignore Mr. Prince Charming here and go on grilling the monster guard when Bridgette made a violent shake of her head. Don’t, she mouthed.**

**There it was: the parade of my revenge, suddenly cut off in the middle of it’s furious march.**

**The rolling ball of fury halted in my head and I clamped my mouth shut into a thin line. Angrily I panted and glared at the floor, hating this, hating everything, when it suddenly clicked. I started shaking. Wait a second...I’ve never felt this angry before in my life. Ever. Not when Billy Benson went around telling everyone that I was dating him, an immature act that didn’t belong in the eighth grade. Not when some nastily jealous people spread around a terrible rumor about Cam, almost making it impossible for him to graduate. Not when She went selfishly went prancing around, corroding everything that I once held dear, leaving so suddenly that I felt the most empty I ever have in my life. But not only was this anger...rage so fiercely strong, but I felt violent with it too. Like I wanted to not only kill the guard but draw out his torture in a gruesome fashion, revel in his screams, all for the sake of him daring to lay a hand on my friend. In a second I became...murderous. Graphic images were still flitting around through my head, tainted with blood, quivering with enragement.**

**Oh my gosh... I blinked in absolute horror. What am I becoming?**

**A wave of disgust washed through me and I felt.... I didn’t even know what I was feeling. What Joe did was terrible, awful. He’s an absolutely despicable human being and this new hatred that I know possesed was directed solely onto him. But...but what I was thinking was...even more terrifying. It was as if I wasn’t myself.**

**Goldilocks seemed to sense my shock and his arms loosened.  Loudly he announced, “Okay. I see your point.” My shoulders stiffened as more waves of anger pummelled through me. Shuddering, I closed my eyes and bit down on my lower lip until I could taste blood. Usually the taste of rusty metal on my tongue was revolting, but this was what I wanted, wasn’t it? I was only getting what I sadistically craved. “But can’t you let her go now? Was there even anything in there that she could’ve used to set the fire?”**

**Tenseness stiffened the air as Joe considered this. “No, but it had to be-”**

**“I just searched her room,” a new voice announced and I opened my eyes to see a new guard exit from Bridgette’s cell. “There was nothing in there that could’ve possibly started the fire.”**

**My body loosened in relief. I knew that she wasn’t guilty, I just knew it. I could feel it in my bones. Shakily, I smiled, trying to hide the pain of witnessing the guard attack Bridge.**

**“Oh so what?” Joe quipped. “Are you suggesting that there was just a spontaneous combustion?”**

**New guard shrugged in nonchalance, honestly seeming the slightest bit bored with the whole ordeal. “Stranger things have happened here.”**

**Joe’s black eyes widened as he heard that. Angrily, he threw his gaze to the side and embarrassment flanked his face. Anger still tensed every visible muscle in his body, but know it was no longer justified. He had just needlessly raged on an innocent young girl, and the disturbing truth must be settling in.**

**“Fine,” he said thickly under his breath. “But all of you,” he wheeled his attention to all of us, moving a roving finger to each of  our unblinking heads, “are now on probation. Until we get to the bottom of this, there’s no Rec time, no going outside, and no showers. You’ll shuffle your miserable selves out of your cells, straight to the cafeteria, and straight back. Understood?”**

**My jaw tensed as I slowly nodded. The rest of the Rogues blinked back at him with stoic expressions, the most emotions they showed was wrinkling their noses or furrowing their eyebrows. They weren’t pleased with this either. Definitely weren’t going to take this well.**

**“But, uh, Joe,” Joker raised his hand with a wicked grin spreading on his face. “What if we need to take care of some business?” He darkly chuckled.**

**Joe’s eyes widened and the right corner of his upper lips twitched. “That’s it. Forget it,” he snapped. “I’m done with the C-Wingers!” With a contorted face, he marched off through the hallway, everything shaking in his wake.**

**“We’ll uh miss you Joe!” Joker chortled and waved him off. With an innocent expression, he turned to Harley and shrugged. “I was only asking if I could to the restroom. Can’t imagine how he’d react to the actual business I’d usually conduct!”**

**The tenseness in Harley’s face dissolved and she let out a giggle. “Aw, don’t take it so personally puddin’! He must be havin’ some problems at home.”**

**“It’s a shame. Never your personal life affect business, I say!” Joker responded merrily.**

**Everyone else stared after the rampaging Joe for a moment until his large figure finally rounded around a white corner and disappeared. Part of me visibly relaxed and I let out a sigh of relief, all the murderous urges leaving me in one breath. Good...that was close. I was actually beginning to think that I belonged here.**

**The guards calmed everyone down and ushered them back to the orderly line, trying to sustain some normalcy in the recently developed chaos. Bridgette though stood in the middle of the hallway, blankly staring off in the distance, her expression far away. Something unrecognizable flickered across her face for the slightest second, before she frowned and shuffled off to follow the others. Guess it was my cue. Loosening my fingers, I started to take a step towards them but was suddenly stopped when I was still held back by arms.**

**“Um...” I said quietly. “You can let go now Goldilocks.”**

**A blush consumed his face and he stepped back immediately. Running his hand through his hair, he looked away from me. “Ah...sorry,” he apologized awkwardly.**

**I blinked up after him for a moment, part of me vaguely amused before I soon found myself bored with his face. Sighing slightly, I turned around and made my way over to Bridgette, creating a spot next to her.**

**I was totally clueless on what to say. And that’s so absolutely rare for me. But I mean, what do you tell your friend after they’ve been attacked? What words could soothe over that drama? How could you assure them that nothing would ever happen like that again when you yourself were worried?**

**Bridgette started down at her toes, as silent as a mute. I watched her brokenly, barely recognizing my best friend. Running a tongue over my bottom lip, I softly nudged her. “Hey,” I whispered quietly. She ignored me, hazel eyes downcast. Everything about her was completely unreadable, I was unsure on what to do. She was just a blank, white page and I was the person left with trying to read the story’s inscribed on it. “Bridge,” I told her softly, throwing out her nickname like it was a lifeline. Taking the bait, she softly exhaled and slowly rolled her eyes up to look at me. In her eyes I could see the pain, the humiliation, all the course emotions running through her head from what she’d just been through. Pain ricocheted through my heart, yet another emotion that I rarely allow myself to have. My poor best friend... A surge of defensiveness rushed through me as I desperately ached to throw an arm around her, pull her in for a hug. I had failed to protect her... Voice cracking, I shook my head with a hoarse voice and said, “I’m so sorry.”**

**It was lame. It was pathetic. After what Bridgette had just gone through, words as measly as that wasn’t going to help her out. But nothing else came to mind. I was truly sorry for her.**

**Bridgette took me in and I could tell those gears of hers was spinning wildly around in her head, regardless of how numb she was trying to make herself be. After a few seconds of silence, she quietly replied, “I know,” and looked back down to her feet, “me too.”**

**Thousands of sentences sprinted through my head, and I severely wanted to say something else. It was my job to make her smile. It was a skill that I usually easily possessed. But now, all that I could do, was reach out and squeeze her fingers with mine. Something seemed to flicker in her then from the kind touch, but it was quickly extinguished. I feel like I’ve lost her.**

**Something was called out and before I knew it, the line was moving. Barely looking at me, Bridgette slipped her fingers out of mine and trudged away, leaving me to stare unclearly at her back. My bottom lip trembled and I started down a the ground, warding away the tears that I actually refused to shed nestled down at the pit of my stomach. I will not cry. I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry. Because that would be myself admitting that things were bad, it would be accepting the horror. And I absolutely would not do that.**

**Gratefully the hand of salvation reached out to me and scooped me up in its loving arms. A giggle rose up from inside me, spilling out of my lips chaotically. Soon my laughing crescendoed and caused people to stop and look back at me in wonder, unbelief etched in their wide eyes.**

**But I didn’t care at all. Throwing my head back, I laughed at the cold ceiling, feeling for the moment as though I was rising up when the truth was that I was sinking even further down...**

**A flood. It’s something that’s tragic, something that’s devastating. It could wipe everything clean with it’s roaring waters, washing everything away in a horrified instant. But devastations like this don’t happen with an automatic downpour. No, the heavens don’t release their waters all at once, shedding their tears in a solid sheet of devastating rain.**

**Instead, it all starts with just the slightest trickle...**


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Group therapy is soothing to the soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry ya'll about the rely! Here it is hope we get some feedback!

Chapter Five

  
  


“One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head    too.”

                                            -Friedrich Nietzsche

**“Bite your tongue,” is what my brother would always say. And I’d always follow his advice dutifully. Regardless of how I felt, I’d bite my tongue if I realized what I was going to say would be wrong. Out of character. And while people may say that’s dishonest, it was my only choice really. It’s what kept me from the edge for most of my life, what kept me sane. By locking in my emotions, everything was good. Smile through the pain. Smile even though you want to scream. Smile to force the insanity away. But, I had let myself be so unmeasurably unhappy, had let myself be dragged down to such depths. Before I knew it, all wards against the ticking-time bomb in my head came crashing down and I found myself slipping...falling down deeper into a  shadowy dark abyss that was going to engulf me.**

           _I’m one to tell people if they are doing something wrong. I feel guilty for telling them that but I have this feeling that if they don't know then they're going to make a problem a lot worse. I have a slight feeling of anxiety when you say something so plain and the person you're talking to says ‘What?’ When I was younger I used to let out my feelings of anxiety and frustration letting out an annoyed sound and storming away. I didn't want to deal with someone that doesn't understand simple things! But, later on I realized that not many people will like me if I kept doing that and storming away so soon enough I had pushed those thoughts to the back of my head locking them away so that the feeling of frustration would be muted and not so strong. I guess I should have known that if I kept things bottled and locked away it could get worse and could be expressed in much harsher ways. I should have known........_

* * *

__  
  


           *FIVE DAYS LATER*

          _The past few days consisted of me not physically avoiding Megan, but me keeping emotionally detached. I didn't want the comfort that she had to offer, or the calming words that I can see spinning in her head. Instead I wanted a comfort that i’ve never really experienced before, what with my lack of boyfriends. And something else far from innocent and basic human wants. Something dark was starting to swirl inside me and i’ve been trying to push it down but the darkness relentlessly pushed back, ever so slowly seeping into me._

_The first hint at this was the day after I was slammed into the wall by one of the guards. Some of the lower level security prisoners had gotten into a fight in the courtyard. And the guard who had shoved me was the first to arrive at the scene and the prisoners had ganged up on him and started to throw punches and kicks at him. There was a sudden gush of crimson blood as one kicked him brutally in the face. I found myself watching with the utmost attention wanting them to finish it to see his glassy eyes staring blindly into nothing to see his blood seeping into the cracks in the cement spider webbing away from his lifeless body. But, some other guards intervened before one of the inmates could finish the job sentencing them to solitary. I felt a surge of disappointment at the lack of more suffering on his behalf. Apparently, I was being watched while I relished the guards suffering. I turned my head to see Crane watching me a gleam in his eye and a small upturning of his lips from a distance. Along with that I had felt a sudden presence behind me and I had whirled around to find myself staring into Riddlers green eyes watching me intently he leaned forward and his breath brushed across my cheek._

_“The more I observe you the more complicated you become. I can't wait to see what lies inside that pretty mind of yours.” As he had said those words he brushed his fingertips across my temple staring into my hazel eyes his green one searching them for something. And he had abruptly pulled away striding towards the doors back inside with the others. Leaving me standing there a shudder of pleasure rushing through me and the faint sound of crackling._

_“Ah, the one week mark.” I said sarcastically staring down the TV like if I gave it enough of my annoyance it wouldn't be so staticy. My efforts went unsatisfied and I looked away from the TV trying to find SOMETHING to amuse myself with. My eyes roved lazily around the room taking in Crane sitting on one of the chairs a large book in his lap flicking through the pages, Harley sitting on an amused Jokers lap, Ivy tending to a small potted plant next to me (I don't even want to know where she got that) And on the other side of her Megan fiddling with her crayon decreasing greatly in size. I shifted my eyes away from her when she looked up somehow sensing my gaze. My eyes landed on Hatter and Riddler having a quiet conversation, my eyes narrowed in suspicion and Riddler looked up giving me a cocky smirk arrogance etched into his posture._

_“I'm glad you got past the first week. I find myself enjoying yours and Megans presence.” Ivy said looking up from her plant and at me._

_“Is one week special?” I asked her looking into her eyes the color of evergreen trees that looked like they were glowing like her skin that had a slight green glow that seemed to suit her greatly._

_“Its really special!” Harley put in. “It means that you get to participate in the group therapy session! And if you can survive that then you are definitely closer to being rouge material!”_

_Joker giggled under Harley making her bounce slightly in his lap. “It always ends with a bit of violence! No matter how much they try to stop it!”_

_“Lovely,” I said “Sounds like something to enjoy.” Sarcasm heavy in my words_

_“Oh! But it is,” Joker cackled “I wonder what's gonna uh, start the fists flying this time!”_

_“Most likely another under thought comment by the doctor running the session today.” Crane said slowly, shutting his book. The sense of finality came with the books low ‘thump’ he stood and set the book on the bookshelf that no one really touched except for him and possibly a few others. I was starting to consider looking over the titles out of curiosity and boredom, also the fact that I loved to read contributed._

_“So the violence usually follows a question or comment by the doctor?” Megan asked looking curiously up at Crane._

_“Usually,” He replied staring down at her with his icy eyes._

_“Aww! Don't be like that Scary!” Harley said brightly jumping off of the Jokers lap excitedly. “Its not always after a doctors comment! It could be after a response made to what the doctor said!” She said this like it made the fact of violence a lot better in the situation._

_I smiled slightly at her expression wondering what contributes to her reasoning on somethings. But, mostly because the nickname ‘Scary’ amused me. “Ya, scary don't be that way.” I said grinning at Cranes deadpanned expression as he stared at me over his glasses. “What?” I asked him innocently._

_“I would appreciate for you not to call me that. Harley saying that is more than enough.” During the past few days I had also gotten more bold with my interactions with Crane and Riddler loving to see the reactions that I sometimes got out of them._

_“Oh, but where would the fun in that be?” I asked him “I need some form of amusement. And it can't all come from Riddler.”_

_An amused laugh came from the corner where I had seen Hatter and Riddler earlier. Riddler was laughing at Cranes expense and Crane looked far from happy. Hatter scurried past him and closer to Megan a hopeful gleam in his eye. He had been trying to push his luck with that since yesterday._

_“If I were you I would think twice about that decision, Hatter.” I crossed my arms across my chest and glared at him._

_He gave me an angry and put out expression that didn't faze me in the slightest. “You can't keep me away from Alice for much longer. Red Queen.”_

_“Hmmm, is that a threat?” I asked tilting my head slightly like I was trying to figure it out._

_He boldly stood his ground. “Its a promise.” He said defiantly continuing the age old phrase._

_“Well, I hope you remember my promise, Hatter. I never back out of promises.” The threat in my voice was unmistakable and his posture faltered for a second._

_“As entertaining as this is. Its time for your group therapy session and Dr.Chase is waiting.”_

_“Oh, that buffoon?” Riddler asked displeasure seeping into his tone. “I wonder how he would fare in one of my mazes.” A crazed grin came onto his face as he thought about this Dr.Chase in one of his death traps._

_“Lets get going then. Don't want to keep the good doctor waiting now do we?” Megan said as she started to follow one of the guards out of the rec room._

_“No, I suppose we don't.” I said with a sigh as I followed her out the door getting my cuffs slipped back onto my wrists._

_We arrived at a generously sized room a semicircle of chairs were there with their backs to the steel doors and a blonde doctor that I recognized from when Megan and I first arrived at Arkham. I waited till all of the others took their seats before I sat down myself. Riddler and the Joker both turned around their chairs to sit on backwards. JOker rested his forearms on the back of the chair and leaned forward as much as he could as if excited about what was about to happen. Riddler rested his chin on the back gripping the sides of it with his hands and had on a mask of boredom. From the right of Dr.Chase to the left on his other side sat Penguin, Crane, Riddler, Ivy, now me as I sat down, Megan, Joker, Harley, Two-Face whom i've hardly paid attention to, and Hatter. The only rogues that were currently in Arkham._

_Dr.Chase gave us all a nervous smile. “Good day to you all.” I heard a scoff and I was sure that it came from the Riddler. “Ok, so lets get right down to business shall we.” He said with a slight tremble in his voice. “I would like to stare with what all of you think about our new arrivals to the C wing.”_

_“Very original doctor.” I said “Did you come up with that with the help of Dr.Leeland?” Come on don't these doctors have any originality? I'm sure that this was asked every time a new rouge spang up. The doctor looked uncomfortable but didn't reply to my comment._

_“We will start with you Penguin and make our way to Scarecrow till all of you have had your turn.”_

_Penguin cleared his throat obnoxiously, and I had a small feeling that I wasn't going to really like what he was going to say. “I like the little birds. They are the two of the prettiest of the flock.” Penguin said as he leered between Megan and I. ‘Yep, definitely had the right feeling with that I thought’_

_“Alright Mr.Crane its your turn. What do you think of the two new additions?” Dr.Chase was trying really hard to not seem scared, even with all the guards lining the walls and more that were for sure outside of the doors._

_“Its Dr.Crane.” Crane mumbled anger and annoyance in his voice. And he opened his mouth to express his thoughts._

 

* * *

      

  **I fidgeted in my seat. Okay...so I didn’t belong in here. Honestly, group therapy? And what exactly is this meant to achieve for a girl who is not insane? With a light sigh, I looked up to the ceiling as Dr. Chase made his dull introductions. I wish that he could’ve been more exciting. Like maybe if he had done a fireworks show and then do a choreographed tap dance into the room...now that would’ve stopped me from daydreaming. Although, I will admit... A slight smile crept on my face. It was strange how these past five days flew by so fast.**

**Usually I despise the movement of time. And by despise, I mean loathe. It’s the sign of the always approaching and ever so near end of all things. This moment, this life; it’s all just a brief and colorful flash in the span of time. In the end, everything means nothing at all. With a world that spins around twenty-four seven, we face an end of something dear and precious every second of every single day. It’s saddening, when you really start to think about it. Poetic, but...saddening. Yet I had allowed these past five days to creep by with absolutely no remorse. Instead of holding onto the moment, I let it go. Time slipped through my fingers like water, but instead of panicking, I had just relished in the coolness of it...**

**“...I would like to start with what you think of all our new arrivals in the C Wing,” the doctor’s trembling voice suddenly came to my attention, and I looked around with a slight tug of interest.**

**I desperately wanted for something interesting to happen. I thirsted for excitement like a person in the middle of a scorching desert would thirst for water. Lately, there’s been this nagging boredom that has settled over me and no amount of drawings, giggles, or songs could cure it. I’ve talked to each person here individually lately, but even someone as colorful as the Rogues wasn’t enough to capture my ever wandering attention. I needed something...something big.**

**Is it strange to say that I’m wanting the fight that Harley had promised earlier? Not that I want to be involved in it, I just want to sit back and watch everything unfold. Chaos can be really beautiful once you think about it...**

**It came to my attention suddenly that I was daydreaming again when I looked around to catch onto Penguin’s creepy leer and Bridgette’s annoyed eyeroll. For a moment, my eyes lingered on my best friend. We’ve barely talked ever since the fire drill. Anytime we do, it’s dry and transparent. We make small talk, like strangers. I can feel her pulling away from me ever so slightly, but I’m clueless on what to do. I’ve never been one to hold on. I’ve never been one to fight for a relationship. I’m usually the one who lets it go. But this gradual separation from Bridge does hurt me when I allow it to. Other times, like now, I let my eyes rove over her and feel the slightest bit irritated. As a girl who hates being alone, being ignored is about as nerve-grating as sandpaper against my skin.**

**I swear, if my lips weren’t so prone to smiling, I would’ve yelled at her a billion times over by now.**

**“Alright Mr. Crane, it’s your turn,” the doctor announced, looking uneasy. “What do you think of the new additions?”**

**“It’s Doctor Crane,” Crane responded in annoyance. “And I think that the new additions are...” His eyes roved between me and Bridgette, before he focused his iciness on Bridge with a smirk. “Interesting.”**

**“Care to elaborate?”Dr. Chase pressed.**

**Yes, I thought silently. Please do Doctor Crane.**

**Crane sneered as he looked Bridgette up and down. “I think that there’s more to them than meets the eye.”**

**Bridgette seemed slightly uncomfortable, but I could tell that by her blush she was enjoying this on some level. Unbelievable. Annoyed, I blew a raspberry and leaned back in my chair.**

**Unfortunately, I did that just a tad bit too loud.**

**“Care to share your thoughts on this Megan?” Dr. Chase questioned as he turned his attention to me.**

**Horrified, I gaped at him for a unbelieving second before swallowing my nerves down. I had to remind myself that I’m Megan Lane. Impulsive Megan Lane, who charges into any situation no matter what, raises her hand without knowing the answers, and plain out does things without thinking them all the way through. But then, who could really blame me? Excitement isn’t found in sheets and plans, it’s found in rushing into a moment and giving it everything you’ve got without worrying about the After.**

**A slight smile came on my face as I looked out Dr. Chase. “Why thank you sir, I actually really would,” I turned my attention to Crane with this inquisitive tilt to my head. Swinging my legs back and forth, this felt as fun as being in a playground.“And why exactly do you prefer to go by Doctor Crane, Scarecrow?” I addressed him, even though it wasn’t Scarecrow who wasn’t inhabiting his body right then.**

**With a flat expression, he turned to blink at me. “Because that is my title,” he responded blankly.**

**“Oh, but don’t you think that you kind of rid yourself of that title when you took a dive into the deep end?” I shook my head. “People like you are insults to my brother. He’s working hard for the title of being called a Doctor and he’s going to deserve it too. Unlike you.”**

**His right eye barely twitched. “I assure you that I went through the proper education.”**

**“Yeah. And I bet that you were brilliant with it also. Until you decided to go full-on whacko and turn on your very own students. So tell me Crane,” I leaned forward, “were you so dedicated to your patients that you decided to become just like them?”**

**Crane’s icy blue eyes narrowed in unmistakable annoyance.**

**“And also,” I continued, “what’s with your creepy obsession with Bridgette?”**

**“I find her to be fascinating,” he responded tightly.**

**“Mm-hmm. Fascinating,” this whole conversation was so wonderfully absurd that I laughed at it. “I’d be careful there Crane. A couple of years off and this finding her to be fascinating would be against the law!”**

**His jaw stiffened. “Are you implying that-”**

**“Okay, I think that we should drop this conversation,” Dr. Chase wedged in with a panicked voice.**

**That’s when I realized, that even just a few more sentences probably would’ve been enough for the poor man to pee his pants. Aw, poor overwhelmed Dr. Chase...**

**I swung my head over to him and tossed my hair over my shoulder. I could feel Bridgette staring at me in bewilderment, but the fact just barely processed in the ringing of my mind. I was having the most fun that I have all week, she couldn’t honestly expect me to obediently be pulled back with a leash! Oh no, not when the dreaded boredom was finally starting to lift away. “Poor Doc,” I cooed with a sympathetic pout. “Pressure of being a nut-cracker finally getting to you, huh? Don’t worry,” I winked at him, “I’ll take the reigns from here sir.”**

**“That’s not necessary-” he paled, but I cut over his trembling voice with my loud, booming one.**

**“Riddler!” I sang as though his name was a beautiful melody. “Let’s skip over the blushing school-boy tendencies and get straight to the point, shall we? You’re on the same boat as Crane, aren’t’cha?”**

**Amusement sparked in his face and a corner of his lips turned up in an interested smile. “And what exactly do you mean by that?”**

**“I mean that you find Bridgette,” I pulled down in my face in a dead serious expression and said as dryly as possible, “interesting. And fascinating.” Not able to pull of the crisp monotone for much longer, I broke into a grin and clapped my hands victoriously. “That was my Crane impression!” I cheered. “Could you guys tell?”**

**Joker loudly applauded. “Spot on! Excellent performance, I was nearly moved to tears!”**

**“That was pretty good hon, but if you really wanted to sound like him you have to be more boring,” Ivy drawled, with a curl of her red lips.**

**“Aw,” I placed a hand against my heart and pretended to tear up. With my free hand I frantically fanned my eyes and gazed at the ceiling with a dreamy expression. “Fans like you make what I do worth it! In the end, it’s not me that matters, but- you,” I placed both my hands on my heart and looked at them all lovingly. “All of you. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for you lovely fellows! And I- I...” I pretended to break down into sobbing and tucked my head into my knees.**

**“Um...” Dr. Chase stammered with uneasiness.  “How about we move-”**

**“And- scene!” I called, jumping to my feet and closing my  hand in front of my face. Rolling out my hands and extending my arms to the side, I bowed down low, basking in the adrenaline. A round of claps broke out from around me and I rose from a stand, throwing my hands to my mouth to feign shock. Joker whooped and pretended to hurl an invisible bouquet at me, which I eagerly caught. Plucking up an imaginary rose, I brought my wrist up to lovingly sniff the flower.**

**“Okay, okay, enough of the scene!” Dr. Chase stood on his feet, his face turning red from trying to calm everyone down.**

**Wistfully smiling, I tossed the invisible bouquet over to Harley, who happily squealed and threw her arms around a grinning Joker. “Alright Doc, I hear you,” I beamed and put a hand on a cocked hip, turning to smile at him radiantly. “I’m handing the reigns back to you, sir!” Rocking backwards on my heel, I looked at everyone happily. “Okay guys, let’s take it from the top, this time with Ivy doing her dialogue.”**

**“I didn’t get to say what I wanted to though,” Riddler added in.**

**“Aw, dear, I practically said all the words for you though! Don’t worry about it so much, I’m sure that good ole Doc here wrote down your reaction like a rabid reporter! Right Doc?” I grinned at him expectantly only to see his disappointed face look crestfallen. “Aw, Doctor Chase, don’t tell me that you didn’t write any of that down!” I exclaimed.**

**“I got so distracted that I...I guess I forgot,” he mumbled, ashamed.**

**My eyebrows quirked up in the middle, as they tend to do when I’m looking sympathetic. I tilted my head to the side and slowly nodded. “I understand Doc. Everyone makes mistakes, right? I’m sure that you can just rewind the security footage and gauge Riddler’s reaction then.”**

**Tightly swallowing, Dr. Chase’s Adam’s apple seemed to bob up and down in hesitation. Through his eyes, I could see him racking through all the training he’s done, trying to find the proper way to react to this. And just by doing that, he’s already reacted in the wrong way. Knowledge is power, but application is the real killer here. You can drown yourself in all the books that you want to, take as many classes as possible, but in the end if you can’t apply that to the world then there is no use for all that knowledge. As I say, an egghead is only so good as the yolk that comes out from inside them.**

**Heart pounding, I smiled as I took him in and how the light seemed to bounce off of his blonde hair, making it shine as though it were golden. I could almost get lost in colors like that and my fingers ached to paint it down, capture it on a canvas where it could live forever. Maybe a really good base and some shimmer on top would do the trick...?**

**“Ahem,” Dr. Chase awkwardly coughed. He was so polite with this whole thing. As though this wasn’t his circus to own, but a friendly conversation that he was trying to find his way into.**

**“Oh I’m sorry,” I gushed and sat down, reaching back to pull the chair beneath me. Instantly I folded up my long limbs to sit cross legged and propped my elbows on my knees, resting my chin down in tapping fingers. “Carry on,” I encouraged him.**

**Shades of a ghastly white danced across his skin, as opaque and murky as an egg shell. Letting himself delve into an interesting shade of red, he once again coughed violently and shook his head, turning over to Ivy. “So Ivy,” he began and his voice cracked. “What do you make of the newcomers.”**

**“Well Doctor,” she said in that thick voice of her, casting a warm spell around the room. “I find myself to enjoy them,” she answered with a signature sultry grin of hers and leaned back in her chair to cross her long orange-jumpsuit clad legs. “Because of them, this has been the most fun I’ve had inside Arkham for ages.”**

**A glow warmed inside my skin, as though a torch had replaced my heart. Ivy enjoyed us. Perhaps it’s strange that I’m valuing the approval of a notorious villain, but success rang inside of me all the same. If this were any normal circumstance, I’d be slightly creeped out if someone of Ivy’s stature were to say that she enjoyed me, but in this place... Well this was crowd I was running with nowadays. I was a lone wolf and they were the top pack. Arkham is no place for pickiness to flourish, you just have to settle for what you have. The grey lumpy meals whose prime ingredient is school glue. The boring white walls that never seemed to be completely clean. And another thing that you have to come to acceptance with, is the people here. The insane villains, the grumpy guards, and the clueless therapists. They’re the cast in this insane play and as an extra, it was my prime duty to blend in.**

**So a smile teased my lips playfully as I thanked Ivy warmly, with genuine happy emotion. Running a tongue over my lips, I observed everyone from an artist’s perspective, soaking in the collage of colors like a dry sponge, trying to dive into at every single angle. Then, there came this thought in my head. It was so silly, so ridiculous, that I giggled quietly into my hand as Dr. Chase urged Ivy to elaborate. Man, what I had just thought really was insane! Honestly, just wrap me up in a straitjacket right now! But, all the same, despite common sense...I couldn’t get it out. It’s like that one forbidden thought you’d have, of the action you knew that you shouldn’t do, but the temptation was far too deliciously strong. I wanted to become friends with these strong characters. Not one that lasted for long, but just entertaining and sustaining enough to last me through these dreary Arkham days. This mania should be enough to wash me on the shore of normalcy with plenty of smiles to go around.**

**And besides- I looked around at them with the widest smile as I concocted my plan- these people certainly wouldn’t bore me anytime soon.**

**Devising my scheme step by step in my head, I happily twiddled my thumbs when suddenly, the words that Dr. Chase said latched onto my ever-wandering attention. “So Bridgette,” he announced. “What do you think about Arkham?”**

**My heart froze in my chest and my fingers quit moving. Tightly swallowing, something compelled me to look in my best friend’s eyes. As my hand slowly moved to the side, I was surprised to find that she was staring at me also, her lips slightly parted in surprise. For the slightest second, I could imagine that old spark between us, that we were once again friends by chemistry instead of by history. But then, I remembered how she has left me to practically fend for myself these past five days. How I’ve thrown line after line after her, desperate to reel her in, but she just ignored my bait. How she’s been blunt in refusing me to help her out. And that stubbornness that has buried me in so many holes during my life rose up again with more ferocity than ever before. I wasn’t going to forgive her that easily. For almost forcing me to do the one thing that I cannot handle, being alone, I found it hard to meet her eyes without my nose twitching in anger. Casting a blank expression on my face, I held her gaze for another second before looking to the side, as if I had gazed right for her.**

**“Well...” Bridgette started, her voice sounding thick.**

* * *

 

_Was I supposed to tell the truth? Did I want everyone to know what I truly thought? Or should I lie and make it seem like I was the completely innocent girl that was completely terrified of this place? The girl that was still perfectly fine? I took in Megans expression and saw a flash of anger in her eyes then her face went blank, she must be taking it pretty hard that I have not been so close to her lately. I suddenly felt a flash of annoyance towards her, she acts like its all my fault! What makes her so high that she can look at me like that. I can see how she plays that blonde guard like a violin! Shes not so innocent like she tries to make everyone think._

_“Well...” I said making my voice sound thick, like I was trying to swallow emotion. “I would find it a lot easier to be here if who I thought was my friend wouldn't send me dirty looks every time I glance her way.”  I looked away from Megan who I was staring at while I said that her face registering shock. “It feels like she's blaming me for something.” I directed this sentence towards Dr.Chance. I cast him a helpless look and made my bottom lip tremble. “Its like shes shutting me out.”_

_“Me shutting you out,” She said quietly. “I’ve been trying to reach out to you the last five days!”_

_“I guess you didn't try hard enough. Because, I never felt it.” I looked her straight in the eyes showing the truth in my words as well as showing her that shes not the only one that can play._

_“From my third party observation,” Two-Face unexpectedly put in. “You both seem to be distancing yourselves.” And he settled into his chair to show that was all he was going to contribute._

_“You never felt it.” She said in an even emotionless tone. “I guess you're pretty unobservant then.”_

_“Me? Unobservant?” I asked and delicately crossing one leg over the other, leaning my intertwined arms onto my knee, and looking up at her with a tilted head my long hair spilling over my shoulder halfway obscuring my face. “I seem to recall that you're the one that chooses to block out anything that seems unpleasant in the slightest. Deciding not to listen or pay attention.” I couldn't keep the edge out of my voice. Expressing how much it worried me she did what she did._

_Megan opened her mouth to retort but was cut off my a flustered Dr.Chase. “Alright thats enough.” He said “We don't want to say things we'll regret. I slowly straightened my back to look at the doctor a strange feeling washing over me. I unlaced my arms and stared at him gently folded my hands together on my thigh. He shifted nervously._

_I smiled at him knowingly “Is that what you said to your girlfriend when she found you with your mistress?” His eyes widened and he looked at me a completely freaked out look on his face._

_Surprisingly he didn't deny it he just said. “How do you know that?” His voice was quiet panic radiating off of him._

_“Looks like she knows more than she lets on!” Joker said a huge grin on his face looking between Dr.Chase and I like he was watching an interesting tennis match._

_“You’re not going to deny it doctor? Say that that is not what we are here for?” I gasped in mock surprise. “How highly unprofessional of you!”_

_“He’s never been one to keep to the rules.” Riddler said a frown on his face. “He tends to cheat.”_

_Dr.Chase looked like he was ready to bolt. “You're not cut out for this job doctor.” I told him sadly and stood up slowly making my way over to him and he blanched when I was a foot away from him. I looked down at him with a brief mocking smile._

_“Doc you look scared! Shes only a girl, still a teenager practically!” Said Harley giddily she looked delighted and eager._

_“Ya, doc shes only a TEENAGER.” Said Megan I looked back and saw her giving Crane and Riddler a meaningful look._

_I sighed through my nose and went to stand behind Dr.Chases chair, He tried to look back to keep me in his sights but I put my hands on either sides of his face and forced him to look forward. “What? You don't trust me? I won't hurt you, too bad!”_

_Megan was looking at me in shock and she stared into my eyes and something seemed to click in them a spark of understanding in her eyes. “G-g-guards!” Dr.Chase said weakly looking at the guards stationed around the room they didn't move not looking directly at him._

_“They're not going to do anything!” I sang “Every one of them have other......” I paused for a second trying to find the right word “....loyalties.” The strange feeling got stronger. I gripped Dr.Chases shoulders tightly and he winced. I smiled._

_“The Red Queen is being controlled.” Said Hatter looking at my hands gripping the doctors shoulders._

_“Now tell me doctor,” I cooed leaning forward and getting my lips closer to his ear so that only he could hear. “How many volts of electricity does it take to kill an average human?” He whimpered and tried to struggle out of my grasp, my fingers tightened on his shoulders and I felt layers of his skin give way. I giggled, “I myself don't know that fun fact yet!” I let go of his shoulders and stood to my full height. Dr.Chase was trembling like a leaf and was as pale as a sheet of paper._

_“Can't take much can you doctor?” Ivy asked smoothly. “I guess I shouldn't expect much from a man.” And she waved her hand in the air dismissively._

_“Hey, I resent that.” Said Joker a fake frown on his face. “He is a weakling not all men are like that.” He looked at the doctor. “A little girl scared him!”_

_“Just more and more complex.” Riddler mused. “I have a riddle for you doctor. The one who makes it sells it. The one who buys it doesn't use it. The one whos using it doesn’t know hes using it.” He smirked at the doctor who was trying in vain to not look terrified._

_I sucked in a breath. “I know what it is! Come on doc, its simple!”  His eyes shifted to the door and to Riddler who was grinning knowingly. I walked away from him and sat back down watching him tremble in fright. I caught a glance at Crane who seemed to be Scarecrow at the moment looking at the doctor with a hungry expression._

_“Yes, its childs play.” Riddler said shooting a narcissistic grin at me and turning his attention back to the unresponsive doctor. “It should be simple for you.” Dr.Chase didn't reply and Riddler leaned back into his chair with a defeated sigh. “It seems that I overestimated your level of intelligence.”_

_“Dr.Chase?” I said he turned his wide eyes to me. “Its a coffin.” As soon as those words left my mouth Dr.Chase's eyes rolled back showing the whites of his eyes and he fell heavily out of his chair. The feeling from earlier disappeared like it was never there and I felt a ripple of guilt go through me but like when ripples go across water when something is dropped in it went away. I felt a little uneasy, that guilt shouldn't have gone away, I freaked out the poor man! I don't even know why I did that, I do know that I enjoyed it. And that scared me._

_“What a light weight,” Harley scoffed and went to stand over Dr.Chases limp form. She stuck out her foot and nudged his head with her shoe. She looked at me “You might be rouge material yet!” She skipped over to me and gave me a bone crushing hug squealing in my ear._

_“Um, Harley. Breathing is a good thing.” I told her when she didn't immediately let go._

_“Sorry!” She giggled and let go._

_“Harley, you need to be more careful.” Ivy said with a little smile on her face. “We don't want her to die of lack of oxygen.”_

_“I’m sorry! I just couldn't help it!” Harley plopped back into her seat and everyone stared at Dr.Chases unconscious form._

_I raised an eyebrow “What now?” I tore my eyes away from the Dr.Chase and looked around, eyes landing on a smirking Riddler and a intrested Scarecrow. The last few days i've found my eyes gravitate towards them and I end up watching one of them unknowingly and only notice when someone says something to me or they turn their eyes towards me catching me staring. I usually end up blushing from my boldness. And Riddler without fail will always give me a grin that says ‘Ya, I know i'm hot’ and I roll my eyes at him and his grin always would get wider._

* * *

 

**Sigh, I seriously regret the years I spent at school. I mean, it was where most of the social interactions in my life did occur, so that’s a definite point for them. But despite that, it still falls short. While something as pointless as the Pythagorean Theorem was drilled into my head needlessly, I never learned any life skills. Like getting a job. Paying the bills. Or the proper reaction to when your friend basically assaults a guard. In school, I was never taught how things could drastically change in the span of just a few measly minutes.**

**I mean, honestly...was that taught during Health Class? ‘Cuz I kinda did zone out during those periods.**

**Bridgette’s eyes rolled around in annoyance in her head at something Riddler did, and she then scanned the room. When my best friend’s eyes landed on me, a blush engulfed my face. Oh my gosh...what has just happened? I remember when I said that I was bored and how I wanted for the infamous argument that Harley said would happen to occur. But...I didn’t want my best friend to be the one who starts it! I didn’t want my boredom to be distracted by something like that. While that may have been extremely entertaining and all, it still felt strange to watch her like this. With that maniacal grin and the dark gleam that sparked in her eyes: completely the polar opposite to the girl I know. I felt as though I was in some bizarre dream, because things like this could only be the product of mind-induced fantasies, right? It was as if she wasn’t herself. Again, Hatter’s words came to my head, an ominous echo in my head: “The Red Queen is being controlled.” Something clicked in me then as things began to fall together; how Bridgette and I have been doing out-of-character acts that were completely beyond our control, the freezing cold that would sometimes sweep over me and blot out all thought. And most importantly: the blackout. The complete memory wipe that has landed us in this mess. What if we were being...?**

**“I was wondering when you’d catch on,” a familiar voice cooed in my voice, with that trademark lilt to its voice. Like they were telling me some delicious secret, something that they’re absolutely delighted to share. It was a voice that had a devious laugh molded into its smooth up and down melody. An obvious joy was intertwined in their tone, a twisted glee revealing the fact unsettling just how much they were relishing in this all. A shiver trembled through me as the body remembered what the mind tries to forget. Was that-?**

**“Oh Alice!” Mad Hatter exclaimed, his voice frighteningly close.**

**Loudly I gasped and spun around in my seat, coming face to face with his widely smiling face. His lips were stretched thin as they  were pulled impossibly far back, revealing blinding white teeth that were so large and wide they looked like playing cards. A sweaty stench clung to him like a large coat as though he’s never taken a shower in his entire life. Everything about him was close; my personal bubble had not only popped-it’s been completely annihilated. Close proximity allowed me to identify large pores on his skin which were glistening with a sheen of sticky sweat, and his large brown eyes seemed to be swirling around like a mad hurricane. As bright as a carrot, his halo of frizzy red hair was puffed up like a poodle’s. It was then that I noticed his handcuffs had somehow magically disappeared.**

**After getting a second’s good look at him, common sense kicked in and shock suddenly tore up inside of me and squeezed my heart tight.**

**“Ah!” I lightly screamed at the sight of him and toppled out of my chair, landing painfully on the ground with my legs still straddling on top the seat. With an irritated grimace, I closed my eyes in embarrassment for a humiliated second. And here was I, gullibly thinking that extreme plunges like that were forced comedy for cheesy Hollywood roles. Apparently, I defy the laws of realism!**

“ **Oh Alice,  I did not mean to startle you!” he exclaimed in a strangely cheerful panic. “Here, let me help you,” he placed a hand right next to my right knee and leaned over me, stretching out a sweaty palm to my shaking face.**

**My breath latched in my chest and before I knew it, I rolled to my side, leg jerking out in an automatic reaction to clip Hatter in the jaw with my toe. Reaching a safe distance, I curled in on myself and somersaulted up to a stand, arms instantly posing above my head in muscle memory. I winced at the awkward “sticking the landing” moment, my body immediately performing as though it were in front of judges. Poop, two years out of gymnastics and I still can’t get the showbiz of it out of my head...**

**“Oh!” Mad Hatter gasped, his hand flying to his jaw as he stumbled backwards.**

**I turned over to him, hair flying behind me in a wide arc as I felt guilt pummel through my veins and also...fear. Would Alice Littel have done something like that in Wonderland? Would she have tumbled away and kicked someone in the face when she found herself to be startled? Digging my fingernails deep into my palms, I watched him anxiously, trying to evaluate his reaction. Please don’t tell me that he doesn’t think I’m Alice now...Please, please, please tell me that he still thinks I’m part of his illusions...I thought desperately in my head. “Hey Mad Hatter?” I asked warily, slowly creeping over to him. I could hardly believe the words I was thinking in my head. Did I now desire to live in an off-kilter world where I belonged in a place called Wonderland with a murderous Rogue? No, that wasn’t it. While being part of his insanity was tedious and nerve-wracking, it was better than the alternative at this point. This far into his delusions of me being Alice, if he were to suddenly stop I’d become one of his many victims as he realized that reality couldn’t cough him up what he wanted. All though, my safety wasn’t guaranteed if he still looked at me with a deluded adoration. He’s snapped with others before, he’s still a flight risk...while he is confused with my name, he’s still a time bomb. Annoyed with this, I bit down on my bottom lip as I uneasily tiptoed over to him. Perhaps this was where the saying “between a rock and a hard place” comes from. I’m dead if he thinks I’m Alice and dead if he doesn’t. “Mad Haaatter?” I sang, lowering down my head to get a good look at him.**

**Out of nowhere, his head jerked up out of his hands and he fixed me with one of those wide smiles of his. Fear shook me as our noses nearly collided and I jumped back away from him. Insanely he started chuckling and rose to a stand, making his way over to me. “Alice, will you care to come join my tea party now?” he invited me with a tilt of his head.**

**Sharply exhaling, I carefully backed away, never tearing my eyes from his. It was so frustrating, I couldn’t tell whether that kick had affected him or not- he was still staring at me with that crazy wide-eyed expression! “Um...” I racked my head, desperate for a good excuse. Hysterically I looked over my shoulder in Bridgette’s direction, only to find that Crane had snared her attention. Swallowing down a gulp, I looked back to Hatter and found that he had taken a wider stride and was suddenly closer to me now than before. I could feel all color drain from me when the back of my thighs collided with a metal chair. I’ve backed up as far as I could. “Um...” I tapped my toes in panic when it suddenly hit me. Feigning disbelief, I smacked myself in the forehead and scolded myself. This caught Hatter’s attention and he froze in his tracks, staring at me with avid curiosity.**

“ **What is it Alice?” he asked curiously.**

**“Oh, I can’t believe this,” I shook my head as though I was really upset. “I forgot my crumpets at home!”**

**Mad Hatter gasped in shock and stepped backwards in incredulity. “You did what?” he asked with a tremor in his voice.**

**“I left my crumpets at home,” I sighed sadly. “And everyone knows that you can’t have a good tea party with a crumpet to spread your strawberry jam on!”**

**His eyebrows drew up and a pout occupied his sulking face. “But-” he stammered and lunged forward, grabbing my hand with both of his. “It’s not a good tea party if Alice isn’t there!”**

**Disgust trickled through my body and I had to control my breathing to not scream. “It will just fine Mad Hatter,” I offered him faintly, feeling my heart fluttering nervously in my chest. “We’ll have a tea party again some time, and then we’ll bring all the fixings!”**

**“A-a-all the fixings?” he stuttered.**

“ **Yeah,” I nodded, a shaky smile filling my face. “We’ll have cream, sugar cubes, milk, pastries, and as many jams as there are fruits!”**

“ **And crumpets also,” he added in meekly.**

**“Yup,” I grinned at him. “Crumpets also.”**

**He seemed to consider this, lips pursed in thought as he took it in. Restlessly I watched him, praying that he would agree with him and reschedule our “tea party”. My hand felt indescribably slimy from being smothered between his sweaty palms, if I somehow was designed to breathe through my fingers, I’d be suffocating right now. I was having troubles with breathing anyways without his clingy hands being anywhere near my throat. After a few seconds of heavy contemplating, Mad Hatter closed his swirling eyes and violently shook his head. “No. I want to have a tea party with Alice nooow.” He tugged on my hand excitedly, trying to prove his point and I couldn’t breathe for a terrifying second.**

**Temptingly, some giggles danced along my tongue, urging for me to let out a musical laugh and be done with all this ridiculous fear. It was so breathtakingly alluring also. I could feel my resolve wavering inside of me, and I was just near about to do it when something forced me to swallow it down. I couldn’t giggle right now, Mad Hatter might take that as a sign of encouragement. It’d be like deciding to dine on a rare steak in the middle of a shark cage. It was far too tantalizing for the monsters you were trying to keep out.**

**“Ah, well I-” my voice was desperately trying to fabricate some legitimate excuse when flashing red suddenly washed through a room and a buzzing siren blared.**

**Scowling, I jerked my hand away from Mad Hatter and covered my ears, eyes squinting through the blazing red lights that were suddenly whirling through the room. “What’s going on?” I screamed through the noise, barely able to hear myself over the screaming sirens.**

**“This idiot here refused to listen to me and just got us all in trouble!” Riddler bellowed back and I searched through the room for him, finding him near the door. If I had thought he ever seemed annoyed before, I stand corrected. He wasn’t just peeved, he was infuriated. From across the room, I could catch him sending death glares at Penguin who had his hand guiltily clasped around the door handle. It was then that I noticed a thin line of white light, appearing through the crack of a barely opened door. “What did I tell you about me having to deactivate the security system first!?” he screamed down in exasperation at Penguin.**

**Perhaps it was due to the red lights, but it seemed almost as if Penguin was blushing then. “I didn’t hear you! I was wondering why everyone was just standing around freely when we could’ve been escaping!”**

**“It was because we obviously couldn’t escape just yet,” the crisp voice came from Crane’s mouth, but it was tainted with too much humor to be the “Doctor”. My eyes widened as I took in Scarecrow, a sadistic sneer filling his face as he took in Penguin. “And now thanks to your imbecilic actions, we won’t have the chance.”**

**Next to Scarecrow, Bridgette’s mouth slightly parted as she took him in, and in an automatic reaction she turned her head to see my feedback on this. But whatever emotion was fixing to fill her face as she turned to look at me quickly evaporated when she noted the close proximity of which Mad Hatter was looming over me. Her eyes narrowed in thought.**

**“Oh don’t be so negative Johnny-boy, this is the most fun we’ve had in weeks! And besides,” his voice took on a deep threatening growl, “who doesn’t enjoy bashing in the heads of our fellow guardsmen every now and then?”**

**Harley cackled in joy while Ivy narrowed her eyes dangerously at Penguin. Off in the corner, Two-Face watched the scene unfold with a detached amusement, seeming to be more like a spectator than an actual person who was living in the nightmare.**

**Clenching my jaw, I couldn’t help but to wonder what taking part in a prison riot would do for our case. Would the jury look kindly down on a near-breakout attempt?**

**“Bridgette!” I shouted and her eyes went back to normal as she shifted her focus from Mad Hatter. I opened my mouth to say something else, something that I presume was of extreme importance, when there was a loud crashing sound.**

**“PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!” a guard bellowed as he kicked the door all the way open, allowing a stream of four others to charge in behind him. Just before the door collided with his face, Penguin darted away and gathered himself in a fighting stance.**

**A quick glance around the room revealed that none of the other inmates were following the instructions of the guard. Arms trembling in my sides, I thought over whether I should listen to him or not. Would I get in trouble if I didn’t obediently clasp my hands behind my head like he wanted me to?**

**The five guards spread through the room in a trained tight formation, guns cocked in their arms as red lights danced across their angular faces. Analyzing the guns, I realized that they were only loaded with tranquilizer darts instead of bullets. Okay. The tight feeling of unease around my heart loosened just a little bit.**

**“I SAID: PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!” the guard repeated, louder this time.**

**“Oh, good, I was wondering when you guys would show!” Joker clapped his hands and gestured to an unconscious Dr. Chase. “Poor Doc here seems to require some medical assistance.”**

**“SHUT UP CLOWN!” the guard shouted angrily at Joker. “I told you to put your hands in the air!”**

**Joker seemed vaguely disappointed as he slowly shook his head. “Alright, alright,** **if you insist...” slowly he raised his arms straight in the air, palms facing the ceiling. “Now Harley!” he barked.**

**“Gotcha puddin’!” Harley yelled back at him and broke off into a sprint. Instantly I recognized what she was doing before any of the other guards could blink their ignorant eyes towards her. Stretching her arms out, she dived into a front handspring, pushing herself off the ground to twist her body in the air. As her hands collided with the floor again, she plunged herself into a backflip, into Joker’s arms. Grabbing onto his hands, she vaulted off of his body, executing three perfect flips before she stretched out her pointed leg and drop-kicked the guard in the face. He was sent sprawling against the ground and Harley gracefully tumbled along with him. As they both landed, she folded herself down to her  knees, coiled her arm back- and nailed the guard in the face. Instantly, he fainted, slumped against the ground with a blank expression.**

**Jaw dropped, I gaped at Harley in awe. That was a perfect Yurchenko vault! Her form was excellent, and she got amazing air, if she was in a competition she would’ve totally blown the judges away. That wouldn’t have gotten any deduction.**

**Feeling some newfound respect for the blonde she yanked up the dart gun and twirled on her heel. “Got him honey!” she announced as she cocked her hip, swinging the gun effortlessly over her shoulder.**

**“Good job snookums!” he applauded her and with that, chaos unfolded.**

**Violence exploded everywhere, as the new helpless guards tried to battle off both the Rogues and those traitor guards from earlier. The battle was highly uneven.  Over the sirens, I could hear a guard shout into the walkie-talkie on her shoulder as she aimed her gun at Penguin. “Backup, we need  backup!” she commanded loudly when Penguin dropped down low and swept his stubby leg underneath hers, sending her to tumble backwards. Just as Penguin lunged himself at her though, the guard managed to shoot a dart deep into his neck. In mid-air, I could catch his eyelids drooping as he flew into a wall, sliding down it with what sounded like a crack.**

**I couldn’t help it then. I screamed.**

**From the ground, the guard snapped her head over to me where a scowl deepened her determined face. With a loud grunt, she hauled her gun to the other side of her body and aimed it at me, pulling the trigger before I could even so much as blink.**

**Everything stretched itself into slow-motion then. The sirens seemed quieter and the red lights less harsh. Everyone moved in this graceful slow action, their faces contorted in silent screams, but their movements so precise and lethal that it was almost beautiful. The dart spun slowly through the air towards me, lazy in its revolutions as it arched through the air. Immediately my body reacted as I folded myself backwards into a back handspring, the dart whizzing just above my stomach before I kicked my legs straight up. Pushing off my hands, I flipped through the air and touched back down with a crouch, hands in front of me.**

**And then everything sped back up. The sirens screamed even louder as the red lights blinded my eyes. Everyone rushed around in a hurried death dane, circling around their prey like trained predators. The movements they made were so mind-numbing fast that it was difficult to track where exactly the punches were thrown, where the flips were executed. The guard growled in disbelief and cocked her gun again when Two-Face rushed over and clutched onto the front of her shirt.**

**“Choose a number; either one or two,” he yelled at her.**

**I saw the guard’s mouth move to whimper something that I couldn’t hear. In a blur, Two-Face punched her across the face and her head drooped down with closed eyes. Seeming slightly dissatisfied, he hurled her unconscious body to the side and started at it with boredom. “Live it is then,” he said with a scowl.**

**Victory rushed through me from the rush of doing what used to be a big passion of mine, from avoiding drug-induced sleep. All the energy was addicting, made my heart go haywire as a smile spread on my face. Forget logic. Because here, in the moment, it’s all about passion. Euphoria rose up inside my stomach with fluttering glee. Adrenaline is crazy. Endorphins could be a drug I hear. Because right then, I tilted my head back and laughed hysterically at the fun of this, louder than I ever had before.**

**“Oh Bridge!” I cackled as I looked over to her. “Isn’t this just like Coach Greene’s PE class?”**

**Her hazel eyes seemed to barely take me in before they widened suddenly. “Megan!” she screamed, but it was too late.**

**Caught up in my giggles, I didn’t notice the guard tumbling my way, blood seeping through his closed eyelids as he stumbled around. Gravity brought his body into mine and I was slammed backwards into the wall. With a delusional smile, his hands blindly groped for my throat and I was hoisted up three feet in the air, my breath cut off with a chokehold.**

**Was this the part where I’m supposed to start to panic? If so, then I dreadfully missed my cue, because I started to laugh even harder as blackness filled in the corners of my vision.**

* * *

 

_I_ _watched as Megan was taken into a chokehold in disbelief all of this was so surreal, I could hardly believe my own eyes. Then, something completely changed about her and without a care in the world she elbowed the guard in the stomach and broke out of his hold finding one of the tranquilizer guns and shooting him in the gut with it. Don't get me wrong I was proud of her but I never thought that she could do that on her own. Wait......her own. What was that that Hatter said? My eyes widened and I took into consideration his words; ‘The Red Queen is being controlled.’ Oh my God! I can't believe that I didn't realize this sooner! I feel like a complete idiot! I closed my eyes and chastened myself how could I not realize why I wasn't acting like myself and wasn't in control!_

_“Its so obvious!” I said out loud. “I feel like a complete moron!” I felt  something press into my skull and it had the distinct shape of a gun._

_“Put your hands over your head.” Said a voice dangerously pressing the gun into my temple._

_“You know thats not necessary.” I said nervously “I haven't done anything yet!”_

_“Yet being.......” The voice drifted away and a different one took its place._

_“Oh don't worry! I'm not leaving you out of the fun! I need to see if both of you can still fulfill my commands!” With those words my vision went dark._

* * *

 

The girl with strawberry blonde hair watched a large screen as the guards barged into the room and pointed tranquilizer guns at the people in there. She smiled as something came to mind. “Perfect time to figure out if my girls can still obey commands!” she eagerly grinned. Watching as the scene played out, she let her fingers fly over a keyboard in front of her. Every time that a command was needed her fingers nimbly navigated the the buttons on the keyboard with ease.

“What are you doing?” asked a masculine voice.

“Oh,” sighed the girl as she shut off the computer after the attempted breakout had occurred. “Just making sure the girls are still up to par.” She smiled up at the masculine voice turning around in the chair.

“Did they get out?” The masculine voice asked anxiously. He had seen what she was watching, but not really knowing what she was doing.

“No, they didn't. I tried. But, they need something MORE to escape, especially if I want them all out.” She rubbed the back of her neck and wrapped her arms around the man's neck affectionately. “And if they’re going to breakout, it has to be on their own, they have to get themselves out.” She shook her head and leaned into the man with a sigh.

“What do you mean something more?”

“I’ve been observing, and it seems as if the chips accessed something else in their brains. Something that wasn’t accessible before. And, I think that it will end up to our advantage.” She unwound her arms from the mans neck and pushed him away. As the thoughts swirled through her head, her plan laying itself out perfectly in front of her, she couldn’t help but to smile. “Now go to the room,” she instructed, wandering back over to the monitors. “I'll be there soon.”

The girl sat in her chair and twirled a piece of her strawberry blonde hair on her index finger. Her face had changed and it showed ugly anger and a conniving look that could only mean she was planning something bad, it also made you doubt if there is anything good in her.

“It also helps that they are both falling in deeper, falling deeper into their insanity. It might make it a little easier to take control for my plans. I can't have them resisting.”

* * *

 

_I came to with Joker shouting at me to wake up. “BRIDGETTE! I think its time for you to uh, GET UP!” The shouting startled me and I jumped in shock and that resulted with me to fall painfully on the cold concrete ground._

_“Damn it!” I said painfully now my arm fully joining the symphony of pain my body was playing. “Joker that was completely uncalled for!”_

_“Oh, it was actually entirely necessary.” The cool voice of Crane joined in. “We've all been trying to wake you up since your friend was sent to solitary with Hatter.”_

_I couldn't fully process his words and I sat painfully up and wearily leaned my back against the bed. “I’m sorry for this. But, I need a recall from what happened after I had a TRANQUILIZER gun pointed at my HEAD. And why exactly my body feels like it was trampled by elephants?” I rubbed my temples trying to at least ease the ache there. My hands abruptly dropped from my head “Did you say Megan is in solitary with Hatter!?” I shot up from my sitting position to stare across the hall at Crane. I swayed and reached out to the glass wall in front of me to keep myself from landing back on the concrete floor, once was enough. “Ok, that was a bad idea.”_

_“You don't remember what happened?” I heard Ivy ask she sounded taken aback. “We had a failed breakout attempt.Megan didn't remember either.” She said slowly like talking to a small child._

_“I can't believe you don't remember! You and Megan surprised all of us!” Harley said her voice buzzing with her usual energy._

_“You’re really hard to wake up.” Riddler said. Probably finding his voice wasn't heard enough. And sadly I thought it was cute. “You could probably sleep through one of Jokers explosions.” It was also sad that was how deep of a sleeper I was._

_“Yea,” I said slowly. “I'm a deep sleeper.” Feeling a little annoyed that they haven't answered any of my questions._

_“Oh, oh Mistah J! Can I tell her what happened! Please!” Harley asked eagerly._

_“Well, uh Harley. Go right ahead! It seems only fair after I told Meg before Hatter tried to assault her!” And he let out a boisterous laugh._

_“Yay!” Harley squealed. “Ok, what is the last thing you remember so I can start from there?”_

_“Well, like I said the last thing I remember is a tranquilizer gun pointed to my head.” I let myself slide slowly down the wall my aching body refusing to keep holding me up._

_“Ooooh, thats where the real action begins!” She cleared her throat like she was preparing for a big speech. “We'll start with what you did then to what Megan did cause my Puddin’ did the opposite for Megan.”_

_“The gun was pointed to your head and you told him ‘I haven't done anything yet!’ The guard replied with a ‘Yet, being the key word’.”She was describing the last words I remember speaking and I had no alarm bells going off nothing, it was one huge black hole. Like.......the night Megan and I were arrested._

_“You twisted away from the guard and grabbed his wrist and twisted it till it broke and the gun fell from his hand. You caught it before it hit the ground and shot him in the shoulder with it, he went down like a sack of potatoes. You turned around and a guard was coming straight at you, you swung the gun up and clocked him in the jaw and then in the temple. There was three guards surrounding Eddie and you got all of them straight in the neck with the last of the tranquilizer darts. You went up behind the guard that was fighting Jonny and kicked the backs of his knees making him fall then you hit him with the butt of the gun. More guards came in and one succeeded in getting you in the shoulder and you pulled it out like nothing but you got a tad sluggish. Two guards went straight at you and one kicked you in the ribcage and you slammed head first into the wall the other guard was going in for another kick but you caught it and pushed him forward and he fell to the ground and I kicked him to make sure he was out. The other guard pulled out his tranquilizer gun and hit you with it and before you went down you grabbed his shooting arm and brought the arm that wasn't holding him to the crook of his elbow, hard and broke the bone. Then, you fell to the floor unconscious._

_I was sitting there with open-mouthed shock. “Harley, thats impossible! I can't do any of that!”_

_“Well, you did. We all saw it.” Riddler said smoothly most likely leaning back on his bed and staring at the ceiling, thinking up a riddle._

_“Uh-huh,” I said doubtfully. “And i'm actually a pink unicorn that LOVES sparkles.”_

_“What an odd way to put it. But, I assure you that that was a true account of what you did,” Crane said and I saw him looking at me with a slightly raised eyebrow. “Does it scare you that you don't remember?”_

_I pursed my lips and looked away from him not wanting to answer the ‘Master of Fear’ and tell him what i'm afraid of. Though, my lack of response probably told him the answer._

_“Ok, now i'll tell you what Megan did.” She sucked in a breath making it seem like she wasn't going to take another one in a long time._

_“You know what Harley, I would rather she told me in her own words what Joker told her.” I didn't think that I could take anymore shocks as to what happened when I blacked out._

_“It will be a while they're going to be in there for three weeks.” Riddler told me. “Your friend almost killed him. Would you like to know what happened?” He asked the question like it was a great riddle that only he knew the answer to. The superiority he had in his voice unmistakable._

_“You know what I could care less what happened.” I said. “He went to her and tried to touch her and probably succeeded, that is all that I need to know.” I was furious that he had dared to do that after what I told the freak! It seems that hes so far gone that he didn't sense the seriousness in my voice, or he just didn't care._

_“I thought that you and Megan weren't on speaking terms.” Ivy said in her sultry voice._

_“Ya, but that doesn't mean that i'm not going to do anything about the perv. I remember promising him something if he TOUCHED Megan, and I have a slight variation of that promise.”_

_“Oh, thats a little uh, dark don't you think?” Joker asked voice trembling with laughter. “I like it!”_

_“You're turning into a complicated multi layered puzzle that is becoming more and more difficult to solve. It makes me all the more interested to figure you out.” Riddler said this with interest and his usual hint of narcissism. “And I will figure you out, my little conundrum.”_

_“I don't know if you will ‘solve’ her Edward I just might break her before you do.” The way he said those words told me that is wasn't Crane in control it was Scarecrow._

_“Oh, how lovely,” I said emotionlessly “I feel so special. I won't be surprised if I end up dead in a dirty alley.”_

_“Don't worry my little Gardenia. They won't dare kill you, because if they do i'll make sure that their man parts shrivel like prunes and then feed them to my plants.” Ivy sounded a little hopeful when she said this. “I might not even let them get the chance to kill you before I do that.”_

_My eyes widened and I shakily said “Thanks Ivy. Thats really.........reassuring.” I felt a little queasy because I couldn't keep the horrible mental picture out of my head._

_“Aw, Ivy you're no fun. But, seeing as i'm attached to my ‘man parts’ when I inject her with my fear toxin i'll try to keep from getting carried away.” Scarecrow said sighing like Ivy took away the funnest part. Riddler didn't say anything and that made me a tad (a lot) worried._

_“Well, that was......fun.” I shakily stood up my muscles protesting every move. “And as much as I would like to chat more, my body feels like it was run over twice with a semi. I think I need all the rest I can get.”_

_“Before you go to bed,” Ivy said. “For the next week we aren't allowed to leave our cells except for showers. Thought you would like to know.”_

_“Well, at least I get to shower.” I said and fell onto my bed that could hardly be called a bed._

_“Oh, and Bridgette?” I heard Riddler ask._

_“What?” What does he want now? To know what size jeans I wear?_

_“Call me Edward from now on.” Well once again i'm thrown off by something that one of them says. Just when you think one of them is predictable ‘Bam’ something i'm completely unprepared for._

_“Um, ok. Since i'm now calling you Edward i'll start calling Crane Jonathan.” I would like to say I was delirious from being so tired and weirded out but, I doubt that I was._

_“You don't know how much he enjoys that.” Scarecrow said._

_ ‘Lovely,’ I thought. A thought that should be extremely important came to mind. When I blackout i'm being controlled, but there are also the times that i'm still aware but not acting myself. At those times am I being controlled to a different extent? Or, is that all me? I shivered in my bed and seconds later forgot what I was thinking and fell asleep dreaming a girly romance dream, sparkles and all. _


	6. They all fell down...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a bit more intense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go lovely people that read our story we both love you all! And don't forget kudos and comments are like beautiful gifts!!!

Chapter Six

They All Fell Down...

Fear is the parent of cruelty.

JAMES ANTHONY FROUDE, Short Studies on Great Subjects

**Pray tell me, when is a good time for a person to die? Of natural causes, after they've lived a long good life, and die warm in bed? Or maybe should it be sudden, unexpected? A shot through the temple, a heart attack, or flashing headlights? Or terrible, drawn out, and gruesome; should they die after being through immeasurable pain? Or maybe when they’ve done something terrible and are too dangerous to remain breathing? Should you play God then and end their lives due to the sins that they’ve committed? Or...should a person die when they’ve lost the will to live? When the heart beating in their chest becomes painful, when breathing is the body’s doing instead of the mind’s, when they can’t find a single good reason to keep on walking. Should they die then? Euthanasia, sometimes it’s not only an option...it’s the only choice.**

          _You know something is wrong when your fear turns into affection and want or you want to be the source of the fear. But, when that fear melts away soon enough something to fear even more worms its way into you. No one can be fearless that is impossible. Death, what a smooth word it feels like its slipping out of your mouth, such a slick word. Death is something that practically everyone is scared of. But, what are you afraid of when you don't fear death?_

__

* * *

 

A/N (Bridgette) Hatter lovers beware. Not the place for you. you've been warned..........

* * *

 

**I shivered in a corner, huddling in a tiny ball. Raging voices and images flashed across my head.**

**“That’s it! Solitary confinement!”**

**Solitary confinement...as in I’ll be forced to be alone...**

**“Oh Alice, I’m so sorry! I just wanted to play Alice, I just wanted to play.”**

**A wave of disgust trembled my body and I let out a whimper. Alone....alone...I’m all alone. Moaning quietly to myself, I buried my face into my knees and it all came back to me in a brightly vivid matter for the thousandth time since I’ve been in this room.**

**I had just sent the guard falling with shooting a tranquilizer dart into his gut. Then I had felt this moment of absolutely indescribable glee. Inside I felt chillingly cold but on the outside I was smiling, laughing with absolute joy. A tightness still constricted my throat, as though there was a ghost of the guard’s fingers, still rising me up high into the air as they choked me. Giggling, I had teetered in my step. Oh, but it hardly mattered! He wasn’t exactly a threat now.**

**Laughing I had tilted my head down to observe him happily when I noticed something. His eyes...they were partially open. Revealed from behind a tiny crack in his eyelids was a bloody gash slashed gruesomely across his iris. For the briefest second then, I felt disgusted, until once again I giggled. Oh, well that explained why blood was seeping out of his eyelids earlier! It seemed absurd now that I had thought it was his body’s violent natural reaction to crying. Letting out a titter, I had leaned against the wall and gazed at him with this sadistic fascination. Clearly, this was done by one of the Rogues. The only thing that had bothered me was who and how was this this done. Of course all these people here have no reservations about absolutely blinding a man who was only doing his duty, but it really was a delightful puzzle to piece together how they had done it! Was someone smuggling a weapon in their jumpsuit this whole time? If so, why wasn’t I let in on the fun!?**

**I mean, wasn’t it a total thrill to totally rob someone of their sight! Taking away all their future beautiful sunsets, all the precious moments that can’t be described with sound, forcing them to be trapped in a dark prison for the rest of their life! Wasn’t that a thrill!?**

**I would’ve stood there, staring at the mutilated man for who knows how long, until there had been a shout in my direction.**

**“Hey uh, Megan dear!” Joker cackled over my way. “You may wanna WATCH OUT!”**

**Instantly my eyes had snapped up to see a dart flying my way. Barely even thinking much of it, I had tucked my body down into a somersault, grabbing onto the guard I have taken down. Somehow, the coolness had given me a strength that I normally don’t possess, because as soon as I had popped up I did it with the guard in my arms. Posing him in front of me as a shield, I made my way over in the direction in which the dart had come from.**

**I was able to feel the force of dozens of tranquilizer darts stabbing into his body, heard him moan slightly under his breath with each puncture until finally his system was too drugged to do anything except be a dead weight in my arms. The coolness had told me it was time to get rid of him. Bracing my legs into a firm position, I had loudly grunted and then flung him towards three guards, the impact forcing them to crash into a wall.**

**A possessed grin had filled my face. “I believe that in Arkham Bowling that is qualified as a strike!” I had declared and soon found myself drowning in giggles.**

**It was beyond my control. Soon my body collapsed against the ground as the coolness froze over me, and I had laughed with this twisted amusement that I never have before. Oh the humor! It was barely there, but it managed to tickle me so much that I figured it was just interlaced in the air, breathed in with our lungs. Oh the whimsies! It took hold of me in its misty grasps, brought me to a place that I’ve never been before. My abs screamed out in this delighted agony. It was a pain that had felt amazingly good.**

**Until a sharp pain stabbed me in the side of my throat as small and precise as the tip of a pen. My laughter fractured off like broken glass and I had quietly murmured as a sense of drowsiness washed over me. What was...my hands roved to my neck and brushed against the colorful fluff wrapped around the small dart.**

**“Oh!” I gasped with realization and sat up, causing the world to dizzily whirl around me as though I were trapped in a kaleidoscope. Sleepiness tried invading inside my bubble of glee and pull me down under, but the cold kept it at bay. Tendrils of the drug were frozen into splendid icicles inside of me, I could just feel it. Then, I had felt confident that it wasn’t a hallucination. Painfully I groaned and plucked the dart out of my neck, feeling the sweltering hot air breathe into the newly made hole in my skin. Distantly, I looked at it, turning it around between my fingers. It was so...so small. How was a thing as measly as this supposed to be a threat against people like us? We were strong, powerful, invisible. Nothing could touch us, absolutely nothing! But then my eyes had widened in shock as I took in the ruby red blood glistening on the tip of the dart. I was...I was bleeding.**

**“Okay, who did dis?” I slurred and then had slowly stood up, staggering in my step. My eyes roved around the room and I realized for the first time just how many guards there were in here now. There were three guards per Rogue. Apparently, the reinforcements, while taking their sweet time coming, had come. Nausea had rolled through me then and I closed my eyes for a painful second as my body swayed around. Opening them back up, I was able to lazily take in all the criminals. And the thing that had affected me most then was watching all of them, incapacitated, out of control. Even poor Bridgette was chained up, and thrown over some guy’s shoulder. My eyes had drowsily taken her in for a moment before going back to exploring the room, and the cautious guards all taking me in warily. But...wait a second... Something didn’t add up. Mentally, I did a headcount, only to end up missing one captured Rogue everytime. How strange, who was I missing? I couldn’t think of-**

**“Aliiiiiice!” bellowed a familiar voice and that’s when it clicked in my head. Oh yeah. Him.**

**I had turned with parted lips, just managing to catch a frantic Mad Hatter break out of the swarm of bodies, somehow able to evade the clutches of all the guards. Everything about me was too sluggish then, too stupid to where I had only gawked at him in dazed wonder instead of trying to move. I was barely able to note how excited he looked when his body barrelled into me, knocking me over.**

**His arms were a tight vice around my body as we both fell down, my breath leaving me as the back of my head slammed against the ground. Disgusted, I had gaped at the ceiling tiles for a bit, feeling his weight crush into me. “Can’t...breathe...” I gasped out.**

**“Oh, so sorry Alice!” he worriedly apologized and popped up, pulling me along with him. His smile was wide and insane as he looked at me. “Alice, you should’ve run! We were so close to having our tea party if you had just ran along with me!”**

**Despite the drug-induced haze around my vision, I could tell how the guards were digesting this. The wheels were spinning around wildly in their heads, assumptions being made.**

**“Mad Hatter, I told you that we’d have the tea party later,” I shook my head, not wanting to be accused of yet another thing that I was innocent of.**

**“Oh, but it’s a very very important date!” Hatter frantically nodded. Everything that had tumbled out of his mouth was in a hurried rush. “Remember? You were discussing it with me right before the lights turned red.”**

**“Wait, are you saying that she staged this escape attempt?” a guard accused and a weight sank far down in my chest. No, no, no. All desires to giggle had worn off as I realized that this idea was as infectious as the flu, it was spreading through all the other guards like a disease.**

**Desperately, I was fixing to protest to this when up popped a familiar voice. “Yes...she was acting the most rambunctious in the beginning...” My eyes snapped over and I caught sight of Dr. Chase, limping over to make himself in the front, arms wrapped around his torso in pain. He seemed angry as he took me in. “It would make sense.”**

**I had felt absolute dread in that moment. Once again I was being pegged for something that was completely not my fault! “No, I was never trying to create a riot! I was ju-”**

**And I completely blame myself for what happened afterwards. Sluggish or not, I could’ve totally prevented it. But then...I hadn’t. I was completely shocked. I couldn’t move, blink, think, or even so much as breathe when Mad Hatter suddenly cupped my face in his greasy hands and-kissed me.**

**Words could not describe how disgusted I felt, how he was way too hot, and his lips were disgustingly chapped. He kissed too hard, was revolting in every single way possible.**

**The drug had worn off right then and there. In that horrible, repulsive, and revolting second that his lips were on mine; all exhaustion left me. The same rage that I had felt when Bridge was assaulted by that guard had consumed me again in its murderous flames. Every single molecule in my body was seething with this red-hot fury.**

**I was sick of him, absolutely with every single molecule in my body, with every single atom and every single electron that swirled around those: I was sick of him. Stalkers were absolutely unacceptable in my book, I’ve had enough experience with creepy fascination! Never did I find the obsessive “puppy-dog love” adorable or humbling. I hated it! He’s been messing with me for far too long and this “kiss” drew-the-LINE. It was one thing to creepily stare at me from a distance, and constantly moan by calling me the wrong name, but harrassment taken to the level of disgusting physical contact-**

**I WANTED HIM OFF OF ME!!**

**“Get away you lunatic!” I had screamed, shoving him off of me. He stumbled backwards, wide eyes staring at me in shock. Infuriated I panted, hands clenching and unclenching at my sides. “What-made-you-do-THAT!?” I had fumed at him furiously.**

**Bewildered, he had blinked at me. Slowly he seemed to have realized what he did, through the murky labyrinth that was the inner workings of his mind. “Oh I’m sorry Alice!” he furtively apologized. “I only wanted to play Alice, I only wanted to play.” He opened his mouth wider to say something else but I cut him off with an exasperated groan.**

**Irked, I had run my hands down my face, my fingers pulling down at my skin.  Aggravated I moaned and my lips felt this disgustingly odd pressure, as though he was still kissing me. Mad Hatter-kissing me. The perv had honestly just kissed me then! Bile suddenly charged up my throat and my knees had almost buckled beneath me. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.**

**“That’s just it!” I exclaimed brokenly. “I’m not Alice, I’m Megan. Megan, Megan, Megan. I have never been in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll never wrote about me, and I am certainly not the girl who you are obsessed with! I’m-the-wrong-PERSON! My hair isn’t even blonde for crying out loud!”**

**Mad Hatter’s lips trembled as he parted them in devastated shock. Heartbreak washed through his face and for the slightest second I had actually felt sorry for him. But then I remembered-he had touched me. Not only that, but he had gone so far as to actually KISS me!**

**A whimper shot out from my lips and I keeled over, arms wrapped around my stomach. There was the strong desire to hurl up everything inside of me until I was completely empty. Food, blood, internal organs. Everything, I just wanted it out, I wanted it all out.**

**“Megan dear,” Joker called out and I looked at him through strained eyes. A devious grin filled his face as the guard holding him pulled him back. “You can uh, let go dear! Seems to be something you’re used to!”**

**Sharply I took in a breath and shuddered as I thought over what he meant. Was he suggesting that...?**

**“DON’T MOVE OR I’LL SHOOT!” a guard demanded, finally speaking up. Oh, so it didn’t bother him when Mad Hatter had pummelled me into the ground? It didn’t bother him when Mad Hatter accused me of starting this entire escape attempt? It didn’t even remotely BOTHER him, when a freak like Mad Hatter actually KISSED me?**

**Suddenly, it couldn’t be held back anymore. Enraged, I screeched and hurled myself at Mad Hatter, pinning him against the ground. “This is what happens FREAK when you mess with me!” I shrieked down at his face and coiled my arm back to punch him. Then  I did. Again. And again. And again, and again, and again, and again; smashing him in the face until I felt satisfied, until I could get the sensation of his lips off of mine, until I could stop seeing a red-tinged world.**

**“Stop!” there was a shout and a pain in my neck. Another dart. Great.**

**Completely unaffected, I howled and grabbed a fistful of Hatter’s frizzy curly red hair, yanking his head up until it was level with mine. He did absolutely nothing, didn’t fight back, didn’t cry out in pain like I craved for him to. Instead he had just kept on moaning over and over again: “Alice. Alice. Alice.”Augh, couldn’t he just react like a normal human being!? Punch me back, send a left hook across my face or something! Couldn’t he just for once not be so weird and scream in agony. Blood wasn’t enough, bruises barely cut it. It was either his protests or his death!**

**“Tell me Hatter,” I sneered and leaned in close to him. “After this, when you head towards Wonderland, which direction do you go? Up or down?”**

**His bottom lips trembled and tears ran down his face, becoming one with the sweat blanketing his skin, the blood pouring out of his freshly new cuts. Cuts. As if that was enough. I wanted gashes, big humongous lacerations that took out chunks of his skin. He-deserved-MORE.**

**Inside, I was a frozen tundra as I roared in fury. “Freak!” I spat and slammed his head down. FWISH! A dart, this time in my shoulder. Screaming, I brought up his head again and slammed it down, hearing a dramatic splintering. FWISH! A dart in my side, right above my ribcage. Now fatigue washed through me as the drug actually began to pull me down. Outraged, I ignored the drowsiness, dedicated solely to my mission. “CREEP!” I shouted and banged his head down. “PERV!” Crack! That time, there was a whimper intertwined with his Alice. “You delusional MONSTER!” I bellowed and slammed his head down again. That time, the crack echoed throughout the room and his eyes closed, his breathing slowed.**

**Quivering, I had leaned back on my heels, legs straddling his side. Still angry, I wound back my arm, wanting to break his nose so bad to where it floated around freely in his skull when- FWISH! A dart- right on my hip. This time, it had been too much and my eyes drooped, sleepiness wearing me down. Lightly I groaned, swaying side to side.**

**“That’s it!” A guard shouted. “Solitary confinement!”**

**Solitary confinement...? As in me...alone? A moan trembled my lips and I collapsed on my side, hair splayed everywhere. Blackness had spotted out my vision as my eyes began to close against my will. That’s when the coldness lifted away and in horror I realized what I have done. Oh my gosh. I think that I might have killed Hatter! I had beaten him to a bloody pulp and...and... That’s when my deteriorating mind focused on two words.**

**Solitary confinement. As in my ultimate fear, my one and only nightmare in the entire world.**

**The drug hit me like a semi truck and I moaned through loose lips a determined, “Noooo.”**

**Please don’t tell me that I had done what I just did. Please don’t tell me that they’re serious.**

**And please, oh God PLEASE, tell me that I won’t be alone!**

**And that’s when, everything gave in to blackness.**

* * *

 

*One Week Later*

_“We finally get some fresh air!” I took in a deep breath of it, relishing it._

_“What, you didn't like the quality time to talk, and always have to be ten feet away from me?” Edward said leaning against the largest tree in the courtyard. Rogue territory. Looking at me like he knew about my dreaming about him, his green eyes barely an inch from my face lips brushing mine. Wrong train of thought!_

_“Nope!” I jumped up onto the stone table top of the only table that the tree over shadowed. “Because, being ten feet away from you meant that I HAD to listen to you.” I flipped my long hair over my right shoulder sending it flying behind me for a second before it landed on my back._

_“She has a point, Eddie!” Harley giggled jumping up next to me. Edward scowled at Harley. “But, don't worry Jonny did too. Going on and on about Fear.” She pointed her index finger at her mouth and making a gagging sound._

_“Yes, true but at least I didn't ask millions of insignificant questions and riddles.” Jonathan said from my left coming to stand next to me and staring straight at Edward let his hand brush my jumpsuit clad upper arm possessively. As if to say ‘mine’ geez, they've been doing stuff like that with well put together words the past week. Honestly, I felt like a chew toy that two dogs were fighting over. And now they get to do that with actual contact. I liked it. I just didn't want to know what was going to happen when I have to choose._

_Getting off that thought. “I think that we all get annoyed with each others voices at some point.” I said looking between Edward and Jonathan. Hoping the glares would stop just because I kind of like the way they were acting didn't mean I wanted a full out fight._

_“I never get annoyed with my Puddin’s!” Harley said happily._

_Ivy narrowed her glowy green eyes in annoyance. “And that can be a big problem.” She said quickly sending Joker a poisonous glance._

_“Come on Ivy!” Said Joker “I get annoyed at Harleys!” And launched into annoying crazy laughs, all of his laughs were getting annoying. “I wonder how our Meg is doing.” Joker said suddenly his laughs cutting off abruptly._

_I frowned i've had Megan in the back of my mind the past week. Hoping that she was ok, that she hasn't.... “Hopefully better than I think.” I said looking at my legs intently._

_“Now why would you say that, Gardenia?” Ivy asked, all of them were looking at me telling me with their eyes that they wanted to know what was going on in my head about this._

_“Megan hates being alone. One time in junior year, I left her in the library to take a call from my dad and had to leave because he was in the hospital; gunshot wound. I was gone for only an hour. I came back she was a mess, barely let me out of her sight for a month.” I shook my head looking up at the sky. “I don't know how shes fairing, its been a week. And she still has two left.”_

_“So thats what shes afraid of? Being alone?” Jonathan asked look of thoughtfulness._

_“Don't even think about it.” I said flicking him in the ear. He gave me an astonished sharp look, well as astonished as he could look with an practically emotionless face._

_“What makes you think you can tell me what to do?” He asked becoming Scarecrow, body language and tone changing. Expression challenging and deadly._

_“I don't,” I said shaking my head “I just think that Ivy would be all too happy to carry out her threat.”_

_“Ah, touche Scary!” Harley said giggling behind her hand. Joker went to stand in front of her and pushed his body past her knees and she wrapped her legs around him. Well that was sudden and.....why now? When i'm sitting next to her!?_

_“Gross.” I said and quickly jumped off the table and moving closer to the tree. “They’re worse than the couple at my college that somehow always managed to find me when they made out.”_

_“How...disturbing, little bird” Penguin said looking at the clown couple._

_“Almost as disturbing as you.” I replied giving him a fake smile. And wondering why he has to watch them it made it seem worse. “What did Hatter do to land both him and Megan in solitary?” My brain quickly jumping to a different subject and my mouth spewing words on its own accord._

_“I thought you didn't want to know.” Edward said behind me._

_“I didn't. Now, I do,” I replied trying not to focus too much on how close he was._

_“It might be better that she tells you herself when she gets out of solitary.” I could feel his breath feather through my hair. “Riddle me this;” I heard groans of annoyance from around us coming from the other rogues. I hardly heard them my whole body in tune to Edward. “If you look you cannot see me. And if you see me you cannot see anything else. I can make ANYTHING you want happen, but later everything goes back to normal. What am I?”_

_My idiot brain couldn't focus on anything except  Edwards body radiating heat behind me. “I-I don't know.” I stuttered cursing my feminine weakness._

_His lips brushed my ear. “Imagination.” My knees almost buckled but his arm snaked around my waist holding me up. My cheeks flushed heat coiling in my belly. “What is your imagination cooking up now?” He asked quietly._

_“Bastard,” I breathed the only thing I was able to manage, I was hoping that any woman in this situation would have a similar reaction._

_“You don't mean that.” He said smugly enjoying his upper hand reminding me of his extreme narcissism. And slowly took his arm from around me letting his fingers graze across my stomach. The action made me involuntary shudder wishing I wasn't so weak to a mans touch. Curse my inexperience! He backed away from me leaving me with the strangest feeling of.......want, desire. I heard him chuckle behind me. That jerk knew what he was doing!_

_“Yeah, I do.” I regained normal function of my brain. I needed to prepare myself for this I can't let myself get like that everytime hes so close that I can smell him, or feel his breath brush across my skin. Ok, head out of the gutter Bridge! Control yourself! I dug my fingernails into my palms to try and keep my brain clear from the fog that Edward had created._

_“Edward!” Ivy hissed and grabbed my arm and pulled me away from him and standing in front of me glaring at him hands on her hips. “Don't corrupt her!” Ivy had gotten protective of me (for some reason) but i'm sure that if someone said she had to kill me to protect Harley she would maybe hesitate for a second._

_“Miss Isley, shes already corrupted.” Scarecrow said looking me up and down. I blushed even more than I already was, Scarecrow looked satisfied._

_“Thats not what i'm talking about and you know it, idiot.” Ivy said switching her glare to Scarecrow for a couple seconds but sending it full blast back at Edward. To his credit he didn't even twitch._

_He looked the picture of ease a smirk on his face and his arms crossed in front of his chest. “I don't think shes going to join your ‘hate all men club’ anytime soon. She enjoyed our little encounter too much.” He sounded so sure of himself and was looking at me with those green eyes._

_“Ya, well Ivy never said that did she Eddie?” Harley asked standing next to Ivy forming some kind of barricade in front of me._

_“Harley, Ivy, you do-” I started but Harley cut me off by holding one of her hands up._

_“Don't worry we'll take care of it!” Harley said giving me a reassuring smile. “Don't worry about it!” She addressed Edward “Eddie, I personally think that you're doing the right thing. Your good at this kind of stuff, from what I see. But, you need to give Jonny a chance he’s more inexperienced in this kind of thing. For this to be fair you both need to get chances to win her over, its a bad thing to force her into a decision.” Harley gave a smile like she solved the biggest problem and skipped back over to the Joker._

_“What?” I squeaked in disbelief at what she had just said. Its like she just gave them the ok to harass me and get into my personal space, or gas me, or put me in a death maze. Its the last two things that really worried me quite a bit, those two are extremely unpredictable I never know what they are going to do next the last two could be what they had planned for when they escaped._

_“Harley, thats not what I was getting at.” Ivy said exasperated, looking to Harley who didn't seem to notice completely occupied by Joker. “I wish I had all of my plants.” She said this more to herself. “I miss my babies.”_

_“I'm not cheating, so I don't see why I have to change what i'm doing.” Edward said coming closer and stepping around Ivy to stand in front of me. “Besides, she doesn't want me to stop.”_

_I figured denying it would make his weird internal lie detector go off. I told him that I had a belly button piercing and he immediately said I was lying, it was kind of freaky right after I said it he told me I was lying. I'm just glad that he hasn't asked if I have a tattoo. “That might be true,” I said “But, you can still be kind of annoying.” And getting a little brave I went and stood on my toes so I could reach his ear. “You aren't the only one that can exploit the opposite sexes weaknesses.”_

_“I'll take that as a challenge.” He replied_

__

_Later we were all in the rec room taking up the time that was supposed to be group therapy. They told us that we weren't going to have it till a week after Megan got out of solitary. And since no group therapy all of them were taken in in ones and twos to have an extra session, the doctors liked their therapy here. Since Megan was put in solitary our court date was pushed back it was supposed to happen the wednesday of her second week, which meant that I still don't have an assigned doctor for therapy. And right now the two in therapy were Edward and Ivy and I found myself REALLY bored, extremely bored. Harley and Joker were being gross and I couldn't bring myself within 15 feet of them, Penguin found an encyclopedia of birds and was looking at that intently, Two-Face was tossing a coin again and again (I honestly had no desire to talk to him) and Jonathan was as usual reading a large book that probably weighed....a lot._

_I guess that its time to see whats all in that bookcase. I stood and made my way over to it the first book I saw was one that I had a strong urge to defile ‘Alice in Wonderland’ I still don't know what exactly happened to get them both in solitary, earlier was about the tenth time I had asked the Rogues to tell me but every time they said that it would be best if Megan told me._

_I moved the book to the top of the bookshelf so I didn't have to look at it and tried to find something of interest. My eyes searched the shelf and landed on a book titled ‘The Secret Life of Bees’ and figured that it would be interesting enough to keep me from my impending death of boredom. I turned around opening the book and looking to see how many pages it was; 302. I was suddenly pushed into the wall next to the bookshelf the spot partially obscured by it. I dropped the book out of shock and my hands were gripped by one and held behind my back making it near impossible to move my arms._

_“I’ve taken into consideration Harleys words.” A calm cool voice said and I instantly recognized it as Jonathans._

_“Which ones?” I asked struggling a little in his grip. “Harley says lots of things.”  I finally looked up at him._

_His lips twitched into an almost smile. “Is seems as if Edward is trying to take this situation to his advantage. I need to make sure that i'm not left behind, he and everyone else think that i'm not adept in these kinds of things. They forget that i'm not ignorant.” He looked at me, as he was talking he was looking to the side like he was planning something. “Its been awhile since i've had to fight for what I want.”_

_“Oh?” I said wondering what even possessed the two villains to want to fight over me. I thought back to what Megan had said; I'm not really the smartest person, and I can't find myself believing that i'm pretty enough for this to be happening. Maybe they're both bored? I'm terrified and loving it at the same time, i'll find myself slowly adjusting to the crazy situation._

_“You're like an object that we both want but only one of us can have.” He said probably sensing my turmoil. So one can tell what i'm thinking by a twitch of my pinkie finger and the other can catch me in any lie not matter how small. I'm most likely going to be embarrassed a lot._

_“So i'm like a bite size cookie?” I asked finding that was the only analogy that wouldn’t  confuse the heck out of me and take me an hour to figure out._

_He raised an eyebrow at me. “Essentially”_

_“Great,” I grumbled “I'm a cookie.” And he unexpectedly pressed his body flush with mine leaving me breathless._

_“A warm sugar cookie.” Did he just call me a warm sugar cookie? That can't be Jonathan he just doesn't say things like that. And his lips were on my neck. I doubt that Jonathan would do something like that, either Scarecrows in control or he is telling Jonathan what to do. I felt his tongue dart out and taste my skin. “And you taste much better.” My breathing had increased almost tenfold and I felt shivery. Definitely not Jonathan. Dear Lord something about those two men....._

_“Great,” I said faintly. And he was gone, kinda disappearing like ‘POOF!’ I stood there trying to figure out what had just happened. I finally bent down and picked up the book I had dropped and went to sit back down on the center of the beat up couch. I opened the book and without taking any of the words in started to read._

_Something about those two was going to kill me, i'm just not really sure what it is anymore. I looked up from my book realizing something._

_Now I really want cookies._

* * *

 

**Thoughts swirled around my head violently as I anxiously paced around the room; back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Everything looked so strange, weighed down by this strange blurriness that I couldn’t make sense of. It was all white chaos, all unknown to me. And it was all unacceptable.**

**Overwhelmingly every single part of my body was shaking uncontrollably, quivers rippling through my skin like dreaded waves. When stress starts to take its toll on me and laughing absolutely refuses to show its saving grace, my body reacts by violently shaking. As though every single limb in my body is a tectonic plate, scraping against each other. Everything...is so....shaky. My chest keeps on shuddering and my breath came out in detached pants. This was familiar to me. Something that was almost like a seizure, but not quite. Anytime back at public school when I’d have to go to the bathroom, it would drive me insane. Desperately all day, I’d try to hold it in, until I was absolutely positive that I would pee my pants if I held on for any second longer. Eventually, my bladder would make it clear that I’d just have to face the impending doom. Despite how much I HATED it, I’d have to go.  At that moment, when restraint was becoming so difficult, I’d beg for a friend to come along with me. Sometimes, that’d work and...I’d be safe. Because if I was with others, I’d be safe. Not that I think that I’d be hunted down by others, but I’d be safe from myself. And the scary thoughts going through my head. And the tightness in my throat... I absolutely hated those teachers that would make me have to walk alone. I despised what they did to me, the torture that they’d force on my strained bladder. Walking to the restroom was...vexing at best. I’d always get a thrill from seeing people in the hall, even if it was a stranger, a face that I didn’t know. Because then, in that moment when I saw another face, my trembles would calm the slightest bit and I could let out a breath of relief. There was another person in the hall with me...I wasn’t alone...I wasn’t alone. I was so happy that I wasn’t alone! But then came the worst part: the bathroom. And the fact that it was usually so dreadfully empty. I could almost collapse in despair every time I saw all of those stalls, with their doors wide open. It was terrifying. I’d always be as fast as I could, but no matter how quick I was, I’d be shaking uncontrollably in the end where it’d take me at least five attempts to finally squirt soap in my hands. Breathing would become labored...difficult. My lungs felt as though they were on fire. In the end, I’d always have to resort to splashing water on my face and regain my cool, try to shake the stress off. And then I’d book it back to class, run as fast through the hallways as I could without getting busted by a hall monitor. Then when I’d finally make it back to the class, I’d feel as though I could breathe. As though everything was right in the world once again, the earth could keep on spinning, I could keep on living! Delighted laughs would shake my body then and I’d go back to my desk, humming some song. Everyone would find it strange, how cheerful I’d be. No one quite understood. But then again, no one saw me dig my nails into my tight-clad knees, breaking through the crescent-shaped breaks of clarity in order to calm myself down. Not even Bridgette, Cam, or Her knew why I’d “trip” so much and have bloody knees.**

**So shaking...uncontrollably...I get that. I’ve been through it before, where not a single part of me won’t stop moving, where my words come out in shaky stutters. It’s a fact of my life that this would happen to circumstances like this, for as long as I can remember! But...it’s never been like this before. Back then it was only five minute trips to the stupid bathroom! And now it was... I don’t know how long I’ve been in here. They refuse to shut off the lights for fear of not having my every single action illuminated by bright light, scared of what I’ll do in the dark. It’s crazy how my mind goes insane by this notion, how it entertains itself with the thought of what exactly do they think I’ll do. Blow a hole in the wall? Somehow stab someone? What!? They say that it’s only precaution, that they do it for all the unfortunate souls who come in this blasted room, but I can see it in their eyes. They don’t trust me. And the only thing that confuses me there is whether they distrust more when I’m basked in red light or cloaked in darkness! Because I myself, honestly did not know.**

**So I couldn’t tell apart the days by lights, like how I would back in my wonderful old cell. It was all a bloody mystery! I could’ve been in here for hours...days...weeks. Heck, I could’ve even been stuck in this hell for only a few seconds, but the paranoia of being alone stretches time into a stupid elastic rubber band! I don’t know. I just don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. And the absolute ignorance to it all is killing me.**

**Couldn’t they put a freaking clock in this torture room!? Is that too much to ask of these demons!? Just a clock...and maybe...the twitching would stop just a little. Then I could tell the time, and relax just a little, and-and...and the ticking... The ticking-ohmigosh it would drive me insane! Just this constant tick-tick-tick sound, going on for the span of eternity in this cursed silence, reminding me of every second that I’m stuck in this place. Tick-tick-tick. Auaghh, I could just imagine it in my head, feel myself freaking out with each and every stupid second that I’m trapped here!! No, a clock is a bad idea. I’d tear that idiotic thing off of the wall and smash into millions of miserable pieces, yank the gears out of their dented plastic shell, bend the ridiculous hands until they snapped in two! And then, with those millions of little asinine pieces, I’d take them and-**

**Suddenly I froze in my pacing, shoulders tensed in shock. Wide-eyed, I gaped at the ground. The meals...oh my goodness, how could I have possibly forgotten the meals!?**

**Cheering, I spun around and dove into the corner where I kept all the trays of useless food that has been given to me through a slot at the bottom of the door. In absolute stubborn refusal, I won’t eat a single piece of food. This pain gnawing in my stomach like a hungry beast, weighing down my veins as though they were weighed down with steel: it’s one of the things that keeps me through. Pain. Ultimate motivation, a wonderfully excellent distraction from the real damage going on in here. Oh, you underestimate the power of a stomach ache until it’s the very thing that keeps you going. The most I’d ingest from the pitiful trays they give me are the glasses of water. Anxiously I sip from the water as I pace across the room, feeling the coolness of the water flow all the way down my throat into my empty stomach, feel it relax all the tension in that designated spot. Sometimes, after I down all the water, I being to hurl the plastic glasses at the suffocating white walls, watching them bounce harmlessly off with this strange desperation while renegade water droplets fly everywhere. I toss them at the wall, bounce them off the floor, and hurl them at the ceiling, waiting for one day when a cup fall back down and smack me across the face in vengeance. They never does though. Its curves affect the angle at which it falls, and I always seem to be in the same stupid free zone every single time.**

**Biting my teeth down on my bottom lip for an aggravated second, I stood there in agony. Until the blossoming pain became a dazzling heat on my mouth, I finally withdrew my teeth and sighed. Oh well. Maybe someday the cups will gain enough of a backbone against me and try to rebel. While they may be plastic, it’s still possible for them to break, they need to strike back while they still can...**

**Startled I blinked at the thoughts in my head. Oh man...I really needed people! I thirsted for someone spontaneous, eccentric, with these gorgeously bizarre thoughts spilling out of their mouth at such a strong rate that I don’t have to worry with plotting my own entertainment! Alone...alone...**

**“Awww,” I moaned with a tortured whimper. I’m going to die. I’m all alone and I’m going to die, I know it, I’m just going to die, die, die. People...people...I NEED people!**

**Breathing became even more difficult and for a moment I couldn’t see past this stunning panic. Ready or not, it’s like total paranoia. Letting out a strangled sound, I collapsed to my knees and began counting the trays. But everything was so twisted and nothing made sense! Numbers got jumbled, jumbled numbers morphing into incoherent letters, incoherent letters becoming symbols I didn’t understand!! “Ah-UGH!” I groaned and threw back my head. For the first time, in a long time...I almost felt like crying. I really honestly, felt like crying as my lips morphed into a devastated frown. But I hadn’t cried for Her, and I couldn’t cry now. Not when I was alone. Not when I was fixing to drown in this fear.**

**Hands shaking, I stacked the trays, mushing metal on top of unused food, counting each and every tray carefully.  There were so many trays, so, so many. Why hadn’t they cleaned them out? Oh. Mumbling madness, it came together in my mind. They must do cleanup duty during REM sleep, when their torture victims are too tired to notice. But, I...I in my lunacy noticed all too much! I couldn’t sleep-not at all. Not a wink, not a blink, sleep...was unachievable. Or actually, it was forbidden. Because as soon as I wake up, for a blissful second, I’ll forget all of what happened. For a second...I’ll forget that I’m alone. And I didn’t want the first thing I wake up to to be a nightmare. I couldn’t do that, I just couldn’t! Screaming slightly, I tried focusing on counting trays. One...two...suddenly came out an uncontrollable shudder that blocked out all thoughts. Grimacing, I continued. Three...four...five...slowly, the numbers began to slowly stack up in my head. Slowly, I leaned back and blinked. Twenty-one trays. There were twenty-one freaking trays, and divide that by three meals a day-**

**A week.**

**Alone...for a whole week...**

**No. No, no, no, that CAN’T be right, they couldn’t have possibly kept me in here for this long! No. No. No. NO!!**

**“GET ME OUT OF HERE!” I screamed, jumping up to my feet and threw myself around the room. “GET. ME. OUT!!!!!!” I bellowed, my throat turning raw. I had stopped this screaming antic seven meals ago, finding it to be pointless. No one would come-no matter how much I screamed. I’d be here absolutely alone, regardless to how it drove me insane. Because no one cared. It was redundant, and it was hopeless, and it just left me even more broken in the end. But now it couldn’t be helped. I didn’t CARE if it was ILLOGICAL, I didn’t CARE if it brought me NOWHERE. I-did-not-CARE! “Please!” I begged desperately, something that I never do. “I know you all are watching me! I know! I’m not stupid. Please just let me out! I don’t care how you punish me for what I did! Just do anything but this, ANYTHING. You can beat me in a torture room, hang me by my toenails, you can- INJECT ME WITH SCARECROW’S TOXIN! At least then it would FAKE, it wouldn’t be REAL. There would be some solace in this pain! Just please take me out of here!” A moan came out of my lips and I slumped against a wall. Ohmigosh. Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, ohmigosh. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m really, really SORRY! I should have never done that to Mad Hatter, he didn’t deserve it. And I’m-I’m- I wasn’t even myself then! I’m never like that! I’ve never even punched someone before, let alone try to kill them.” Bile came up my throat and I sank down to the ground, pulling my knees into my chest. “Just let me out! I feel absolutely terrible and I...I...” I moaned as I buried down my face. “I don’t want to be alone. Please. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”**

**I don’t want to be alone...I don’t want to be alone...**

**I can’t stand it any longer.**

**As usual, no one assisted me and I was left in here to rot. Tears were itching behind my eyes like torture and I whimpered, digging my nails into my palms. Pain blossomed and out popped this opening to clarity, an exit to sanity. Gratefully I shoved myself through it, breaking out the other side when- “Ah!” I gasped, leaning forward. Suddenly the tears left me and the shaking stopped, as clarity edged all the blurriness away. Heavily I panted, a grin coming onto my face. I...I made it. I didn’t cry. I didn’t cry!**

**Gratified, I gaped at my fingernails in wonder, turning my hands over. Maybe...these would...pull me through... Relieved, I laughed, except it felt broken, my melody off. This was just a single step to salvation, but I was on my way there...**

* * *

 

*One Week Later*

_Two weeks. Megans been in solitary for two weeks, is she ok? What was it like to be alone for two whole weeks? I haven't thought about it much, I completely forgot about her. Thats bad right? Does that mean that i'm an awful person? A horrible friend? One thing I think I am though is a sadistic b****. Thoughts that shouldn't ever enter a sane persons head have been dancing around my brain like humming-birds hyped up on speed or ecstasy, possibly acid. What would it be like to watch the light dim from someones eyes as they died? And I want to see it, to be the one to take it away to watch as they looked at me and turned into an empty husk, everything that made them a person gone. I've imagined so many different ways for this to happen, the one that seemed to be my favorite is to watch as someone gets electrocuted. So many different ways to be electrocuted.... I would prefer to see them die in that way, but i'd settle for strangulation or bleeding out if I had to. Oh my God. What is wrong with me!?_

_The only thing that seems to keep these thoughts out of my head is thinking about Edward trying to figure out his riddles that every once in awhile I could answer. His questions distract me from these...thoughts? Fantasies? But, the twitchiness or should I say bloodlust? Is still in the back of my mind ALL THE TIME. I haven't had time to think about my friend. Something that I have figured out about my two admirers (If I can even say that) they both have different reasons to want me. Reasons I haven't fully figured out yet. I find myself mostly wary around Jonathan, sure he is still handsome in my eyes its just the way he looks at me like he wants to eat me, like a starving wolf._

_Through this whole inner monologue i've been staring sightlessly at the book I chose a long time ago i'm almost done with the book but I have no clue as to what it is about. The book was abruptly snatched from my hands. I stared at my hands stupidly for a couple long moments. I slowly looked up and saw Harley holding the front cover of it between her thumb and forefinger. The book dangled helplessly in front of her._

_“Hey!” I said processing the situation. “I was reading that!”_

_“A bit of a delayed reaction don't you think?” Edward asked me, he was sitting next to me on the battered couch rapidly solving, twisting back up, and solving again a rubix cube. How he got it? Not a clue._

_“Ya, well, shut up.” I scowled at him he didn't look up from his rubix cube but I could still see that annoying yet cute smirk. Thinking about death and how cute/hot a criminal is, yep i'm definitely the picture of sanity. Even with my death thoughts i've gotten more comfortable around the Rogues except Joker and Jonathan. I'm not all ‘tell all my secrets and vulnerabilities trusting them with my life’ kind of comfortable. Just kind of ‘their not going to kill me as soon as I turn around’. Just going to show how not ok I am I shouldn't be trusting them at all, yet I do I really do. I've even gone back to my normal teasing and smiling every once in awhile but carefully avoiding the terms crazy, insane, stupid, and anything related to those words_

_“So whatca been thinkin’ about?” Harley asked throwing the book over her shoulder like it was nothing._

_Ok, guess heres my chance. “What’s it like to kill someone?” I asked pushing the words out before I chickened out._

_“Now, why would you want to know that, Gardenia?” I was starting to really like Ivys nickname for me it made me feel innocent. Even though i'm realizing i'm getting farther and farther away from that everyday._

_“I'm curious.” I said honestly I really wanted to know. “What is it like to be in control to be the one to decide if someone lives or dies? To watch as the life fades out of their body and the heat fades till the body is left cold? What is it like?” My voice held a plea a desperate note making my voice go up a few notches, voice wavering with an intense need._

_“Its not something that we can describe to you, doll!” Joker said glee written all over his face overjoyed by my question. “That is something you have to figure out on your own.” His voice was low and dangerous and he put scary emphasis on the ‘t’s. I shuddered at how serious and scary he had gotten so suddenly._

_Edward had finally looked up from his rubix cube and looked at me intensely. His head tilted to the side by the smallest fraction. “Everyday something else to add.” His fingers tapped on his rubix cube then he let it drop from his hands letting it rest beside him and his hand moved to my knee and squeezed lightly. “Adding more knots and tangles. What will I find when its all solved?” His hand sent tingles through my body._

_“What will I be to you once i'm ‘solved’?” He tapped his fingers on my knee like he did with the rubix cube. I grew increasingly nervous the longer he stayed silent._

_“We’ll both figure out that puzzle when we get to it won't we?” He asked taking his hand from my knee leaving me wanting his touch thinking that if he only left his hand there a second longer would be a second less of him not touching me. That is definitely not a good thing to want._

_I have only felt a small hint of what I am now for Edward before, and I have no one to talk to about it right now. Ivy would probably tell me that guys are not good for me, and I haven't decided if Harley will go tell Joker what I tell her and then he would shout it to all of Gotham. There isn't anyone else I can think of to ask. I need some answers I need help, I don't want to need answers and help. What is going on with me? Having unknown feelings for Edward, wanting to know what its like to play God and kill people, having these URGES normal ones that every person goes through but towards a criminal, and ones that make me think that I do belong in a straight jacket. So many questions, so many thoughts, so many doubts, so many wants, it feels like too much, like my head is going to explode it I don't let it out soon. I will for sure lose myself if I can't let it all out I'll be left a quivering broken mess if I don't let it all go and follow my instincts, and just DO IT._

_I need it, I crave it, I want it, and I will get it. What is IT exactly? I don't know now but I'm sure that I will when I have it, and I think I know now but I need to be sure. I have to be without a doubt knowing and I need to know soon._

_“I never was am always to be, No one ever saw me nor ever will. And yet I am the confidence of all to live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.” The riddle stumped me there was nothing I could think of._

_“The future?” I asked him uncertainly. He looked me up and down I turned my head away from his gaze. Not wanting him to see me fully squirm but of course meeting the gaze of Jonathan. His cool emotionless face sending uncomfortable shivers down my spine._

_“No, maybe you need to think over the riddle before you answer. The way you keep getting these wrong should make you a bit worried. Its tomorrow.” He sounded a little annoyed that I didn't answer correctly. But, only a little the other part of him sounded arrogant like he knew that he is so much better, that part of him is kind of annoying. Then, he reached his arm out and slid it around my waist and yanking me close to his side probably seeing Jonathan looking at me. He was probably trying to show his possession of me. Which resulted in a stare down between them, Scarecrow stood up not breaking eye contact with Edward and sat down on my other side. I sat petrified between the two._

_“You can't keep her by your side forever Edward. She will be on our table and you can't do anything about it. And i'll make sure that you hear every scream that my little sugar cookie utters.” I guess Scarecrow has a name for me now. I was really hoping that he didn't like sweets. Scarecrow put his hand on my thigh and painfully squeezed electing a whimper from me. Could I sound anymore weak? I might as well tell him my fears now so it won't be so drawn out._

_“Get your hand off of her, Scarecrow.” Edward growled sounding dangerous neither of them were unusually strong but were fairly matched without their ‘props’. They still are more than likely stronger than me. I could feel/see Scarecrow fade away and Jonathan was once again in control._

_Jonathan lightly slid his hand up and down my thigh unconsciously a couple of times then he seemed to realize what he was doing and pulled it away like he was burned. “I don't approve of Scarecrows nickname for Miss Paige but he is right about her being on our table.” He stood up and went back to his chair and once again burying his nose in a book. Acting like nothing happened._

_Edward was seething, he didn't like others touching what he considered his. He had told me so a few days ago after, he told me that he considered me his.(Or actually Harley did but he never denied it) I don't like to be thought about as property but it was a lot better than to be considered disposable.And come to think of it I have done nothing to discourage either of these villains from trying to ‘own’ me. Should I try to? Do I want to? I really don't think I do. His hand clenched and unclenched at my side and I wiggled slightly next to him hating myself for feeling that coiling heat and desire rise in me because I was so close to him._

_Ivy looked at me disapprovingly apparently she can sense when the hormone levels rise in people. You learn something new everyday right? I'm learning all kinds of fun little facts about these criminals. And everytime I do I get even more intrigued. I'm starting to think that if I as normal I would be trying to get away after learning some of these things. It kind of scares me how easily i'm letting myself become comfortable with them._

* * *

 

**I** **t’s strange; the chemicals in one’s body. There are so many different stimuli, so many different reactions. So many different thrill rides. While a pain, hormones can be your saving salvation. Things that are just biology...anatomy...cause and effect playing out unconsciously inside your body. It’s really quite fascinating. Like how your stomach growls when you’ve deprived it of food for too long. Or how these splendid endorphins are released from your body after running, making you feel like you’re gliding on air. Or...how all things important just seem to fade away when you have a moment of wonderful clarity. Life is so magnificent then. All that you need, is a little opening to let all the steam out...**

**But, like every high, there’s a crash. And the crash hurts. One second I’m giggling to myself, singing songs to occupy the time, when next I’m spinning on an emotional pinwheel, a combination of seething rage and dark depression. I could be kneeled in front of the door, painfully begging for something other than a hand to visit me; or I can be screaming at the top of my lungs and running around, kicking walls. The thing is-they’re both extreme. Emotions that I don’t normally allow myself to travel to pull me under in one enormously unexpected wave. Clarity can’t approach myself in that moment, everything about me then is either too strung high or drowned to pay any attention to my “rational” side. I’m swept away by shouts or begs, carried on soaring wings with one emotion. Working myself to an exhausted heap, I let those emotions travel their course until I’m collapsed on the white floor, panting. Everything inside me is screaming then, emotions piling too high for a body so exhausted. In that moment, everything is teetering on this cautious edge, an edge I tend to stray away from. It’s the sheer face of a looming cliff face, where the heart-stopping plummet leads all the way to my breaking point. Where I’ll finally submit myself to my urges and bawl. But tears would be the last straw. Already I’m all by myself, something that I loathe with every single fiber in my being, so doing that...doing that is unacceptable. That’d be the ultimate sign that I truly have no more control, that I’ve lost myself in the vast whiteness of Arkham. And that can’t happen.**

**While I lay there, writhing on the floor, animal instinct to fight, to survive, comes surging from within me. Clarity nudges at me from behind, coaxing me with it’s addicting deliciousness.  There’s a way out of this agony. I can still back away from the cliff edge. Using my very own hands, I can navigate myself back to the pathway of giddy giggles and musical melodies. It’s an exhilarating temptation. It’s being handed a glass of ice water when you haven’t drank in days, thrown a lifeline when you’re in the middle of an ocean, it’s the saving grace when you’ve lost all hope. It’s the drug, offered to the lost soul suffering from withdrawal. Clarity is impossible to resist; I have to take it, I just have to! And so it kind of.. just happens.**

**Part of me is disgusted with it. Part of me knows that what I’m doing is just flat-out wrong. That part also knows, that if Bridgette found out what I have to do in order to keep myself from falling, she’d rather gravity just take its toll. My best friend...she’d be so disappointed. And honestly, I think she’d be scared for me. She’s always worried about me and my flightiness; scared that I’ll one day cross the street without looking both ways, talk to strangers, or jump without looking down. She realizes that I’d do all of this with a blissfully unknowing smile on my face. Bridgette, she’s always been the rational hand to hold me back, to tell me no, let me know when she thinks I’ve gone too far. Sensibility is her strong suit, I always feel like she thinks she has to hold my hand to keep me from doing something regrettable, look over her shoulder to make sure that I’m following along behind her. It’s not that she’s overprotective, not at all. It’s more like...she’s not so blind to the fact that there’s this ever-ticking time bomb inside of me. Wariness fills her as she waits for it to detonate. She’s trying to prevent it as much as she can. And with the way I resort to my clarity, I think that she’d be frightened with how close I’m reaching that explosion. Actually, the part of me I mentioned earlier knows she’d be terrified for my sake.  But that  part fades away as easily as salt stirred warm water. Soon it dissolves into nothingness; still there, but no longer visible.**

**Everything rational lifts away, as the giggles come over and my favorite color pink darkens to a deeper shade...**

**When clarity hits, it doesn’t come hand in hand with reality. Yes, that is contradictory to what it means, but you’d just have to be there in order to understand. You’d have to watch the world explode into pristine precision as fantasy takes over in order to fully grasp how paradoxes like that make absolute sense. The glee feels so genuine even though it comes from imagined circumstances. It doesn’t matter whether it’s real or not. Not really.**

**Because when I start to giggle and sing songs, the whiteness surrounding me explodes into vibrant colors. Rainbows shroud the place and a comforting light replaces the blinding light bulbs I have now. And soon, I’m no longer by myself, but flocked with dozens of people, each with such imaginative personalities that I never get bored. Relationships as fleeting as a breath but as thrilling as a rollercoaster. Sometimes, through the crowd of people and over shoulders, I catch glimpses of a painted red smile, blonde pigtails, flawless green skin, a curved beaky nose, a face marred into two halves, a cane molded into the shape of a question mark, or a pair of glasses covering frosty blue eyes. Sometimes, I go over and talk to these exciting people, blown away by the fun I can have with them. With them, they’re the most exotic amusement park ride ever. It’s always high-paced climbs, stomach-dropping plummets, and fast spirals through loops; there’s never a flat rail, never a chance to slow down and grow accustomed to the adrenaline. It’s there, twenty-four seven, a constant supply of entertainment. But then again, that is sometimes. They are new additions after all.**

**Usually what happens, is I see the few people that I actually wholeheartedly love. Normally see tall and handsome Cam, and we dance together as brother and sister while I tease him about how he keeps stepping on my feet. Back then, when I was real little, he used to be the more talented dancer. He’d plop me right on top of his feet and twirl me around, singing in that honey voice of his. He’s the one who taught me how to count the rhythm and move your body to it. He’s the one who led me hand-in-hand to the dancefloor. But dedication to school had distracted his talent to the point of where he now fumbles around the room awkwardly, trying to feign graceful movement. No matter though. It’s still sweet, how he’s willing to trail after his little sister and swing with her to the music. And then I also usually see Bridgette. We swivel our dress-clad hips side to side, and yell to each other over the music, laughing over nothing like we always do. Bubbly jokes sparkle to the surface, enticing excitement. It’s the bountiful fun that used to be intertwined in the air we breathe. She is my best friend, smiling  beautifully at me, placed in front of a collage of twirling people. And then sometimes, when I’m not dancing with my two beloved, I’m visited from the other side. Normally, She’s there also, laughing at me with a thick voice, commenting on how she loves this song. As usual, She is gorgeous, the way she was before she was corrupted inside out. But of course, none of that comes to mind. In this deliria, all the darkness is blotted out. Everything is the way it used to be...the way it is supposed to be. Just as us four, walking on earth as though it were Heaven.**

**That’s what clarity brings me. Amazement and elation. It’s a splendid diamond compared to the pile of poop that my alternative is. It’s either this delusion or tearing my hair out/begging at an unlistening world to please pay attention to me. Those bring me groveling at the bottom. This though, this has me flying at the top. So it’s really no question that I do what I do. It’s completely understandable. It’s either break inside and be utterly alone, or pretend that I’m surrounded by people.**

**Besides...I can’t stand to be alone. I just can’t.**

**Right now, I was splayed on my cot, hands clasped on my stomach at I hummed at the ceiling. In that moment I was descending, my wings of feathers and wax melting in the sun. Soon, I was going to be consumed by rage or pitiful gloom all over again. Once again, the battle to see if I could pull myself safely out the other side was fixing to ensue. What battle wounds would I get this time around? No telling at this point, when I was still hesitantly marching to the front line. But still, I could catch colorful splashes dotting the corners of my visions. Cam’s song played in my head and I quietly sang the notes. I was fixing to realize that I was alone...I was fixing to realize that I was alone... My eye started to twitch as slowly a frown etched in my face.**

**The door swung open that I almost didn’t hear it for a moment. I would’ve just laid there, settling into my impending doom, if it weren’t for the string plucked in my heart. It was the melody of a strong note on an elegant harp. Automatically, I could feel the presence of someone else in the room. It’s a sixth sense that develops with a person who can’t stand to be alone. You learn to be able to pick up when refuge is coming your way in the form of company.**

**“Megan,” said a familiar voice and I bolted up in my cot breathlessly. Standing by the door was Goldilocks, with a strange expression on his face.**

**A thrill of excitement pulsated through me in an instant rush. “Blonde guard!” I exclaimed and flew off the cot, throwing my arms around his neck. He stumbled back a few steps, startled. Prisoners didn’t do this to guards. That was common sense. But it didn’t matter at all, because SOMEONE CAME TO VISIT ME. AND I WAS NO LONGER ALONE!! Freedom, freedom, freedom, I’m finally freed of the chain that’s tied me down to solitary attitude! I’m soaring, I’m flying,  I’m no longer alone, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not!**

**“Megan!” he gasped and it suddenly occurred to me how he was saying my name.**

**Pulling away in exhilaration, I sneered at him with a wink. “That’s bad guarding sir. I’m supposed to be only a number to you.”**

**A blush rose on his face. “I-”**

**Happily I laughed. “Hey, will you dance with me?” I giggled.**

**Bewilderment overcame him. “What?” he spluttered.**

**Ignoring his confusion, I tugged him into the room, twirling him around. Tilting my head back, I closed my eyes and sang my brother’s song, dancing around the room. This was absolutely delightful! Stunned, he wrapped his arms around my waist, somehow able to keep up with my high paced rhythm. When I was like this, it was easy to forget the reason why I was so excited about. When with others, the memory that I was absolutely alone mere seconds ago seems to disappear in the woodwork. I didn’t recall how many times  I have thrown myself at the door, grasping onto the hand that pushes meals through my door, pleading with it to please come visit me. I’ve spent what feels like forever, begging while holding onto a hand that tries their absolute best to pull away. I forgot how I’ve desperately wished for my fingers to fuse to the strangers so that they couldn’t abandon me again. Because that’s absolutely ridiculous! It’s absurd! How could I have been alone when I was waltzing with someone right now? Singing with laughs melded in my voice, I was in complete content peace.**

**Goldilocks was in puzzled silence as he let me sing my joy out. After a while and countless revolutions around the room, he finally spoke. “That’s a...beautiful song you’re singing.”**

**Suddenly my feet stopped moving and Goldilocks awkwardly halted, twirling me around by accident as he stumbled. Gathering myself, I rolled my shoulders back and smiled wistfully at him. I wasn’t alone anymore. I wasn’t, I wasn’t, I wasn’t! This was exhilarating! Intoxicating! Being around other people was such an invigorating rush! But my smile became sad as I looked up at him.**

**“Yeah...it is,” I grinned and cast my gaze to the side. “It’s my favorite.”**

**I could feel his silver eyes on me. “It sounds sad. Is that Beethoven?”**

**The thought made me delighted. Beethoven...he thought that a piece my brother composed was by Beethoven! Cam would be so happy, I can’t wait to- Oh yes. I can’t tell him. Restlessness drummed my heart as I thirsted to tell my brother about this, how a stranger thought that his work was beautiful.**

**“No,” I shook my head. “It’s my brother. He wrote it.”**

**“Oh?” he asked. “Your brother is very gifted.”**

**Longing suddenly broke off my singing completely. Cam. Furrowing my eyebrows, I slid my arms away from his neck. Stepping backwards, I smiled to myself. “He is,” I murmured. Tilting my head, I turned around and glided over to my cot. Plopping down, I folded my legs to chest and propped my chin on my knees. Pursing my lips, I looked at Goldilocks but seemed to gaze straight through him. I’ve never gone this long without seeing my brother-ever. Even when Spanish Club was able to fund enough money to go on a month’s trip to Spain, I still video-chatted with him every single day. Having this long of a period without him was starting to take its toll. Same with Bridgette also. I suddenly ached to see my best friend with a strong ferocity as though it was an actual physical pain twisting at the muscles in my stomach. I miss her so much... My nose began to twitch. “So...” I began quietly, a sharp contrast to my usually brightly exuberant voice. “What brings you here Golden Boy?”**

**Tightly he swallowed. “Megan...” he started quietly, calmly. His placid voice was the withdrawal of the waves before they come crashing back, power multiplied by tons with the aid of an tsunami. “You know that we can see everything you do in here, right?”**

**Embarrassed, I fidgeted on top of my hard cot. Of course I knew that. It would be ridiculous to say that I didn’t. It’s just...it’s like Biology, when you’re suddenly opened to the fact that there are these billions of microscopic cells making up your body, each performing a small amazing act every second, until it changes into something big-like your arm moving. You know the fact. You’ve seen the lesson. It’s as marked on your brain as the wrinkles on there are. But still, there’s this small part that doesn’t quite believe the truth. Millions of facts proving this point can be hurled in your face, and while you both understand it, a small fraction of you is still dubious. After all, you can’t see it right? You don’t witness these things happening yourself after all. So while you’re both aware, you’re still in this small bubble of disbelief that just won’t quite leave you. That’s how it was in here. I understood fully that I was being carefully observed, but sometimes that didn’t quite register in my head. I could never find the cameras. And everything was so silent. Trapped in this room, locked inside my ultimate fear, it feels as though I’m the only person in the whole world...**

**“Yeah?” I asked, eyes already looking down in shame.**

**“So...they’ve noticed how you’ve only taken a single bite of your food since you’ve been here, and even that was really small,” he said, walking closer.**

**“Mm-hmm,” I stiffly nodded and a smile twitched up my lips. “Well the cuisine here isn’t exactly appetizing. I can hardly be blamed for my lack of interest.”**

**“That’s understandable, but you seemed just fine with eating it earlier when you would be in the Mess Hall.” A shiver of longing ran down my spine at mention of the cafeteria. That place  would be so  full of people anytime I went there... “And it’s not only that,” he continued, “but you barely sleep. The longest you sleep in this place is twenty minutes and that is fitful at best.”**

**And could I hardly be blamed? Anytime I closed my eyes it was dark. And terrifying. The images that would flash behind my eyelids were so graphic and gruesome that I couldn’t help but try to avoid it at all costs. But I felt as though that couldn’t be explained to him. My fear wouldn’t make sense to him, not unless he was able to see what I see. Only then would he being to comprehend my terror. So I dug my fingernails into my palms and started solemnly at the floor. “What else is on my list of grievances?”**

**“They seem to be...concerned with your mood swings.” Visibly I winced. So they didn’t grasp my version of clarity also. “They say that one second you can be screaming and tearing at the cell with your own fingers or pleading desperately for someone to come. It’s either you’re extremely angry or extremely depressed, you’re always on some far side of the spectrum. And then suddenly, you collapse to the floor in exhaustion and you-”**

**“Shut up,” I cut him off.**

**“...you...”**

**“I said shut up,” I interrupted him again.**

**“And then...you seem bizarrely ecstatic. You start dancing around your cell and sing as happily as possible, stopping for moments to carry out one-sided conversations with people that aren’t there. You giggle and hum, completely opposite of the emotional mess you were just minutes before.”**

**“And what’s wrong with that?” I snapped bitterly. “What, is there a rule against having fun?”**

**“It’s just that your “fun” is unnatural, it’s forced. You keep on shoving this mask on your face at the strangest moments and it doesn’t make any sense to them. The most real you are in this room is when you’re either shouting at the world or begging for it to come back to you.”**

**“You don’t understand,” I said tightly.**

**“Then explain it to me,” he persisted and I flashed my head to glare at him to notice that he was closer than before. Angrily I glowered at him, feeling a tight constriction in my throat.**

**“I can’t be unhappy,” I choked out.**

**“What? Why?”**

**“It just doesn’t feel good, it feels terrible,” I seethed. “I can’t handle not being happy all the time, I just can’t. It isn’t natural, it isn’t right.”**

**“But everyone feels unhappy sometime,” he shook his head.**

**“But not  me!” I exclaimed. “I don’t do frowns, I don’t  do unpleasant emotions, it just doesn’t work for me! My body automatically rejects it as if I’m allergic to that kind of stuff. The only thing that I can’t handle more than that,” I took in a deep breath, “is being alone! I can’t do that, I can’t, I can’t!” My voice sounded thick, guttural, and I recognized it as the way people’s voice sounded when they were fixing to cry. No. Not this too.**

**“Megan-” he started brokenly and I shook my head.**

**“One time, when I was really little, I got seperated from my mom at the park for four hours. I don’t remember a single thing about it, not what I was doing, where I was, the only thing that I can remember is that my hair was in these really tight pigtails and how my  mom reacted when she found me,” I broke off with a twisted grimace. “She bawled incredibly hard when we were finally reunited , and hugged me so tight that I couldn’t really breathe. She kept on crying through her tears: “My poor little baby. You can’t be alone darling, you just can’t!” And she said that over, and over, and over again, until it was drilled in my brain. What had happened was unacceptable. Being alone is freakish. Being alone is unnatural. And being alone, is just something that I shouldn’t do,” I let out a strained whimper. “Afterwards, she refused to let me go, she even fell asleep with me in her arms, tangling my hair with her salty tears. She quit her job and devoted her time to always being by my side, no matter what. Anywhere I went: my mother was there. From that point on, I was never really alone again. There was always somebody by my side, whether it was my mom or big brother Cam. No more quietly being in my room and playing with my dolls. No more just lounging on the couch with the tv as my only company. That era was over. And eventually...I became used to it. Then loneliness became something sick and forbidden, something that I never did. Being alone became a sin, along with adultery, thievery, and murder. Having someone by my side is not a preference, it’s necessary. It’s as essential as air. And so this...” my lips trembled “...this...”**

**“Megan,” he spoke and put a hand on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry.” And he really did sound apologetic, as though he personally felt responsible for what had happened.**

**I let out a tortured sound and ducked my head, shivering uncontrollably. “Where are Cam and Bridgette? I need to see them please,” I begged.**

**“I’m sorry, but that isn’t going to happen,” he patted me sadly.**

**Crying out, I shook my head violently. “No, no, no. Please. I have to see them, please just let me go talk to them,” I insisted.**

**There was the briefest moment of silence as Goldilocks seemed at odds with what to say. “Megan,” he stated officially. “The doctors are concerned with you. They need to check you real quick.”**

**“No!” I exclaimed and fought my head up to look at him with blurry eyes. “I’m just fine. They only need to let me out of here and I’ll be perfectly okay.”**

**“No,” he shook his head and seemed extremely sad. Suddenly he reached for my forearm and this burning pain shot up from where he touched me.**

**“Stop it!” I snatched my arm away and recoiled in pain.**

**“You need to see this,” he said and made a grab for my arm again.**

**“NO!” I shouted and thrust my leg up, kicking him right between the ribs. Letting out a startled grunt, he stumbled backwards a couple of steps but then came right back, reaching for my again as though he had been completely unaffected. “Don’t touch me!” I screamed and tried rolling away, only to be pinned down his arms.**

**Desperately I squirmed around and tried to break free of his strong grasp. No. No, no, no.**

**“Megan,” he told me slowly but surely. “This is for your own good.” Before I could do anything, he grabbed onto my right wrist and yanked my arm high up, jerking down the orange sleeve. Loudly I gasped, trying to close my eyes, but it was too late. My little doorways to clarity...**

**In horror I gaped at the angry red scabs crisscrossing my skin.**

**  
  
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	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest we actually forgot we were posting here on Archive! So we're back to try and remedy that situation and continue uploading the chapters here. Just remember we also have this posted on fanfiction.net if you really wish to continue with the story! Thanks for reading!  
> And don't forget to comment it reminds us that our story exists here, and it helps us get amazing feedback!

Chapter 7

From the body of one guilty deed a thousand ghostly fears and haunting thoughts proceed.

William Wordsworth

**Have you ever done something so unspeakably horrible and was caught in the act? Sin and guilt plastered all over your body like a second skin? If you have, it's terrible isn't it? What makes it even worse though is when you feel no remorse whatsoever. You know full well that what you have done is terrible, yet you don't care a single bit. And what makes it even worse than that is when no one understand why you did what you have to do...**

_Being guilty doesn't always take away from the acts pleasure, sometimes guilt magnifies it. Yet still there are the little nagging doubts, but those can be just so easy to overcome._

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A/N: (Bridgette) Just wanted to let our readers know that we are using components from the other Batmans such as the movie, game, movies etc. Wanted to put that out there in case you come across something or someone that is not in the comics. ;) (Megan) And a quick shout-out to Ana-Shadow-Wolf, thank you soooo much for your reviews! Honestly, they made my day! I just sat there squealing in front of my computer for a full twenty minutes. So thank you so much for that and to everyone else, please review! We NEED criticism/support if we are ever to get better!

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*Two Days Later*

_I gripped the edge of the table tightly trying to control myself. Through gritted teeth I said "I thought that I wasn't to have any sessions till I was assigned one in court." My eyes flashed up to the female doctor in front of me I believe her name was_

_"You aren't." She said looking at a file in front of her. How do I already have a file? I haven't had any therapy sessions!_

_"Then why am I here!? Isn't this against regulation or something?" I felt a shock run through me like when someone touches you after they have been rubbing a balloon or quickly running their socks against a carpet. Just to a slightly larger extent, and no one touched me._

_" has approved this as well as your lawyer and father. They are all concerned at how close you and the rogues seem to be getting." She looked at me and I gripped the table harder and my hands protested screaming in pain._

_"I hardly think that that is a necessary reason." I told her trying so hard to keep my anger in check. "And besides I don't need therapy. I am completely fine." I said the last four words slowly and with barely contained malice._

_She ignored that last part. "It is highly necessary I assure you."_

_"Oh, and how is that?" I felt myself become more and more belligerent with each sentence this doctor says. The guards had without explanation took me out of my cell while I was enjoying the quiet while the others were at their own therapy sessions, while I was trying to keep those murderous thoughts out of my head. And that made me mad, it was the time I took to keep myself in check to convince myself not to strangle the guard that put on my handcuffs every time I left my cell with the chain connecting the cuffs wondering if his neck would snap before he passed out from lack of oxygen. Or from slamming the tray of food down on that one nurses head when she told me I needed to eat and repeatedly slamming it till her skull cracked under the pressure._

_"From the observations we have made two of the other inmates have shown possessive interest in you. You don't seem the least bit bothered by it. Don't you know what they have done? What they could do to you?" she folded her arms on the table and leaned forward._

_"I know who they are and what they are capable of, if that is what you're asking. And on the topic of me not being bothered maybe I just hide it well." I looked down at my hands cuffed, the orange jumpsuit. I shouldn't be in these things, they don't even know for sure if we did it! Another surge of anger and I jumped in my seat a flash of bluish silver had jumped from my hands. I closed my eyes and tried to convince myself that I was just seeing things._

_"What are your feelings toward their attentions?" She asked me and started tapping her pen repeatedly on the notepad in front of her. Watching me closely in the same kind of way Jonathan did, just not as creepy._

_"Well, since I know you want honesty. makes me feel uncomfortable, uneasy, frightened, excited, and transfixed. The last one less than the others." I might as well give her some information. What is the harm with a little bone thrown?_

_"What about the other inmate who seems to be around you most of the time?" She was quickly writing down what I had said and didn't look up as she asked the question missing my expression of irritation. I'm not going to tell this woman anything about that._

_"New subject doctor, this one is starting to bore me. Better yet lets end this little therapy session, hmm?" I looked at her expectantly hoping that she would stand up and say 'Ok, sessions over.'_

_"I'm afraid I can't do that. We are supposed to talk for the entire hour. I still have many questions for you." Of course it can't be that easy. This just might end on a sour note for . "Since you don't want to answer my previous question how about we move onto a different one. What were you studying in college?"_

_I crossed my legs and started to jiggle my foot, it was always hard for me to stay completely still, especially when I was agitated or angry. "I was double majoring in Forensics and Criminology and planning to take a small course in Psychology. Not because I wanted to but for what I want to do I need some experience in that field." She nodded and wrote something down on her notepad, I really don't like her doing that._

_"What was your childhood like?" asked after looking at a sheet of paper next to her. Good Lord! She has a cheat sheet!_

_"Such a generic question doctor! Don't you have anything better?" My foot started to jiggle just a tad bit faster._

_"Just answer the question." I could tell that similar responses to her questions have been made due to the slightly robotic tone of the sentence._

_"No need to get snippy doctor. My childhood was fine stable, with a few trama's here and there." My foot started to get tired and I started to bounce my other leg under my previously bouncing foot._

_"I understand that you only lived with your father. What happened to your mother?"_

_I clenched my jaw and refused to answer the question my throat closing a little. sighed and wrote somthing else down on her annoying notepad with her God awful pen._

_"Ok when you were first brought in here my colleague had talked to you because of the protocol for patents brought in in groups." 'I kind of think that was made up to get one of us to admit something about the crime we were accused of committing.' I thought snidely. "And she informed me that at the end of the session you screamed something about a girl named Emily. What is the significance of this girl?" My hands started to twitch and I uncrossed my legs and trapped them between my thighs so that I wouldn't lunge across the table at . "Was she a friend of yours?" I closed my eyes and tried to breathe evenly._

_"I'm not going to answer those questions doctor." I felt that feeling again the one where I felt like my head was going to explode._

_"You have already refused to answer two of my questions." Her hands were folded in front of her in a poised way, her back straight. She was the epitome of a professional._

_"So what, I only get to refuse a certain amount of questions before you try and force me to answer?" I glared at her and she showed no signs of uneasiness._

_"What was this girls last name?" I violently slammed my hands on the table but she still went on. "Did something happen to this girl? Was she important to you and your friend Miss Lane?"_

_"Doctor I advise you to quit asking questions about Emily. You're going to end up regretting it." My hands were in fists on the table and I was just about ready to jump out of my chair. It was probably a bad idea that the guards didn't chain me to it._

_"Are you threatening me, Miss Paige?" She asked hand going to hover over the button to call the guards. "You're going to have to answer these questions sooner or later. So why not answer me now." Her tone got forceful "Did something traumatizing happen concerning this girl?"_

_That was it. I snapped, I stood from the table and took long threatening strides around it before could turn around I slung the chain connecting my cuffs around her neck. No strange feeling came over me my vision was clear and it didn't go dark, this was all me. Nothing taking me over, nothing controlling me, this was purely ME. Her left hand went to her neck to try and take the chain off of her neck and her right was blindly searching for the button. I yanked the chain and forced her head back she started to sputter and and once again I tightened the chain. Her face was steadily turning red and was just barely starting to turn purple when her last attempt to get the button succeeded and I heard a buzzing sound in the distance. I hardly paid attention She was getting weaker from the lack of oxygen. I watched her face in amazement and wonder, I bit my bottom lip waiting impatiently for when her eyes turned glassy and her struggles stopped. This felt so good! To have this kind of control exhilaration coursed through my body and I yanked again and she fell unconscious just as the door burst open. I desperately yanked harder wanting to feel her life slip away by my own hands._

_Four guards rushed in two in front of the table and two flanking my sides one quickly jabbed a needle into my neck. The chain slackened on the doctors neck but I refused to get pulled under by the sedative. The guard that injected me pulled me forcefully away from . One of the other guards went immediately to the doctor and gently slapped her awake there was an ugly bruise forming on her neck. She wasn't dead! I tried to lunge forward in the guards arms but he held me I was weaker due to the sedative._

_"Get her out of here! Take her back to her cell! Now!" The guard who was tending to yelled at the other three._

_"I need to finish it! That witch has to die!" (Only I said what rhymes with witch) I kept struggling in the guards arms and the other two were forced to help him out. "She had the audacity to keep asking! I want to feel her neck snap!"_

_We arrived at the 'C wing' and I realized all the other rogues were back. The whole way I kept struggling against the three guards so it took longer to arrive._

_"What's got her riled up?" Two-Face asked eagerly pressing his palms against the glass door of his cell._

_"Let go of me I have to finish what I started!" I yanked my arm out of one of the guards grasps and elbowed him blindly in the nose and I heard a crack._

_"She broke my nose!" He shouted_

_"Get her another sedative, immediately!" I struggled against the other two as the third with the bloody broken nose hurried to get another needle. Seconds later the guard came back but before he injected the sedative he punched me in the ribs, hard. I doubled over and unexpectedly the other two guards let go._

_"She shocked me!" The third guard said. I was now kneeling on the ground._

_"How could she have shocked you!" Bloody nose guard said and lunged forward to try and inject me. I quickly crawled away and he missed._

_"She just did! I don't know how!" the first guard then grabbed me by the left wrist trying to force me down._

_"Let go!" I snarled at him his grip tightened and I felt the bone fracture. I screamed at him and the bluish silver color jumped from my palm and to the guard. He let go after a slight convulsion and lay on the floor dazed. Unfortunately while that guard distracted me the second one pinned me to the ground._

_"Do it now!" He shouted and the second needle in the last 20 minutes was struck into my neck. This time I didn't fight it. My drooping eyes looked up one last time before I fell unconscious. I was met with the sight of Edward Nygma looking at me with hardly contained curiosity, wonder and...glee._

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**In the beginning, I'd stare down in thinly concealed devastation at my hands. People always used to compliment me on how long and beautiful my nails were, it's one of my trademarks. People would always ask: "Are those your real nails?" And I'd always delightfully look them in the eye and answer with a gleeful yes. I've never used fake nails in my life. Ever. There was just never a need. I'd tend to my nails like they were precious babies, filing them consistently, painting them in hundreds of different shades of eye-catching colors, and doting on them endlessly. It always got this wonderful attention. Sometimes, I'd jokingly tell my friends that I was Catwoman, what by the way I cared for my "claws". And they'd always laugh and giggle, "Well if that's your meow, I'd hate to see your scratch!" And now, with recently gained knowledge, I've realized that they really would've.**

**Red scratches covered my body wherever I had been able to roll up my orange jumpsuit and slash at. Most of them were just shallow red scrapes, with puckered angry skin surrounding it, but some were actually deep and they stinged with this burning pain. I had really worked hard at these cuts, devoting my time to them like a religious person would to praying. These self-induced lacerations were my strange way to salvation. While I was sickened at the revolting sight of them, I was also proud and...fascinated. I've never been hurt this badly before. Sure, I've had the childhood scrape on the knee, but** **_this_ ** **... It looked like I had slid down a tunnel where the sides were made out of knife blades. Looking down at them, I had felt sickly ashamed, but...it was for a good cause. I wasn't just doing this to myself for no reason. I** **_had_ ** **to do it, had to find those small doorways to clarity! These cuts were the only reason that I've lasted so long in this torture room!**

**But the others, of course, didn't understand. They couldn't grasp that this physical pain was nothing compared to the agony I felt roiling through my heart, that these scratches were actually a sedative to my inner pain. They just didn't. Goldilocks had cuffed me and led my stunned figure to this strange room, where rows of hospital beds were pressed to the walls, and carts filled with medicine supplies lined along the middle of the tiled floor. The light in there seemed greenish and automatically the strong aroma of bleach had hit me like a brick wall. My stomach lurched at the small and I had been directed to a small bed that was neatly made with thin sheets. A nurse had waddled over as soon as I sat down (forced to, I might add). Before I knew it, my pant legs and sleeves were all rolled up, and she loomed over me with a menacing rubbing-alcohol soaked cotton pad. "Some of the cuts seem to be infected," she had observed and dove towards me, wielding her aesthetic as a weapon. Before I had been able to help it, the coolness of the alcohol rubbed against a cut on my elbow and a fire suddenly blazed from the point. Startled, I had gasped, the inferno adding to the blaze that was already there. Stinging needles of pain shot up my arm and I felt a tingle of delight. This was better than my nails! The pain was much more intense, and it spread out like little tendrils instead of sticking in a concentrated area. A glow had filled me then, when suddenly-it stopped. The pain, the flame, all suddenly extinguished as my body adjusted to the sting. The nurse had pulled away and I ogled at the cut, noticing how the slight burning sensation there was now gone. It was gone... Suddenly I had realized what that meant for the rest of my handiwork and started thrashing around.**

**"Get away from me!" I had demanded and frantically the nurse had tried to calm me down, a bewildered Goldilocks taking the scene in from a distance.**

**"I'm trying to clean the wounds, the pain will only be temporary!" she had anxiously informed me.**

**"That's what I'm worried about!" I had shouted. "You're making all the burning go away!"**

**That froze her and she gazed at me in puzzlement. That was just the opening I needed. Desperately, I swung my arms up (considering how they were chained together) and clocked her in the jaw. Yelling, she had stumbled backwards and that's when Goldilocks swooped in on the scene. Guiltily I had looked at her, feeling a fleeting moment of shame until it evaporated in my body. That was violent, but I had to do it. I had to cling onto my cuts like they were all I have! Just as Goldilocks had come within arm's reach of me, I swung out my leg and kicked him in the stomach. Lightly he grunted, fazed for a millisecond, before diving back towards me.**

**No amount of punches or kicks could deter him away and I found myself to be pinned down helplessly on the bed. "Augh!" I had bellowed up at him in exasperation. Moving swiftly, he grabbed my arms, unchained one of them, and looped the handcuff around a bed post, linking my arms to it. "You-JERK!" I had kneed him in the ribs. Ignoring me, he moved easily down to my legs, slipping another pair of handcuffs out of his back pockets. Pinning down my legs with a muscular arm, he had linked a manacle around my ankle, maneuvered the chain around another iron post, and clipped onto my other ankle. I was trapped, every single limb of mine chained to this wretched bed.**

**Words could no longer express my fury. Enraged, I had bucked around, screaming at the top of my lungs. Goldilocks had stepped back, silver eyes wide, horror etched on his face. Also...I think that he looked...worried. Was he honestly concerned? If he was so stressed, then why did he chain me down in the first place!?**

**The nurse kept on trying to swipe the cotton square across my cuts, but I squirmed my body away, screaming bloody murder. She had managed to clean a few of the cuts, and the amazing fire blared from her touch...until it puttered out, leaving nothing in its wake. No...no...NO! Eventually she realized that I wasn't going to clam down and she had yelled at Goldilocks to get some sedative.**

**Angrily I had tossed my head over to his direction, warning him with a death glare. Color drained from his unsure face and he honestly seemed to have wavered the slightest bit in his decision. There was a crack in that armor of his, a chink that I was forced to exploit. Blood boiling, I narrowed my eyes at him and took a break in my incoherent bloodcurdling shouts to shake my head. "Don't-you-** **_DARE_ ** **," I fumed.**

**Eyes widening, he took a step back and all unease had floated off of him. Mouth thinning out into a determined line, he met my glare evenly. "I'm sorry," he mouthed. "It's for your own good." With that, he had turned around, making his way to some gray medicine cabinets over in the corner.**

**It's for my own...!? AUGH!**

**"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!" I had screeched furiously. "I AM** **_LIVID_ ** **RIGHT NOW, I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR THIS MONSTROSITY!"**

**The nurse shot her arm out at me and I twisted my body painfully out of her grasp. She had groaned in exasperation and slammed a hand onto my shoulder, pushing me down. Carefully, she stroked her beloved pad against one of my deep slashes and red hot pain coursed its way up to me. Fire blazed wonderfully for a few seconds and I was still, taking in the beloved agony, when this too stopped to leave nothing behind. That cut, once deep and crusted over with blood, was now completely normal, no sting whatsoever. Infuriated, I bellowed. "I...worked...HARD ON THAT ONE! Do you have any remote clue how deep you have to dig with your fingernail to make a cut like that!?"**

**For the thousandth time, the words I said seemed to have deeply concern the nurse as she worriedly frowned at me. A shadow had crossed us both and I looked up to see a distressed Goldilocks, silver eyes warily taking me in. In his hands was a syringe, filled with a clear liquid. I had glared at it with such disgust that I would normally reserve for a strong liquor.**

**"Don't do this to me," I had commanded at him, but laced in my voice was a slight beg. Please...I needed these...**

**Furrowing his eyebrows, his eyes turned soft. "It's okay, Megan," he assured me. The tranquility of his voice had stopped me for a bit and I blinked at him in wonder, wondering if I had actually gotten through to him. He seemed to be staring at me strangely...maybe I really did convince him. But apparently...I hadn't. Because in that next second, with movements so fast that I couldn't see him, he had my face cupped in one of his hands. Surprised, I had yelled and tried to move my head away but he held on tight. Using his thumb to lift up my chin, he pressed the syringe against my neck.**

**The pain was instantaneous as the needle pierced deeply through my skin, and for a moment I had been stunned by the marvelous sting of this one, settling into it lovingly. It would've been perfect, I had only had the needle to contend with. But then he had pressed down on the plunger, forcing the medicine in the barrel into my skin. Immediately, my blood felt as though it were as heavy as steel in my veins. The steamy anger began to fade away...**

**"NOOOOOOOO!" I yelled, arching my back. The anger...my friend anger...was drifting away. Without it to fuel me on, how would I be able to protest? How would I be able to make it clear to them that I didn't want to do this? Without it, I had nothing to aid me with this- no helping hand, nothing! Stubbornly, I had forced a string of furious yells out of my lips until they melded into incoherent mumbles, volume reduced to a whisper. Suddenly the anger shrunk into a tiny sleeping ball, nestled in the pit of my stomach. The medicine...was...taking...effect. "Mmm," I had murmured drowsily, settling back into the pillows.**

**The frantic beating of my heart thudded itself to a slower pace, thumping lazily in my chest. Moaning, my head lolled to my side where I rested it against the pillow, sleepily observing Goldilocks' hand entangled in my now sweaty hair. I had been...so...so tired...**

**"Good," the nurse then sighed in relief. I could feel her body visibly relax on the bed, her body crouched above me. "Go clean that needle now, would you? And bring me some more cotton squares, we may need a whole bottle of rubbing alcohol for this one," she busily instructed, rolling my right sleeve further up to work on a cut half hidden beneath there. I had felt the square press against my skin, but the starburst of pain was nothing but a faint warmness. Exhausted, I had barely noticed it, instead it only felt like a tiny little blanket had been nuzzled in that area. How relaxing...**

**"Yes ma'am," Goldilocks had slowly responded. My eyelids felt like they weighed a ton, but as they started to droop, I could feel him run a comforting hand down my cheek. Before I could barely register the fact that he had just stroked my face, he went off, sliding the needle out of my neck. Cool air met the small puncture hole and I murmured quietly.**

**The lady worked on me, cleaning all my wounds efficiently. Softly I had moaned in pain, being in that state had left my craving for pain completely nonexistent. She finished quickly without me throwing myself around, and had even sewn a few stitches for the really deep cuts. The cool pain of the needle nudged at me the slightest bit, but it had been all lost in the a sleepy blur. Tired...I was so tired.**

**"There," she had said contentedly and leaned back on her heels. "That should ward any infections off. Now to move on..."**

**My arms had been unchained from the bed, but I was too contaminated with the drug to take advantage of this freedom. Instead, I had merely yawned and watched distantly as she pulled out a pair of nail clippers from a cart. The blades caught the light in a moment of absolute brightness. Hmm...she was... My eyes had slightly widened when she took my hands and began working on my nails, but they had quickly dilated back to a sleepy size. Breathing evenly, I watched as crusty blood-covered crescent shaped tips fell to the ground. My nails...my doorknobs to clarity...**

**"There," she had declared and had held my hands in hers, turnings my fingers around to examine her work. "That should be good enough, no way she can hurt herself with these stubs-"**

**"That won't be good enough Mrs. Goodart," a crisp voice had announced and I tiredly turned my head to see a elegantly dressed woman stride into the room with a clicking of her heels, a clipboard in her arms and a posse of three other sharply dressed adults following behind her. "Patients like these require more...drastic measures."**

**Hazily behind her, I could see a guard pull out a strange object of clothing from behind him, buckles dangling down from the baggy clothing. Distantly, I observed the dirty whiteness and took in the design of the hulky contraction, finally piecing together what it was. A strait jacket.**

**Like for insane people.**

**Sleepily I was fixing to object, when the drug suddenly kicked in with full force. Muttering under my breath some strange gibberish, my eyes fell closed and everything had gave way to blackness.**

**Straitjacket: a garment made of strong material and designed to bind the arms, as of a violently disoriented person; anything that severely confines, constricts, or hinders. A very good basic overview, coming from a spectator observing from a third person angle. But truly experiencing the thing...well that was a disgustingly different story. Things tend to change when you're wearing the thing. Like people fail to neglect how nerve-wracking tight is in there, as though it's an actual corset constraining your body. It hangs loose on your frame in reality, baggy as a burlap sack, but your arms are folded terribly against your chest, movement restrained. It's not actually tight, but it might as well be. Lack of moment can make a person's chest go unbearably tight and your stomach clench itself in dozens of knots. Straitjackets are pure torture, using no actual pain, not doing anything but keeping your arms from moving; but it's more than enough to drive a person insane. Especially when that said person is me. I needed clarity, now it was my drug and I it's junkie. I needed the clarity so bad, ached to see those bright colors, craved to see Cam, Bridgette, even Her again. I needed to see them so bad. But this...this HINDERED me. I couldn't do anything! I couldn't get out! I was trapped. In the beginning I had tried chewing it off, until I eventually gagged on the rough material from hours of failed bites. Not even a single miserable chunk was ripped off!**

**_Two days_ ** **, I thought miserably to myself as I rocked back and forth in agony.** **_Two days in a straitjacket, without being able to use my nails._ ** **That means three whole days without creating more angry cuts, which meant three whole days without clarity, which meant I knew that I was alone...all alone.**

**_Alone_ ** **. Alonealonealonealonealonealone!**

**And there was nothing I could do about it, nothing to escape from these white walls confining me, nothing, nothing, nothing!The shaking came back, more violent than ever, I couldn't even beg now without it being hard to decipher through my stutters. Everything about me trembled as though I was ravaged through an earthquake that seemed to save its shaking touch only for me! I was their little lab rat, a person that they could put in a cage, poke and prod, write down their sick observations of my hysterical reactions all for the sake of "science" when it's really for their own sadistic entertainment! Otherwise, why else would they lock me up in this torture room? WHY!? I mean, didn't they know** **_anything_ ** **about me? Do their work, dig up into my background, get their squeaky clean hands dirty? Don't they know that** **_I-can't-DO THIS_ ** **!?**

**I know that I've messed up big time, what with the god awful thing that I did to Hatter, but...that wasn't me! Shouldn't these bozos know that though? I've never been a troublemaker in my life, I follow the rules, the worst thing that I've ever done was the thing with Ms. Jenkins's cat. And even then, it wasn't MY fault! Not only are these people harebrained enough to actually believe that I was capable of heartlessly murdering hundreds of people with a click of a button, but now they actually think that I am cruel enough to slaughter someone with my own two hands-up close and PERSONAL!?**

**Crossing that line is pure insanity. I'd never forget it! Already my nightmares are haunted with images of blown bits of the few victims I saw surrounding me, but I didn't actually see any of their faces then. I was too busy laughing. If I had actually let the cold control to the point of going all the way with Hatter... Oh my God.**

**I still am tortured by the image of his beaten and bloody face, whimpering brokenheartedly for a girl who doesn't exist.**

**That's the real reason why I don't sleep anymore. I'm haunted by images of bloody bodies, outstretched hands trying to grasp onto life, frozen faces still screaming for mercy- No. Sleep is impossible. Anytime I foolishly attempt, I wake up screaming and in an unbearable hot sweat, the straitjacket closing everything around me in a sweltering atmosphere. I'm drowning in my own sweat, sinking further in my screams. Now my throat has been ravaged raw, and my voice cracks like a shattered egg. Breathing in it...after waking up from a nightmare...for a moment I can only feel a hot fist clenching at my throat and for a horrifying moment no air comes past my yells. Perhaps sleep is a refuge from being so unbearably alone, but that relief only lasts for a few seconds before I'm chased around by much darker demons, ones with sharp claws and fangs that won't hesitate to tear me to shreds. Dark demons who swallow me whole in their fire-spewing mouths, blocking everything out-**

**"Oh God," I choked out, arms wrapped around my stomach. It came charging up faster than I could swallow it down this time. Bending over, that ridiculous bite of food that I had managed to suffocate down earlier came back with a nasty vengeance.**

**Everything was emptied out inside me until I puked up rusty tasting blood.** **_No,_ ** **I closed my eyes in disgust, but wasn't able to stop it.**

**Once again, everything about me went weak and I collapsed face-down on the floor, moaning in pain. Everything...was slipping...away... For the third time today, I passed out, so quickly that I wasn't even able to be shocked.**

* * *

 

_How many times was this now exactly? Three, four, times that I have woken up after being introduced to a sedative. I had definitely lost it back there lost in the craze of my almost first kill that I have been ashamedly craving. I definitely promise myself this; I will not act like a crazed lunatic due to circumstances related to or like the previous one. Within a haze I remembered the words that I screamed and winced that did not help my credibility of being sane. At all. Will not happen again._

_I was about to sit up when I gasped in pain my ribcage throbbed and my wrist gave a nice low thrum of pain. "Oh, dear lord that hurts!" I hissed and let myself fall back down on the bed I was on. By now people have noticed that I have used the Lords name in vain a couple of times. If I were a particularly religious person this would not be happening, though given that I was not...And given that my father was a far cry from one, the use of his name in vain was not really thought about._

_"Well it should you have two cracked ribs and one broken and a fractured wrist." A mysterious voice said. I turned my head to the side and first noticed the starch white and medical supplies. Then, the skinny nurse with a could-care-less face. The last thing was that my right unfractured wrist was chained to the hospital bed. The nurse held out to me a plastic cup full of water and a couple of menacing little white pills. "Take those. They will help with the pain and keep you calm."_

_"Um..." I held up my wrist which was currently in a brace and jingled the chain holding the other one. The nurse sighed and none too gently shoved the pills in my mouth and tilted the cup to my lips letting the water trickle into my mouth. As soon as the pills were down and the cup was away from my face I asked. "When do I get out of here?"_

_The skinny nurse replied "Three to four days to make sure that you can walk without assistance." And she hurriedly left the hospital like room, leaving me alone._

_"Well thats just great." I said to no one in particular "What am I going to do now?" And the answer came with the pills starting to take a quick sleepy effect. "Hmm, at least its not a needle this time. The feeling of those are unpleasant." I said softly and drifted off into a light slumber._

_"Bridge, come look at this! Hurry!" Megan yelled at me from Emilys living room. Emily herself was currently not at her apartment but on a romantic date with Megan's brother Cam. But she let us stay here while she was out because we both didn't want parental supervision at the time. Were teenagers what can I say?_

_I sighed and obediently came out of the kitchen and to the living room to see what Megan was hollering about. "What is it? A spider? Cause if it is i'm not coming over there unless you brutally murder it and flush it down the toilet."_

_Only two days ago Megan had lured me into Cams old bedroom saying she needed help with something only to showcase a large spider crawling up the desk sending me out of the house in a panic. It was embarrassing and childish. But it was a spider. So, there._

_"Noooooooooo, just come here! ...And do you think that I would do that to you again?" She looked at me expectantly from Emily's bedroom door. Obviously knowing what I was thinking of._

_I stood there and blinked at her a couple of times a slightly blank look on my face "Actually I do."_

_Megan put on a thoughtful look and slowly said. "I might...Its just that its so rare that you act like that! I can't pass up my chances!" She beamed at me. "But no, this is something that has nothing to do with bugs. I think." She raced across the room and grabbed my arm and pulled me into Emily's bedroom._

_"What are we doing in here?" I asked when she pushed me down on Emilys queen sized bed covered in a mixture of silky purples and blues. A combination you wouldn't think work unless you saw it yourself._

_"I found something in Emilys closet, and it was suspicious." She informed me. I pursed my lips she wasn't usually the one to snoop and invade peoples spaces. I usually did that and Megan would chastise me for doing it. Then I would tell her that I had to make sure that they didn't have anything questionable like a gun, a knife, some poison, or even a weird leather garment. It has happened before and I couldn't look at or speak to that person for months (The freakiest part; it was a guy). Even if I did find something Megan would find some way to defend them that they probably had their reasons and I shouldn't be nosy._

_So there was quite imaginable shock when I said. "You went through her stuff?"_

_"Not really." She saw my expression. "I needed to find the shoes she borrowed! So I tried to find them. I found this instead." She tentatively held up a gun and a sealed manila envelope that had no distinguishing marks._

_"Megan, this is Gotham it doesn't really surprise me that she has a gun. My father just recently got me one." I crossed my arms at her. She stuck out her bottom lip in a pout._

_"Ya, well your Bridgette and works for GCPD. I highly doubt that anyone else besides you would even know how to handle a gun. Emily's parents are business people I don't think they would think she would need anything except mace and a phone!" She dropped the gun on the bed next to me and we both stared at it._

_She actually had a point despite the crime here not too many(though some) Gothamites actually had guns. Only mace/pepper spray, a small swiss army knife, and tasers. (I myself had lots of each of these and ever since I could hold one my dad taught me to shoot) But not everyone had a completely overbearing dad that worked for the GCPD and thought that violence could solve lots of problems(Legally of course)._

_"Ok, so its weird that she has a gun but maybe she has a reason like she got one of the bad guys here mad." There had to be a logical explanation for this and I would find it._

_"If she had gotten any of them mad she would be dead, missing, on TV, and probably all three. And what about this envelope? It could have something mysterious in it." She waved it in front of my face and I snached it from her examining it from all angles and finding nothing, zero, zilch._

_"Megan, this is just an envelope. Most likely some of Emily's mail that she hasn't opened. Put this back where you got it we don't want her to know we were in here." I gave it to her and she frowned._

_"But, who would send her unmarked mail?" She walked back to the closet and walked in to put it back. Its safe to say that Emily has a really big closet, walk in big._

_"I don't know a secret admirer?" The gun still sat next to me on the bed and I picked it up and followed Megan into the closet. "Where did you find the gun?" She pointed to the floor._

_"Behind her fancy jewel encrusted shoes." Most of the gems on the shoes were fake but some were real but they were all expensive._

_"Figures," I scoffed and moved some of the boxes aside and gasped sitting there was a black trunk that I had never seen before. "Um, did you find it in this trunk?"_

_"What? No, it was on top of one of the boxes." She turned around still holding the envelope. "With...this... I didn't see that." We looked at eachother then at the trunk, Megan kneeled down next to me and said. "Open it!"_

_I didn't hesitate, I wanted to see what was inside. It wasn't locked so I had no trouble opening it. Inside, there were at least three other guns, ammo clips, a couple bundles of explosives, and a cell phone. My mouth dropped "Why does she have this?"_

_"I...don't...know..." The front door slammed and two voices floated to us from the living room._

_"Hey we're back!" Called Emily's voice. "We brought you something back to eat! I know I don't have anything in here." Megan and I stared at each other in horror and scrambled to close the trunk, put the boxes back where they were, and the gun and envelope back where they were. We rushed out of the closet and threw ourselves on her bed just seconds before she and Cam walked in._

_"What are you doing?" Cam asked us two bags in hand sporting the restaurants name._

_"Nothing of importance." I said lightly and a tad shakily "Just enjoying Emilys comforter."_

_Cam shook his head and laughed and Emily looked at us suspiciously with narrowed eyes but as soon as I registered the expression he started to laugh with Cam. Megan and I chuckled nervously with them._

_My eyes opened to a soft scraping sound and I noticed that the infirmary was dark. Then I heard an annoyed "Ow, Harley be careful!" accompanied by the sound of something falling._

_"Sorry Eddie! But its really dark in here!" And then three dark shapes surrounded my bed._

_"Harls, just be careful we don't want the guards to know we are in here do we?" The dark shape by the foot of my bed said. My eyes started to adjust to the darkness around me and the three shapes revealed themselves to be Harley, Ivy, and Edward._

_I was thinking about sitting up but thought better of it because I didn't really want to feel the pain that would make itself more prominently known. "How did the three of you get in here?" What should have been first was why._

_"I opened the doors of course." Edward said crossing his arms a self-satisfied smirk on his face._

_"Oh really?" I asked "I was under the impression that you walked through them." His smirk faded just the smallest bit and he reached out one of his hands and pressed it against my ribcage not hard but just enough for me to feel those three injured ribs. I inhaled painfully and he took his hand off if anything his smirk was bigger. "Jerk." I hissed. Yet even with him causing me intentional pain I STILL had the hots for him. Completely hopeless. Must be some form of Stockholm Syndrome._

_"You really think so?" He asked. "And here I was being kind and risking a week of solitary to make sure you were ok. Possibly more for bringing those two." He gestured to Harley and Ivy._

_Harley beamed. "We made him! Promised that if he didn't bring us we would tell that he's able to get out of his cell!"_

_"Yes, blackmail is such a marvelous thing." Ivy said wistfully but was looking at Edward with disdain._

_"So, what's the extent of the injuries 'B'?" Harley asked bending down to rest her arms on the bed beside me and resting her head on them. Using the nickname that Cam used but it really seemed to fit better with her saying it._

_"Three injured ribs two cracked one broken and a fractured wrist." I lifted up my arm to show my braced wrist. "Speaking of injuries how did those guards fair?"_

_Edward smirked "A small assortment of bruises, a broken nose, and one is still recovering from the shock."_

_"Shock? I traumatized one? I don't think that happened he's dealt with something like that before i'm sure." I looked at him then at my other two visitors doubtfully._

_"Thats not the kind of shock we are talking about, Gardenia. Something more along the lines of electric shock." I looked at her confused._

_"Did he accidentally land on his taser?" I asked thinking of the only other possible thing that could have happened._

_Harley giggled "No, you did it. How come you didn't tell us that you could do that?"_

_"I sincerely doubt that I shocked him, that is highly improbable." I said_

_"Well, apparently its possible." Edward said. "I wonder how it happened, there has to be some kind of explanation." His face turned into one of thoughtfulness._

_Something else occurred to me. "What about ?"_

_Harleys face lit up and she stood. "She is on temporary leave! She has a bruised esophagus and she was kind of loopy when they sent her home! From the lack of oxygen."_

_"And how do you know this?" I asked her_

_"I used my womanly wiles to get the information, and told the guard about my pets!" She said triumphantly. "I'm so proud of you! She was really annoying but I myself couldn't do it because every time we talked I was chained to the chair!" She looked dreamily into the distance. "Good thing they underestimated you. She was pretty scared."_

_"Too bad she wasn't she wasn't laying there with a terrified look on her lifeless face." I said frowning at the bad luck I had._

_"Hmm, sounds kind of like Victor Zsasz." Ivy said looking at me meaningfully._

_"No! Of course not! She was asking questions that I didn't want to answer and she wouldn't have stopped if I didn't do anything! Killing her just would have been a bonus, I don't think killing is liberation I don't have a whim to kill everyone on the planet!" I don't like being compared to other people not one bit._

_"Good, that would have been a bad thing." Harley said._

_"Really bad." I said emotionlessly. "Wait, how come i'm not in solitary? Isn't what I did solitary behavior?"_

_"Yes, but apparently they think you learned your lesson with those injuries." Edward said losing the expression of thoughtfulness to contribute to the conversation. "And we need to get before the guards make their next rounds."_

_"Aw, Eddie you're such a party pooper!" Harley whined he shot her a venomous look and she huffed. "Fine, see you later 'B'!" and she started to skip out having adjusted to the darkness._

_Ivy gave me a smile and followed after Harley who had just called out. "Come on, Red!"_

_Edward stood there staring at me silently I has a feeling that a snide comment was coming. "You could have gotten away a lot less injured if you were more careful. You acted with stupidity." And there it is, along with. "I could have at least given them more injuries." Condensation floated from his voice._

_"Why, thank you." I said sarcastically. "I aim to please." He rolled his eyes at me. "So you're not going to try and seduce me?"_

_"Why? Do you enjoy when I do?" His voice was annoyingly smug and had a annoying self satisfied smirk on his face._

_I chose not to answer his question. "Oh, i'm just wondering. I have to brace myself for those kinds of things." I left out the part about me trying to restrain myself from completely giving in and not restraining myself from punching him. But, sometimes he left me with a strong urge to._

_"I've actually decided to refrain from that sort of thing. For now. You'll sooner come with me than Crane so I have nothing to worry about concerning who you'll choose to trust more." He so sure of himself and he was completely right._

_"What makes you think it has to do with trust?" I asked "I don't really trust you with anything except the ability to annoy."_

_His eyes flicked with anger for a second then he smiled at me. "Good, you shouldn't trust me. I just believe you think that he would sooner kill you than I would."_

_I caught onto one word. "Believe?"_

_His smile widened slightly "Try to refrain from getting injured in the future." And he turned around to leave._

_"Are you actually concerned about me!? In a not solving way!? I feel so loved!" I cooed after him. His comment would not be said by anyone unless they cared to some degree(Even just a VERY small degree). He scoffed but didn't say anything as he walked out the door. I grinned and let myself fall back onto the pillow. Thinking 'Maybe just maybe, i'm not just an object to own to him.'_

* * *

 

*Three days Later*

**"Only three more days," Goldilocks informed me diplomatically.**

**Startled, I blinked at him. "T-t-three more days...of w-w-w-what?" My voice was raspy and hoarse, as though the tissue of my esophagus was made out of grainy sand paper. I'd been screaming an excessive amount lately, for reasons that I can't explain. Suddenly, out of nowhere, this savage urge fills me and I start shrieking uncontrollably, until my voice peters out. Every single time, I scream with this insistent urgency, as though I'm being murdered right there on the spot. Worse things have happened in this room, anyways... Now my throat hurt terribly. It felt as though there was this itchy fire there, even breathing made me wince. It was a self-induced case of strep throat almost.**

**And while part of me hated it, another enjoyed it. This pain was an easy distraction, it helped me to not focus on the real torture here.**

**"Three more days of solitary confinement," he smiled, "and then you're out of here." My mouth fell open and Goldilocks took this opportunity to try and maneuver a spoonful of prison goop in my mouth. Catching onto his gimmick, I clamped my mouth shut stubbornly.**

**Ever since I was tied up in this hate-jacket, Goldilocks has visited me in attempts to get me to eat. And so far, he's succeeded in four spoonfuls, which I instantly vomited the same day that I ate them. Anytime he enters the room, there is this guilty look as he caught me wrapped up in a straitjacket, blaming himself for my circumstances. And no soothing words come to mind. It was his fault. He was the one who brought me to that blasted infirmary, the one who didn't help me escape, the one who shot a freaking** **_sedative_ ** **in my** **_neck_ ** **. If it weren't for him, maybe I could've been able to cling onto my cuts for a little more, hold onto their helping hand for just a few minutes longer! Usually, I'd still be burning with this bitter anger towards him, and probably ignore him for a long enough time that he eventually gives up on reaching out to me and quietly backs away. That's happened before. That's what I usually do when people get on nerves, drop them like they're a steaming hot coal piece. The only people who I've actually ever forgiven in my life are Bridgette and Cam. But in here...UGH I couldn't harbor my anger and block him out like a normally would, like my instincts usually instruct me to do!**

**In HERE, he was the only face I see! The slightest break I get from this intolerable loneliness was by seeing his annoying golden face. In here I was crippled and he was the only cane offered to help me hobble along. There was no luxury of being picky here, none at all. I get what I get or just suffer in the smothering whiteness. And so, ultimately, I rely on him. I rely on stupid backstabbing Goldilocks to prove to myself that I'm not alone in this world, that there really are people who I can still talk to. In solitary confinement, it's all too easy to convince yourself that you're the last remaining soul on Earth...**

**Goldilocks' silver gaze narrowed at me, judging eyes chastising me. "Megan...you have to eat," he said severely.**

**Pursing my lips I vehemently shook my head back and forth. "That s-s-sounds excruciating," I denied him and turned my head to the side when he tried offering me some more food. "B-b-b-besides, I'm not hungry."**

**"Please, I can hear your stomach growling," he rolled his eyes.**

**"Well honestly physical health doesn't really matter much here, because d-d-did you just say** **_I'm getting out_ ** **?"**

**Lightly he sighed in resignation and dropped the spoon back in the bowl with a thudded clinking sound. "Yeah...you are. In three days though, so it's not like you're leaving right now," he responded.**

**"But I a-a-am leaving?" I pressed enthusiastically.**

**"Yeah," he blinked. "It's not like you were going to stay here forever."**

**My eyes widened and I leaned back on my cot. I'm leaving solitary confinement...in three days I will no longer be alone...in three days I will be able to see Cam and Bridgette without having to hallucinate them!**

**For the first time in weeks a thrill of excitement ran through me and I jumped up with a scream.**

**"What?" Goldilocks jumped back in shock and I danced around the room.**

**I was happy, soaring, flying, I was ECSTATIC! "In three days I'll be free!" I sang for the first time in** **_days_ ** **, and while my voice sounded awkward and my throat hurt, it felt so indescribably** **_good_ ** **to sing again. I won't be alone anymore! No more of this room, no more of this torture, no more of this despicable gloom that has been pulling me under! I can be happy again for the first time in a long time. I can dance, I can sing, I can laugh, and I can talk to the people that I love without looking like I was insane!**

**In three days I am going to be** **_free_ ** **. Ooh, I can't wait!**

**"You're still going to be in Arkham," Goldilocks carefully reminded me as I pranced around the room.**

**"I don't care!" I giggled joyfully. "Any place in Arkham is better than in here! I can-" Happily I gasped and turned to him with a smile. "I can see the Rec Room again! I can go to the cafeteria, go outside with those trees, and...and...and see** **_hallways_ ** **for a change! Oh my God I'm so happy!"**

**Lightly Goldilocks chuckled in amusement. "No one's ever reacted this way before, but...I guess that's good. It's nice to see you smile again Megan."**

**That's when I realized it. I was smiling. Oh my gosh, I was SMILING! I've never gone this long without grinning, but I just haven't been able to force my lips to turn up lately, and now this- This felt so** **_good_ ** **. It made me so thrilled! The sudden change caused my numb cheeks to sting due to days of not being used, but that just made me grin even wider.**

**"This is amazing!" I exclaimed.**

**"It is a pretty big change from the dead-eyed expression you've been wearing lately," he noted. "I can actually see that there's that spark in you again."**

**A spark. My spark came back. Relieved, I laughed happily, feeling buoyant and lightweight. Blissfully, I twirled around, but ended up tripping on my legs. Before I could help it, there was a whirl of white and I tumbled down, arms caught by the straitjacket so that I couldn't catch myself. Colliding with dirty white, my face hit the ground and pain ricocheted through my body.**

**"Megan!" Goldilocks cried out and made his way over to me. "Megan, are you okay?" he asked worriedly and placed a hand on my shoulder to turn me over.**

**"Ha ha ha ha," I giggled as I rolled over onto my back. Goldilocks wrinkled his eyebrows at me in confusion and that made me laugh harder. "I'm just** **_splendid_ ** **, Golden-Boy!" I chuckled cheerfully. "I'm going to get out of this terrible room in three days!"**

**Entertained, he lightly scoffed and raised his eyebrows. "Wow, you really aren't in pain are ya?" he shook his head.**

**"No** **_pe_ ** **!" I responded, popping the p like it was a wad of pink gum. "I'm in total pain! But you know what they say..."**

**"What?" he wrinkled his nose.**

**"Beauty is pain!" I answered loudly and broke off into more giggles.**

**Everything about me felt so carefree and joyful...I wasn't going to be alone. In three days, I was no longer going to be lonely. And so honestly, nothing else seemed to matter! Not even a bewildered Goldilocks who looked down at me like I was insane.**

**_White. Absolute white. Like I was caught in the middle of a blizzard, blankets of snow covering everything in my vision until I couldn't tell apart one location from the other. It was like I was in a white room, except it wasn't a room, it was just-whiteness. Absolute whiteness._ **

**_Horrified, I spun around in a panicked circle, trying to see if I could spot any color. I'd take a shadow now if it meant something other than whiteness. No. My eyes found nothing. No, no, no. "HELLO!?" I called out loudly. "Is anybody out there?"_ **

**_There was nothing called back, not even the sound of my echo bounced over to me. My own voice was lost in the whiteness, melded into the panic. Stunned, I shook my head. This couldn't be happening. Please tell me that this was all in my head. "Hello!" I screamed again, and once again all was lost into deafening silence. Who ever knew that no sounds whatsoever could be the loudest noise of all? Letting out a terrified whimper, my hands flew to my mouth and I fell down to my knees. Even the floor that I knelt on didn't have any real substance, as though I was suspended in air. "No," I whispered through my fingers. "No, no, no. PLEASE somebody answer me! Just shout as loud as you can,_ ** **please** **_! Anybody!" Nothing came back and my mouth contorted into a heartbroken frown. My body curled in on itself in a fetal position. "Anyone, please," I begged. "Just anyone. I don't want to be alone. Please. Please." I said the last word softly, broken, and jagged cries burst out from me. Once again no tears came forth, but only animal sounds. Devastated I cried dryly when suddenly a wave of cool washed over me._ **

**_"Aw, poor baby," a familiar lilting voice cooed. "You never handled loneliness very well, did you?"_ **

**_My heart froze in my chest and I whipped my head up, hair blocking my face as I turned around. Everything stopped for a moment, as a familiar girl gazed down at me, hands on her hips and a smile turning up her glossed lips. Happiness exploded inside as I realized it was Her. "Emily," I breathed happily and jumped up, throwing my arms around her neck._ **

**_Emily laughed that trademark jingly laugh of hers and hugged me back. "Yeah Megs, it's me," she grinned as she squeezed me tight. The sound of her nickname for me made my toes curl happily and a wide smile broke into my face. Emily, my best friend. I was so happy to see her, just when I needed her most! It couldn't have been any more perfect! Except...something was off. like this wasn't supposed to happen, as though it was strange. Something tainted the cool air with it's off-key strangeness. I was so happy, but then suddenly tears...actual humongous wet fat tears sprung to my eyes. For some reason, despite how wonderfully happy I was, I was...bawling. Cries shook my body and I bitterly sobbed into Emily's shoulder. "Aw, Girly Girl, what's wrong?" Emily sighed sadly and pulled me away from her, hands gripping my shoulders as she took me in._ **

**_"I-I-I was so s-s-s-s-scared!" I wept as the tears poured down my face in large rivers._ **

**_"Poor little thing," Emily frowned tragically and wiped a thumb across my cheek. "But there's no need to be scared anymore. I'm here, that's what friends are for."_ **

**_"B-but I was a-a-alone!" I wailed and dug my fists into my eyes, trying to stem the tears but they just pours over my fingers and across my dry knuckles._ **

**_"I know you were," she nodded tragically in sympathy. "And that's not right. You don't deserve to be alone Megs."_ **

**_Something nudged me in the back of my head, telling me that her words weren't right. "I-I d-d-did something terrible," I bawled._ **

**_"No." Emily said sternly. "No you did not. You did what anyone would've done."_ **

**_Although I couldn't remember what, a fuzzy memory made me shake my head violently at her. "It was s-so bad though!" I exclaimed thickly through tears and broke off into ravaged sobs, not able to do anything past this internal horror I felt twisting inside me. For a little bit, Emily was silent, as she soothingly patted my shoulders or stroked my hair. After a while though, she seemed to realize that I wasn't going to stop anytime soon._ **

**_"Hey Megs. Hey, come on," she lightly shook me and forced me to face her. "It doesn't matter, okay? Whether what you did was terrible or not, you don't deserve to be alone." Loudly I sniffed and looked at her through a wall of blurry tears wordlessly. A little flash of worry flitted across her eyes, but she erased it with a breezy smile. "That's why you, Bridgette, and I are the best of friends, so that none of us will be alone."_ **

**_"But," I gasped out. "I was alone. I was s-s-so alone! And I looked so hard, but I," I fought to take in a big gulp of air, "couldn't find you guys anywhere! Not you, not Cam, not Bridgette. It w-was o-only me._ **

**_"That's because," she shook her head. "They took us away from you. Remember, you used to talk to us every single day?"_ **

**_"Uh-huh," I weakly nodded, trembled mouth barely able to choke out the two syllables._ **

**_Again she smiled that trademark smile of hers. "So it wasn't your fault Megs. You shouldn't feel so bad."_ **

**_"B-but it was t-terrible! Everything was so wrong and-"_ **

**_"Listen Megs, and I want you to listen good," a steely glint filled her eyes as she looked at me sternly, wielding that all-powerful seriousness that she sometimes possessed. Automatically it shut up my blubbering and I clamped my mouth shut obediently. "And no daydreaming like you normally do, I want you to be here and only here with me, got it?" Grimly I nodded, tightly swallowing. Slowly she nodded back at me. "Good," she said and her hands moved down to firmly grasp mine. "You can't be alone anymore. Bridgette and you have to be together, you can't stay here."_ **

**_"But..." I stammered. "I...I'm getting out in just a few days."_ **

**_"Not good enough," she responded with a curt shake of her head and squeezed my hands so tight that it actually began to hurt. "You do whatever you can to get out Megs. Cross lines, shatter boundaries," she paused and stressed on the next part, "_ ** **break through walls** **_. Whatever it takes to not be alone. Got it Megan? You can never be alone."_ **

**_"Um..." I blinked. "I-I think I understand."_ **

**_"Good. Then we should have no problem here," she beamed and grabbed my face in her hands. "You know that I love you and Bridgette so much, right? You two are like sisters to me."_ **

**_And it was these words, coming from her lips, that made the tears come back in a violent storm. "Emily," I whimpered out, sounding like a child crying for their mother._ **

**_"Sh," she shushed me and pulled me in for a hug. I could feel her jaw moving as she whispered in my ear. "It's time for you to go." Pulling away, she regarded me with a wistful smile. Words began to bubble up in my throat, but before I could say anything she disappeared. A breeze suddenly tugged at us and she dissolved away, bits of her evaporating into nothing._ **

**_And once again, I was left alone._ **

**"Oh!" I gasped, shooting up in the cot. Layers of my hair were glued to my face in a sheen layer of sticky sweat and my chest heaved up and down like I had just run a marathon. Tightly I swallowed, staring listlessly down when something weird settled in my chest. I felt...off. As though one of my internal organs were out of alignment, or the blood had stopped flowing somewhere in my body.**

**_"You do whatever it takes to get out Megs_ ** **," an eerie voice whispered to me on a cool breeze, a shiver suddenly convulsing my body. "** **_Cross lines, shatter boundaries..._ ** **"**

**"Break through walls," I quietly whispered. Something clicked inside me then, something strange and weird, something that twisted up my gut like a clenched fist held it there. "Break through walls..." I brokenly repeated, voice sounding detached like a broken thread. Numbly, I swung my legs over the bed and rose to a stand, trembles shooting up my body. I don't want to be alone anymore...I don't want to be alone...**

**Slowly, I turned around, lazily blinking at a wall. These walls...they're only suffocating sleets of thickened white, designed to close in around me, to keep me trapped. Gradually, I have come to absolutely despise these walls with a burning hatred, loathing them with every single molecule in my body. I used to think that they were keeping others out, locking the world away from me, confining my existence to this horrible room. But now, I realize...it's only to keep** **_me_ ** **in. Like I'm some kind of wild animal that they can cage and put on display! Like I can honestly be tamed!**

**Like** **_I_ ** **am the one that they need to lock up!**

**"I...will...not...be...ALONE!" I shrieked and charged at the wall. My body slammed into it and everything was tainted by pain for a few seconds. Pain, glorious pain...I loved it. I wanted more of it. I needed more!**

**Pedaling backwards, I positioned myself and then hurled my body into the wall again. "Ugh!" I grunted as my shoulder jammed into it at an awkward angle, rubbing the skin against the bone strangely. Tendrils of hot pain spread through my body instantly, making everything inside the straitjacket even hotter than usual. My breath came out in pants and I rolled back my arm, feeling the pain stab into it like tiny burning hot needles. Oh gosh...this was amazing! Delusionally, I broke out into a grin and began laughing.**

**Backing up again, I ran into the wall at full speed, angling my shoulder to be in front. I collided into it, laughing with glee, when suddenly my foot slipped on the floor. My arm twisted at a grotesque angle as I slid down the wall, cheek smashing against it.** **_Pop!_ **

**"Oh," I breathed out sharply and landed on the floor. Searing hot pain suddenly** **_exploded_ ** **from my shoulder, screaming in agony to the rest of my body. Everything danced around in dots for a moment and breathing narrowed itself through a small tunnel. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything but just lie there for a bewildered second as the excruciating pain pummelled into my body full-force. It was as though my arm had just been run over by a semi truck. What...had...happened?**

**Groaning, I turned my head over to stare at my shoulder. Or...the awkward hump that was my shoulder. A grotesque bump seemed to jab out a strange angle, far away from where my shoulder usually was. It made it look like my collarbone went on for my miles. Breathing heavily, I observed it curiously for a second before it suddenly clicked. Ohhh, I dislocated my shoulder! A titter bubbled up from my stomach and I let it come out wonderfully. This was just perfect! Absolute agonizing pain...**

**In captivated awe, I gaped at it for just a bit longer. How bizarre, it was just awkwardly dangling there in the straitjacket! I could feel it move around with this strange freedom in there. Muscles, veins, skin, and tendon kept it somewhat in its place, straining against gravity to maintain my two arm status. The straitjacket kept it from dangling loosely at my side, instead it was nestled strangely against my chest. When it was as loose as this...it didn't even feel like my arm! Instead like I was cradling a baby, anything that was separated from my body. Who knew that having your arm pop like a cork out of its socket could make it feel so alienated from your body?**

**Delirious, I sat up and laughed even harder, a sharp stab in my shoulder telling me that my arm objected. Such a whiny crybaby! Maybe if it didn't feel so alone, it would quit this screaming at me? Or maybe...joining it with some company would just cause this magnificent pain to double. I practically started salivating in lust. Yes. Yes, that would be perfect!**

**Rising up, I teetered in my stance, swaying around like a drunk person. "Whoopsy daisy!" I giggled when my body accidentally lurched forward, and I leaned against the wall for a breather. Happily I giggled and rolled over to my back against the wall, body strangely curved to lean against it. Self-amused, I giggled up at the light-bulb that had started to flicker like it was on some glitching dimmer switch. Okay, okay, back to business!**

**Shaking my head, I straightened up and glared determinedly at the opposite wall. Time to break through walls! If I was lucky, maybe I would snap my arm off completely during the process! Getting into runner's stance, I imagined a piston being fired off in my head and sprinted at the wall. Unfortunately, I didn't twist my body at the proper angle and my nose got a face full of wall. A splintering crack shot through the air and pain spread from my nose. Curiously, I wrinkled my nose and winced. Ouch. Definitely bruised that one. And that made me smile even more.**

**Collateral damage just made this party even more fun!**

**The lights began to flicker wildly and I pivoted to stare at the original wall. Eh, well, second time's a charm right? Cheering, I barrelled into the wall, this time twisting my body just in time.** **_Pop!_ ** **Pain exploded all over me, exactly like before, and I slid down the wall in elation. Yes. Yes. Tilting back my head, I embraced the agony with open arms. Open, dislocated arms that were pinned against my chest by a straitjacket, but metaphors don't have to be literal now do they?**

**Just as I was revelling in this glory, my door beeped open and guards came barrelling in. A nurse came hurrying in after them, one that I recognized as the same one from before. "Megan, we can see what you're doing, you need to stop now or you'll severely injure yourself!"**

**"Oh silly** **_nurse_ ** **," I darkly chuckled and tilted my head to look at her. "Don't you think that's exactly what I'm going for?"**

**Her eyes widened and guards came racing towards me, yanking me up to stand. The pain blazed from my shoulders like a towering inferno. Tilting my head back, I did a combination of screaming and laughing, a sound that doesn't sound horrific until you experience it in person. "Careful guards!" I teasingly chided them. "I'm not exactly put together right now if you know what I mean."**

**"Be gentle!" the nurse chastised. "I think she dislocated both her shoulders."**

**"Freak," one of the guards let go of me instantly like my skin was covered in acid. "She doesn't act like it at all."**

**"I find the whole damsel in distress thing to be overdone," I commented with a sneer. "Just because you're in pain doesn't mean that you have to a blubbering weakling."**

**"Megan," the nurse spoke carefully as she slowly made her way towards me. "We're going to take you now, okay? Now we need to you to be really calm and patient so-"**

**"So what?" I interrupted. "So that you can take me to the infirmary where you practically breathe in gallons of bleach by stepping through the doors? I don't think so. You already took the power of my cuts from me, there's no need to get greedy with my shoulders also."**

**"We are merely trying to help you Miss Lane," she responded desperately.**

**"Help me? How? By holing me away all by myself?" I laughed under my breath. "If you haven't exactly noticed, I'm not handling that ridiculousness well."**

**"Megan," she swallowed. "You're going to have to come with me right now. So just make your way over here and we can-"**

**"NO!" I shrieked and the light bulbs popped, sending sparks to illuminate the darkness for a second. Delighted, I smiled, feeling the fear raise in all of them. "Pain is my friend now Nurse. I will not tolerate your separating of us. When I go down, it will be with us hand in hand, embracing the darkness together."**

**"Megan!" the nurse shouted, but it was too late.**

**Somehow maneuvering myself through the barricade of guards, I raced through the opening, tucking my head down low. Adrenaline shot my system while shouts pierced the air. As my head collided with the wall, I wasn't even able to feel the pain, there was only a heart-stopping crack and then everything slipped away.**

* * *

 

_The day after the three villains 'Checked up' on me I found that I was not alone in the infirmary anymore. They brought the other person in minutes after I was given my morning pain pills that succeeded in making me drowsy. I was glad for that because my ribs were fairly painful; thankfully my wrist gave only the occasional throb to remind me of its existence. I could ignore the pain in my sleepy state but those pills worked wonders after the effects of a dose wore off the pain was just slightly diminished but it was more than likely wishful thinking._

_"Who is that?" My voice was slightly slurred with me trying to stay awake to hear the answer. My eyelids drooped the pills slowly working their way into my system._

_The only words I heard were "Out...day...solitary." I was surprised to actually get an answer. So, it was mildly annoying that I didn't hear the whole explanation and fell asleep before the person finished._

_I woke back up to find the skinny nurse from when I first arrived holding the cup of water and pills that were a different color than I was used to. She shoved the pills into my braced hand, she discovered that I could still hold a cup and made me throw the pills in my own mouth and drink the water on my own. It was fun for the short time it lasted._

_"These aren't the pills I've been taking." I said staring at them from the corner of my eye the nurse made a face._

_"Yes I'm quite aware. These won't make you drowsy; someone has urgently requested seeing you. Despite your injuries approved the visit and I couldn't do anything to change his mind. Apart from the different color and side effects they aren't as strong as the other pills. In the relieving pain department, but they last a lot longer. Now hurry up and take them so we can get you back here soon."_

_I frowned but took the pills. "Who's here to see me?" I took the two little pills and drank the water._

_"Why don't you go and see?" A guard came up with a wheelchair._

_I took one look at it and said "My legs aren't broken. I don't really think that I need that." I stood from the bed and felt a twinge of pain but I was able to walk nonetheless. "See I'm not a cripple."_

_The nurse huffed but didn't protest the guard snapped cuffs around my wrists the one encircling my injured wrist just barely fit. "Hurry up to the interrogation rooms." The guard growled and I noticed that he had tattoos everywhere. 'He looks more like a criminal than I do.' I mused mentally. As I was lead to the rooms with the guard having a firm grip on my arm. (Probably to keep me from trying to strangle anyone else. They think that I'm a threat!) I recognized the tattoo on his wrist looks like..._

_"I have that tattoo!" I exclaimed looking at his wrist the two little black and white fish circling each other Yin and Yang. They both ignored me. "Gee, well fine." I grumbled "Ignore me."_

_"Were here, you have 15 minutes." The nurse told me and the guard that accompanied us opened the door and led me into the room before he took station by the door watching us, he chained me to the chair._

_"Finally taking precautions I see." I said smiling up at the tattooed guard. Well those pills didn't make me drowsy they made me kind of hyper. Some people tell me I'm kind of scary to be around when I'm hyper they say I could almost rival Harley Quinn. They say I'm more cheerful and outspoken saying everything I think. Which could be bad in kind of embarrassing in ways. It's a lot worse if I get drunk which I've only been once! I am in college after all. Well was..._

_I looked at my visitor who was none other than...my lawyer! "Oh! Hi, I thought you got scared off! Or was that someone else?" I blinked at him curiously hoping he would give me the answer. He didn't. "Is my dad here? Last time you were here he was too." I looked around the room as if he was camouflaged in the corner._

_"He's not here. He didn't want to come." The lawyer said looking like he was expecting an explosion._

_"Oh. Too bad I miss him." I sighed then beamed at the lawyer. "What's your name? I didn't learn it last time. Why isn't Megan here? Shouldn't she be here too? Do you know when she's getting out of solitary? Wait...Is that why she's not here?" I leaned forward a little with a little intensity._

_The lawyer looked slightly scared at my barrage of questions. "My name is Gregory McVan."_

_"Ohhh, sophisticated." I exaggerated all the syllables of sophisticated. "Mind if I call ya Greg?" He was about to open his mouth. "Great!" I giggled at his expression_

_"Megan isn't here because she's in the infirmary at the time asleep. I couldn't wait till she was conscious, I'm on a very tight schedule." He pulled a paper out of his suitcase and cleared his throat looking like he wanted the floor to swallow him and swaddle him in darkness. "You father came back with the physical evidence of the crime scene and...Well it all points straight to you and Megan." He looked me with the expectation for me to tear him up into little bite sized pieces and feed him to little bugs._

_"What's wrong?" I asked concerned "I figured as much! You're just the unlucky guy to deliver the news. I have nothing against you!" I said brightly "Was there anything else?" I cocked my head questioningly to the side._

_"Actually, they found two other sets of DNA on some of the devices found at the scene. But due to the small amount they found they are still trying to process it." He had such relief in his voice he made it sound like he just escaped certain death._

_"Well that is certainly interesting!" I tapped my chin thoughtfully "I wonder..." I bit my lip and giggled excitedly "Oh, I wish I was helping them it sounds like a real party!" I bounced in my seat unable to stay still. "Ya know Gabe you are kinda cute." I looked at him critically "I'm certain you are the ladies man!"_

_He once again looked startled. Was my behavior really that unreal? Hmmm.. Oh well! "So, since we're done here..." He bolted out of his seat and almost tripped over himself leaving the room._

_"He must need to be somewhere really important." I said as the guard unchained me from the chair and started the trek back to the infirmary. "We must have been in there longer than I thought. Or I was asleep for a really long time." I said the halls were slightly more dim indicating sleepy time. I laughed quietly at sleepy time and I sang it out "Sleepy time!"_

_"Yep, definitely belongs in here." The tattoo guard muttered_

_"I resent that! Not definitely, I absolutely belong in here!" I jumped up and down and as best I could with my chained wrists I hugged the guard. He pushed me away and I stumbled a little. "What do you have a girlfriend!?" I asked him biting my lip. He didn't answer just shoved me into my bed and unchained my injured wrist and chained the other to the bed. "Hey! I didn't even notice we got here! How unobservant am I!?" I stared at my chained hand with slight disbelief, it's not even tight if I wanted to I could slide my hand out of the cuff. I knew I wouldn't be able to actually escape the asylum by at least I wouldn't be confined to the bed!_

_"Bridge? Is that you?" I heard someone ask me from the bed to my left._

_"Megan!" I exclaimed "I almost forgot that you were in here too! The asylum that is!" I pulled my wrist frantically out of my cuff and hurriedly got off of my little bed. In my rush I nearly fell but caught myself at the last second. "Oh, my ribs are gonna hate me in the morning!" I giggled once again._

_"Are you ok? You're not acting like yourself." She was strapped to the bed but was in a sitting position, which was really weird._

_"Must have been some of those new nifty pills that the nurse gave me so I wouldn't get sleepy." I smiled down at her and started to twirl a lock of hair around my index finger. "How long do you have in solitary, I kinda lost track. Ya, know trying not to show how much iIm enjoying Edwards attention. And making new friends and such!" I quit twirling and started to bounce on the balls of my feet. Her face changed into a currently unidentifiable expression. 'Crash!'_

_"Harley! Do you want us to get caught! If you're going to keep knocking things over I won't bring you again!" A familiar male voice said scolding Harley._

_"Hey! You have to get used to the amount of light in here!" Harley retorted "And besides you weren't going to come tonight! I convinced you and Ivy, we need to make sure she is still ok!"_

_"I doubt that something extreme has happened since we came last." Edward said I could see him rolling his eyes._

_"Oh my god! Hi! I didn't expect you to come back!" I turned completely away from Megan and gave them an ecstatic smile. I gasped. "I discovered that one of the guards have the same tattoo that I do! What a coincidence huh?"_

_Ivy looked at me with some concern. "Are you ok, Gardenia? You're acting different."_

_"Oh, Megan asked the same question." I gestured wildly behind me. "I think it might be those different pills the nurse gave me!" I smiled at her reassuringly_

_"You have a tattoo?" Edward said slowly like he was slightly unbelieving._

_"Yep!" I bit my lip again to keep from giggling. "Right here!" I pointed to my left hip. Everyone was silent for a couple of seconds._

_I thought you were kidding when you said you were going to get one!" Megan said behind me._

_"Not at all!" I said and went over to Harley. "You know that guard didn't tighten that cuff nearly enough. My hand slipped right out." Harley giggled at me and I saw Edward looking at me critically and I decided to return the favor. I looked at Edward for a second and tilted my head from side to side. "I wonder what it's like to see you in your full costume in person." My eyes widened slightly "I bet it's kinda sexy!" I shook my head not happy with my wording. "Not kinda, completely sexy!"_

* * *

 

**Puzzled, I looked at my best friend quizzically. Okay, so I wasn't exactly normal right now either. I had just dislocated both my shoulders on purpose, gave myself a minor concussion, and did it all on purpose for the pure joy of it. Not only that, but...I felt like part of me was missing. Like when I was trapped in those white walls, clawing at them hysterically, screaming at the top of my lungs, finding as many ways as possible to hurt myself; part of me just disappeared. Or maybe another part of me was just enlarged... Add the strangeness to me with the drowsiness of these insane pain pills, I wasn't exactly all there. But the small fraction of me that was here realized just how much Bridgette wasn't exactly here either.**

**Taking in her comment hazily, I looked over to Riddler inquisitively and gave him a one over."Ew," I stuck out my tongue out.**

**And obviously despite how out-of-it I felt, apparently my voice still had its trademark loud ring to it. The Rogues turned to look at me, and Harvey's face lit up.**

**"MEG!" she cheered and ran over to crush me in her arms.**

**Suffocating pain enveloped me and I let out a sharp exhale. Through the fog of drug-induced haze came this sharp knife of pain, one that seemed instantly friendly. I no longer seemed to be floating high above here, with a tiny thread tying me in place, but as though gravity was gently lowering me down. The haze began to dissipate into clearness little by little.**

**"Careful Harls, she's in here for a reason," Ivy scolded her and Harley apologetically shied away. As soon as her arms slid away from me, the fog rolled back in humongous murky waves. Soon, everything was just as blurry as before. Part of me wanted to scream from sheer frustration, but the majority was just too loopy to really , I blinked over to Ivy who was regarding me with a debating expression. "What happened to you Rosebud? You seem different."**

**Crookedly I grinned at her, but I could feel it dampened at the edges. I was so exhausted. In states like this, everything about me is muffled and subdued like I'm a buried underneath a thick fuzzy blanket. "Pain medication. Tends to make a girl look different."**

**Ivy pursed her lips in thought and glided over to me. Before I realized what was happening, she leaned forward, face dangling in front of me. Her green eyes narrowed in suspicion as she looked me up and down. Everything about me felt as though it was blown up under a microscope, the dark bags that weighed down under my eyes, the small scratches that I'd occasionally claw across my cheekbones; everything . "Hm," she observed and furrowed her eyebrows. "No, that's not it," she shook her head and stood up.**

**I wasn't sleepy enough to miss the strange quality to her voice, and I squirmed around in the bed uneasily.**

**"So what brought you in here?" Riddler questioned, seemed the tiniest bit fascinated under his mask of boredom.**

**My lips parted slightly and I averted my gaze down at my clasped hands. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Bridgette staring at me, a slight tilt to her head. For some reason I felt suddenly ashamed. I didn't want Bridgette to know the real reason. I wasn't able to show it right now, but I was so unbelievably happy to see her! Actually see her I mean, not imagine it! Here she was, her actual self, no longer blurry at the edges like a smeared painting. I finally got to see my best friend!**

**It drove me insane that I wasn't able to throw my arms around her and squeeze her tight, singing her name at the top of my lungs. That's what I'd usually do. It's how I'd greet her in the hallways at school. And she'd always roll her eyes and groan, but she had a smile and blush to her face. Bridgette is my best friend, and after what I've been through...she deserved a humongous fanfare for me to show my gratitude that she's kept me from loneliness for years.**

**But right now...ugh these stupid pain meds! I was barely able to force myself into sitting without throwing up earlier! And even then, I had to swallow down some acidic ickiness and grip the mattress like it was a lifeline in a flood. There was no way I could show the appropriate level of enthusiasm right now.**

**_Next time_ ** **, I promised myself.** **_I'll hug and thank her next time_ ** **.**

**"Um..." I racked my cloudy brain for an excuse. "I...skipped too many meals and collapsed from malnutrition."**

**Shakily, I looked back up to them and found everyone staring at me with the most incredulous look on their face. Even Harley had her upper lip curled up, as she tilted her head and gaped at me curiously. No one bought my pathetic cover story, not for one second. Lightly I sighed under my breath, knowing that if I wasn't so hit up on drugs, I probably would've been able to come up with a fantastically woven cover story. Telling lies is easy for me, I never forget an elaborate tale that I spin for pure amusement. Perhaps that's why I also used to want to be an author... But oh well. None of it mattered. I could tell by the way that I had to strain to focus on their faces that I wasn't going to remember most of this anyways...**

**"Aw Megan, you actually look uncomfortable for the first time in your life!" Bridgette exclaimed.**

**A wave of horror coursed through me. Ew, gross, now I was actually allowing unpleasant emotions to show on my face? Was I honestly that lazy now? Fighting through the fatigue, I tried my absolute best to look at Bridgette with the most radiant smile I could muster. It may have ended up looking more like a grimace though, I don't know. "No I'm not," I choked out in a thick voice. "See?"**

**Her eyes blinked at me and wariness seemed to draw her eyebrows together. "Is something hurting you?"**

**Suddenly I couldn't help but scoff. "Oh please. If something was actually hurting me, smiling would come naturally." Wait, did I honestly just say that!? Horrified, I bit down on my lip, worried that I had just made a terrible vocal blunder. Oh man...what if Bridgette could put one and two together, then come up with what I had to do to make it through that room? I couldn't stand it if she found out! I wouldn't survive the disappointment she'd have in me...**

**But nothing seemed to show that she understood that, as even more confusion drew on her face. "Okay...?"**

**Now it was honestly starting to hurt from having my eyes open and fighting to remain awake. But sleep was not an option. I wasn't positive that these pain pills would be enough to lead me to blissful blackness. No...I'd need to choke down a couple more in order to achieve that miracle. Yet that'd be willfully submitting myself to blurriness, and that was just insanity! Or at least I think it was...everything was starting to become jumbled in my head.**

**"Meg!" Harley called out to me and I sluggishly looked over at her through half-open eyes. "We've like asked you the same question four times now."**

**"Oh...you have?" Well, didn't even notice that I was zoning out there! Couldn't they save this for a girl who doesn't have a minor concussion? Wait, they didn't know about that...or maybe they did...now I was just confusing myself. "Um, C then."**

**"What?" Ivy wheeled backwards.**

**"Ya know...when you don't know the answer you just pick C," my eyes closed for a second too long. "Oh wait, have I already answered C three times in a row before this on the scantron, because if so I pick...P."**

**"Huh?" Ivy blinked. "No, that's not what we're asking. Besides, P isn't even a bubble choice on a scantron."**

**"Wha?" I slurred. "But P is in the alphabet..."**

**"The question isn't even multiple choice silly," Harley tilted her head.**

**"Is it fill in the blank then? Cuz I really, really..." tiredly I yawned "...suck at those."**

**"Megan, they're just asking you a question," Bridgette giggled in amusement.**

**"Poop, are you saying it's oral then?" I complained. Riddler was fixing to say something when I dramatically flipped back on my back with a loud groan. "I didn't study for this pop quiz."**

**"This isn't a pop quiz, we are merely trying to ask you a question," Riddler said with a light tone of annoyance in his face.**

**Bewildered, I looked at him. "You're queerly trying to bask me a session?"**

**"No! I said that we're merely trying to-"**

**"Oh my gosh, you bore me," I interrupted him and flipped my head to stare blankly at the ceiling. I was slipping gradually away, my little thread anchor snapping in the middle. "You really, really bore me. Next time could you try singing it opera-style and then I'll pay attention."**

**Perhaps he said something then, or maybe someone else did, I honestly don't know because then everything was drowned out by a monotonous droning beep. Red light danced across the side of my face and I sleepily turned my head over to stare at the IV stand plugged into my arm. Gears started whirring and a bag in this locked box slowly began to drain its clear liquid through a small tube. Was that morph- Suddenly my blood felt like lead and my eyelids there was no more of that flimsy thread because it was gone, gone, gone, and I was a combination of flying and sinking at the same time.**

**"Hey Bridge, I am very..." the rest of my words welded themselves into an incoherent mumble.**

**Despite how much I didn't want to, my eyes fell closed and unconsciousness pulled me under. It wasn't so much sleep as it was passing when you're in a state like this...the line between those two doesn't really seem to matter.**

* * *

 

_I watched as Megan passed out with a slight frown. "Well, that was rude." I said brightly with the smallest hint of malice. "Couldn't even finish a sentence. Pfft, whatever." And I turned around and walked away from Megan's passed out form. I reached one of the cabinets full of the drugs that I've see the nurse take my pain pills out of._

_"Aren't you concerned 'B'?" Harley asked "From the time that I've known you haven't acted this way towards Meg." She sounded concerned...odd. But, I guess she considered Megan and I her friends._

_"Hmm, I don't...Oh hey! Look these are the pills that the nurse gave me!" I grabbed the clear pill bottle and spun around completely surprised to find Edward right in front of me._

_He read the label and I tried my darndest not to say how good he smelled. How was that even possible with the bland soap that the asylum gave us? And how come i'm just barely starting to realize how annoying he can be? "These are not just pain pills they are antidepressants." He looked pretty annoyed for some reason._

_I frowned and maneuvered myself to look over his shoulder. "Huh. To keep me from trying to lash out at the lawyer when he told me the news, no doubt."_

_"What news?" Edward asked me turning around to face me again I rocked back on my heels in surprise._

_"Um.." I said not able to find the words I needed._

_He sighed and put the pills back where they were. "I'll ask you again when you're not high on antidepressants. And I expect a straight and full answer." His look and tone gave the impression that if I didn't I would regret it. "Along with an explanation to what you said before Megan captured my attention." With the last sentence came a smirk and finally the ego boost that had a slightly delayed coming out due to the small Megan thing._

_"Alrighty, I will make sure to do that." I agreed happily ignoring Edward as he raised an eyebrow snidely at me. "Ivy," I said and took a step backwards then spun around to face her, surprised that I was not dizzy from all the spinning around. "What did you mean when you told Megan that it wasn't the pain medication?" I was bouncing from subject to subject not able to focus as much as I usually could._

_"I meant that what was wrong with her is the same thing that was wrong with you, besides the antidepressants that is. But, you two have it to different degrees in different ways." She said vaguely I looked at Harley to see if she understood and she had a mostly understanding expression. Well I feel stupid, maybe these pills really did mess me up._

_"As fun as this conversation is," Edward said sarcastically and sounding bored "We need to get back." And I heard his steps walk away and start to fade._

_"He is such a lovely person." I deadpanned rolling my eyes. "He's really confusing too." I scowled at the floor wishing that it wasn't him that I decided to latch my affections onto, of all the men in the world._

_"Gardenia, you have a spike in your hormone levels every time he is around you, of which I highly disapprove but is unmistakable." She crossed her arms somehow she made all of her movements seem so smooth and perfect._

_"Oh, I'm not about to deny it." I said "But I'm starting to wish that I could. Because more than likely he has no feelings besides his protectiveness of his new 'puzzle'."_

_"Oh, 'B'! If he didn't have any feelings towards you he wouldn't give you even a second of his attention! The reason he wants to figure you out is because he wants to figure out why he's attracted to you! You and him are a perfect match just like me and my Puddin'! Eddies just too stubborn to admit it to himself." Harley looked happy with her explanation but I still had a hard time believing it. I feel so wishy washy, I hate it._

_"And don't worry, every time he is around you his hormones spike too." Ivy laid a hand on my arm she obviously didn't like this situation and I'm not entirely sure why. But, I got my answer when she quietly said. "I don't want you to end up like Harl. I love her but the Joker is so bad for her. I don't want someone else to end up in the same situation."_

_"I really don't want to be rude, I really don't." I said "But I have to ask; Why do you care? I thought that the only things you cared about were your plants and Harley."_

_"I'm liking you and Megan so try to keep on my good side, because I don't tend to like anybody." She looked away from me "Come on Harl we do have to go." She took Harleys arm and dragged her away._

_"Ivy, what were you two talking about?" Harley asked pouting not liking being out of a conversation. And then they were gone I breathed out irritably. Even after being declared a criminal and brought into the fold of the infamous rogues; I still had stupid teenage like problems, granted they came with more danger than normal ones, but still! Why can't I just worry about the problem of me losing the grip on my sanity? Or is this part of it? I laid back down on my hospital bed catching a glimpse of a passed out Megan after I slipped my uninjured wrist back into the cuffs. I was concerned about her, sure. But I don't think that I was as concerned as I should be, I just had so many other things on my mind at the moment._

_"Time for you to go back to the 'C wing'." The nurse had just checked on how my ribs were healing and said that the broken one was in the right place and would heal fine and the cracked ones along with my wrist would heal in the matter of weeks. "You don't need any more observation, so its time for you to leave. I'll make sure that you are given the pain medication the same times that you have been getting them while you were in here."_

_"You're not going to give me antidepressants again are you?" I said warily as the tattooed guard from yesterday uncuff me from the bed and cuffed both my hands together._

_The nurse shook her head. "That was the only way that I could think of to keep you from getting out of hand but still being alert and able to comprehend what your lawyer was saying." This nurse was really stupid, she must not have really listened during her classes. Or she never even went to college for this. Wouldn't really be surprising considering where we were._

_"You're just getting plain pain pills now they won't make you sleepy and they won't make you more alert. Though the first time you take them you might feel a little off." She continued as I was lead out of the infirmary._

_"Oh like when you take new kind of allergy pill?" I asked her, she didn't answer me. She didn't follow us out. "I love how people choose not to answer me in this place." I grumbled. We arrived at the 'C wing' in record time which was probably due to the long quick strides the guard took leaving me to jog at his side to keep up._

_"Oh look she's back!" Harley said excitedly. "Now we don't have to..."_

_"Harley!" Ivy warned_

_"Oops, sorry!" Harley said "Didn't mean to let that out!" She giggled "No wonda' Mistah J don't want to tell me anything!"_

_The guard pushed me into my cell but before he went out of sight he told me. "I'm now your personal guard you will not go anywhere without me."_

_"What? Why?" I asked incredulously_

_"After you tried to kill the other doctors here decided that you needed to be kept under close surveillance as a hostile and angry inmate." He replied_

_I shot him a dirty look "How come I'm the only one? I doubt I'm the most dangerous one here."_

_"True, but you're the only one that has tried to murder anyone recently." He said and turned to stand post at the right side of my cell just barely in sight._

_"Well," I said with a huff. "She deserved it, I'm sorry I couldn't finish what I started." and sat heavily on the bed in my cell. The ones in the infirmary were so much more comfortable._

_"I seem to recall something extraordinary that you did before you were taken to the infirmary." Jonathan's voice called out from across the hall. "I wonder how this came to be."_

_"Ya, ya I heard it before. I'm choosing not to believe it and peg it as a trick of the light." I said over the last couple of words Jonathan said. I don't even know why i'm thinking and using his first name. Well, can't explain a lot of things I do, say, or think these days_

_"Yes, and I hardly think that she would rather not talk to you." Drawled Edward "I know for a fact that you have lost this little bid to ensnare her."_

_"Then I guess it's a good thing that I never NEEDED to ensnare her. It just would have made it more enjoyable." Jonathan retorted coldly "I think you took this little game a little too seriously Nigma."_

_"And I think that you are deluded to think that you will ever have the chance to get off on her screams." Edward retorted confident and snappishly._

_"You know you can use my name, I can hear every word you two say." It really gets under my skin when people talk like I'm not there._

_"But you're not exactly in our conversation now are you?" Jonathan told me "So there isn't really a point to your complaining is there?"_

_"I'm still a main point to the arguing. I don't really give a damn if I'm actually contributing to the conversation or not. I don't appreciate you talking like I'm not here!" I said my voice getting just a tad higher at the end. "I wouldn't doubt that you would be peeved if that happened to you, Jonathan." I ground out his name angrily "It's kind of like me saying with you standing next to me that. 'Oh, he's such a lunatic he completely disgraced the title of doctor. And the idiot got himself gassed by his own toxin, how pathetic is that?' And the funny thing about that is it's all true." I sent daggers across the hall to him. Anger was practically seeping out of his pores._

_The Joker started to laugh "She told you Jonny-boy! It looks like you were just bested!"_

_Harley giggled along with him "Got what was comin' to ya scary!" Jonathan was livid that they were laughing at his expense._

_"Now that that annoying little hiccup is dealt with. I recall telling you that I wanted to know something." Edward said_

_"Oh, ya. I almost forgot. Well, apparently nearly every piece of physical evidence points toward Megan and I being the ones to commit the crime." I'm taking this information in stride! I'm actually proud of myself it probably helped that deep down I never expected otherwise. "Oh and to the uh, other thing. Shouldn't really take much I said into any consideration I was high on antidepressants after all, wasn't in my right mind. Most of what I said didn't mean a thing." I hoped that his inner lie detector wouldn't pick up on my little white lie. But of course it was only wishful thinking._

_"Liar, you are drawn to me. I don't blame you though considering my many attributes." Here is that famous Riddler narcissism which is also something partner to his OCD that make people think he belongs in here._

_Damnit! "Cocky bastard." I muttered and I heard him chuckle in his cell next to mine._

_"You're certainly right about the first part." He agreed. My face flushed he said he was going to stop doing that! Or was that my imagination?_

* * *

 

A/N: (Bridgette) I'm sorry if my last two sections sucked, I literally struggled through them. Each word was like pulling teeth.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

A/N: Just a friendly reminder: PLEEEEEASE review. That is all J

* * *

 

"The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear."

Josh Billings

**We're walking on a thin tight rope, dangling over the edge. Everything is drifting away as the wind whips at us from below. Gravity is really beautiful once you get to thinking about it. It's always present, always there. It clings onto you and keep you down, making sure your two feet are still on the ground. People say that we shouldn't fall into this looming black hole, which coming back up is near impossible. What they forgot to mention was just how exhilarating the descent is.**

_Everyone knows how dangerous it is to stand at the edge of a cliff you know that if you stand too close or lean out too far you'll fall to your death. Yet still you're eager to see just how far you can go before you fall. See if the wind is strong enough to push you back, if it has just enough of an opposing force that it will allow you to lean out just a little bit further. We all push the limits to see just how far we can go, but we all know when we are at the limit we know if we have leaned out as far as we can, so we take a step back. I'm finding the will to take a step back more and easier to ignore._

* * *

 

**Have you ever gone swimming? The first step into the freezing cold forces causes everything in your system to go shiningly numb and the only thing to get the shivers to leave your body is to dive in underneath the watery waves. But even that is terrible in the beginning. Glacier forces slam into your body like a brick wall, squeezing into your lungs like a fist enclosing around your throat. You can't breathe until your foot pushes off the floor and you break through the freezing waves, shoot up into the air and breathe in strangled gulps. One second you're blanketed in cool and then the next you're welcomed back into warmth. But not full warmth, coolness still holds onto you, running down you in freezing rivulets. Despite how warm it is outside or how many deep breaths you take in, that horrifying split second that you endured through underneath the waves is still there in your head. It takes a while before you really are able to shake it off.**

**That's what it's like. Except every dunk I take is like the first one, every moment up at the surface passing by in a split second. Suddenly I was suffocating, feeling like I couldn't breathe at all, everything slipping away as pain erupted in my throat.**

**"Ah!" I gasped, shooting up. My heart raced in my chest at the speed of light and frantically I tried forcing in air but nothing came to my lungs.**

**"Calm down, calm down, you're panicking," a nurse rushed over and tried calming me down."Just take a deep breath in, it's fine, you're okay."**

**"Can't-breathe," I choked out and that caused colorful dots to whirl around my head. My vision dipped into blackness when I came back up, gasping for air.**

**"You need to** **_calm down_ ** **," she commanded me and rubbed large circles across my back. The reassuring movements massaged between my shoulder blades helped out my lungs, slow sips of air finally managed to slip into my lungs. It felt so deliciously gratifying, like taking a first swig of cold water after you've just ran a mile. Desperately, my hands flew to my throat, clawing at it hungrily like tearing gashes in my neck would help allow the amazing air through. "No, no, no, don't do anything with your hands. Just breathe," she instructed, forcing my chained hands back down into my lap.**

**Slumping forwards, my hair fell into my face and a shiver shook through my body as I slurped in some more air. "Good, good, now just keep on doing that," she said gently and I obeyed her. Slowly, bit by bit, the pain in my chest eased off as the breathing became less desperately frantic. Now there was a regular amount of oxygen in my system, enough to keep the blackness slipping away from the corners of my visions. But my heart still kept hammering away in my chest. The air was finally there, but so was the horrifying image in my head.**

**"What happened?" the nurse asked finally, leaning back as my breathing finally slowed to normal and my eyes drooped closed.**

**"White...w-w-white walls..." I stammered and shivered. Automatically, my fingers curled into my palms to dig my nails into there, but there was nothing now. Just stubs, a small glimpse of clarity. Disgusted, I groaned and relaxed my fingers, mouth deepening into a grimace.**

**"Hm," the nurse observed and stood up. "Maybe PTSD?"**

**Wait, like what war veterans get? No way. Those people...they come back and they're not all right. Something no longer clicks in their mind. But me...no way. I was still normal. I was still thinking normal, my thoughts still strung together coherently.**

**Annoyed, I looked up at her through wisps of hair when suddenly I caught sight of the room. Startled I spun around to look at my surroundings. The infirmary. What was I doing in here? Exhaling sharply, I shook my head as a shadowy blank drew in my head. I don't remember anything. Not a single thing. I think...I think that I was fixing to leave solitary. I was finally fixing to escape these white walls and then...blackness. Blackness and then-terror. Pure absolute terror.**

**The shaking came back as I whipped my head frantically around, searching for something that wasn't there.**

**"What's wrong-" the nurse started to ask when I grasped onto her hand tightly. Fear widened her eyes as she took me in. For a millisecond I was coherent enough to be offended, but soon the fear overrode it.**

**"Wh-where are my friends?" I demanded, squeezing her fingers so tight that she winced. "Where i-i-is Cam and B-B-Bridgette?"**

**The nurse blinked slowly. "Your...your brother has tried visiting you six times already, but you were...otherwise occupied. And your friend Bridgette is back in the C Wing. You saw her last night, I believe, before she went to see your lawyer."**

**"I...I did?" I rasped. Suddenly a wave of sadness filled me and I frowned down at my lap. I had seen my best friend and yet I don't remember a single second of it. And Cam...oh my dear precious Cam... Shaking my head angrily, I growled and glared at the side. "How c-could you?" I demanded.**

**"What?" the nurse asked in shock, as if she honestly no clue what was happening. The damage that she's done.**

**Angrily I snapped my head over to glare at her. "How could y-y-you have kept me f-from seeing my brother? When I needed him m-most? How could you have hopped me up on s-so much d-d-drugs that I don't even remember s-seeing my best friend?" I quipped at her.**

**"It wasn't me who kept you from your brother," the nurse shook her head in panicked denial. "And we had to put you on that much medicine! You dislocated both your shoulders and got yourself a minor concussion."**

**"An m-minor concussion?" I stuttered. What? How did I even get that? Did someone bash my head in or something? How sadistic.**

**Yet despite how much I wanted to deny that what she said was try, it started to make sense. Having a minor concussion would explain my killer migraine and the fact how I would have to run whatever words the nurse said three times over in my head before I could really process them. It would explain how I was careless enough to let myself fall asleep where the nightmares were all too willing to devour me. Except this time, the nightmare was different. Instead of bloody faces, mutilated bodies, or gaping mouths forever frozen in a horrified scream; all that I had seen was...white walls.**

**Terrible, horrible, suffocating white walls.**

**The thought of them made bile rise up my throat and I moaned, leaned forward to rest my forehead on my knees. Everything about me started shaking in indescribable terror. Strange, but my ultimate fears are no longer the things that go bump in the night. Instead it's the silence that stretches there when you're utterly alone.**

**Loneliness is a horrifying thing.**

**A whimper came out my trembling lips and I almost started to bawl, just the thought of being back in that room causing a meltdown in me.**

**The nurse watched me in stunned silence for a bit, at lost with what to do. While part of me was so absorbed in the terrifying image of that terrible room to the point of where I barely noticed her, another part clung onto her existence. Because if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be trembling in the wake of my fear but instead actually experiencing it. She was an anchor, the little twinge of relief that sat right beside me. Without her here beside me I would really be lost.**

**Finally, seeming to be uncomfortable with my sniffling, she tightly swallowed and coughed awkwardly. "Um...I can see that you want to be alone to take this in. I will come back here in a few minutes to give you another dosage of your pain medication," she said placidly and began to move away.**

**No!**

**Frightened I shot my arm out to grab onto her arm again desperately. "Please," I begged. "Please don't leave me. I d-d-don't want to be alone."**

**"I'm sorry, but I have to," she responded quickly, looking the slightest bit guilty in her shocked demeanor. "I have to consult the therapists here on how your treatment should be."**

**"B-but," I stammered breathlessly. "I don't want to be alone again! Please don't leave me, p-p-please."**

**"I'm sorry, I-"**

**"You won't be alone," a masculine voice announced in the room. Recognizing it instantly, I whirled my head around to take in Goldilocks. As always, he was dressed in his guard uniform, golden hair standing out in sharp contrast to the dull gray infirmary. Joy exploded inside me, never have I been so happy to see someone. A wide smile broke out on my face and I sighed in relief.**

**"** **_Goldilocks_ ** **," I breathed.**

**Face an emotionless mask; he blinked at me for a second before turning his glittering silver eyes to the nurse. "You can leave now," he told her. "I'll take care of the prisoner."**

**Perhaps I should feel offended at his reaction to me, but I could only feel the immense wave of relief coming from the nurse as she slid her hand out of mine. "Thank you," she gushed to Goldilocks and directed towards me a hesitant smile. "I'll be back soon, so just...sit tight."**

**At that she turned and scurried out of the room, like her stubby legs couldn't move her out of here fast enough. Curiously I looked after her, even long after her short figure darted out the door. Hmm... Finally I sighed and looked forward with furrowed eyebrows.**

**"I-I never understood t-that saying," I confessed with a shake of my head. "Sit tight? Like w-what, am I supposed to sit here w-with my butt cheeks clenched together?"**

**"** **_Megan_ ** **," Goldilocks sighed, walking towards me.**

**"I'm being serious here. Be-because if that's the case, it would be really exhausting, don't you agree?"**

**"** **_Megan_ ** **," he said my name sharply, using it as though it was a sharpened weapon. Shocked, I looked up at him to see a bright anger burning in his eyes and his face was contorted in a glare. Now, I've seen him angry before. That's all he was when I first saw him, was a moody young adult stomping around madly. But this was different. Apparently that had only been the lowest on his annoyed setting, because now he seemed absolutely** **_infuriated_ ** **.**

**Bewildered I blinked at him. "What?" I asked innocently.**

**"You know** **_what_ ** **," he snapped.**

**"Um, a-actually, that goes against the point of me asking the question," I retorted simply and he yelled angrily. Slamming his hands down on either side of me he bent over; his enraged face loomed so close to me that I shrunk back. He was so close that I could actually smell the cologne lingering on his body.**

**"Why did you hurt yourself like that!" he demanded.**

**Oh. This old argument again. Suddenly bored, I turned my head forward with a dull expression in my eyes. In the beginning, when I was first in that hate-jacket, he'd ask this same question every day. "How could you have done that to yourself?" "Why did you keep on hurting yourself like that?" "Why did you seem to be** **_happy_ ** **while doing it?" Quite frankly, the game of twenty questions annoyed me to say at the very least. "I already told you a million times, I h-h-had to that to keep myself sane," I answered dryly.**

**"You know I don't buy that!" he shouted. "If anything, I think that it did the exact opposite for you."**

**Oh great. And here's the part where he bluntly suggests that I'm going insane. How lovely. "I-if you don't like the answer, y-y-you should try a different question."**

**"Fine! I just want to understand what made you feel so compelled to hurl yourself against the wall to the point of forcing your own body to pass out," he quipped.**

**Bewildered, I turned my head back to look at him. "** **_What_ ** **?"**

**"You heard me," he narrowed his eyes. "What gave you the sudden urge to dislocate both your shoulders and bash a dent into your skull?"**

**"I don't u-understand."**

**He opened his mouth to fire back even more sharply angled words at me when he caught sight of my confused expression. I honestly had no clue what he was talking about. As I took him in listlessly, the anger seemed to ebb away from him bit by bit. Good. He was angry at me for no good reason anyways. Exasperated, he turned his head to the side and made an annoyed ticking sound. "Figures. You do have a minor concussion," he spat.**

**"Or per-perhaps it's because you're making up bizarre scenarios in your head..." I offered to him bitterly. I absolutely despised when people came charging towards me, spitting fire down my throat. Never have I been okay with people violently nagging me about stuff that isn't that big of a deal. Not when Cam would do it, not when Bridgette would do it, and** **_especially_ ** **when a person I barely even know such as Goldilocks does it. Honestly, it's my own life-not theirs to monitor and obsessively manipulate.**

**Ignoring what I said, his head snapped back to me with this sudden urgency that popped out of nowhere. "Speaking of the concussion though, I'm going to give you three things to remember." My lips curled up in disgust and I was fixing to complain when he plowed over my words with his strong authority. "Your color is purple, your animal is a hippo, and your number is four. I'll be asking you what this stuff is so you better remember it."**

**Exasperated, I rolled my eyes. "What the poop, dude? I wouldn't remember a-a-any of this stuff anyways."**

**"I'm just doing this so that we can make sure your brain is okay," he retorted angrily.**

**"Oh, so w-we're back to the "Megan is insane" t-t-theory, are we?" I groaned and threw back my head in annoyance.**

**"** **_No_ ** **, I'm talking about the physical state of your mind, not the mental," he sneered at me. "Now what's your color?"**

**"Ugh," I moaned and closed my eyes. "G-Goldilocks, you're getting on my nerves."**

**"Just answer the question."**

**"No. I'm not going to d-discuss the different shades of the rainbow with you."**

**"Answer-the-question."**

**"No."**

**There was a groaning on the bed and suddenly the front of my face felt very hot. Opening my eyes, I saw that his face was** **_right in front of mine_ ** **, with nothing but a mere centimeter of free air between our noses. "Answer it," he commanded with his jaw set.**

**"Aughh!" I loudly complained and placed my hands flat on his shoulders to shove him away. "Fine!" Looking him in the eyes with mine narrowed, I lifted up my chin as I said, "Pink."**

**His face fell. "Purple," he corrected me.**

**"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. "Pink and purple are b-b-basically cousins anyways."**

**"They are?" he asked with his nose wrinkled.**

**"Duh," I fixed him with a serious look. "Their shades are both girly, but at the s-s-same time different hues- Wait, you k-know what, I shouldn't have to explain the colors' family tree to an artist."**

**"I didn't know that the colors were related to each other," he blinked slowly.**

**"Well obviously they are. I m-mean even kindergartners know that! L-like, red is pink's protective older brother..."**

**"I thought that red was pink's dad," he stated in confusion.**

**"Ew, gross!" I wheeled back in disgust. "W-what were you, raised by hillbillies?"**

**"But it makes sense," he reasoned. "White and red combined together make..."**

**"Pink," I said slowly and looked forward in shock. It clicked in my head all too easily. Well poo. "T-thanks for unraveling all the hard work I did in elementary," I slapped him in the chest angrily. "Now I'm g-going to have to reconstruct t-t-the whole family!"**

**"Ouch," he said more out of reaction than actual pain, I think. "I'm sorry," he apologized, rubbing his chest.**

**"No you're n-not," I huffed irritably. "Crushing dreams is j-just part of your character isn't it?"**

**"Yes, I always have it in my daily schedule. Right in between kicking puppies and stealing candy from little children," he sarcastically agreed and I gaped at him in shock. "Now that you're looking at me again, tell me, what is your animal?"**

**"M-my spirit animal? I don't know, I always considered it to b-be a wolf," I shrugged nonchalantly.**

**He looked at me unimpressed. "You know what I mean," he stated simply.**

**Lightly I groaned and flopped back down onto my pillow. Yes, I did know what he meant. "Rhinoceros?" I answered feebly.**

**From down here, I could see the definite shake of his golden hair. "No," he replied sadly. "It's a hippo."**

**Disappointed, I grimaced. Well wasn't this splendid? It was usually just names that I had a problem with, not measly little facts. Remembering dates and formulas at school was a piece of cake, it was recalling what to call my temporary friends that always stumped me. I had so many friendships in school, all that didn't last long due to my ever-so-there boredom. What was the point of remembering their names if I was just most likely going to ignore them the next week?** **_Maybe I can't answer Goldilocks' questions because they're not important to me,_ ** **I thought to myself. I always did better with things when I found them to be interesting. But then again, doesn't everyone?**

**"Maybe we're going to have to do a CAT scan on you to make sure this isn't something more serious..." Goldilocks said worriedly.**

**"What!?" I flipped over to my side and looked up at him. "Y-you honestly want me to go into some radioactive tube where d-doctor's will scan at m-my** **_brain_ ** **?"**

**"Don't say it like that," he frowned. "I just want to make sure that you're okay."**

**"I-** **_am_ ** **-okay," I stressed to him. "I mean, my h-heart is pounding, blood is coursing th-through my veins, and I'm talking to you aren't I?"**

**He looked at me seriously. "Just because you're okay, doesn't mean that you're well."**

**"And just because I don't fit your expectations of normal doesn't mean that I'm ill!" I countered back at him.**

**Sadly he blinked. "Megan...I'm not worried for you because you're eccentric. That's why I like you," he pushed back a renegade strand of hair in my face to tuck it behind my ear. "It's just, I can see that flame of yours starting to flicker out and I'm trying my best to keep it going."**

**Tightly, I swallowed, not unnerved by him touching me but by the words he said. Why did people keep on acting like I was deteriorating away? Like I was a weak flame, fixing to flicker out? I'm still here, none of me is disappearing! With a mouth that suddenly felt as dry as cotton, I tried to blink some words into my head. "I..."**

**"What's your number?" he asked finally, pulling his hand away.**

**In any other circumstances, it would sound like he was hitting on me and trying to text me later, but in here... Sadly I sighed as even more exhaustion settled on me. I didn't want to answer him. I didn't want to do this. There's an infinite amount of conversation topics that we can delve on, but instead we're settled on this nerve-grating one. "Goldilocks, I r-really don't want to do this..."**

**"Please just answer me," he cut me off, this time with softness in his voice. Although a look in his eyes suggested that despite his gentle tone, he wasn't going to let this go.**

**I was so sick of arguing with a person who's just as stubborn as I am. Any other time, when I'm not chained down to a hospital bed, maybe I could go on and on with him for hours. But not today. Unable to grasp back through my hazy memories, I spouted out the first word that came to mind, "Seven."**

**He didn't say anything. Nothing at all. But I could tell by the way his face suddenly collapsed under a mask of distress that I was wrong. Of course I was wrong. Three questions and I failed epically on every single one of them. A dark flush of shame washed through me, not only from my sheer incompetence, but also from the way I had so obviously disappointed him.**

**Tiredly, Goldilocks' sighed and looking me in the eye suddenly seemed an impossible task. Running a hand through his already unkempt hair, he shook his head. "That's it," he stated with finality. "I'm going to get you some help."**

**What!? He turned on his heel. The sight of his broad back absolutely unacceptable as a thrill of fear ran through me. "Wait!" I exclaimed, bolting up to grasp onto his hand. He froze, as though an arm as muscular as his could honestly be stopped by something as frail as mine. But stop it did. My lips trembled as I pleaded with him. "Please don't leave me alone here. I c-can't stand to be alone again."**

**The thought was terrible, forbidden. Oh my gosh, if I was left alone for one more time... It would be terrible! Especially in this room, with the dozens of hospital beds, sharp needles, and overwhelming smell of bleach in the air... I couldn't help but wonder why they had used such an overabundance of the cleaning material. Was it honestly necessary? Excessive amounts of it can only mean one thing: there was either a really nasty stain or some absolutely terrible stench. Something that they had to immediately wipe clean. Had someone d-**

**Horrified, I stubbornly shook my head. No. No I refuse to think about that! Although a nagging voice nudged me in the corner of my mind, whispering about how lives are lost in infirmaries all the time...**

**Goldilocks didn't look at me, only turned his chin in my direction. "I thought that you didn't want me here."**

**Instantly I thought back to our conversation, how practically every single word I spoke to him was angry, sarcastic, or bored; sometimes all three. A shudder rippled through me. Man, I've never been that unpleasant with anyone. Sure, I can be sarcastic or upset sometimes, I'm only human, but I've never full out grilled a person before. Words are the gentlest thing about me usually.**

**"I'm sorry..." I apologized quietly, humiliated with how I acted. "But...my emotions do not m-matter. Feelings have no real part in my interactions with people, they could be hacking my arm off and it would be practically the same as talking to Cam or Bridgette. All that matters in the end is that I'm not alone, my emotions c-can play their part in the aftermath."**

**Bewildered, he turned his face at me with a look of incredulity. "Are you kidding? You're always emotional."**

**"I know I am, but," tiredly I shook my head. "But in the end, it doesn't really matter. Being with others is all that I want, whether it's with an enemy or a friend."**

**Slowly he shook his head. "Just when I think that I'm starting to understand you, you throw another curve ball my way," but there was a wistful smile spreading on his face. Gradually he turned his whole body to face me and I became uncomfortably aware of how I was still holding his hand. Embarrassed I squirmed in the bed, trying to find when a good time would be to pull away without him noticing it. But if he noticed anything, he didn't show it as he walked over to me and sat down at the foot of my bed. A blush came to my face and I bit down on my bottom lip. Unnerved, he looked me in the eyes, seeming as calm as a still lake with no ripples. "You need help," he insisted and then squeezed my fingers.**

**My heart started in my chest from shock. So he was aware of how my hand was wrapped around his... A heat overcame me as I was unsure what to make of that information. Tightly I swallowed and shook my head. "No I d-do not. I am perfectly fine."**

**He shook his head slowly. "No you're not..."**

**Overwhelmed, I shrunk into myself. I know I haven't been putting up a very convincing facade lately, but it was still awkward for people to pinpoint when I'm unhappy. That's never really happened before in my life. I've always made a point to look as happy as possible my whole life, it's something that's been drilled into me from the very beginning. If I so much as frowned, Mom would become clingy and possessive, Cam would become worried, and Dad...well Dad wouldn't do anything. But if I was as loud and whimsical as possible, sometimes I would be graced by him glancing my way. And I couldn't seem unhappy in front of my friends. Then She and Bridgette would ask "what's wrong?" over and over again, including all the other classmates. It'd always drive me insane, because I can't stand to talk about what's wrong, the bad part of things. I only like talking about the good, about the things that I'm pleased with. The stuff that makes me weak enough to frown for even a second...I avoid as much as possible.**

**Exhaling through pursed lips, I struggled to keep my gaze easy with his. "All right. S-so what if I'm not?" I shrugged. "I'll be just f-fine if I can only see Cam and Bridgette again."**

**"I don't think you should see your friends again until you've been properly helped," he disagreed. "It's for your own good."**

**_It's for your own good, it's for your own good_ ** **...**

**This wasn't the first time Goldilocks' did something that he thought was for the best on my behalf. There was the time when he restrained me from attacking that one guard when he assaulted Bridgette. After that, she wasn't the same and she slowly began to drift away from me... But no, Goldilocks thought that it was better that way, and he only wanted to keep me from "doing something I might regret". And then there was the time that he dragged me out of that horrible room, exposed me to the horror of my salvation, and sedated me just when I needed the energy the most. And now here he is, trying to do it again, Constantly, he's doing stuff, holding me back, being an unwanted anchor. I only wanted him for company, not a therapist, not a friend, and DEFINITELY not the person who controls my own fate!**

**"You know** **_what_ ** **," I snapped, jerking my hand away from him at the last word. All stuttering left me. "I'm sick of you deciding what's best for** **_me_ ** **and forcing me into situations that I don't want to be in. I'm sick of you acting like you know everything and controlling my every will and action. I'm** **_sick_ ** **of** **_you_ ** **ruling my life!"**

**Color drained from his shocked face. "I'm only trying to help you..."**

**"** **_Help_ ** **me!?" I scoffed. "Frankly, any action you force me to endure through in here is** **_condemning_ ** **me, NOT helping! If you really wanted to help, you'd let me see Cam and Bridgette!"**

**"Megan-" he tried wedging in a word.**

**"Or...or, if you really wanted to help me, you'd..." my voice trailed off as I glanced over his shoulder. There, high up on the gray wall, was a small rectangle of a dirty window. The thick glass was absolutely filthy, grime covering practically every inch of it, making the view seem a murky brown. But on there, was the slightest light spot of unblemished glass, where I could see clear through to the blue sky outside. The wonderfully blue sky... Longing filled me as I looked after it, desperately wanting to be out there where there was fresh air, green grass, and the melodies of little songbirds flitting from tree to tree.**

**Goldilocks followed my gaze and looked up to the window. "You want to...go out to the courtyard?"**

**"No," I sadly shook my head. "No, not that, I just..." my voice became unnaturally thick and I looked down at my lap. "I just want to get out of here so bad." I could feel him looking at me, silent as he observed me curiously. "It's just...terrible here. It's awful. I'm trying so incredibly hard, but I can't find beauty anywhere here. Everything is tainted with this ugliness, corrupted by the sins that are locked inside this building. I-** **_hate_ ** **it here."**

**"Are you saying that you want to escape?" he slowly asked.**

**A small, quiet noise slipped out of my mouth. "When I first came in here, I thought that I'd be out in no time. Everyone would realize that we couldn't possibly have done what they think we did and grant us back our innocence, our freedom. I thought that we'd never make it past day one here, that someone would realize their mistake and we'd be out, but then..." tightly I swallowed. "But then...a lady told me that I wouldn't get a session with a therapist until after my trial, that it's procedure. It wasn't the lack of a therapist that made me uncomfortable, but the way she said her words.** **_After your trial_ ** **. I could tell just by looking at her that the gears were already madly spinning in her head and she was going through a list of doctors that would be suitable to treat me. Already she was planning on my therapist, even though she said that I wouldn't get one until after the trial. Already, she had deemed me as guilty. She thought there was no way our case would make it. And as I realized her doubt, I soon started to see it in everyone else. Everyone. I've tried denying it, but ever since then I knew that...we were stuck here. Me and Bridgette. We're just another set of prisoners, just another couple of Gothamites gone wrong. It wasn't until I was in that one room that I began to think that I just may die here. Here, in this terrible awful place. I was going to die condemned, with freedom only being a thought instead of an actual state." Goldilocks looked at me silently. He didn't contradict me or say that I was wrong. There were no reassuring words. A sinking weighed down my chest. But why? I expected for that to happen anyways. "I'm...going to be in here forever, aren't I?"**

**Depressed, I sighed, feeling as empty as I ever have in my life. In Arkham Asylum...stuck here for the rest of my pathetic existence, where loneliness looms over as a deadly threat. Here. Forever.**

**"I can...get you out." Goldilocks offered so quietly that I almost didn't hear him. Almost.**

**My eyes widened and I looked up at him. "What?" I questioned him. I had to have heard him wrong. That must be it.**

**But he met me in the eyes, with his jaw set. "I can get you out," he repeated, his voice stronger.**

**My heart stopped in my chest from flat-out shock. "You...you mean as in," I lowered my voice to a hushed whisper, even though there was nobody here, "** **_escape_ ** **?"**

**For a second I was positive that he'd bluntly tell me that I was wrong, shoot me down for having such a ridiculous notion. Because it was ridiculous. Absurd really. A guard...breaking out the very prisoner that they were meant to keep locked in? Surely that only happened in the movies. But then, instead of shaking his head, he only simply nodded. "Yeah." he agreed.**

**Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Suddenly this happiness floated up in me, so beautiful and wonderful and amazing. It was as though my spirits was a caged bird, and now it was finally set free! An enormous smile came onto my face and I felt as though every single part of my was tingling with this delighted electricity, exhilarated by this suddenly presented freedom. No more white walls. No more grey goop. No more C Wing, no more guards, no more prying nurses and assuming doctors! Just freedom, the stuff I love, just finally being able to be** **_me_ ** **again!**

**Animated, I bounced in the bed, leaning forward to grab onto his hands. "That would be wonderful!" I exclaimed cheerfully. "I would be so happy if you did that, I'd be-"**

**"On one condition though," he stopped me. "We'll be together if we escape."**

**"What?" I blinked. "Well of course we'll be together if we escape, you are the one breaking me out after all-" Suddenly my voice stopped as I processed what he meant. "** **_Oh_ ** **."**

**Now it makes sense. The way he's been acting, how he keeps on running his hand across my face, or how he was always the guard to visit me in my room or cell. Nausea spread through my stomach like inky tendrils. Oh no. No, no, no.**

**He was attractive and everything, I mean** **_extremely_ ** **handsome and nice, but...romance isn't my thing. If anything it was the opposite of my thing. I've never even had a legitimate boyfriend my entire life, the only boys that I'd "dated" were relationships that lasted as long as week, however long it took before the initial excitement fizzled out. Some were even as short as a class period. I mean...commitment was a dirty word in my book. There were too many people in this vastly beautiful world and I get bored so easily. Cam, Bridgette, and Her are the only people who I've actually devoted myself to so far, and none of those are on a romantic level.**

**This was uncomfortable in so many ways, it went against practically every standard in my book. Usually, if a boy made me feel this awkward, I'd just walk away and avoid the situation right then and there. But I couldn't right now. Not when I was chained to a bed and he was dangling an absolutely delicious offer over my head...**

**Freedom. He was offering me wonderful freedom. And I...I wanted it so bad. So very, very bad. If I had to spend one more night in this bleach contaminated room I would absolutely freak out. I needed this. I needed it so very, very much. I was an alcoholic being offered just one bottle of cold beer. I had to take it.**

**I had to, I had to, I had to.**

**After a while, I finally made my decision. Letting out a deep breath, I squeezed his fingers reassuringly. "Goldilocks?" I asked sweetly, plastering a cordial smile on my face.**

**"Yes?" he asked eagerly, leaning forward.**

**"What is your name?" I tilted my head to the side, allowing waves of dark hair to frame my face.**

**A smile spread on his lips. "My name is Derek," he answered.**

**Derek. Such a plain name...it blends into the wall like beige camouflage. No doubt that I would forget it in no time at all, names like that always have a hard time latching onto my brain.**

**"Derek," I cooed and leaned forward, touching my forehead against his. "I'd love to be with you."**

**There: the words were said out loud. And it wasn't as if they were written in stone. If he bored me too much, I could always leave him. It wasn't like he was going to chain me to his side, the only place that I needed help escaping from was Arkham.**

**Joyfully he grinned. "Great," he responded happily, and lifted his head up to brush his lips against my forehead. The light kiss felt like acid on my skin and it took all my willpower to not shiver in disgust. Pulling away, he looked down at me, silver eyes dancing with some hidden light. "I'll come back for you tomorrow," he promised.**

**Horror washed through me. "Tomorrow?" my voice faltered.**

**"Yeah, tomorrow," he brushed some of my hair to the side. "I need to get some things together."**

**"Oh...okay," I said slowly, all the joy inside deflating like a popped balloon.**

**He caught onto my distress and lightly chuckled. "Oh, Megan. I'm excited too. But don't worry, if we want to make it out the front gates this will take some planning."**

**Numbly I nodded. "Okay..."**

**Once again, he smiled happily, his stark white smile nearly blinding me. "I'm glad that you want to be with me Megan."**

**"Yeah," I grinned half-heartedly. "Me too."**

**But the truth was, inside I was feeling more and more revolted with each and every passing second.**

* * *

 

_I was seven years old when I first held a gun, my father had told me to get ready and that we were going somewhere special. I had eagerly gotten ready anticipating something like the park, the movies, or even the police station. Excitement was bubbling in me just getting out of the house when it doesn't involve school was amazing. None of those were correct we arrived at the shooting range we went in and he signed some papers and gave me a pair of headphones that covered my ears. He picked up what I know now as a standard 9mm handgun. He told me to watch carefully and shot off an entire clip. He bent down next to me and told me to but my hands around the handle and the handle only I did as was told and he shot off one bullet with me holding the gun. Then he told me it was time to go home. We did this once a month for three years. Sometimes he would shoot off more than one bullet, but that was rare. I had eventually asked him what the point of that was. He told me that before I shot off a bullet myself he wanted me comfortable with holding it first._

_The year I turned ten there was a difference he told me to put my 'trigger finger' over his, I didn't ask questions and did it, I trusted my father and never questioned him. That is until I became a teenager. He pulled the trigger. It was totally different from just holding the handle but still worlds away from me holding it on my own and firing. That day he also taught me to load a clip with bullets. This went on till I was twelve. Then he taught me how to clean the gun and load it. He also taught me how to load a revolver._

_I was fifteen when he let me fire the gun without him holding it, he instead held my elbows to help guide me into position and reduce the kick back. Something small stirred in me that day but I decided to push it off as excitement for firing my first bullet. And this part of my instruction went on for two years. I still don't understand why he took so long to teach me. Why he took me and steadily introduced me to firing a gun. I would think that it would have been easier to just bring me when I was older it would have been so much simpler for him. But due to his instruction the cleaning, loading, firing, and types of guns are engraved into my brain. Like some other people have the rules and plays of the sport they play engraved in their brains I have the workings of a gun._

_"I have to go! I'll see you later!" I exclaimed to Megan and Cam whom I have been with for the better part of the day. We were currently watching the news which has only been on for approximately two minutes and Megan was saying that she doesn't want to hear about yet another bank being robbed._

_"What!? Where do you have to be?" Megan asked watching as I hurried to gather my belongings. Today of all days to not bring my car!_

_"I completely forgot it was today!" I told her "I just remembered because the news mentioned it." To be completely honest it wasn't such a big deal but I really looked forward to these days._

_"Well, it might help if you told us exactly what you forgot." Cam said looking confused but not as much as Megan was._

_"I was supposed to be at the shooting range two hours ago!" I said slightly panicked "Now I won't have as much time as I would like to practice!" Despite how much I practiced my aim was always off by at least a couple of inches still. But every time I practiced the space decreased by at least a sixth of an inch maybe less. "And I don't even have a car so the time will be even more depleted!"_

_"Do you want me to give you a ride?" Cam asked already standing up and reaching for his keys. I nodded vigorously in agreement a small sense of relief coming over me at his offer._

_Megan stood as well "I don't know why you even like to go guns are so violent." She looked like she was having an internal debate whether to come with Cam and I or stay in the house with her mother._

_"As odd as you think it is Megan going to the shooting range makes me feel better. It helps me relieve stress." I said taking purposeful strides towards the door trying to keep from overreacting from the lack of time I'll get. Primarily hyperventilating which I was well on my way to, I just needed to get there and empty a couple of clips at least._

_"I do think it's odd. But, it's your stress reliever can't keep you from that we all know that you can get pretty high strung sometimes. For how much you say you hate school and don't care about your part time internship at the GCPD you get awfully stressed about them." She had moved around the couch that we were sitting on before I went into a panic that almost resulted in me having a premature heart attack._

_I was at the open front door and Cam was already in the car starting it. "Megan, do you want to come?" I was still moving steadily out the door as I asked her. She sighed as she apparently came to a conclusion._

_"Ya, I'll come but I'm not shooting anything." And she grabbed her phone and purse and followed me out the door. I immediately took the passenger seat and went to check my phone it was 7:20 and the range closed at 9:00 I had about an hour and a half less than I would have desired but enough time nonetheless._

_"Cam do you want to shoot?" I asked him looking to the side to see his reaction. His eyes flickered to me seeming to take in my jeans, black v-neck t-shirt, and black ballet flats not necessarily the ideal footwear for shooting but I'm able to shoot in at least four inch heels (and working my way higher). I'm careful to make sure to only wear them when the not caring supervisors were on duty because its 'dangerous' to shoot in heels. Ever since I got my license at 16 my father let me come alone after filling out some more forms at the shooting range. So I didn't have to worry about him berating me for not being safe._

_Cams eyes were back on the road and after turning into the parking lot he said. "Sure why not?" I smiled excited at the prospect of teaching him after he was acting as a teacher to me when I was struggling in one of my subjects in school (history) one of my least favorite subjects._

_"It's a good thing that you're 18 so you only have to fill out one form saying you consent to the rules" I said "I'm heading right in so come find me when you're done." Megan followed me into the range and sat on one of the benches against the wall a distance away from the people shooting. I pulled out a 9mm and proceeded to give it a quick clean and load it with one of the many clips beside me. I took the stance of my dominant stronger left leg slightly behind my right to give myself steadier footing. I started firing, each bullet that tore through the paper felt like a small weight being lifted off my shoulders I used both hands even though I was skilled enough to use one but if I did my aim would me a lot more off. It was harder to use one arm after all._

_After I had quickly and gratefully unloaded two clips I finally realized Cam watching me. "How long have you been standing there?" I asked him setting down the gun._

_"Since you put in that last clip." He grinned "You're really good 'B' incredibly badass. And don't tell Megan I said this because she would yell at me. Kind of sexy." I blushed and shook my head choosing not to comment on that and not read into it Cam would never think of me that way, ever. It's just the fact that I had a gun in my hand is all._

_"Alright come here and stand like I am." I said taking up the stance that a right handed person would. I eyes his stance critically and corrected his posture a bit and made sure that his foot wasn't too far back. And finally I let him pick up the gun, he held it completely wrong and I shook my head at him. "Like this," I came up behind him and placed his hands on the gun correctly. "There now you're ready, but keep in mind that there is a kickback the first time is always the hardest because you don't know what to expect."_

_"There are quite a bit of fundamentals to this aren't there?" He asked then took a deep breath and pulled the trigger. He stumbled back slightly and looked mildly stunned. I giggled at his expression completely amused. He looked at me "Don't laugh at me!" He said in mock anger but started to crack a grin himself._

_"You messed up your stance!" I said getting over my amusement. I stood beside him and corrected his posture like he was a posing doll not letting him do it on his own. He gave me an odd look but I ignored it and told him to try again. He did and this time didn't stumble but his aim was absolutely atrocious. The supervisor finally asked us to leave at 9:30 letting us stay past closing time. Megan ended up having fun too but flatly refused to touch the gun._

_Cam decided to drive me up to my house instead of letting me walk the few blocks from theirs claiming that no matter where we were in Gotham I could still get mugged, kidnapped, killed, or raped. I grudgingly agreed not wanting to bother him but he wouldn't have it any other way. I got out of the car and hugged Megan goodbye promising to see her tomorrow. I waved to Cam but before I made it to the front door he jumped out of the car and gave me a hug. For a couple of seconds I stood there stock still not used to this from him the most physical contact we usually have is when we playfully kick each other. I finally slowly returned the hug and soon after he pulled away grinning. "Thanks for teaching me to shoot." He said "I really enjoyed it." And he bounded back to the car and drove away. I stood there for a couple of seconds and finally mentally shook myself maybe he was just getting more comfortable around me starting to think of me more as a part of the family. I just knew there was no way that he would ever return my little crush I've had on him I'd long since given up only holding onto a small thread of it._

_I starting to wonder if my father now regrets teaching me all he did about guns now that I'm in here. And taking me to those few lessons of self defense of which I hardly excelled in. I had instead opted for dance that I had greatly excelled in mostly in Latin and many forms of Ballroom. My mind rolled back to how I'm now a convicted murderer and now involved with the Rogues gallery the most dangerous criminals in Gotham. I have no doubt that my father regrets teaching me what he did. But, now that I think about it I desperately want a gun to help relieve the stress that seems to be mounting in me I've gone without my main stress reliever for longer than I'm used to. And that coupled with my now growing and completely wrong desire to kill is making everything worse by tenfold. I feel like I'm seconds away from exploding and lashing out with my pent up frustration, anger, confusion, and guilt. With that surge of emotions my hands erupted with small arches of cracking bluish silver. I clenched my jaw 'only a trick of the light' I tried to reassure myself. It's nothing._

* * *

 

**Everything about me was antsy, wired, as though billions of nuclear explosions were going off inside of me. It was the restlessness you feel going asleep on Christmas Eve, or the night before some amazing vacation that you're fixing to go on. I haven't been this excited for anything in such a long time, and the joy of it all was just so richly intoxicating! Last night, sleep came to me in the small form of having some blinks being longer than the others. Not that it bothers me though. Perhaps its better that way, can hardly have any nightmares when the longest I'd sleep was in intervals of seconds. And this time, instead of my body complaining to me with a headache and ear-splitting yawns, it fueled me on. My heart did cartwheels and flips, and Yurchenko vaults, displaying some marvelous ground work with its enthusiasm. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as though I had chugged twenty espressos.**

**I can hardly wait to be out Arkham, hell on Earth. Words failed to describe this wonderful anxiety that I felt inside, that made me both want to tear my hair out in frustration and jump for joy at the exact same time. The excitement was even enough to carry me safely over the disturbing fact that I was alone in the infirmary when Goldilocks walked out last night, wishing me sweet dreams. Sweet dreams. How silly! If anything, he should've said "sweet fantasies" or "sweet daydreams". I didn't dare let my body settle down enough to have something as alluring as dreams. Don't get me wrong, dreams are amazingly tempting and all, but their dark counterpart makes me wary to play around with my subconscious.**

**Oh, all the brilliant things that I can do once more when I'm free! I can take showers with bubbly scented soap with heavenly aromas lingers on your skin, I can change clothes and throw out all the designs that even have a single stitch of orange, or I can...I can... I can see Cam! Oh marvelous wonderful Cam! I can finally talk to my brother again without it having to be in an interrogation room, I can hug him as tight as I want to until he chuckles and eases me off of him, I can finally thank him for his beautiful song and how it's gotten me through! It will just be so** **_wonderful_ ** **to see his face again. And then, later on, I can come back here and rescue Bridgette! Then me, her, and Cam will do something amazingly fun and all memories of this terrible place with fade behind us. This incident will be nothing but a blot on our past, something that we can laugh about later on over some junk food and warm soda. "Hey, remember the time that we were in Gotham?" "Oh yeah! Man, that must've been awful for you two." I can see it now... The tantalizing future that I so much want to be** **_ours_ ** **.**

**Sure...things won't be as picturesque as they used to be. If we can make it past these restraining grey walls, there's no doubt that we'll become wanted criminals. And that will force everything to drastically change. Life on a run, where there's no way that we can settle down for too long without the chances of being taken away once more. No chance to take in a deep breath, just one temporary home after the other. Cam will have to give up his lifelong dream of becoming a doctor if he wants to be with me and Bridgette... But oh well! It will work, I can just** **_feel_ ** **it in my bones. I'm determined to make things pull through all right in the end. We'll have each other through and through, soon all the other problems will become nothing but a laughable running gag...**

**But of course, there is one more blip to contend with:** **_Goldilocks_ ** **. Minutes after he told me his name, I already forgot it, just as I thought I would. If only my salvation can come in the form of a messiah who expects nothing in return. Could there be a kindred spirit who is as giving enough to do that? Oh how I wish there was. While part of me is repelled by the pathetic fact that he likes me, another part is drawn to him by guilt. Poor sap. He really has no clue that I'm not the kind of girl to form long lasting relationships, except for the ones I already have. He's ignorant to the fact that I have no desire to settle down. Unlike other girls, I never dreamed about being swept away by a Prince Charming, or plotted out my wedding down to the very last detail. I'm not even like Bridgette, who has her all so mysterious File. Oh no, all that a boy needs is to be interesting enough to entertain me for a few days and then we'll both move on. After all, I am one to** **_let go_ ** **.**

**There's this temptation inside me to tell him the truth, that there's no hope of there ever being something between us, and that it's absolutely nothing personal. But then, I bite my tongue, like how Cam used to tell me to. What if when I tell him how I really feel about romance, he'll completely drop any prospects of helping me bust this joint? He could leave me stranded here forever if he chose to do so! And I wouldn't be able to tolerate that. Not after I've gotten my hopes up so much, not after I've let myself be this excited. I'd die if he cancelled our plans after I've allowed myself to be so happily wrapped up in them.**

**No. I won't allow that to happen. I can't tell him, I just can't! I'll hold his hand and call him sweetie for as long as it takes until the opportunity comes up for me to drop it and run away. It'll just take some gritting of my teeth, but I'll make it through. Besides, which is truly worse? Being in a fake relationship with a person for a few days, or being trapped in Arkham for the rest of your life? The answer is so incredibly obvious. It won't be ideal, but way worse things could happen right?**

**Yet still...I wish that someone would've told him the truth about me. Give him a little Megan 101 class. Maybe then he'd have his eyes opened to the truth that having a crush on me is the last thing that anyone would want to do. Spare him the trouble of thinking that I'm cute before the fiasco even started.**

**Oh well. Can't fix it now, now can we? Not when I've gotten this far to redemption...I can practically taste it on my tongue.**

**The night creeps by so mind-bogglingly slow, like the hours were personally casually stretching themselves out to days. As though practicing their yoga was worth the putting me in anguish. Usually I want for time to slow itself down or to better yet, just stop moving period. One of my greatest pet peeves is the fact that the hand on the clock always insists on moving instead of just allowing us to savor the moment. But now, one of the rare times in my life, I'm actually praying that it would speed up. Every second that I'm spent suspended agonizingly in is another second that keeps me away from freedom. Time...why can't it just fast forward to the places I want it to instead of grudge through this tenuous period? Excitement tingles every single one of my nerves, but the buoyancy is weighed down by dread. Why can't it be here already? Why am I still chained to this blasted hospital bed when I could be free? Why must the night try to make itself as long as a day?**

**When rays of golden sunlight finally began to creep through the disgusting window I almost started singing in gratified relief. But then, I had to bite down on my lip just before I belted out a measure of notes from my brother's song. As elated as I was, I couldn't allow too much of it to show on the surface. I'd have to be like a duck, seeming calm and unruffled on the surface when the truth was underneath the waves, I was churning through the water like crazy. With moments as crucial as this, I couldn't afford to let anyone suspect anything.**

**As much as I hate it, the norm for me has become have a sullen expression and occasionally groaning in grief. That's a status that I'm definitely going to wipe clean as soon as we get out of here. As soon as we parade triumphantly through the gates of Arkham, I am going to revert back to my characteristically happy and bubbly self. Man, how I despise being unhappy. The unfeeling is so disgustingly unpleasant that it's even worse than the taste of bile on my tongue. But soon that's all going to change!**

**I was so caught up in my whirlwind of deliria that I didn't hear the footsteps marching through the room. A hand was placed on my shoulder and I almost started cheering in joy. The time has come! It was here, it was here, it was here!**

**"Go-," I breathed joyfully, turning onto my back when my voice was cut short. An unattractive plump nurse looked back at me, the fuzz on her upper lip twitching as she chomped on her gum disinterestedly. Everything about her radiated boredom from her lazily slumped posture to the flat expression in her dull eyes that slightly resembled soda with no more bubbles. Vaguely I remembered her as the nurse who had taken Bridgette out to the courtyard that one day. The disappointment was devastating. No.** **_No_ ** **. I wanted to leave so bad and I wanted to go** **_now_ ** **. Desperately I watched thenurse, praying that she'd whip off the lifeless wig and yank off her hairy mole, giving me a daring wink to reveal that she was really Goldilocks in disguise. But she never did.**

**I couldn't help the groan that rumbled out of my mouth automatically, a result from the pure misery. "** **_Noooo_ ** **. No, no,** **_no_ ** **."**

**Please tell me that this wasn't really happening,** **_please_ ** **! Please tell me that this was all some sick and twisted nightmare, that I don't really have to wait for even longer to get away from here!**

**Grimacing, the nurse glared down at me. "Expecting someone else?" she quipped as she gnawed on her gum. "Don't get your hopes up too high, Derek isn't going to come see you today."**

**The bleak depression suddenly parted its murky shadows to let in some confusion. "** **_Who_ ** **?" I asked her with narrowed eyes.**

**"Ugh," she groaned as she rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Didn't even bother to learn the fool's name, did you?" she demanded distastefully and then leaned forward to allow her breath to wash over me. The putrid scent almost made me gag right then and there. Someone definitely had a garlic omelet this morning. "** **_Your boy toy_ ** **," she drawled in monotone. "Tall, blonde, eyes as silver as a quarter. Ring any bells?"**

**"** **_Goldilocks_ ** **," I gasped in realization. Oh no. Please tell me that she didn't say what I think she said. "Did he...he take the day off?"**

**"More like he was forced to," the nurse chomped.**

**Something sank inside me. "Are you saying that...?"**

**"Well, to put it nicely, he's off on a permanent vacation with no pay."**

**A tightness knitted my throat together. A pain forced my stomach to feel as though it was on a rocking ship in the middle of a nasty hurricane.** **_Please tell me that she's just being unnecessarily crude,_ ** **I prayed silently, crossing my fingers together.** **_Please tell me that being boorish is just part of her attitude_ ** **.**

**"And that means that-"**

**"He's fired," she interrupted me, taking obvious joy in being the one to deliver me the piece of news. "Luckily we caught on to your devious little plot and cut him off before he did anything stupid. Hardly doubt that he'll be able to find another job after ending on such a terrible note like this..."**

**_No_ ** **. At lost for words, I turned my head to look forward, mouth slightly open. Goldilocks... Inside I felt so unnervingly numb. What have I done?**

**"Aw, save me the pouty crap prisoner, we both know that you don't really feel sorry about this," she sneered at me. "You played the boy's heartstrings like they were a harp, toying with him up until the very end. We noticed the game you were playing as soon as you "innocently" manipulated him to get you your crayon. He was riveted with you ever since."**

**"No, I..." I croaked, shaking my head. "I don't use people, I'm not..."**

**"A schemer? Oh please darling, we've read into your files," she waved me off. "We all know how you play off people's emotions, getting a kick off their little quirks until you find yourself bored and drop them in the dust. We do our research. You're just a little manipulator aren't you?"**

**"No I'm not, I'm..." I rasped, before my words fell silent on my tongue. No words came to mind to describe what I was. What she said was...was right. But I was never cruel with people like she's suggesting! I've never broke anyone's heart. I mean...I'm nice! People tell me that all the time! Just because I distance myself from people after a little bit doesn't mean that I** **_toy_ ** **with them like she says. I don't string people along...I just...I...**

**The nurse snorted in response, taking my silence as a victory in her case. "Not even you can convince yourself of being something you're not. How pathetic," she smirked as she reached over a flabby arm to grab a bowl on the bedside table, something that she must've put there earlier. With a leer, she jabbed at the mush in there with a plastic spoon, stirring it into watery goop. "He's not going to bounce back from this easily," she said snidely with a shake of his head. "You ruined the poor boy's life."**

**That's when it finally settled on me. Oh my gosh...I have. I ruined singlehandedly ruined Goldilocks' life! Gotham harbors this special breed of hatred towards their infamous Rogues, they definitely wouldn't take anyone in who was suggested of sympathizing with one of the criminals. He is going to be avoided like a plague. Friends will drop away from him like flies and his family will slowly but surely distance themselves from him in shame. There's no possible way that he'll ever be able to get a job here in Gotham again, and even if he managed to flee to some other city, he'd still be practically doomed. And living...oh my gosh where will he live? Most likely he lives in an apartment, judging from his young age, and as soon as his landlord learns of this little fiasco he'll be evicted in a second. He'll just come home one day to find all his stuff has been hurled out on the street, and trampled by any vengeful citizens who knew of the eviction. Poor, poor Goldilocks...soon his life is going to be reduced to nothing but a living torture, wherever he goes. It's only going to be a few months top before he realizes the heartbreaking truth: that he'll be better off did. Considering how Gothamites can't exactly exact revenge on the Rogues who have torn their lives apart, the next closest thing is the ones who associate with them. He's going to be torn apart savagely as they dive into him like hungry wolves...**

**Horrified, I gasped, hand flying to my mouth. Why didn't I ever consider the consequences for poor Goldilocks? I was too swept away by the wonderful fantasy of being free again, I never for once considered how it was going to end up for him in the end. All I could think of was taking advantage of him then dumping him when able to.**

**"Does...does anyone know?" I whispered quietly. Maybe the workers here at Arkham would decide to keep this incident hush hush. Public appearance you know? Maybe Goldilocks still had a chance of making a life for himself.**

**"Pfft, of course others know," the nurse scoffed. "It was a near Harley-Joker incident all over again, the scandal was bound to sweep through Arkham."**

**A frown pulled down my lips. It wasn't hard to tell what parts Goldilocks and I played in that scenario. He was poor, innocent Harley, just there to help people out and learn something along the way, until they both were cruelly manipulated. He was the good gone bad. And I, I was the Joker. I was the conniving prisoner that saw their chance and took it, taking advantage of a person and getting inside their head to twist around their thoughts and ideas. Using people for my own personal gain or twisted amusement. Never in my entire life had I thought that I'd be filed in with the same class as the Joker, and yet here I was. The comparisons were all too similar as I realized, subconsciously, that I had been playing with Goldilocks all along. From the very beginning, I saw him and became to determined to use him as my own toy. I had manipulated him to my own pleasing, laughing and singing while doing so. I thought that last night was the first time that I took advantage of him, played to his weaknesses.**

**I couldn't be more wrong.**

**"Oh," I said quietly, not sure what else to say. Content with the unappetizing matter in the bowl, the nurse scooped some up in the spoon and jabbed it at me more like a threat than an offering. Numbly, I shook my head in denial, knowing that if I ate anything I would throw up.**

**"Suit yourself," she shrugged. "I couldn't care less." Pleased with what went down in here, she plopped the bowl back down on the table and dusted herself off. With a snort and a half nod in my direction, she waddled off, banging the door behind her with a loud flourish.**

**I was too caught up in my own thoughts to really notice that I was alone. Quivering ever so slightly, I pulled my legs up to my chest, staring blankly off at the opposite wall. So many countless emotions swirled through me like a colorful whirlwind. One was the overwhelming disappointment, the saddening knowledge that I wasn't getting out today. Probably not ever. My opportunity had come and gone as quickly as it would on the wings of a wild bird. And then secondly, was guilt as I slowly began to comprehend my terrible ways. I was a monster. An absolute monster.**

**But none of it came to matter as a grin came onto my face, my infamous giggles finally coming to aid me after a long period of absence. Oh man, how I missed them. Smiling delusionally, I began to laugh hysterically as I said, "Oh well! That toy was getting old anyways."**

**Joy bubbled back inside me, not quite as pure and straight as it was before, but I couldn't care any less! While all this definitely sucked, at least there was a bright side. I didn't have to feign being attracted to him anymore!**

* * *

 

*Four Days Later*

_The last four days have consisted of me alternately sending glares at Jonathan and him acting completely oblivious, sending murderous glances at Hatter which have been full heartedly returned, (Everyone still said that Megan should tell me what actually happened) Talking and getting closer to Harley and Ivy, and my most favorite part of the last four days (Of which I will not reveal to anyone that it is) Answering riddles that I have been slowly getting better at answering correctly, having conversations with Edward that I have found I enjoy even though he occasionally used words that I didn't know. His obvious arrogance has annoyed me to some length at the same time. On one occasion I had gotten so irritated that I just walked away from him he had followed angry that I had just shafted him like that. He had pushed me against the wall and placed his fingertips against my injured ribs and pressed watching with his usual smirk as I wiggled in pain._

_"I don't appreciate being ignored and I especially don't like when someone walks away from me. I won't have it." He had told me and he pulled away. "Now, lets go sit down." I agreed and despite that he had caused me intentional pain twice now I knew that I had been partially in the fault but was still aware that it was mostly to fault by him. And I still knew that I would do something to irritate him again due to my occasional inability to keep the sarcastic remarks at bay. Still knowing these things I couldn't convince myself to keep from falling for him. I was hopeless._

_We had been the rec room for a full ten minutes when the doors to the rec room opened two guards leading in none other than Megan. I sat up straight in my seat on the center of the couch with Edward on my right and Ivy my left. I felt a rush of relief from seeing her, seeing her actually there. I couldn't imagine what solitary had done to her and for the first time in days she was at the front of my mind for more than a few seconds. Was she experiencing these weird tricks of the light like I was? What was going on in her head, was she losing her sanity like I believe I was?_

_"Ah, look whos back. You must be full of joy that your best friend is here and no longer in solitary." Jonathan said hardly looking over the book he was reading as he said this. I glared in his direction wondering how such a man like him could be the way he was. I was thinking about a snarky comment to tell him when I was suddenly ambushed._

_"Bridge! I've missed you so much! It feels like its been forever it was awful being away from you for so long!" I was so shocked and admittedly my oxygen was being severely cut off. I didn't even think to hug her back, Harley and Megan were both suffocating with their hugs. I didn't know whose was more deadly due to their enthusiasm. Megan finally pulled away and gave me a confused look. "You're not Bridgette." She shook her head and looked to either side of me. Seeing Ivy she had understanding and still more confusion. Maybe wondering why or how this came to be. She looked to my other side to Edward and a small frown came over her face when she noted just how close I had sat myself to him. Other emotions crossed her faces so fast that I didn't dare to try to keep up._

_"Wh..." I was cut off before I could get out the first word when Harley hurdled herself off of Joker and slammed into Megan with a hug._

_"We all missed ya, Megan!" She squealed and disentangled herself from Megan and captured one of mine and Megan's hands and called out to Ivy "Come on Red! We are gonna go have ourselves some girl time!" And she dragged us to a table across the room from male Rouges. I was getting slightly dragged due to the shock that I still didn't have time to overcome. I was still trying to process the events that had just happened in rapid succession. I think Megan was shocked too, but it may have been because of different things that I was. Harley deposited Megan and I one one side of the table and her and Ivy sat across from us. "So I heard that you got one of the guards fired girly! How did that happen?"_

_Megan was clearly not expecting that question and seemed surprised that Harley had asked. "He had a crush on me and..." She trailed off frowning for a moment then her usual smile took over her face hiding that momentary frown from Ivy and Harley, but I took special note of it._

_"He had opted to set her free if they would be together. But the rest of the workers figured it out and fired him on the spot." Ivy summarized, her evergreen eyes looking over us all with a ghost of a smile. "I must congratulate you for that, Rosebud. Learning to manipulate men with your womanly wiles is a very useful trait."_

_Harley pouted. "How come I never knew that?" Harley was a lover of gossip and was disheartened that she hadn't heard that too._

_"Well, it might have been because at the time your and the little Gardenia were talking about different fashion don'ts and nail polish." Ivy said and my lips parted slightly as I remembered that conversation._

_"Oh." Harley said and nodded in understanding. "I remember that." My mind was running processing the words Ivy had said. Megan had gotten that guard fired and I would bet that it was the one she was already starting to manipulate before she even went to solitary that nameless blonde one. She was the kind of person to discard people after she got bored with them but it was usually on a good note or she gently let them down. But, with this one she had lured him in with false sense of romance to get her out, without me. And when he got caught fired she probably felt guilty, but not for more that a few minutes. That was how it was with the others how would this one be any different? But the fact that she had taken advantage of his crush on her and used him was appalling, that was not Megan. Not to lie like that. I felt disappointment towards her. How could she use someone like that? I never understood how she could just drop people like she did. But this, this was...I couldn't think of a good word for it._

_She caught my look and had a shamed look in her eyes. Until... "Oh and did you know that while you were in solitary 'B' has been getting gradually cozier with Eddie? And, honestly I'm so proud of her for doing this! She almost strangled to death!" Harley exclaimed missing the brief looks we exchanged. Ivy observed but didn't say anything. What is Megan going to say about that?_

* * *

 

**The last few days have been like an emotional roller coaster. Everything would range from boredom, to loneliness, to strangely detached happiness; constant cycling through these like a colorful kaleidoscope when sometimes there'd be this sharp pang of guilt. I'd prefer to not dwell on why I feel guilty though. Who likes to linger on unhappy emotions such as that? And the guilt comes and goes as fast as the blink of an eye, one second stabbing myself in the gut, the next gone like a quiet whisper. It's never there for very long, so I don't think about it for very long. My body began to gradually heal, and sitting up no longer pained me as much as it used to. Instead it was only a dull ache, a small reminder of the agony that used to tear through my body. It's strange to say, but I miss it. I miss the soreness in my shoulders, the aching headaches, and the inability to grasp things as well. Then I had an excuse for being forgetful. Now though...well now, at least I can find pleasure in the fact that my beloved nails are growing.**

**And for a while, that was all that I could really take joy in. At least...until this morning.**

**It was out of nowhere, completely unexpected, when some nameless random nurse informed me that my wounds have been properly healed and I was now cleared to go back to the C Wing. As in no more solitary confinement. As in being around tons of other people. As in being able to see Bridgette again!**

**No more having to hallucinate her, no more having to beg to anyone who'd listen to me to let me go see her. I'm finally able to see my best friend!**

**And to say that my spirits were lifted in a bubble of euphoria would be an** **_extreme_ ** **under exaggeration. My joy skyrocketed up into space! It blasted past the stars! I wouldn't stop smiling and singing in the halls, despite the looks the guards gave me. I couldn't be any happier! Or at least...until I did actually see her...**

**One time, when I was in middle school, Bridgette and I were watching tv, some reality show about a person who owns a bakery or something. The screen made everything in there seem so magnificently glamorous that your mouth started to water after about fifteen seconds. It all seemed so delicious and was actually surprisingly entertaining. Who knew cookies could make you smile without putting them in your mouth? And then, in one episode, they had a special about their cannolis and how everyone would line the block to have them on a special day. Those little cream filled pastry desserts were idolized so much, placed on an incredibly high pedestal. Everything about them, from their flaky crust to their sweet fluffy cream inside, seemed so unbelievably** **_delicious_ ** **and** **_tantalizing_ ** **and...I wanted it. I wanted a cannoli so undeniably bad. So one time at an italian restaurant, I spotted that they served some on their dessert menu and flipped out. And by flip out I mean that I went** **_ballistic_ ** **. I was ecstatic! I was screaming so loudly that even dear sweet Cam said that I should probably keep my tone down. But I couldn't help myself! Finally after months of craving, months of longing, I would finally get my precious cannoli! I had spent so many nights fantasizing about how wonderful it would be, how absolutely delicious it would taste on my tongue. For** **_months_ ** **I did this. I had to want something pretty bad if I thought about it for** **_months_ ** **. And so after little convincing from my mom, and a non-committing mumble from my dad, I finally got my long awaited cannoli! I was practically bouncing in my seat when it arrived and didn't hesitate to dive in... I should've waited longer.**

**Because that wonderful fantasy, the amazing thought that had been dancing beautifully on my tongue for what seemed like forever, turned out to be a major flop. The shell crumbled in half after one bite, dusting powdered sugar all over my nose. The chocolate sauce beautifully drizzled over it tasted extremely dark and the cream inside was too strong and powdery, like paste instead of cream. To put it basically: it sucked. I was so overwhelmingly disappointed that I had pouted for a full** **_thirty minutes_ ** **before I managed to crack some joke about it. But the truth was, inside, I still felt extremely sad. Months of longing and fantasizing, all deemed useless as it was built up to a majorly lame climax. My precious cannolis...they were such a failure. It still kind of stings when I think about it too much.**

**And ever since then, that's been my number one story of epically failed high expectations. Until today, that is.**

**Because you see, I was** **_so excited_ ** **to see my best friend again. I was exhilarated. I couldn't wait to see Bridgette after weeks of being forced to face my ultimate fear, when I'd scream and beg about just how much I just wanted to talk to my best friend. A single word probably would've been enough to tie me over for a long time, and I maybe wouldn't have had to resort to my nails so soon. But no...I was left in agony. Considering how I don't get attached to people, the ones that I do, I form** **_very_ ** **deep bonds with. Because, they are the one in the million chance, you know? The inconsistence in my character. I was just so desperate to hear her voice before I drowned in my screams and terror...**

**But Bridgette, on the other hand, was perfectly fine. Completely unscathed. I had been hurled into my own personal** **_hell_ ** **and she didn't even bat an eyelash! She instead cozied herself up to** **_Riddler_ ** **of all people, forgetting completely about the girl who thought that their friendship meant more than that! Now, I was on the opposite end of rejection, a thing that I'm usually used to dealing out, and I** **_absolutely HATE it_ ** **.**

**I probably wouldn't have realized it until I hugged her, and all she did was sit there. As though she was a sudden germaphobe, and any physical contact with me would corrode her skin. As if I wasn't her best friend who she hasn't seen in weeks! As if I hadn't needed her so badly... That, was the cannoli shell breaking.**

**But it doesn't end there. Oh no, no, no. We also need to have the powdered sugar spray against my nose, the chocolate icing to make me gag, and the cream gluing itself to the inside of my throat like paste. It only went downhill from there.**

**This wasn't my best friend. I don't know** **_who_ ** **exactly this imposter was, but she sure as anything wasn't Bridgette! She was an alien, wearing the skin of my best friend as a disguise. Bridgette would actually** **_smile_ ** **when we were reunited. Bridgette would actually hug me back.**

**And Bridgette would** **_NOT_ ** **get all romantic with the freaking Riddler and try strangling a therapist!**

**Sitting there, I gaped in wide-eyed wonder at what Harley said. That was it. This drew the bloody line! And so this part children, is where my thirty minutes of pouting ended and I finally managed to crack a joke about it.**

**"Aw, Bridgette," I drawled, fake pouting. "How sadistic."**

**The uneasy look she had in her eyes earlier left and she looked back at me with some steely power. "You would've done the exact same thing," she said tightly, "** **_manipulator_ ** **."**

**My mouth fell open. No way. She did not just do that! I wasn't what she said I was! Staring at her in contempt, I found myself perfectly at ease to be angry with this stranger who claimed to be the best friend I've known for most my life. Rolling my shoulders back, I found myself to meet her gaze with unnerved ease.**

**"Oh, I hardly doubt that I would've," I responded coolly. How dare this alien take my best friend's place. Not when I needed Bridgette the most! "** **_Strangler_ ** **."**

**Her mouth quirked up at the sides, and the judgemental look I saw fill her eyes when they talked about Goldilocks just increased in passion. "I bet Hatter would beg to differ."**

**Oh yeah. Completely forgot about that psycho! I turned over to look at where Hatter was. He was standing in the middle of the room with his hands clutched at his sides, watching me with this bug-eyed expression. His lips were trembling like a pouty little child's and I could hear him murmur under his breath, "Alice. Alice, Alice, Alice."**

**Hm... Well I was bored. And apparently I wasn't going to find any solace in this alien feigning to be my best friend. Don't get me wrong, Harley and Ivy were blasts and all, but... Ooh, I was really going to enjoy this!**

**Tossing my hair over my shoulder, I smirked at Bridgette. "Well. No better time to make amends than today, is there?"**

**Her large hazel eyes widened as she realized what I was fixing to do. Good. So this imposter had at least some of my best friend's characteristics. Raising up, I rolled my shoulders back and grinned maniacally. I made happy eye contact with Hatter, whose mouth fell open and he reached a trembling hand out to me. Oh, this was going to be** **_fun_ ** **. Placing one foot in front of the other I sashayed over to Hatter, smiling wider.**

**"Hey ya Hatter," I cooed, poising in front of him.**

**His mouth widened into a hesitant shaky smile. "A-A-A-Alice?" he stammered.**

**"Not exactly," I tilted my head. "Although that is a beautiful name." Daring, I stepped closer to him and did the unthinkable. I rolled forward to my tiptoes and wrapped arms around his neck in a hug. Gasps filled the room. I did the completely unexpected. But doesn't that just make things all the more better! Smiling in glee, I said sweetly, "I apologize for hurting you Hatter. I'm a tad bit ticklish."**

**"Oh!" he gasped. "Alice!" He threw his arms around me, squeezing the air out of my lungs in a bone crushing embrace.**

**"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I gasped out and shoved him away. Pretending to be mature, I placed a hand on my hip and wiggled a finger at him. "I'm ticklish remember?"**

**"Oh!" he exclaimed and his hands flew to his open mouth. "I'm so sorry Alice!" He paused for a bit and then took a nervous step towards me. "Does this mean...that you'll have a tea party with me now?"**

**Joyfully I beamed. "Why of course it does silly-billy! But first...let's play a game shall we?" I leaned in close, placing a hand over my mouth as I whispered in his ear. "Let's invite the Red Queen into the fun, okay?"**

**He leaned back, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Oh yes Alice! Yes we shall!"**

**Successfully I leaned back, reveling in my joy. "Good," I nodded curtly and turned to grin at a wide-eyed "Bridgette". There. I'll have my best friend back in no time...**

* * *

 

_I chanced a quick look at Harley who looked like the Joker had just said he was gay. "Well, since she's obviously not going to tell you. They were sent to solitary because Hatter kissed her and Megan beat him up for it." Harley said not taking her eyes off of Megan._

_"WHAT!?" I screeched standing and spinning around abruptly upsetting the chair I was sitting in and at the angle that it was at it caught the chair next to mine and they both clattered to the floor. My mind immediately jumped to conclusions "Is this like you did with that blonde guard!? You lead him on and then do something drastic and conniving!?" How could I not come to that? It was a completely logical thing for me to come to, considering what she did to the blonde guard. With what she had just did its obvious that she never really minded that Hatter kissed her! She probably planned to escape with the blonde guard or Hatter, whoever was conveniently available at the time. Leaving me here as she dropped me like one of her many temporary friends. Since that's the fact then I refuse to shield her anymore to keep her from falling on her face. Of which I have done on numerous occasions without her even aware!_

_From the look on her face Megan did not expect my reaction. She covered it up with a smile. "Don't you want to have tea?" Here it comes the very first little wave of what has been just waiting to explode out of me. I sucked in a breath not ready yet to let it all go._

_I strode up to the duo and looked past Megan to Hatter. "You psychotic, man-child!" Ok I know that man-child wasn't the best, but at least it wasn't the worst._

_"Oh Red Queen come join us for tea!" He reached forward and gripped both of my wrists painfully, my fractured wrist protesting. He yanked me forward to bring me closer and manically whispered in my ear "Off with your head!" And shoved me to the ground. I gasped my ribs not liking this treatment. Megan looked opened mouthed, she was probably faking it! She told him to do that! What is she playing at?_

_Hatter kneeled down next to me and out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward stand from his seat and start to make his way over. Hatter said "I told you you can't keep her from me." Anger surged through me and before he could do whatever his messed up mind was thinking I reached up and placed my hands on his chest releasing a short burst of anger and bluish silver light out of my palms. Only enough for the person to realize what had happened. He leaned back. And I rolled away and pushed myself gracefully up (Latin dance combined with ballroom helped with that!) And even though it was graceful didn't mean that it wasn't incredibly painful._

_"I can't believe you would do that Megan!" I said not believing this was my friend my eyes latched onto some exposed skin on her arm. She followed my gaze and gasped yanking the sleeve to cover it back up. There were mostly healed scratches on her arms and from the looks of them they were self inflicted. "So on top of being the Hatters new toy. You're going emo?"_

_"What-" I shook my head not listening to her other words._

_"You know what have fun with him. But, don't come crying to me when he tries to do the unthinkable, when he tries to forcefully take your innocence. Cause I wouldn't put it past him." By now Edward was staring down at Hatter I didn't really know what they were saying because my focus was on Megan. With those words I stormed away and came up to the guard "Can I please go back to my cell while they enjoy the rest of their rec time?" I winced as my ribs throbbed from their recent abuse. "And some pain pills too?"_

_The guard looked at me then at the group behind me Megan was staring at Edward and Hatter listening to the what the two were saying. And since I was horrible at lip reading I had no idea what they were saying. "Prisoner escort to C wing." He said into his walkie-talkie. "Removal from potentially harmful situation. And request of prisoner Paige's medication early." Soon enough two guards came to escort me back to my cell and I went in without a word. I was surprised that they actually did what I wanted but I guess that they are happy to put me in here one less prisoner to worry about out there. The tattooed guard was standing like a graffitied statue at the side of my cell. Seconds later a nurse came bustling in with a plastic cup and two pills, and was gone as soon as she came. My hands spewed small lines of the bluish silver I was now convinced that it was NOT a trick of the light, how was this possible? And apparently it comes on with anger. Well, I got plenty of that. If that was how Megan was going to act then I can retaliate. I just wish that my best friend wasn't acting like she was. What had gotten into her? Why would she harm herself like that? What had solitary done to her? As much as I was angry at her I was really worried about what she was doing to herself._

* * *

 

**No. I shook my head. No, no, no, I had NOT meant for that to happen! Appalled I gaped after Bridgette as she waltzed over to the door. So many things were wrong, I could barely begin to grasp it. First off was this stranger who took her place. Where was the laughter, the emotional reunion? Where was the squealing hugs where we'd jump up and down screaming joyfully at each other? I had only hugged Hatter because I wanted her to pay attention to me! I had wanted her to pull me back, chastise me, and that stranger in her place would melt away as she becomes my best friend Bridgette again. I didn't want Hatter to do what he did! He was meant to only grab her attention her, not literally grasp her wrists and threateningly shove her to the ground! The bloody IMBECILE! And then, things only got worse from there! Bridgette had seen my little doorways to clarity... My best friend in the whole wide world now knew of the worst sin I've ever committed.**

**And she hadn't even given me the chance to explain.**

**Suddenly I couldn't stomach looking after my best friend any longer and I darted my attention to where Riddler and Hatter were passionately arguing.**

**"You dare lay a single finger on her again and I'll rip that red hair of yours** **_right out of your filthy head_ ** **," Riddler seethed violently.**

**"The Red Queen deserves to be beheaded!" Hatter fired back. "She tried to keep me from my Alice! She's rude, crude, and-"**

**"Stop it!" I cut him off with a clenched jaw. They both turned to me in shock, Riddler boiling with fury, and Hatter's thin mouth clamped obediently. Angrily I marched over to Hatter, hands in clenched fists at my sides. "That-was-not-what-I-wanted," I quipped at him.**

**Hatter innocently blinked. "But...but you said you wanted the Red Queen to play with us Alice!"**

**Angrily I furrowed my eyebrows. "Yeah,** **_play_ ** **! That doesn't mean that I wanted you to threaten to chop her freaking head off! I mean, how would you even able to accomplish that feat! Karate chop her neck with your slimy hands!?"**

**He wheeled back in shock. "I...I..." he shook his head and continued. "She's terrible Alice! I was only trying to help."**

**"Don't you** **_dare_ ** **talk about her that way!" I jabbed a finger at him. "She's my best friend!"**

**"Your rash actions contradict that notion," Riddler said snidely.**

**Enraged, I looked over to him, mouth torn open in an indignant scream. Since when did we invite him in the conversation? Since when did he find it right to so rudely assume things!**

**"Well apparently you don't know me, because I'm as impulsive as Winnie the Pooh when he finds a jar of honey!" I snapped at him. "But that doesn't change anything..." Slowly I blinked as I took in the memory of her face, the way she seemed to be detached from me. The way it was as though an alien was wearing her skin. There was a tightness in my throat that I struggled to swallow down. "Even though...even though she's changed..." I couldn't fight the frown "...that doesn't change anything. She'll come back to me again. That's what best friends do."**

**"You fool," Riddler sneered. "Can't you tell that she's already mine?"**

**My mouth fell open and I stumbled backwards. No...no he couldn't possibly mean that. No! He didn't own Bridgette! He couldn't control her, possess her, or bend her to his will. I refuse to accept that! Bridgette is her own amazing person, she's one of the most independent people know. She wouldn't dare allow someone as annoying as the Riddler control her, not in a million years! Biting down hard on my lip, I suddenly felt too warm to meet him in the eyes. I knew he considered that as a sign of weakness, but that hardly mattered to me right now. I'll be strong some other day. Right now was too taxing. "Shut up you narcissistic jerk face," I muttered darkly.**

**"Kindergarten name-calling won't ward me off Megan," he retorted angrily.**

**"Oh really?" I raised my eyebrows and looked him in the eye with a wild look. "Riddle me this! What has skin and blood, a million questions, but is nothing but a sewn up puppet?"**

**He blinked. "Intrigue me."**

**"Why it's you silly!" I smirked. "Give me some needle and thread, and I'll sew your mouth up so quick that you won't get to say one more thick-headed remark ever again. I'll make you my ignorant little green pincushion!"**

**The Riddler frowned at this. "Oh Megan. Threatening does not become you. We both know that you won't go through with it."**

**Infuriated, I opened my mouth to snap at him, when suddenly it was closed by lack of words. Ughhh, this was so terrible! Why did I have to be an open book for everyone who looks at me? For once, can't I bluff without people automatically calling me on it! Was it really so absurd that I would want to tear him limb from limb if he dared lay a finger on Bridge, whether she wasn't herself or not!? Roaring loudly, I spun on my heel and stalked to a corner, panting at a wall. This was not how it was supposed to go. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.**

**Suddenly, a sweaty hand shot out to grasp me, and I spun around to glare up at Mad Hatter.**

**"What do you want me to do now, Alice?" he whimpered, brown eyes widened obediently.**

**Despite how angry I was with him, something clicked inside me. Regardless of the terrible thing I did to him, he still thought of me as Alice. While that was still dangerous, I could play it to my advantage... Before he snaps out of his obedient trance and concludes that I'm not the girl he's looking for, I could use. A compliant serial killer who allows me to manipulate him...what could go wrong? I thought back to Bridgette's words. "** **_Have fun with him..._ ** **" Oh yes Bridgette, yes I will. Just not the way that you think.**

**"Hatter," I smiled, even though I was still burning with fury towards him. "May I please have some alone time? We'll continue our game later."**

**Hatter blinked excitedly, breaking out into a wide grin. "Oh I shall Alice! I'll let you have some time to think!" Happily, he scuttled off, muttering to himself some words that I couldn't understand.**

**For a moment I genuinely smiled, until I remembered the way Bridgette looked at me. Oh gosh...what will she think about me now? It's like I can't stop myself! Letting out a small noise, I twirled around and grimaced at the wall again. So I had found myself a new toy...**

**Everything about me felt so heartbroken then, so lost and so confused, that it wasn't actually a choice really. It was my lifeline actually... Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I rocked back on my heels and laughed gleefully at the ceiling, as though my heart hadn't just been shattered in my chest.**

**"Oh Meg, my girl, I think that I like you even more now!" Joker exclaimed delightfully.**

**A shiver ran down my spine as I remembered being compared to Joker. No. That's not right. I am nothing like him!**

**But as my giggles rose hysterically in harmony with his, it was hard to look over the similarities...**

* * *

 

_I never expected any of this to ever happen. I expected for Megan and I to finish our college educations probably stay in Gotham, maybe move to Metropolis, or even go to another country. But never ANY of THIS. The entirety of all of this is something that I never thought would happen to me. I paced back and forth in my cell unable to keep still, anxiety would rise in me to unbelievable levels if I stayed still for too long. So many thoughts were running through my head especially how botched this reunion with Megan had been._

_I should have let her explain herself. But, I just...couldn't! I couldn't bring myself to even fathom why someone would want to hurt themselves, why they would intentionally cause pain. Isn't there enough of that without people directly and intentionally causing it! Now that i've been thinking about that has she been doing this before we were even ever in this mess? How long has she actually been doing this? Have I been so blind as to not have noticed what my best friend has been doing to herself! I've never gave a second thought to how she might be faring here. I had stupidly assumed that since i've so easily adjusted to this, that she was too. I just forgot about her shafted the thought of her to the back of my mind, like an old family heirloom that I had absolutely no use for but couldn't bring myself to throw away._

_And obviously from how she reacted to what has been going on with me she feels the same way to some degree. 'Strangler' the word echoed through my mind I don't want to be dubbed a strangler! Since that had happened some of the guards have called me a murderer, attempted killer, and even put in the same category as Harley and Ivy as a Villainess. And honestly those accusations have left me with a sense of accomplishment. But being called out as a strangler left me irritated. I was disgusted with the word it was the only option available to me at the time. If there had been any other way for me to accomplish the deed I would have taken it. There are just some ways of killing that I have found myself not liking. Strangulation was one of the most ungraceful ways to kill in my eyes._

_Since I have been filing reports to crimes that have been committed in Gotham. I've read up on so many ways that these killers have accomplished these crimes (And to whom), that I had started to find myself mentally organizing them. Not on how gruesome or painful or bloody or how long it took for that person to die. But into graceful, barbaric, and sick. The way I sorted these out I know that no one would understand. So i've never taken it upon myself to explain, or even let on that this was going on in my head. Others would never understand. I know i'm not the only person to sort these crimes into categories, but I do know that the categories that I come up with are far from the norm._

_I know its a sin to kill a bad thing to do. I will never laugh at the unfortunate sap that had left the world on any of these terms graceful or not. But, I think I will laugh at the feeling that it gives me the power that it bestows on me. No one deserves to die, they can deserve to be tortured, maimed or punished in any other way, but no one truly deserves the damnation of death. The world could be a better place without them there could be more lives saved if theirs was cut short. But, it is the worst thing for anyone to go through. I don't wish it on anybody, but I can't convince myself to not want to do it, to cut a life short. No matter how much I say I don't wish it on anyone which will never waver in me. I still want to do it._

_Did Megan see that in me or is that still my secret? If anyone has seen it..._

_I shook away the thought for now. I was never one for deep inner thought and analysis. Looking into myself and figuring out just what it is that drives me to do what I do. Just what is the reasoning behind my reason. Or is there any reason behind all that is me? I don't think there is, and I don't think that I could figure it out if there was the smallest possibility that there was. So there is no need to dwell on it too much right now. Just go with what I feel is right for myself. But, still be sure not to completely lose my humanity to my growing insanity._

_And with this I have been falling for Edward, so many times have I tried to figure out how that came about. I can't find a legitimate reason for it, once again there is no reason behind it it just is. And how is this possible i've always had at least some kind of explanation. I have always been the reasonable one. The go to person when things go down. Then how come now i'm just falling short of at of that, am I losing that aspect of myself? Was it just a coverup for who i'm really supposed to be, who I always wanted to be? Its impossible that i'm becoming a completely different person so was I living a lie? Or was I living with only a small part of myself afraid to be all who I was, because of how people would respond? I never cared too much about that so it can't be that! Was I afraid to how I would respond? So many questions so few answers! I don't think I want to know the answers though. Mystery. Mystery isn't always such a bad thing. At least I don't think it is..._

_Megan, what is going on with us!? I'm so worried about you, though right now anger and disappointment outweigh that worry right now. I finally sat back down on my bed but still fidgeted, still unable to keep still. When was the last time Megan and I have ever been in an argument? It was when things started to get more serious and dangerous with Emily. That wasn't even close to this. In the end we had decided to just break away from the problem even though it was so hard to abandon Her it had to be done. And once we broke away the fight the tension vanished like it was nothing._

_I really don't think I can break away from the cause to this disagreement. I have gotten way too attached to this, I don't want to let it go. Its such a bad thing to want, will I be able to live with myself if because of my stubbornness not to let it go? Will I stand by my decision if it costs me my best friend who is my sister in every way except for blood? Like a lot of things that have come up lately; I don't know._

_I looked up and scoffed at the ceiling. "I'm always the one to fix things if they ever go awry with Megan. Without a seconds hesitation, hardly able to stand any bumps no matter how small with her. And now that the biggest one has come up, i'm unwilling to fix it." I bit my lip and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry Megan, i'm so sorry." a single tear fell down my cheek. No more than that, I set my jaw and clenched my fists and stared determinedly at the wall. I will not let her break me down. And I will not back down._

* * *

 

**The devastating pain of losing a best friend is so unbearable. The loss shoves itself into ever corners of your thoughts, infiltrates every single breath you take. It makes something like breathing become more labored and suffocating, it even makes something like breathing no longer seem desirable. Like you suddenly want to stop. It's as if the chilling idea of death suddenly seems more welcome than the thought of being without someone you care about.**

**_It's just like what happened with Emily all over again_ ** **, the thought barged into my mind before I could help it. Oh no. A shudder rippled through my body from the mere thought of her name. My hands flew to my mouth as I gagged from the unpleasant , I closed my eyes and shook my head. The hysterical laughter that I had earlier had died down to psychotic giggles, which then just left behind a delusional smile. Now though I hid a disgusted frown behind my clasped fingers. No. No, no, no. After a total flop that this day has been I refuse to let it sink any lower.**

**Rolling back my shoulders, I vowed to make this seem better. I would twist any situation and make it for the good. That's just what I do. Or at least what I normally would. Bridgette used to lightly scold me for how I took situations too lightly, but it was one of these things that's kept me strong all these years.** **_Sorry Bridge_ ** **, I mentally apologized to my best friend where she was holed up in her cell.** **_I'm fixing to do it again_ ** **. Just another way that I'll disappoint her. I'm gaining quiet a variety in this category, aren't I? Gazing determinedly at the wall, I plastered a smile on my face. Time to lay out more foundations. Ending my little hissy fit in three, two, one...**

**"** **_So_ ** **guys," I loudly announced and spun on my heel. Everyone slowly blinked up in surprise. I've been grudgingly staring at the corner for around half an hour now, even Joker's crazy cackles have stopped a long time ago. Basking in their attention, i grinned so wide that it actually hurt my cheeks. "I've just come to realize that I hardly know** **_any_ ** **of you guys! Such a shame, I usually make a point of socializing with my fellow colleagues..."**

**"You consider us to be your colleagues, little bird?" Penguin asked dryly, raising an eyebrow up as a raised grin contorted his face.**

**"Well comrades was far too friendly, and calling you all my peers made you all sound so juvenile," I explained smoothly and waltzed throughout the room, placing one foot elegantly in front of the a finger on my pursed lips, I roved my gaze around the room. "Back to the task at hand though, I desperately need to find one of you guys to grow closer to..."**

**"Ooh, ooh, Alice pick** **_meeee_ ** **!" Hatter wailed, throwing his hand up in the air wildly.**

**I paused in my scanning around the room to give him a polite smile. "Oh silly Hatter! I've already talked to you though, so it would hardly be fair to the others now would it? I never took you to be greedy."**

**Hatter slumped in his position, hand falling down dejectedly. "Alice is right..." he quietly mumbled in shame.**

**Aw! Now wasn't he just a good boy! He must've been a loyal golden retriever or something in his past life. You know, a golden retriever that eventually deems their owner unworthy and rips them to sheds. But moving on from that gruesomeness!**

**"Hm," I mused, going back to observing the crowd when my eyes happened to land on someone. "Aha!" I cheered, pointing my finger down. "** **_You_ ** **." I decided and strode over to where a nonchalant Two-Face was reclining in a beaten chair. His eyes narrowed at me in suspicion, causing his left eye to bug out gruesomely.**

**If I had never gotten myself landed in Arkham, I would've never considered going up to talk to him. To be honest, his appearance creeped me out. One side was a handsome man with good bone structure, and the other was like grotesque zombie, puckered red skin stretching thinly over muscles and tendons. It was like one of those models you'd see in science class, where one half showed a normal human body and the other revealed the intricateness that lay underneath the surface. There was even a hole on the side of his cheek, where a clear glimpse of his teeth was perfectly visible. He so distorted and gross, like a messed up Picasso painting. Except, instead of having his eyes on one side of his nose, he basically just had half a nose. He'd normally be a face that would haunt me in my nightmares... But hey, desperate times called for desperate measures?**

**When your best friend ditches you, you are forced to rely on other sources of entertainment...**

**"Heya!" I greeted him warmly. Plopping down in front of him, I folded my legs into a cross-legged position and looked up to him with a pleasant expression. "I haven't talked to you much have I?"**

**Seeming vaguely amused, he smirked down at me, causing a revolting view of his molars to be present. I bit down hard on my tongue to repress a shudder. "No you haven't. I'm not exactly sociable myself though."**

**Here he was: right now, a cordial and complacent Harvey Dent. Gotham's former White Knight. It was impossible to deny the similarities between him and Crane. Both started out with high statuses, and absolutely brilliant minds. They both used to be highly respected. Until incidents occurred with both of them, fracturing their once solid personalities into two, dragging their whole person down. Two people, ruined by the different voices screaming at them in their heads.**

**"Oh I highly doubt that," I responded happily, leaning forward on my elbows. "You used to be one of the most elite in Gotham. I bet that you're extremely charming Mr. Dent."**

**His lopsided sneer grew wider and he leaned forward on his elbows also, eyes glittering with some unknown source. "That's true. Or at least...it is for Dent."**

**It was like watching Scarecrow take control of Crane, the sudden cool change that swept through Two-Face. Except this time, it felt so obvious like a slap to the face due to the two different halves scarring Dent physically. Tightly I swallowed, racking my brain for words to say. I'd much rather talk to Harvey than his counterpart right now, honestly I was thirsting for a slightly more** **_sane_ ** **conversation.**

**Two-Face seemed to take joy in my lapse of silence. "Oh I see. Are you just like us, Megan?"**

**"What?" I blinked in confusion. I was nothing like Two-Face. Where could he possibly see any similarities?**

**"I'm not talking physically Megan, obviously you are whole on the outside, "he laughed darkly and tapped a scarred finger against my head. "I'm talking about in here. Are you split in two? Sharing this small body with another inside of you? Or is it even more crowded in that head of yours?"**

**"If you're asking whether I have split personality disorder, then you're w-"**

**"No Two-Face, that's not it," came the familiar drawl of a monotone voice and I looked over my shoulder to see Crane peering at us over his glasses, a humongous book in his hands. "She's not like you or me. She's different." his cool blue eyes latched onto mine. "Just like her dear friend Bridgette."**

**I stiffened as I realized that this was just Scarecrow, trying to get a reaction out of me. As if I would let him have that. not after that first time, when I had let myself go so far as to actually** **_threaten_ ** **him. Stubbornly I dug my teeth into my bottom lip, trying to keep my breathing even. "So," I started calmly, looking at him evenly, "I see that your strange obsession with Bridgette hasn't lessened while I was gone."**

**"Well she is our subject after all," Scarecrow leered. "Jonathan and I don't tend to get so distracted so easily."**

**"Duh dude, I was accusing you of being shizo, not ADD," I retorted.**

**Scarecrow blinked in shock and the persona of Crane coolly slid back to take over. "Schizophrenia is an entirely different case, I-"**

**"I know, I know, don't lecture me on mental illnesses," I waved him off. "I've read all the pamphlets. Besides, I just wanted to see a reaction out of you."**

**He narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, taking in the words that I said before deeming them unworthy of his attention. With another layer of boredom painted on his face, he looked back down to his monster book, seeming more interested in it than ever. Victorious, I smirked at him when Harley's voice popped up from the corner of the room.**

**"Aw, don't mind him Meg, Crane's been grumpy lately since he lost the competition with Eddie to see who can get Bridgette to like them the most!" she reassured me loudly in that pompous voice of hers.**

**Two homicidal villains fighting over who can win my best friend's heart? This isn't usually my job, but a wave of worry washed over me. Oh my gosh, poor Bridge! That must've been so creepy and frightening! No wonder why she seemed so different. Unless...she had enjoyed the whole thing. But the thought sounded so ridiculous in my head that I quickly shook it off.**

**"That's it!" I exclaimed, rising to a stand to press my hands on my hips. "I'm sick of you chauvinist men fighting over Bridgette like she's a piece of land! She's a** **_human being_ ** **, the fact that she's female doesn't change that!"**

**Riddler smirked in delight while Crane blinked up at me disinterestedly. "Did you just refer to me as chauvinist?" he asked crisply.**

**"Poop yeah I did! Just because you're a little brainiac doesn't mean that you're not a pig. I mean," I gestured at him, "just look at you! You have** **_two_ ** **men living inside you! And frankly, your roommate is slightly perverted."**

**He raised an eyebrow in response. "I-"**

**"Okay, correction, maybe a** **_lot_ ** **perverted," I amended. "Honestly. He's just plain out kinky."**

**"You stick it to him Rosebud," Ivy encouraged me, smiling in approval.**

**I fed in her enthusiasm like a dry sponge. "Carrying on though from your mental handicap, and this goes to both of you, I won't stand to have you use Bridgette anymore! She could do better than a million of you combined. Just because she's not in her right mind right now doesn't mean that you can take advantage of her like you have been."**

**"Oh but Megan, you're forgetting something," Riddler chimed in, raising two fingers to add in his point. "Considering how** **_you_ ** **aren't in your right mind either, you're hardly in any place to judge this affair."**

**My heart stopped in my chest, for some reason the words he said striking a chord. What did he mean that I wasn't in the right mind? I was perfectly stable! I mean, since I'm no longer alone and all, I should be just fine. "I-" I started, opening my mouth to rebuke him when the door beeped open.**

**"Excuse me, but I'm here to escort a Megan Lane to see her visitors," a lady announced, leaning against the metallic door frame, holding a clipboard loosely in her hands.**

**Mouth opening, I turned over to look at her fully. "Who?" I asked, curiously.**

**"Um..." she said, glancing down quickly to the papers in her head. "I think that it's your...brother and mom."**

**"** **_Cam_ ** **," I breathed out, for a moment glancing over how she said my mom was here along with him.**

**Wait...did she say that my mother was here also?**

* * *

 

_"Cam, what are you doing here?" I asked when I saw my best friends brother walk through the door to the ballroom dance studio. Easily walking over to him in my six inch heels, I refuse to wear anything less while practicing to make sure I keep up the skill even though I might opt for shorter heels at an actual dance._

_He gave me a crooked grin. "I'm here to make sure my dancing skills aren't too rusty before the charity ball."_

_"Oh, but Cam you're such a great dancer!" I complemented then realized that he was alone. "Where is Emily," I paused "and Megan?" He is hardly without either when he is not at school. Especially Emily since they started dating, a small burst of jealousy went through me._

_"Megan is dress shopping with our mother. And Emily is with some of her other friends." He said scratching the back of his neck. "So i'm here without a partner...could you dance with me?"_

_I looked at him curiously as he shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably looking nervous. "Of course I will Cam. Anything for the brother I never had." His face fell just slightly at the word brother._

_"Everyone find a partner, we will begin. Just dance in any way you feel comfortable and we will work from there." The tall ballerina like instructor named Katrina said._

_"Come on Cam, we're not going to get anything done just standing here." I pulled him away from the doors and towards the center of the room. I placed my left hand on his shoulder and took his left hand with my right. His right hand went to rest on my ribcage and I took my hand off his shoulder and moved it to the right place. "Maybe you did forget." I teased smile on my face. The music started and Cam took a step forward. The first few moves were clumsy because we were not used to the others slightly different dancing style. But, soon enough we were in almost perfect sync._

_"I wasn't aware that you took classes." Cam said after he spun me out and pulled me back to him._

_"Ah, yes. I used to be an actual student here, now I'm more like an assistant. An unpaid one but an assistant nonetheless." I said brightly._

_"If you have mastered this class then how come you haven't gone to the higher levels?" Sounded confused by my choice. "Wouldn't that be the sensible thing to do?"_

_"Would it be sensible to load on too much? At the time I have moved to a higher level in Latin dance and I don't want to mesh them. Learning too many things at once can tend to mix things up in my brain. I don't want to start incorporating ballroom forms into my Latin ones. I have reason behind my craziness, Cam. You ought to know that by now." A small relaxed smile had settled onto my face._

_"Without a doubt I know." He replied "I certainly don't understand it but I know." He chuckled. "There is a lot to figure out about you."_

_"Almost as much as our dear beloved, Em." I commented we had finally gotten done with the class and were heading out after changing back into our day clothes._

_"Almost, is too close a term. There is a multitude of layers with her." I buttoned up my coat we had finally gotten snow and quite a bit of it. He looked down. "So you change out of impossible six inch heels to three inch? Just because they are shorter doesn't make them any more safe. You know there is ice out there right?"_

_"Of course I know." I said standing straight as I shouldered my bag._

_"Heels I will never understand, they are the least sensible article that a female wears. I hope you don't fall, I don't really want to take you to the hospital today." He shook his head and held the door open for me._

_"There you go with the sensible again. I can't go to a decent restaurant in frumpy shoes. I'm planning to go to dinner, would you care to join me?" I asked him there was a place that I have been meaning to try but one of the things I didn't like to do but could deal with was going to a restaurant alone._

_"Uh, 'B' I don't know..." He said uncertainly._

_"Oh, please Cam! Its not a date or anything you're dating one of my friends, and besides I don't think I can ever think of you other than a brother ever since I saw you in your superman boxers! It will be like if you and Megan went out for dinner. I promise." I turned around and grabbed his shoulders pleadingly "Please," I begged "I'll buy!"_

_His face flushed with embarrassment at my mention of witnessing him in his boxers. I could see his resilience crumple and he agreed. "Fine, I'll go!"_

_"Yay!" I cheered "Now let me hold onto your arm so I don't fall." He snorted and I directed him to the restaurant a couple of blocks away._

_"Hmm, french. I would have figured italian." He said and he held the door open for me once more._

_"Yes, but Italian is so cliche don't you think? In movies and in books it is always italian. French is a good way to mix things up." I smiled and the host lead us to a table._

_"Thats true! I never put much thought into that you're right." He agreed he took off his coat and started to look over the menu._

_"So how are things with Emily?" I asked closing the menu deciding on what I wanted._

_He looked from his menu startled at this question. "Things are..." He paused the smallest frown on his face. "...great" He said pulling up the corners of his mouth into a smile._

_"Thats good, to be honest I never expected you two to be together. Now that you are well its not really that inconceivable anymore."_

_The server came up to us and stood straight backed professional all the way (i.e. its French what do you expect.) "What is your drink choice?" He asked a detectable French accent._

_"Blackberry lemon tea, please." Cam looked over the drinks with a slight frown unable to choose. "He'll have plain iced tea." The server gave us a nod acknowledging that he heard._

_"And do you know what you would like this evening?" I nodded and politely ordered and Cam followed knowing what he wanted to eat._

_"How, posh." He said watching the server walk away._

_"Oh, but there are much more high end restaurants out there so don't complain." I chasted jokingly. Whenever i'm around him I can't keep myself serious for very long. His presence makes things feel more light hearted and that was such a great thing to find in a person._

_"Your right. Just like you are most of the time." He said_

_"Or you have blinders on and just choose to believe me." I smirked._

_He leaned back into the seat "Well, you just shattered that illusion. Do you know how long it will take me to fix it? I just can't live with the thought that you're wrong."_

_"I'm sure you will fare quite fine." I giggled. Our server returned and placed our drinks in front of us and once again left us alone._

_He faked a grimace "I don't know if I will." I bit my lip at his antics not wanting to burst into laughter and draw unnecessary attention. "You can't just break down the thoughts of a man like that 'B' it could be damaging."_

_"Hmm,"You and Megan can be so dramatic sometimes. I don't know how you do it especially jokingly." I shook my head and took a sip of my tea. Fifteen minutes passed with light hearted and joking banter one or two serious questions thrown in. Our food came and we ate in happy silence both of us the types to eat without saying anything between bites. Something that my two best friends were pro at. Just before the check came his cellphone rang._

_He did a double take on the screen "Um, I have to take this i'll be right back." He slipped out of the booth and took a few steps away before he answered the phone and going to where I couldn't hear a word said._

_"Who could that be." I mused quietly watching Cam as he became agitated running his hands through his hair. My gaze wandered around the restaurant looking for the server with the check hoping he got here before Cam got done because he wouldn't let me pay like I said I would. I tilted my head to the side catching sight of a woman with her back to me curled strawberry blonde hair bouncing with a nodding head. There was a phone to her ear and she was taking an envelope from the man standing in front of her. My eyebrows furrowed in concentration. The woman hung up the phone and started to talk more directly to the man in front of her. They exchanged something else but I couldn't see what it was._

_"What are you looking at?" Cam asked as he slid back into his seat. I quickly looked away from the woman._

_"Nothing, just letting my eyes wander." I lied smoothly. Why I was lying I had no idea it just slipped out of my mouth._

_His eyes narrowed just slightly but he let it go as the server came back with the check. Before I could lay a finger on it Cam swiped it and placed some bills in it handing it back to the server. "Keep the change." He said and stood up pulling his jacket back on. I stood up along with Cam putting my own coat on._

_"I thought I said that I was going to pay." I raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged dismissing it with the raising of his shoulders. I rolled my eyes one of my trademark things to do. As we passed the blonde woman I tried to get a glimpse of her face but just when I was about to see her she turned her face away and I once again got a glimpse of the back of her head thinking that the color of her hair is oh so familiar._

_Something in that memory seemed like it could be something important. No matter how much I tried to figure it out it felt like the answer was slipping further and further away from me._


End file.
